The Portrait
by elli.nino
Summary: Freesia Mellark, daughter of Katniss and Peeta, lives what she thinks a normal life in District 12. But when old friends move back and whispers of a new rebellion form, she must decide who to trust and what to fight for.
1. Prologue

The timeline of the story is slightly different from the epilogue of Mockingjay and some other events may differ as well.

I don't own any of the original Hunger Games characters, only the newly introduced ones.

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><p>I look down at the framed photo Haymitch had taken in one of his completely sober states, though such states were a rarity. It's of us; the Mellark's sitting on the porch. Mum and Dad are standing, and he's snaked an arm around her waist. Us, children are at the bottom of the photo, perched on the steps. It goes me, Rye, Lily. Lily's holding Rye's hand and everyone is smiling happily.<p>

I like the photo. Mum and dad are happy, even though I know they've been affected from the rebellion and Hunger Games. I've met few people of the rebellion. Other than Haymitch of course. Photos circulate and phone calls are placed, but no-one ever really comes here. Mum and dad have gone away on occasion, although it's not common.

The house positioned behind us is not in the Victor's Village, a common mistake that many make. Haymitch is sick of redirecting people down the road.

Mum had recently given our address over the phone to someone, who I think was part of the rebellion. Though that person has never been mentioned to me in this household. I'm not sure if they are visiting, I think that my mother had been writing to this person for the last couple of years.

By my feet in the photograph sits our cat. A yellow colored cat with sleek fur and white tipped paws. When Lily and I were little we had had another cat; Buttercup. My mother despised the ugly thing, but we loved it so much that when it died we begged her for another. She only relented because she found what she called a good looking cat.

The cat's fur matches my blonde hair that cascades over my shoulders. Something Lily did not inherit. She has mum's dark hair even though we are twins. People seem to forget that when we are apart, but you can't miss it when we're together like this.

Rye on the other hand inherited everything you can describe as the Seam look except of course for his blonde curls of which are the Merchants'. In the photograph his hair is a tousled mess, like usual. It is a joke that Rye comes from District Four, because to the rest of the District he looks like a 'beach boy.' They say when he gets older the girls will be all over him. Maybe they are now at his kindergarten.

"Freesia!" I can hear my mother call me from upstairs.

I set our family portrait carefully back on the mantelpiece where I found it next to the clock and bowl of keys.


	2. Chapter 2

**Freesia POV**

I look over the hill to see the just finished rising, it's about 6:45. The sun rises quite late here in District 12. I've just left the house and am doing my usual Sunday morning routine. Walk into town; pick up the items needed for the week, and head over to the Hob, to trade and have a chat before I am required home again.

The walk into town takes me about twenty minutes. I stop by the thread shop and buy a few shirts for me and Lily along with a new pair of shoes. My parents told me that once they hadn't been able to afford such luxuries. Back when Panem was ruled by Snow. All they had was a meager supply of thread and food to get by. I think of this every time I purchase such items.

Next I stop by the cow-man. That's not his real name, though I always refer to him as the cow man. I think his name is Greg. He is an old man, with a grey beard and has the most extensive collection of cows I've seen. His house and farm are technically in the heart of the market but it's so spread out it hardly matters. I say my usual Sunday morning hello and purchase four pints of milk, fresh from his cows. He packs them away in my backpack for me and I chat to him for twenty minutes longer than is required by politeness. I like the cow man.

Beside the cow man's place is Kalia, the mother of one of my friends at school. She owns the fruit shop and always keeps the best stuff for my Sunday morning visit.

"Hello Freesia!" Kalia never ceases to be delighted by my visits. "The usual this week?"

"Yes, that would be lovely Kalia. Thank you." I reply in my sweetest voice. Ever since I was little my parents had drilled me about politeness. I feel almost criminal whenever I forget.

"How's the family Freesia?" She asks me as she packs my fruit and vegetables in brown paper bags.

"Oh very good." I reply smiling. "We have an old friend and his family moving in this week. They're staying in the house down the street."

Apparently his name is Gale. That's what my mother had told me. She hadn't told me much else. Just that they used to be best friends and the war drove them apart. She's wrote him these last few years. A couple of months back I also think she met with him. Didn't go so well, she came back with her eyes red rimmed. She was quiet for the rest of the day. My father always tenses a little whenever someone mentions Gale. Though he does a good job to hide it. I think at least, they've come to terms with some of their issues. Well at least I hope. Otherwise it's going to be one ugly meeting.

"Oh how lovely! You'll have to introduce me."

"Definitely." I smile at Kalia, take my bag and wander over to the Hob. Strictly speaking my mother had told me not to go to the Hob. But that didn't stop me and she knows it. I said if Lily was allowed hunting by herself I was allowed a trip to the Hob. Not that Lily hunted a lot. Besides, the Hob wasn't a black market anymore. Because the Capitol no longer had restrictions on hunting or alcohol or anything like that. The Hob is now a market place, similar to our main market, only smaller and a little bit more intimidating for those more innocent.

I see all the usuals; Greasy Sae, a cane lying next to her in her old age. Alrick, a tall kind looking man that has a surprising taste for the once black-market goods. He is selling his collection of alcohol, a collection that Haymitch purchases constantly. Of course being different from Haymitch he also drinks and sells other more healthy liquids. Karry sits a little further down, a woman who is the butcher's wife. She has various meats at her store from squirrel to venison. The rest of the regulars line the walls.

I buy a couple of things, though I don't really need them. I spend the next two hours chatting at the Hob like my usual Sunday. Although my mother doesn't like it the Hob is one of my favourite places. Every time she brings it up I just remind her, this was what she did at my age. And every time it's clear she regrets telling me that story. Though I don't understand why she is scared. Maybe because the Hob had been burned down by the Capitol. But Panem wasn't like how it used to be. I am safe.

Just as I hop down from one of the counters, ready to walk home, I catch a boy staring at me. Staring isn't weird for me anymore. Being the 'Mockingjay' and Peeta Mellark's daughter you get used to it growing up. And my sister and I aren't new to the glances of guys. But this boy caught my attention. I hadn't seen him before. Not once in my life. Who was he? He was tall and well muscled and had what my mother described as the 'Seam' look. Grey eyes, dark hair, olive skin. He was extremely handsome and he was a perfect match to the man standing next to him who I assumed to be his father.

He must be from another District I decided, because even though he had District Twelve's looks I would have noticed him before. _Another one of those guys, _I sigh. I smile at him anyway, he's very cute actually. But I don't give it that much thought. Too many guys start out like this, I'm sick of them for now. Being single is easier.

I enjoy the day as I journey back towards the house. It's warm with a slight breeze and the sun made the greenery sort of glow. I don't give the boy much thought although I'm curious to see where he came from. No one ever comes here but his father must have been from the Seam originally. Maybe my parents know them.

I take the back way home because it's meant to be quicker, until I cut across Adam's lawn and he's already out in his backyard. Well he's _always _out in his backyard.

"Hey Free!" He calls out, and I know it'll take me at least twenty minutes longer to get back home. I sigh, though I do like talking to Adam. He's Lily's boyfriend and always appears at our house.

So I settle back for another usual Sunday morning chat and hope my parents aren't wondering where I am.

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><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

It's weird being back in District Twelve. It's been a long time, too long. I'm also extremely nervous about seeing Katniss and Peeta. I know they have kids, though I still remember the moment when Katniss told me she would never ever have kids in her lifetime. But things change. Over the past couple of years Katniss and I have exchanged a few letters, but we had given each other very little details of our personal lives. I guess it's now or never.

I'm walking through the new and improved twelve shocked by the differences. Although everything is in vaguely the same place the buildings have a cleaner feel, the people don't look starving and the town is almost…cosy.

There are appears to be a lot more small businesses run by the families of the town. My son Jake who has never visited District Twelve seems in awe. I can tell he loves the size of the forest that surrounds the District. We have very little forests in Two. Just a small patch here and there in which I have tried to teach him to hunt. I can tell he'll spend most of his days inside the lush greenery of Twelve. Maybe the move will work out for him after all.

It had happened a month ago. When my job had announced I would be moving from District Two to District Twelve. My coworkers assumed I would be happy to move back to my hometown, but I felt only apprehension. Returning to District 12? I thought I could do it, but I wasn't sure Katniss could.

District 2 had been spreading their workers back over the Districts, many to their original hometowns. Word had been passing of security risks, not just from the Capitol but stemming from certain Districts as well. While I am not a Peacekeeper I still dabble in security. Mainly though, I am concerned in weapons.

"Dad what's that? Over there?" My son Jake points to a small market place set aside from the rest of the main strip. It's in a building but I can see through the doors. It's not until I see Greasy Sae that I realize it is where the Hob used to be.

"That's the Hob. Remember I told you about it?" It seems just like the old days.

"Yeah, can we go in?" I nod, and we head over to the new Hob. I should probably say hello to Greasy Sae anyway.

I feel a bit lost as we enter. Although it's practically the same as when I was young, I don't recognize any body aside from Greasy Sae. I guess they all died in either the burning or the bombing. It's hard to think of it; even though I saved a group of people, for most of the District it was too late.

We walk through the building until we reach Greasy Sae. After the general shock f meeting, we strike up an easy conversation. I catch Jake staring at somebody and I turn around There's a girl around his age, very blonde, very pretty. She's saying her goodbye's as she hops down from a counter she was sitting on. Something about the girl makes me think I should know her. Not just her face but also her manner. How easy going she is in a place where I'm sure is still intimidating for others.

She notices Jake as she turns. She smiles at him in a flirty way and I sigh. Not _another _girl. But there's something there in her smile as she leaves, maybe a touch of arrogance like she expects him to stare at her. In any case Jake doesn't seem to notice but I don't think she would be worth going after. And anyway Jake definitely does not need to _chase_ girls.

We leave the Hob shortly after, once we were finished talking to Greasy Sae and a couple of people were done recognizing me from the rebellion. The rumor mill is probably at work right now considering Katniss lives here too.

"Where are we going?" Jake wonders as I try to navigate my way through the new town to where Katniss and Peter supposedly live.

"Katniss'. Then we'll head back home and unpack some things." Jake groans, dreading the task as much as I do. Well that's what we get when Katherine's not here.

We reach the house that is supposedly theirs and I get a shock because I still somehow assumed the directions would lead me to the Victor's Village even though Katniss had told me that was not so. Apparently they hadn't lived there for a long time. Their house is a fairly large house made of mud bricks and has timber windows with little handkerchief gardens beneath. It has the rural-farm sort of feel that goes with the District. As we approach I see a tall girl with long dark hair close the door and hurry down the steps of the porch. By the time she looks up we are already at the gate. I'm shocked by how much she looks like Katniss. She has the same dark hair though hers falls to her waist in soft waves, unbraided. Her face is very similar to her mothers apart from her huge deep blue eyes. They are definitely are product of Peeta.

It's clear by her face we surprised her. "Oh, hello!" She greets us sweetly. "You must be…Gale?" She questions. Before I can do more than nod she introduces herself. "I'm Lily. Please come in side! My mother's been waiting." We step through the gate at the same time Katniss comes through the front door.

Katniss stands still for a short moment. Her face betrays the shock of seeing me and no doubt my son beside me. She gets over it though and walks down the steps with a smile on her face.

"Hey." She says simply. She looks unsure of what to do though. So I move forward and hug her, arms around her waist, hers around my neck. It feels almost like the old days.

"It's good to be back." I say as I let her go, looking around the garden. Everything here is greener than I remember.

"It's a lot nicer than the old days isn't it?" She asks. I chuckle, then remember my son still standing beside me.

"Oh, Katniss this is Jake." As they exchange pleasantries, Lily quickly turns towards the street obviously looking for something.

"Hey Lil!" A voice travels from a little further down the street and a blonde girl is making her way towards the house.

"Hey Free! Decided to come back?" Lily calls back, waving, as she leans over the small garden gate.

"Your boyfriend stopped me and-" The blonde girl stops mid sentence as she opens the gate and gets a look of us. We recognize each other at the same time. It's the flirty girl from the Hob. So this is Katniss' other daughter? I feel _really _stupid for not noticing before. Of course this is her daughter! Take away the blonde hair and she is exactly like Katniss, of course except for her huge blue eyes like her sisters. And then I realize. They're…_twins._ As in _identical twins._ Aside from their obviously different hair everything else about them is the same. It almost plays tricks with your eyes.

"Hello I'm Freesia." She introduces herself with a sort of humorous smile on her face. I guess she didn't realize we would show up on her doorstep.

"Nice to meet you." My son speaks for the first time. "I'm Jake Hawthorne." He holds out his hand and she walks towards him and shakes it.

I sigh. My son has his eye on Katniss' daughter. The Mockingjay's daughter for crying out loud!

"I'm Gale. Jake's father." I say more out of politeness than anything else. She nods and shakes my hand too.

"Okay, come inside." Katniss says. "Have you eaten?"

I shake my head no. "Oh good, Peeta's bringing back lunch from the bakery. He should be home soon."

When we enter the house I am surprised. I'm not really sure what I expected. I knew they obviously had lots of money, being the victors of the Games. And with Lily and Freesia's expensive looking clothes I guess I assumed the house would be luxurious, marbled floors or something. But the house is not like that at all. Coupled with the mud bricks light wood is the main feature of the house. I guess it has the feel of a cottage but is about triple the size. Large open plan spaces, many windows and wooded floors are what make up the rooms. The house is very attractive, and I know my wife Katherine would love it.

Katniss leads us to the front room and opens two large doors that lead onto another side of the porch we were just on. We take seats on the couches and she moves into the kitchen to get us water. A light breeze travels through the doors.

"Girls why don't you show Jake around? Maybe the woods? They're a lot better than in District Two." Katniss asks coming in with water glasses. I smile, she's right.

They both nod together and get up. "Oh, I forgot Lil!" Freesia says going back to whatever she was saying before our meeting outside. "Adam wants to see you, he told me to send you over. I'll take Jake."

"Okay." Lily walks away telling Katniss she'll be home for dinner. Jake follows Freesia happily out the door.

"I think he likes her." I tell Katniss with a grin.

Katniss smiles back. "A lot of boys like her." Yeah I can picture that.

I hear the front door click, and I guess Peeta is home. Proving me right, Peeta calls out to Katniss. He walks into the living room. He looks the same as I remembered him, nothing much as changed dramatically.

Except of course for the little boy tagging along next to him. For the third time today I am completely surprised and a little taken aback. Katniss, the girl I knew who wanted nothing to do with children now has _three?_

Although Peeta had adequate warning, he still pauses in the doorway as his eyes meet mine. I give him a smile and nod, trying to alleviate the awkwardness. The boy runs into the living room obviously looking for someone. His face falls dramatically when he comes up empty.

"The girls have gone out Rye." Katniss says to the little boy. He looks about four years old. Which is strange because there must be at least a 12 year age gap between his sisters and him.

"You can help with lunch Rye." Peeta tells him leading him into the kitchen. I'm guessing he's biding his time until he is forced to talk to me. While things are still a bit stiff with Katniss at least she's accepted me back into her life and District. Peeta, I have a feeling is less enthusiastic.

I look at Katniss with questioning eyes. She laughs. "I know, I know. Three kids. I've changed my opinion over years."

"Clearly."

"Ryan wasn't exactly planned, in case you're wondering of the age gap. He's four. Peeta and I had thought we'd just have the two, but it's nice having another boy in the house." Katniss, always as frank as ever.

I nod, lost in this upside down world that is Katniss'.

"Where's your wife? Kath...rine?" she trails off as she tries to recall.

"Kaitlyn." I nod. "She's still in District 2 at the moment, with the younger kids. I was very abruptly assigned in this District so she's still packing things up."

"Oh." She nods her head in thought but I can tell she is in deep thought about something I said. Her head starts to bobble, as she keeps nodding absently. "How many kids do you have?"

"Four. Two boys, two girls." I can see Katniss try to process it all, my family and my life. Although I don't really know why it's so hard for her. She always knew I wanted kids. I told her that when we were young.

"Must be a rowdy household." She laughs. Scanning her own neat house.

"Oh you wouldn't believe it."

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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

I don't really know what to say as I lead Jake Hawthorne out of the house. I should've forgotten to tell Lily about Adam, and then things would be less awkward for me.

He doesn't seem inclined to mention the Hob though I just caught him staring at me. I sigh; this might be a difficult one to fend off.

"Do you like hunting?" He asks me. I can tell he's eager to see the woods. I smile to myself; maybe he'll lose his interest in me.

"No, not at all. Lily hunts. I only ever go to the woods to go swimming in the lake with her."

His face falls a little and I want to laugh. "I'll show you the woods." I say, feeling a bit rude. "Come on." I lead him out of the garden and into the woods beyond.

The minute we step in he is in awe. And I must admit the forest is amazing. The lush greenery surrounds you on all four sides -once you trudge in deep enough. The thick foliage filters the light into soft golden tones. Many times Lily and I have trekked through the forest towards the lake. When we were younger we would spend all weekend playing games in the forest. We still like to hang out there for the occasional swim, but we have little time anymore.

I decide to lead him to the lake. It's the best part in my opinion. And if he likes the woods as much as I think he does, he would have found it quickly anyway.

"How do you not hunt?" He asks me. "With the woods and your mother being the Mockingjay."

"A fact I have been told of many times." I sigh. "She tried to teach me. But it's different now, we don't _need_ to hunt. It doesn't interest me. I prefer to collect my food at the markets." He eyes me curiously, which makes me nervous so I keep talking. "Lily will be going tomorrow; I'll make sure she takes you."

"Thanks."

We walk for about 30 minutes and he doesn't once ask where we are going. Does he really trust me that much? I just met him! I could be leading him into my lair or something strange. I certainly don't trust him, but of course I feel awful for thinking that. He's just so…decent.

His awe increases once we reach our destination. I must admit; the lake is beautiful.

"I think I'm going to like living in 12." He states simply, looking at me. It makes me wonder whether it's not just the woods and lake that he'll like here in 12.

"Don't you have friends that you'll miss?"

"I had a bunch of friends. But none that really made a huge impression you know?" I do know. His brow furrows, and he sits on a rock. I sit next to him, the proximity bothering me a little. I don't want this boy chasing after me. "They were good friends, but what are the chances we'd still be friends in the future? I don't mind starting fresh. I'll meet new good people here in 12. I _have_ met new good people." He amended, giving me a lopsided smile. And as much as I don't have an interest in him, he is pretty gorgeous with that smile. Maybe he'll make a good friend.

He's still looking at me. I clear my throat. "But if you think of all your friends that way, doesn't that mean there isn't much point in making friends with them in the first place?" I wonder.

"No." He assures me. "Because once you find those people, the people you belong with, then there's a point. Besides if it doesn't work out you might as well have fun while it lasts."

I laugh. He's got it all worked out hasn't he? For me, he's too self assured, like he has his whole life figured out. He doesn't seem realistic. And that way he looks at me…argh, how frustrating. But fun while it lasts? Sounds okay to me.

So we have fun. Surprisingly. I muck around with Jake Hawthorne. Arrogant, Jake Hawthorne until it's time to head back, out of the woods, back to home. And maybe, this boy that looks like the Seam, is okay.

Okay.

Actually no, I am not convinced.


	3. Chapter 3

**Would love to hear feedback, please review! :)**

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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

8:30 the alarm goes off. _Beep, beep, beep._ 8:35 Rye runs into the room, and attacks me on the bed.

"Free!"

"Hey sweetie." I sigh, knowing I won't get to rest any longer. "Want to have some breakfast?" He nods his head vigorously. I pick him up and make my way down the stairs. Gee, I'm a good sister.

I hear Lily talking to someone as I make my way down. Adam probably came over at some stupid hour of the morning.

"Morning Lil." I call to her even before I enter the room.

"Morning Free." Two voices echo. Yeah Adam's here. Who else calls me Free?

"So Adam, what crazy hour of the morning did you get up today?" Adam is a very nature oriented person. Gets up with the sun and all that.

Silence. Jeez what's his problem? It's a relevant question!

"Uh try again?" Lily calls. I'm confused now, as I turn the corner and stand in the archway to the living room.

"Hi Free." The voice I assumed to be Adam's speaks again. Only it's not Adam. My eyes fast track to the couch where Lily is and…guess who it is? Jake Hawthorne sits next to her. My pajama shorts and singlet suddenly become too revealing.

Free? Only my family and Adam call me Free. I met him yesterday, what's he doing in my house? And there's that arrogant smile again!

"Hawthorne." I acknowledge him with. It's the least intimate name I can call him without being rude. Or _overly_ rude, I should say. I stalk my way to the kitchen with Rye still in my arms. But not before I catch the seriously confused look on his face and Lily quietly laughing because she understands my intentions.

I get some flour, eggs, milk and sugar, deciding to make pancakes for Rye. He sits on top of the counter stirring all the ingredients I put in his bowl. As he does this I take out my aggravation with Jake Hawthorne on the stove, since it's not catching light.

Of course, with Rye being four, half the ingredients end up on the wall. I sigh; I'll clean up before my parents notice.

"Free, where mommy and daddy?" Rye asks me, pancake batter on his cheeks.

I frown. "Aren't they here, Rye?"

"No."

The stove catches light and I concentrate on what he is saying. Where are they? Dad could be at the bakery, but mum should really be here.

"Freesia?" I jump as Jake's voice comes from the doorway. I close my eyes; take a breath then turn to face him. He's a bit wary. "Need some help?"

My mouth opens to answer an immediate no, but I stop mid breath, as I realize that's really not fair. Jake Hawthorne hasn't _done _anything. Just because I cant decide whether I like him or not, doesn't mean I can be mad at him. Although I would prefer it if he wasn't in my house when I wake up in the morning.

"Sure." I nod. "You can help Rye cook them, while I clean up." He gives me that smile again, the one that says 'I won', and I nearly snatch the spatula out of his hand.

How was it yesterday we had laughed and hung out together?

"So why are you actually here?" I ask him, hoping he didn't catch the slightly hostile edge in my voice.

I had dated many, many guys in my time, but honestly, most of them were awful. People that liked you because they could bring you to a party and every other guy would envy them for you -the girl they had on they're arm. So I gave up. I never found an 'Adam' like Lily, but I began to refuse the many guys on my trail; although a couple snuck in now and then. And of course, Jake Hawthorne began like those many other guys. Looked at me in the Hob, decided I was pretty. Immediately I wasn't interested, but now I'm just confused. He seems so…_nice. _Well most of the time.

"I hunted with Lily this morning and came back here because everyone else is at my house. You're the one who suggested we hunt together." He says, answering my question, pouring some batter into the pan. His tone is _almost _accusatory. Well I have to admit, that was true. I _did _tell Lily to go hunting with him. Rye's watching him intensely, he continues. "Our parents are discussing something, seemed pretty important. Something about the Capitol and District 13."

"The _Capitol_?" I ask incredulously. I've been to the Capitol before, didn't particularly like it. The only good part was the dresses Lil and I bought.

"I dunno. My father wouldn't say."

I let it go for now. "Catch anything?" While Lily enjoys hunting she doesn't bother very much. We don't need the food anyway.

"Couple of rabbits. Lily showed me around the forest more than anything."

"Mmm. She prefers to just be in the forest more than hunt I think. She watches the animals a lot." Lily has this crazy knack for remembering all different types of plants and animals. She studies this family book my mother and father have, that has apparently been in our family for generations.

"Do you want to go into town today?" He asks me suddenly. "I need some things and I don't know my way around."

_Give him a chance. Give him a chance. _I think to myself. If he's going to live here and be friends with Lily I might as well try to like him.

"Okay." I give in. "How about at 11?"

"Perfect."

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><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

Katniss and Peeta sit in the living room of my new house, on the newly bought black leather sofa. That's practically the only thing in the room as everything else is in boxes.

"So it's happening again?" Peeta questions, Katniss' eyes look fearful.

"Well…not exactly. We're unsure of what is going on you see." I've filled them in on the issues within Panem. Whispers of rebels are circulating, of plans to overtake the government.

"Well the government's been changing over the last few years." Katniss says. "We knew it would never stay the same."

"Yes but what's the goal?" Peeta questions. "Is it really worth another rebellion? Our living standards aren't that bad." He has a point, life is nowhere near as bad as it was before.

"They're extremists. We all know that Panem isn't like the other countries in the world anyway. Heck, we can't even get information of them now anyway. People want more equality, more justice." I tell them.

"It's a bad idea." Katniss whispers shaking her head. "It won't work."

"Yeah, but what can we do?" Peeta says.

'Watch the situation." I say. "This is pretty much confidential, nothing has been said and nothing has been done at this point. Just a heads up." Katniss lifts her head and her eyes bore into mine. I can hear her question even before she's said it.

"Why do we need a heads up?" She says, holding on to Peeta's arm like it's her lifeline.

I keep it light. Just a warning. "You are the Mockingjay, and you are the Mellark's. You're going to be linked to the old or new rebellion however which way you look at it."

Katniss' mouth closes in a grim line and she shakes her head slowly. Before anyone's emotions get out of hand Peeta stands up and leads the way out of my house.

* * *

><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

"Freesia my dear!" Lovely Kalia calls to me from her shop. I pull Jake along with me as I go and say hi to her. I've been showing him around the town for nearly 40 minutes, helping him buy food and what not.

"I've just got in some raspberries and bananas! I set some aside for you." She pushes a bag into my hand.

"Oh Kalia, I don't have any money on me." I say, trying to hand it back.

"Oh no need Freesia. Just give it to me next Sunday." Kalia is too kind to me.

"Okay, but write it down." She nods and goes to help other people in the shop, as Jake and I continue down the street.

"Does _everybody _in District 12 know you?" He asks me incredulously. I laugh, so far we've been stopped by about 5 vendors, all people I see on my Sunday morning visits, or occasionally during the week.

"Almost. What else do you need?"

"Milk."

I sigh, we've just walked 5 minutes past The Cow Man. "Back this way then." I tell him turning around and striding back up the dirt road.

"So if you don't hunt, what do you actually do?" Jake asks bluntly, as if there was nothing else to do in the world than go and play in a forest.

"Sometimes I paint, or hang out in The Hob." Recognition flashes in his eyes and then I recall my mother telling me that was where she and Gale used to trade their meat. Hm, interesting.

"You paint?" He asks. He actually seems fascinated. "What do you paint? People?"

"Nah I usually sketch people, it's a bit easier to capture them. Landscapes I like to paint." I get it from my dad, which is obvious because my mum is seriously incompetent with a pencil or paint brush. I used to help my dad with his pictures when I was younger until he bought me my own paint set for my 8th birthday.

"You'll have to show me some time." He smiles at me. I actually smile back. Genuinely.

"Ah Freesia." The Cow Man says happily, as we walk through the gate of his property. Like usual he is sitting on his front porch while the cows roam around the grass. While technically his house is situated in the heart of the market, the market is so spread out it barely makes a difference. District 12 is very rural these days.

"I don't believe it is Sunday. What's wrong?" He jokes around with me.

"This is my friend Jake Hawthorne." I introduce Jake to The Cow Man. And then I realize I have to introduce The Cow Man back. There's a slight disjointed pause as I struggle to say "Jake this is Greg Mitchem." And not "Jake this is my friend The Cow-Man." They shake hands anyway, and then he fills our order, packs the milk in a bag and sends us on our way.

"Thank you! I'll see you on Sunday!" I call over my shoulder us we leave. He waves at me before attending back to his newspaper.

We re enter the heart of the market. "Anything else?" I ask Jake. I wave to a couple of people from school that are wandering around. They eye Jake curiously and the girls raise their eyebrows. Looks like the rumor mill about Freesia's new boyfriend is about to start.

"Ah no. That's everything. Thanks for doing this." He smiles at me, but it's different from the other times. It has no arrogance, no winning degree to it, it's just nice.

"No problem." I say, as my cheeks grow hot. I curse myself. How stupid, he's just a boy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the feedback, would love some more, good or bad! :)**

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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

"Should I throw this out?" Lily asks me, holding a skirt in her hands. "I bought it in District 6 ages ago…" I look at the skirt. Unlike our mother, who had to fake a liking for fashion to please the Capitol back in her day, Lily and I actually like clothes.

"No, keep it. If you don't wear it I will." She nods and goes back to her room to put it away. We're in the middle of sorting out our bedrooms after mum had a very angry rant to both of us. I don't think it helped that she had been arguing with dad just a few minutes before.

Lily comes back in and sits next to me watching while I put some things into a box that's going to charity. There are some scary people that claw over stuff owned by us; the Mellark's. It creeps me out somewhat. Though generally most don't give us much thought anymore. I like it better that way.

"What do you think mum and dad were arguing about before?" She asks me quietly, sifting through my charity box.

"I don't know. Where did Rye go anyway?" Last time I saw him he was crying in the living room hugging his teddy bear.

"He's in my room drawing a picture. I told him you'd help him paint later." Rye and I always paint together down in dad's studio. I usually give him the paintings I don't like for him to finish. He thinks it's the most amazing thing ever.

"Okay." I say putting some clothes that are too small in the box. "Did dad go to the bakery?"

"Yeah, and mum to the market." There's a short pause where we both hesitate about to say.

"I've never heard them argue like that." I mutter to her. No one really argues much in our house anyway, unless of course Haymitch is here. As much as he is family he still causes conflict on the odd occasion.

"Something's going on in the Capitol I think. Security risks or something." Security risks? Like information getting to the outside world about Panem? Or something that's actually serious?

"Who told you that?" I question skeptically, wondering how she knew and I didn't. What a rarity for us.

"Jake." I stiffen marginally, Lily of course notices. "His dad works with weapons and security." She stares at me waiting for something, words or an expression, but I'm just sort of confused. First of all about his dad and second why he would tell her that.

"You know," She says looking annoyed. "if you actually paid any attention to him you might have known this." Her tone is snappy but that actually rings a bell in my mind. When the first time Jake was here and he told me our parents were discussing something about the Capitol and District 13, I'd let it go though because I was more occupied sussing him out. Lily's accusation makes me defensive though.

"I do pay attention to him! I took him to the market and I talk to him when he's here!" _Nearly every freaking day._ But I don't say that, I don't think Lily would appreciate it.

"Why don't you like him?" She asks regaining her calm. That's one thing very different about us. She is the master of calm.

"I never said I didn't."

"Oh Free, it's obvious. He's actually really sweet."

"He's arrogant." I interject.

"How?" Lily counters. "Just because he likes you?" It's an accusation. Then she pauses, trying to decide to say something or not. I wait, knowing she will eventually. "I've never seen you this touchy over a boy." She finally says in an offhand sort of way, flipping her hair out of her eyes.

Thanks, Lil. That's great. I throw an old toy into the box. "I'm not touchy." I say though it's halfhearted. It really was a waste of effort by the look on her face.

"He's only been here two weeks; he doesn't know anybody apart from us and Adam." I hate how reasonable she is sometimes. And I know what she said is true and now I feel bad.

She seems to sense it because she changes the topic abruptly. "Anyway, I promised Haymitch I'd drop by today, we'll talk it all through later." She gets up from the floor and walks to the door. "Can you take care of Rye?" I nod me head, knowing that Rye isn't exactly allowed in Haymitch's house unless he's with my parents, so I think of what I'll paint with him instead. She exits the room, and I'm about to call cleaning quits when she pokes her head back in and says "You know Free… I think you like him in some sort of weird way. Jake, I mean. I don't think you'd care so much if you didn't." And then she leaves for good, heading down the stairs. I hear the front door slam as Rye walks in and I'm left totally astonished. Why would I like Jake Hawthorne? What on earth is she on? The only reason I care is because _he _can't seem to give up! Of course no one but me seems to accept that.

"Free?" Rye's voice pulls me away from Lily. He climbs into my lap and hugs my neck. "I want to see daddy at the bake house." He says, and I smile despite myself. He's never been able to say bakery.

"Don't you want to paint?" He shakes his head at me with a little pout.

"Daddy was sad. I want to bake cookies with him." Oh, Rye. I relent, considering that I'll get an afternoon to myself.

"Okay, go get some shoes." He runs out of the room crazily, nearly getting the wall. I sigh. One day it'll happen and it won't be very pretty.

The doorbell goes, and Rye and I both descend the stairs. I open the door to reveal Adam.

"Adam!" Rye screams, running around the entry way like a little psycho.

"Hey buddy." Adam says nicely, waving at him.

"Rye!" I yell as he runs. The little maniac. "Go into the lounge and I'll help you with your shoes." I say sternly. For once, he actually listens and trots off to the couch.

"Lily's not here." I tell Adam even before I've said hi. He shuts the door behind him and I go help Rye.

"Oh, okay." He's not really surprised. "Do you want to come into town with me then? I have to get mum a birthday present." He offers. Adam's an only child but Lily and I are really close to his mum. Mariah is a sweet but reserved woman who always baked us muffins when we were little. She works as a nurse at the small doctor's clinic.

"Yeah sure." I tell him. "I was going to drop Rye at the bakery anyway."

"Bake house! Bake house!" Rye chants, squirming around making it exceedingly difficult to tie his laces.

"Okay, it's a date then. Come on."

People always used to say that Adam and I had our eyes on each other. I ponder this as I leave a note for mum and lock the front door. It was the basis for many, many jokes and insults between the two of us. Adam's literally my other brother, which makes sense because he's nearly as crazy as Rye in his own weird way.

Adam and I casually chat as the three of us make our way to the bakery. The bakery's close to the main market but not quite in it. It's on the side of the District that our house is. I know dad won't mind me bringing Rye, since it's a Sunday and not particularly busy in the afternoon.

"Hey guys!" Dad greets us cheerfully as we enter. Whatever he was arguing with mum about seems to be forgotten.

"Hey dad. Rye wanted to come and help." I lead my little brother over to the wooden counter.

"Sure Rye, I was just about to make some more cookies." That had the wanted effect. He shouts approval and runs behind the counter to hug dad's legs. Dad laughs.

"What are you two doing?" He questions as he gives Rye part of a cheese bun to quiet him down.

"Oh just going into town to buy a few things." Adam explains. "It's mum's birthday next week." This interests my dad, and no doubt his mind is whizzing through things he could bake Mariah.

"Really? I'll bake her something nice and drop it 'round." Dad offers kindly, since he really likes Adam and Mariah. Adam only lives with his mum since no one knows where his dad got off to. _The mystery of Panem…_ There not particularly well off but they do pretty well.

"Peeta you don't have to do that." Adam says as good naturedly as always. I think dad and Adam are on the best terms that any boyfriend and father could be. Well he _has _been dating Lily for nearly five years.

"It's no problem. Oh, and take these." Dad loads up some fresh bread rolls and a couple of dessert buns into a bag. "They won't sell today, so they'll just be thrown out." Adam doesn't bother trying to object.

We venture further into town, where there are more people milling about.

I see Adam glance slyly at me and I just know what is coming. "So when are you making the move on Jake?" Typical Adam. I know he should be joking but it still bothers me.

"Adam, I swear if you mention him…" I begin to threaten.

"Okay, okay. Relax Free, I'm joking." He gives in with a stupid grin on his face he slings an arm around my shoulders. He's a little taller than me. "Where to?" he asks.

"It's you who's buying stuff." I counter him.

"Oh that's right." He jokes. "Now where should we go?" He asks, speaking slowly deliberately like he has absolutely no idea, he spins us in a slow circle. "Ah, there it is!" He points a finger at a small shop, not one I often go in. "The candle shop! I think mum would like that." He releases my shoulders only to take my hand and pull me inside the shop. I see a couple of people laugh at us as we pass by; most of them know either me or Adam. I also spot a couple that I am less familiar with, but they are not laughing or even smiling. Their stares put me off.

This shop I have only been through a handful of times. It sells, incense and candles and other nice smelling things. A very eccentric lady stands at the counter, clothed in bright colors and large jewelry. I don't know her name. She greets us quickly before turning back to a display.

"Okay Free, go for it." Adam tells me, opening his arms to the entire store.

"You're not even going to try to pick something?" I ask him incredulously. This has happened before, Adam isn't always the best with presents. How many times I have helped him buy a gift for Lil…

"Now why would I have brought you if I'm just going to pick it?" He asks me, raising his eyebrows. "Besides I chose the shop, it's your turn." I roll my eyes at him. He likes to play these sort of games. He won't admit that he can't find something to suit Mariah. In the end, I find a deep green candle perched in an attractive glass holder that I think she will love. We pay and leave, Adam seeming pleased with my choice.

As we reenter the shopping strip I can sense something has changed. It feels different, the air tense. I look around, searching for a catalyst. People have dispersed and I spot a couple of Peacekeeper's that I have never before seen in this District. They rest against a wall a few shops down from us. Adam pays them no mind and we walk side by side away from them, in the direction we both live. I, however, find them difficult to ignore. I feel there eyes on my back as we head down the lane way. I turn as we round the final corner that will separate us from them and see them very openly watching us.

I feel colder as we walk together back home, like the temperature suddenly plummeted.

"Adam, did you see the Peacekeeper's?" I mutter in his ear, sort of paranoid. Especially after what Lily had said. He leans into me further.

"What?"

"Back down the lane. I think they were watching us." I jut my thumb over my shoulder but Adam merely shrugs.

"They're just Peacekeepers." He says casually. A relaxed phrase for him but one I once got in trouble by saying to my parents. "They're probably just doing a sweep like normal." Adam's lack of concern calms me down slightly. Maybe I am just paranoid.

When we reach the porch to my house, Adam hugs me goodbye, then over his shoulder he calls as he leaves, "There's a party at Daisy Lane's house coming up soon. I'm taking Lil, I suggest you find a date. Though that won't be hard for _you_, will it?" He winks and leaves and I roll my eyes at him. When I enter the house, I find mum in the kitchen, though she seems distracted by something.

"Was the market good?" I ask her, trying to draw her out of her own world. It isn't new for me.

She looks up suddenly and smiles at me. "Yeah, everything was there…A lot of Peacekeepers though." She frowns slightly and goes back to putting the groceries away.

I head up the stairs to my room. So it's not just me who noticed then?


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this chapter is a little short. The next one will be uploaded soon!  
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**Hope you enjoy it :)**

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><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

I stare down at the blank sheet of paper in front of me. The report for District 12. But what can I say? I know more peacekeeper's have been appointed, but is that really news for District 2's security? I have no concrete evidence of anything here in District 12 and the suspicions of Katniss' family being potential targets aren't really worth putting on paper, it's already assumed. All I have is rumors and a hunch.

I know that there is unrest in other districts- most districts- factual evidence, but as usual District 12 is late on getting the news. And I know that they are trying to quiet it down and leave 12 out of the loop. For the district's safety. I don't know what people would do if it was destroyed again.

Instead I dial the area code for District 4 and punch in the numbers to Finnick's house. The phone's answered in a couple of rings.

"Hello?" It's Annie.

"Hi Annie, its Gale." I tell her. "Is Finnick around?"

"Oh hi Gale! Yes, I'll just grab him for you." I hear her call out his name and then he's on the phone.

"Hi Gale, how's District 12 treating you?" I don't talk to Finnick very often, but after the rebellion he remained working for the rebels dealing in safety and such. Occasionally we'll lodge a couple of phone calls to each other.

"Yeah, it's fine. Good actually, I didn't realize how much I missed it." I say. How very true, after all these years it took actually visiting the District to realize that this is more of a home than District 2 ever was. And anyway, Posy and Vick live here too.

"That sounds great. I'm guessing this isn't a purely social phone call?" He asks, guessing exactly what I was going to go into.

"How did you know?" I laugh. "Have you been briefed on the risks and rumors and everything else the Capitol are feeding us?" I ask him, unsure of how up to date with the situation he is.

He tells me to hold on, and I'm guessing he's moving into a room away from Annie and their son Ethan. "Yes, they're relocating us for a little while as well. They're really dispersing their forces. There are some real issues in 5, but _apparently_ it's under control." Finnick tells me, and this is completely new news. Interesting that they're dispersing everyone, not just District 2 and Capitol forces.

"Where are you going?" I ask him.

"I'm not sure. I think they may put me in 8 actually. New information came in today; I haven't been briefed on it yet." In eight?

"Well, the situations all very vague. New amounts of Peacekeeper's have moved in. I heard something about Katniss and Peeta earlier this week, about the rebellion but there's not much here. The rumors keep spreading; I don't know what to believe any more." I tell him, feeling a bit useless.

There's a short silence while Finnick thinks this over. "I don't think anyone does at the moment. According to the Capitol's reports to civilians, nothings wrong. They're trying to censor information from other District's, it's like the old days." He pauses. "I think we should notify the victors." He suggests.

"Yes, me too. Though I'm sure they're mostly aware. I've filled Katniss and Peeta in. I don't think they're taking it too well." I tell him, remembering our recent meeting in my house. Fair enough though. We risked everything we had to win the rebellion and what do we get? A whole new one, diminishing our attempts.

"Johanna, Haymitch and possibly Beetee will need to know as well, all the details. We'll all be in danger soon. Though I think we should hold off for as long as possible. Let the situation unfold a little." Finnick makes a good point. No need to incite fear for something that is still debatable. There's a sudden silence on the line and then I hear Finnick call something out to Annie.

"Okay, I have to go. I'll keep in touch." And with that the line goes dead.

I exit the room with the report still blank. We know something's stirring in Panem but what? Is it really possible to start a whole new rebellion? I doubt it, it won't work. I walk absently into the next room and find Jake sitting on the couch.

"When did you get home?" I exclaim, figuring he was still in the woods.

"About 10 minutes ago." A new thought dawns on me; did he hear the whole conversation? Judging by the lack of television sound I'm guessing yes.

I don't even need to ask him. "Yeah, I heard." He tells me. Great.

"How much?" I push, growing angry.

He shrugs. "Everything. That there is a new rebellion, something about the Mellark's." Damn. The only person in the family I'd informed of the rumored rebellion was Kaitlyn. "So I'm guessing that the Mellark's are going to be targeted in some way." He finishes, filling in the blanks himself.

Now I'm really angry. "You are _not_ to tell anyone in that family what you heard okay? This is _confidential." _Then I add, "This is all rumors, nothing has happened." It's sort of a lie, but it's better than giving him the truth.

"But if we moved, and you've already talked to Katniss and Peeta, doesn't that mean that something _has _happened?" He asks in that overconfident teenage sort of way, and of course he is right. But I disregard that.

"No, not true. But you have to keep this a secret okay? Especially from Freesia and Lily." Nothing worse than letting his emotions get in the way and blurting it all out to Freesia. He doesn't look happy by that comment though and he mumbles something about that not being hard. Sympathy takes over my voice.

"Still not working with her?" I ask.

"What?" He looks up surprised and I'm guessing he's not going to confide in me over this girl.

"Just remember Jake," I say as I leave the room, "The Mellark girl will be hard to get." He mutters something under his breath.

I turn around to leave but he asks "When do mum and everyone get here?"

"Two days. We're meeting them at the train station at 10am." Maybe this whole situation will feel more normal when Kaitlyn and the kids arrive.

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><p><strong>Okay sorry I screwed up by keeping Finnick alive, I know he died, so sorry if this bothers you. Keep reading there aren't any more drastic changes like this :D<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Would love some reviews, likes, dislikes, any ideas :)**

**Hope you enjoy, this should get the ball rolling :P **

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><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

Two days passes quickly. Between unpacking even more boxes that Kaitlyn had carted over via the train line, and receiving calls of the on going 'rebellion', there's been little time to think. I find myself pacing in the lounge room at 9.40 wondering where the hell Jake is. Obviously he's hunting and has forgotten about the 10 o'clock train we're meeting. At 9.47 he decides to make an appearance. He walks into the house, his hunting boots clunking loudly on the floorboards, dressed in torn jeans and a black t shirt.

"Do you know how late you are?" I ask him. Meeting him in the entry way, barely letting him get through the door.

Of course he looks at me stupidly. "Huh?"

"They're getting back at 10am! We have ten minutes to get down to that train station!" It's not a big deal, but Jake's lack of responsibility is bothering me today. When I was his age I was feeding a family of five. "Now go put some nice clothes on, you have 1 minute."

"What's wrong with these?" He asks defensively, not grasping how short a minute really is.

"Something, without holes and without dirt." I explain to him. "If your mother thinks I can't keep you clean we're both in trouble." He runs up the stairs quickly, and surprisingly within the next minute he is down in nice jeans and a short sleeved collared shirt.

"Good. Now come on."

Luckily the train in late and by the time it pulls in, we're already standing on the platform. There's a couple of minutes of kafuffle, trying to navigate through the stream of people, but eventually we make it to the rest of our family.

I embrace Kaity, while Jake is busy with all his younger siblings. Then I feel someone tugging at my leg. I look down to see our youngest, Marianna looking up at me, her hair in her eyes, blonde just like her mother. I pick her up and give her a kiss.

"Hi Anna! Ready to see your new home?" She giggles in delight and I set her down to say hi to Caroline and Toby.

"How's the house looking?" Kaitlyn asks me. "Is it nice?"

"Yeah, it's nice. Jake and I have unpacked everything, it's all set." She looks seriously impressed at our effort. I lead the way out of the train station and we begin the walk back home.

As we walk Jake and I point out various things to them. The market, the Hob, Greg Mitchem's place. I think they all seem to like the District, even if it's not as fancy as Two. As we reach the house I point out Katniss and Peeta's place. "The Mellark's live just up that street there. Quite close actually." As the kids run inside to check the house, Kaitlyn hesitates slightly.

"How's that going? The Mellark's." She verifies, eyeing me carefully. She's well aware of our history. I think every citizen of Panem is.

"It's going well actually." I tell her truthfully. "We've put it all behind us. Jake's been hanging out a lot with their twin daughters, Freesia and Lily." She raises her eyebrows. "Actually Kaity," I laugh, "I think he likes Freesia, though he won't admit it."

She shakes her head. "Would be like him." How right she is.

"Come on," I say, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her cheek, "I'll show the house. I think you'll like it."

Turns out it takes only a half hour for the house to be in mayhem. Kaity's busy fixing food for everyone, even though I offered, but apparently I lack all types of cooking skills. Anna's whining about Jake not playing with her while Jake's arguing with me about not being able to go out. And to top it off Toby and Caroline, have made the biggest mess sifting through their boxes, and trying to decide which room they each get.

Eventually Kaity got sick of the noise.

"Okay that's enough!" She yells striding into the living room. "Anna, go find your toys, dad will help you and you can play with him until lunch. Jake, take Caroline to the bakery, because we have no bread." She eyes me suspiciously. And I think maybe I should have stocked the fridge before they came. "Toby, finish unpacking your things and you can have that room." She points one out to him randomly, and he relents, considering the rooms are practically all the same. The kids disperse and the house quiets down.

This is why I love Kaitlyn.

**Freesia POV**

"Okay you have a nice day!" I yell out cheerfully- or maybe a little forcefully- after a grumpy customer leaves through the swinging doors of the bakery. Lily and I are working today since it's a busy day and a worker called in sick. Originally I was in the back with Lil, baking the bread, but dad lost his cool when he found us running around trying to put flour hand prints on each other. I think he's stressed. He's refilling the food display near me now and tells me absently I'm laying it on too thick. I think he's referring to my appearance and my manner. I'm still covered in flour from head to toe but I argue with him that I look like an authentic baker.

The only other worker on today walks into the front. His name's Mike. "Peeta how many more loaves do you want us to make? One dozen?" He asks in his husky voice that most girls die for, his apron covered in flour. I like Mike. When he's not working here he's absolutely hilarious, and he's only about 22 so we get along very well.

"Yeah that would be good." Dad says then adds dubiously, "Is Lily working?" I roll my eyes at him but Mike laughs and assures him she is.

I don't make any comment because I don't want dad angry again. I serve a couple of people I vaguely know while dad's still arranging the breads. As they exit, dad straightens up and I see him freeze suddenly. I follow the path of his eyes and see some Peacekeeper's doing a random sweep like always. They look in the bakery but keep on walking. A couple of days ago Lily had told me that apparently there were some rumored issues in some other Districts. Dad's reaction bothers me though.

"Dad?" I ask carefully. He turns to me still slightly peeved. "Why are there so many Peacekeeper's all of a sudden?" I know something's going on, and I'd like to know what.

"Why?" He asks me, slightly frantic. "Did they give some trouble?" His question's a little irrational, considering mine was so innocent. It only confirms my suspicions and explains his temperament lately.

"No, no." I assure him. The incident with Adam flashes into my mind from a few days ago. "I just noticed." He visibly sighs in relief.

"I don't know why there are so many Free. Doesn't matter any way." He says dismissively and heads into the back we're Lily and Mike are baking. His evasiveness bothers me, as well as his shortness. Something's beginning, but I guess I'll have to find out some other way. A young girl enters, not a regular I know. She has blonde hair and green eyes, she looks about 15. I take a stab and say she's not from here, this is more from my mother's time but pretty eyes like those usually signify a 'Career' district.

"Hi, how can I help you?" I greet her sweetly. She looks a bit lost as she stares at the vast array of breads.

"Um…I just need like a normal loaf of bread." She says uncertainly, trying to find one.

I smile at her. "Are you new to the District?" It would explain her completely lost look on her face.

She smiles sheepishly. "Yeah, I got in today." Oh, she's _really _new. "My names Caroline." I nod going to the wall of bread loaves.

"So, whole meal, white, multi grain, rye? What would you like? And my name's Freesia." She looks at me suddenly with more intensity, her eyes calculating. Maybe she realized I'm related to the Mockingjay or something. Wouldn't be a first.

"Ah, white I guess. You're Freesia Mellark?" She questions, her green eyes eyeing me carefully. Yes, I guess she has some fascination with mum and dad or the rebellion or something. I'm used to it. I look at her properly for the first time. Nice dress, blue ribbon in her hair, but there's something about her face that is familiar.

I give a small nod, answering her question and get a paper bag for the bread. "My brother knows you. He was telling me about you before." I pause. Who is she?

"Who's your brother?" I question curiously. She opens her mouth but doesn't get a chance to answer. I hear the bell ring, indicating the door opening and a deep voice comes from the doorway.

"That would be me." It says and I look to see Jake. And I laugh. Like actually just laugh at him because of course it is Jake Hawthorne in the bakery. Of course.

"Hey Jake." I say, still grinning. "So I see your family got in?"

He doesn't look particularly happy about this. "Yeah, it's already driving me nuts." Underneath the sarcasm though I think he would love his family. It would be just like him.

"Talking about me behind my back again?" Jake asks turning on Caroline. He shoves her playfully and she punches him in the arm. "What'd you get anyway?" He asks her, eyeing my hands. I hand the bag over to him.

"Just a white loaf." He takes it and digs some money from his pocket.

"How much?"

"Don't worry about it." I tell him. I don't know why I'm being so nice since he still bothers me, but I guess he can be considered a 'family' friend now. He's decent enough. And I don't usually make them pay.

"Come on Free," He manages to complain and give me a lopsided smile at the same time. "I don't want to be indebted to you." He says leaning on the counter. Does he think that will work?

_Yeah, but maybe I want you to._ Then I could get him to lay off. Of course, a small voice in my mind reminds me I could do worse.

"Maybe it will come in handy for _me_ someday." I say shortly, my voice having a tint of hardness to it. I see his sister start to laugh.

He thinks this over. "Yeah, maybe." He smiles then he gives up. "I'll see you sometime."

"Yeah, maybe." I say right before he heads out the door. I catch his grin and the slight shake of his head that I don't think he meant for me to notice. How do I always draw him in even when I try to push him away?

The rest of the day fly's by and 4 o'clock marks pack up time, and as soon as the clock strikes the hour Lily jumps on me and cakes me in flour. Four o'clock marks the end of our isolation. I shriek as she laughs and I try to push her off which ends with both of us on the floor. And of course dad stomps in.

"What are you doing?" He asks tiredly. "Get off the floor you two." Though he's less serious than before and kind of laughing at us. We get up though, both looking like a mess.

"Come on, we're going home." We wander the short walk home, through the summer heat and luckily I see no Peacekeeper's or anything of the like. We enter the house and mum is playing with Rye.

"How was the bakery?" She asks all of us. Rye's too absorbed in his book to pay us particular attention today. Strange for him, though he does wave.

"It was busy. Would have been nicer if these two could have acted professional all day, and I didn't have to separate them." Dad's mood hasn't improved very much. I see mum give us a quizzical stare, but it's not angry or anything. I think she's just as confused with dad as we are. I mean, ever since I can remember our dad was the kindest and happiest person, even when I screwed up he never got angry. Until now.

"What were you doing?" Mum questions us.

We both hesitate. "Well…"

"Running around trying to put flour hand prints on each other, while they were meant to be baking." Dad tells her in a frustrated voice. Mum sort of sighs but I'm laughing again, thinking of it. She shoots me a look to say shut up.

"Okay, go to your room you two." Mum says tiredly, turning her attention from everyone, including dad, back to Rye.

I follow Lily into her bedroom and shut the door. She goes over to her stereo and puts some music on. It's quiet and calming, just like her.

"What's going on Lil?" I ask her falling onto the bed in a huff. Her room is a mix of blues and whites and her bay window gets the best light in the morning. "I mean, do you think there's been an incident in another District?" It would make sense. Explain the Peacekeeper's and the Hawthorne's move. But Lily's already shaking her head.

"Do you think mum and dad would be so upset if it was only that?" She asks, and she does have a point. "I think…I think it's something like before." She begins, and I can tell she's been thinking this for a long time.

"What like before?"

"Like a rebellion. It would explain mum and dad wouldn't it? The Peacekeeper's, the security people. And anyway, Jake did say something about the Capitol and District 13…weren't they the key parts in the last rebellion?" It's like the whole room lights up. It makes so much sense, yet I hadn't given another rebellion any thought. I mean, how is it even possible? It was so hard the last time…

"I suppose…"

"I think so." Lily is definite. "We need to find out what's going on some other way though. It's obvious mum and dad won't be giving anything away." Very, very true. They know more than we do but the last thing they want is for us to go through what they did.

"So what? We start Lily and Freesia's secret spy association?" I ask sarcastically. She laughs at me, unfazed.

"Maybe we should just keep our eyes and ears open." She suggests. "Other people are bound to know what's going on." And it's a good idea. We know very many people in town, from regulars to the important ones. We have to get information from _somewhere._

And so it begins. Our first look into a rebellion. That night I sleep in Lil's room just like when we were little, and I wake up next to her in her blue bed with the morning sun streaming through her bay window. Like I said, it's the best light.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's been a while! Sadly school work comes before this :( I hope you enjoy this chapter, next one will be up in a couple of days :)  
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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

My pencil swipes across the paper in clean even strokes forming the image I see before my eyes. Rye running through our backyard playing with our cat. The expensive paper absorbs the strokes well. Drawing is my own version of therapy. No medication or conversations with shrinks like my parents were put through.

The town is quiet today. Few people are walking along the street where we live. I can here the birds sing and Haymitch's geese squawk loudly from down the street. So far, Lily and I have made no headway. We know nothing. No rebellion, no risks, but we know there _is_ something that's being hidden. Mum and dad have seemed to have gotten a hold on things although they brush off all of our questions. Lily suggested asking Jake…and I can't fault her on why that would be a bad idea. He would have information, actually he would be able to obtain _a lot_ of information. And he's not that intolerable…I guess.

Rye starts yelling a command at the cat, though it's obvious he's just scared her. She hisses and runs away. He doesn't seem to notice anyway, he's chasing her through the yard. He suddenly trips on a stone and falls to the ground. I'm about to get up and go and comfort him, preempting the water works, but they don't come. He's too occupied with our cat.

I continue drawing, outlining his facial features, partly from what I can see and partly from what I remember. I'm sketching well today, the shadows and angles all compliment each other, the lines join effortlessly and it appears life like, like it's jumping form the page.

I hear the heavy footfalls of a passerby among the birds and breeze. I don't look up until they stop right about where the gate should be.

"Hey." My eye's latch with Jake.

"Hi." Rye and I say, though Rye sounds more excited.

"I need to talk to you." He tells me, hand on the gate. Oh god, I think as he passes through, what on earth could he want? He sits besides me, crossing his legs and looks at the sketch book in my lap.

"Wow." His praise makes me happy, since I _am _proud of this drawing, and today's he's playing normal Jake, so there's nothing snarky or flirty about it. I like it better. "You're amazing."

"I've had a lot of practice." I tell him truthfully. The hours dad and I have spent drawing, it's one of my first memories. Helping dad complete his artwork.

"Do you have anymore?" Well of course I do, didn't I tell him this was what I did in my spare time? Even so being me, I'm about to say no when I hear the door open. Lily passes down the steps in a light blue dress, her hair braided.

"Hey Jake!" She greets him cheerfully and he smiles back with a hey. She walks past us down the path with her jerky, happy way of walking. She reaches the gate and turns back to say, "I'll be at Adam's, Free, be back later. Bye guys!" And then Lily's ever present cheeriness leaves the garden as she walks over to Adam's house down the street. Her appearance reminded me that I'm usually very nice, and maybe I should try that right now. Who would've known…

"Yeah, they're all over my walls." I say, in regard to the pictures. Every time I draw something I like, I stick it on to my wall. I have drawings from when I was a child until a few days ago, ranging from color to black and white, pencil to paint. It's quite the collection, I think.

"Can I have a look?" He asks me and I nod at him, almost a first. I round up Rye and tell him to go play in the lounge while I take Jake upstairs. My parents greet him as we pass by, though they look surprised. My dad gives me this look that makes me want to laugh. Similar to looks he'd give to Lily and I saying to keep the door open when guys are in the house, I roll my eyes, thinking of how that is such a long shot.

I lead Jake into my room and he halts almost instantly. He's never been in. And I mean, I love my room, the drawings are everywhere, collaged on nearly three of my walls and I am pretty proud of them. Where there aren't drawings the walls are painted red and I've added black swirling patterns. I'd gotten an idea out of design book of dad's. There's still a small section above my bed frame, that I have never touched, one dad had painted when I was little, of freesia's in a meadow with birds flying above. I painted over most of my walls through the years, tuning them to my tastes of the time, but this section I have always kept. Between the birds and flowers _Freesia _is scrawled in cursive letters.

"You're _really_ good." He says astonished and I turn back to my artwork. A smile creeps onto my face. "I wish I could draw like this."

"Thanks." I reply still smiling, feeling a bit warmer somehow. "What did you need to talk about?"

He pauses, weighing his words. "I heard from Lily you guys were trying to figure this whole situation out." He says opening his arms, referring to the rumored rebellion. I don't understand though what that has to do with him. This is mine and Lily's investigation.

"And?" I prompt a little sharply.

"And I think I could help." This isn't the first time I've heard this. Exactly what Lily said. And I have to admit that I'm not against it.

"Do you know anything?" I ask him quickly. And something I've never seen in him flashes across his face. Guilt?

"Yes." He says simply. But he doesn't continue. Is it that bad, or does he not trust me? Like me when he first arrived. I have the feeling he's holding back, something he's never done with me before. I remind myself all I have done is hold back with Jake. And suddenly it dawns on me how useful Jake Hawthorne could become, and how narrow minded I have really been. If we want to figure out this rebellion, he's going to have the information. And he's not too bad company, as some people come. I'm just too stubborn. Lily's ever present voice pops into my head, telling me to like Jake Hawthorne. And maybe I have found a reason too.

"Well we should work this out together." I offer as kindly as I can. "Share information, figure things out." I see his face is reserved, closed off, and it takes me a moment to realize his apprehension. He thinks I'm using him. I can't blame him. I've shown little affection to him since he arrived whereas he has been nothing but kind, even if a little eager at times.

Still he pauses. "Jake, I'm not just doing this to get information from you." I tell him softly feeling awful. "It's a part of it, but you make a good friend." The whole thing rolls uncomfortably off my tongue though and two sides of me argue with each other whether it's a lie or not. At the moment I can't really tell.

He relaxes a bit and smiles at me. "Okay, at the moment I don't know a whole lot. There's been a range of arrests across the districts, did you know that?" I nod; I'd heard something similar earlier in the week. "And apparently District 5 is the worst. They're trying to contain the whole district, but they have to keep the power going, because they produce it, and if Panem's power goes down everyone would be alerted." Very true. It's happened once, when a huge storm took out part of District 5. We didn't have power for days. I remember the time very clearly. Some of my friends had panicked but most parents, old residents of District 12, were so used to it. Mum said it was like being back in the old days, when having power was so rare.

"So District 5 is the source?" I ask him. He frowns slightly, a small crease appears between his grey eyes. His looks strike me again. Just like a miner my mother would say.

"Possibly. The Capitol and District 2 forces are spreading. Even some other district's security has been roped in. It sounds serious." He's right. Nothing like this has happened in our lifetime. Thing's are changing.

He leaves my room shortly after and I say I'll see him tomorrow. I think that makes his day honestly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Firstly, I am so sorry because I've just realised I have been completely stupid and given Gale's wife two names. Her name is Kaitlyn NOT Katherine, sorry! I've changed the chapter where it got confused.**

**Here's the latest chapter :)  
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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

Over the next two weeks we all attempt to collect information on the situation of Panem. While, of course doing all the other daily tasks: work at the bakery, see Adam, play with Rye, be friends to Jake, go hunting, paint, clean the house and buy food at the market.

What we didn't expect was the sheer lack of knowledge between the people.

We talked to Kalia Leaves at the fruit shop, her daughter- and my friend- Hollie was there too.

"_Well some fruits that I import- although I grow most of them-" she added hastily, "some have been unavailable." She said, trying to the best of her knowledge to help me._

"_Which District do they from?" I pressed, hoping a clue would appear before me._

"_Oh, Freesia, it's hard to say. They come from many." Her vagueness had not helped. She had seen my glum expression. "Freesia, I think you are over thinking this, there's no evidence!" Oh but there is. Maybe not the kind she would find concrete._

_Even so, I thanked her and went on my way._

"_See you later Freesia."_

"_Bye Hollie."_

While good natured Kalia had not been suspicious, others felt different. Lily and I talked to The Cow Man.

"_Ah, double trouble I see today." He had said on seeing us. It was almost true._

_We had asked him questions. About the Districts, about the Capitol, we subtly hinted about things. What we got was:_

"_Oh something's brewing, let me tell you that." He said in his gruff farmer way. "Be damned if I knew though." I remember my face falling. "When you get to my age you stop sweating the little stuff. I can't stop 'em, what's the point in worrying my life away?" He'd spoken good words. Unhelpful, but very true._

_And we went on our way._

I had talked to Adam alone one day, out on his back lawn where he can always be found.

"_What do you think?" I had asked him._

"_What do I think?" He asked broadly._

"_Yes, Adam." Tired. That's how I'd sounded._

"_I say I have no clue what's going on outside District 12. And you shouldn't either. It's the style of Panem. Even if you get your little trips every now and then." Adam was insightful. "But you know what? There's that party at Daisy Lane's soon." I had found it strange something so trivial had interested Adam, nature man._

"_We don't even know Daisy Lane that well."_

"_Says who? Remember Free you still need to find someone to take." He had winked and I had groaned. I couldn't see the point, but apparently it was 'that kind of party.'_

"_You don't even care for parties Adam. You'd rather go camping in the woods." I had replied trying to draw some sense into him._

"_Would you like to go camping in the woods?"_

_That's when I left._

"_Bye Adam."_

Lily and I had even visited Haymitch. He was drunk. Although it's not as common as it used to be.

"_What's wrong sweethearts?" He had asked us, slurring a little. At least he was coherent._

"_What's going on Haymitch? Is there a rebellion forming in Panem?" We had been the bluntest with him._

"_Rebellion?" He laughed his loud laugh. "Something's happening, maybe their trying. Bet let me tell you something. It won't work. We nearly lost everything when we did it. Too much to lose not enough to gain. They'll get it under control. Don't let your parents worry you."_

"_But-" We had both argued._

"_But nothing. Calm down sweethearts." _

_We were not calm._

Our attempts had been futile. They had failed, and I was beginning to second guess Lily's judgment, usually so strong. Nothing was wrong in our District. Except the Peacekeeper's. We had little of rebellion. Kalia had given us evidence of export issues, the beginnings of the last rebellion, The Cow Man had given us some form of hope, Haymitch had calmed us slightly, brought as to level ground and Adam…Adam told me there was a party at Daisy Lane's. So in other words we hadn't gotten far.

Well, that's not true. Jake had said something. We had conversed with him throughout the weeks. He more fuelled our searching rather than enhanced it. And I had changed my opinion slightly…slightly. He was a nice guy and an interesting friend.

And then tonight, Lily ran into my room.

"Free! Free! Look what I have." She threw a few papers on my bed. I didn't understand the importance. Was it magic paper? "These are official things. We can't tell anyone, okay?" I nodded in assent but I still didn't understand. "Look!" She thrust them into my hand. I held about 5 pages, and they were each stamped with the emblem of Panem. I read the head of the first one: **Update on District 5. **Then under it: **More forces appointed. **I stared at the page in my hand for a very long minute.

"This…is…" I was almost too afraid to voice it.

"This is our first look into the outside District's! It's what's happening, the start of something." Lily told me eagerly, her blue eyes shining. She was so happy, but all I could focus on was how she acquired this. These looked like professional reports.

"Jake." Was all she said, and I knew it all along. Of course this was from Jake. He had given us the information the first day. The Capitol and District 13. His dad works with weapons and security. He must have stolen them from him. Jake Hawthorne has gained even more importance.

"We have to give them back tomorrow, so his dad won't notice." She tells me. And I feel like a fraud, like I'm doing something illegal. And in a way, I guess I am. I don't like it, and it's even harder for me to fathom why Lily would not care. The 'rebellion' or whatever is something not for our eyes or ears, our parents have made that clear, as have many others. Haymitch must know, I mean he was central to the last rebellion. My guess is he held out on us. And I can suppose it was with good reason because this isn't right.

We finished the pages quickly, taking notes, and we hide them in a draw. I still felt unease. District 5 is the worst that's obvious; the other District's seem tamer. Though that's not to say there aren't issues. We made arrangements to meet Jake and return them. I'm scared his dad will notice, but now is not the time to be a coward.

Right as we close the drawer the power goes out. I hear Rye scream and my parents scurrying around. Maybe it was from the papers, or maybe I'm just being negative, but District 5 the source of Panem's power, I think it has just gone down.

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><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

It's been a long week. New arrests, new laws passed, new circumstances, Panem's beginning to get in a mess though must people are unaware. I've been getting calls and emails constantly, updates, problems, things to be aware of. Though tonight I am working. Instead I'm sitting with Kaitlyn on the couch as Marianna plays on the floor in front of the TV. I hear Jake get home from somewhere, as he calls to us from the door and heads to his room. Caroline enters with a school book in hand. She's frowning at it in her hands.

"What's wrong Caroline?" I ask her, trying to look at the cover. History. I wonder what's in there.

"Well I got my school text books today and…" She trails off and flips the book my way. There's a still from a propo I shot from a long time ago. I think I was twenty, Katniss eighteen. We're in district 8 being attacked by the Capitol planes. The shots taken from below as we aim high with a high tech bows at the attacking planes. It's a good shot, but it brings back a lot of painful memories.

I take my arms from around Kaitlyn and flip a couple of pages of the textbook. It's similar to other years, that the kids have shown me but rarely am I seen in the information. It's always Katniss and Peeta. This one seems to be in great detail of all the rebels and even has a small paragraph of my weapons design with Beetee. It goes into the confusion of which side's bomb killed all the innocents the day we took the Capitol. I shut it immediately not wishing to go any further.

"Carr, we've already told you I was in the rebellion." She nods her head and sits next to me.

"I know…but I didn't know you were a huge part of it." She says uncertainly. I chuckle.

"I wasn't. I just happen to be in Katniss' propos. Looks like you'll be studying the rebels in depth this year." How convenient I suddenly think. I mean when Jake studied the rebellion relatively in depth when he became older, but this seems very pointed at us.

"Yes, I think so. Especially in a District 12 school." I suppose they'd learn a lot about it being here. Caroline heads back to her room to study more books. She's very smart, Caroline. Very hard working and school oriented. Unlike Jake, who is smart but just doesn't care enough.

"Do you think it'll be an issue?" Kaitlyn asks, leaning closer into me. "Learning about all the rebels and everything?" I understand her apprehension, but I don't see how it would cause a problem. It was a long time ago, and they already know a lot of the stuff.

"No. Though I bet Caroline will have a million questions this year." Kaitlyn nods in assent and relaxes. I press my lips to hers tenderly alleviating the tension in a soft kiss when suddenly the rooms goes pitch black.

"What the…" I mutter, untangling myself from her and getting off the couch. I walk blindly to the switch on the wall and flick it on and off a couple of times. No change. Kaity attends to a crying Marianna on the floor while I hear all the other kids scurrying into the living room.

"Dad what's going on?" Jake asks hurrying into the room. He seems to be very tense for some reason, though it's just a power out. I'm so used it from the old days in District 12.

"I can't see!" Toby yells from the hall and I think I hear him walk into a wall, while Carr tells him to shut up. I feel my way into the kitchen and find the cupboard where we keep a torch. I grab it and switch it on, hoping the house will calm down slightly. I see Kaity, Jake, Anna, Caroline and then Toby slump into the room holding his head.

"Relax, it's just a power out. Jake, go and find some candles." Toby and Caroline both sit on the floor while Kaity's still trying to calm Anna down. I hear a beeping coming from my study, and I head down the hall to get the message on my phone. As I walk to my desk I notice my computer's alight running on its battery, blinking rapidly with 3 new messages from District 2, redirected from the Capitol. My phone goes off twice more, alerting me to messages while I'm trying to open the emails. I see District 5 in bold letters as well as District 8. I scroll down when my phone starts ringing loudly, and in my franticness I drop it on the floor.

"Shit." I scramble down in the dark to pick it up though I can barely see a thing; the only light is the blinking computer signal. Too late it's a missed call.

I place the phone back on the desk. I look through my onslaught of emails and messages carefully and my whole body goes gold.

"Kait!" I yell from the study, starting to panic. The messages are urgent. District 5 has gone down, and 8 is only a matter of time. This is no power out. This is the start of the new rebellion.


	9. Chapter 9

**FREESIA POV**

Things haven't been the same since District 5 went down. I think due to the amounts of Capitol forces in the district already is the reason the power got reinstated in five days. Today is day six. We met with Jake earlier in the week and he confirmed our suspicions. This was the beginning. Apparently his dad had had to deal with a lot of the mess. The television now longer had reports from the Capitol saying that everything was okay. Now it shows warnings for particular districts, what to do in case of emergency etc. The change in our country had been rapid and unanticipated for most.

I feel like I'm being watched every time I enter the town, but I assume everyone feels this way. Our district is being watched now especially, considering there are four key rebels living in it. Mum and dad have been surprisingly normal through this whole extravaganza but I can tell the tension is getting to them. History's repeating itself and I think this is hardest on mum.

I met with Haymitch today. Without Lil or Jake or my parents. He had explained a lot. Bits of their Hunger Games and rebellion I had never been told of, stories that gave me so much more sympathy for my parents. He also said there is nothing I can do to stop this rebellion. I couldn't agree more, they have no Mockingjay and I doubt I could ever be one. It still doesn't stop me from sourcing out information, trying to understand what's going on. Right now I'm walking towards the forest meeting Jake. He had said something like in the forest no one will overhear us. I don't know. I think he didn't want his dad to find out he's been eavesdropping. I'm going without Lily because she's working at the bakery. I rock-paper-scissored it with her.

I enter the part of forest I first showed Jake when he arrived, climbing through the fence that used to keep the district people contained, right behind my house. Now I find it difficult to find the contempt I used to feel for him. What I had thought briefly when I barely knew him had been right; he was a decent guy. I spot the place he had described to me. The fallen tree right by the stream that makes a great seat. He's not here, and it sort of annoys me. He's the one that made me come. Of course I was the one that agreed to since I wanted to know what's happening…I can never win.

I sit waiting on the log. It's a colder day today, so I'm decked out in jeans, a blue coat and boots. I listen to the sounds of the animals passing by, and the wind whipping through the trees. I'm not as attuned to everything as Lily is. And I guess that's why a minute later I scream, and practically jump out of my skin due to the heavy hands that come on my shoulders. I leap off the log and try to turn to see who's behind me, but my boot catches on a root and I fall down. I look up with my hair in my eyes, and see Jake, standing tall and handsome but a little stricken. I am definitely not impressed.

He takes a few steps to me and out stretches a hand. "I'm sorry; I didn't think you would freak out so much." Though there's a ghost of a smile on his face that makes me angry. I don't take the hand but get up myself. He drops it uncomfortably.

"I told you I never went to the woods much." I bite back and he apologizes again. There's an awkward pause while I just stand there and he decides what to do.

"How's everything going?" He asks me as he sits down and I join him. I sigh, my fury leaving me.

"Fine I guess. My parents freak out a bit but nothing has gone wrong yet." I tell him and he nods along. I sigh and look up at the trees. "I feel like I'm being watched, every time I enter town. People are starting to act weird. Do you ever feel that?"

He pauses for while thinking over the question. His answer is vague. "I guess, I mean people are getting scared."

"But do you feel like people are watching you?" I press, trying to get an answer.

"Yeah sometimes." He says quickly. Almost dismissively. As much as I am trying to be positive about him suspicion seeps into me as we sit here in the woods.

"Do you know something you aren't telling me?" I try to innocently, gauging his reaction. He breathes out a breath he's been holding and rubs his face with his hands. He looks tired and frustrated.

"No, I don't Free." He says his eyes boring into mine and I can detect a slight hostility. The contact seems honest though. And then he lets me have it. "I don't know what's going to happen here because this is where the old rebels are and the other districts are already a mess! This place could turn into anything." He's talking very quickly I have to listen carefully. "I don't want to _think_ of what could happen here. My dad's frantic with all this security _crap_, because no one can control anything anymore. I mean, how did a rebel team even establish this quickly? It shouldn't be working for them, we should be able to control it! District 8 is nearly down did you know that?" I shake my head. I'd heard it had issues but not that it was going that far downhill. I don't say anything because he already seems worked up. "Well that's nearly gone, and soon the others will follow! Why do we even live here? There are plenty of other countries out there but of course_ we_ don't know anything about them because we live in Panem! It's all such a mess…" He throws his hands down in frustration and looks away from me. It's in this moment that I think differently of him as I stare at his hunched figure on the log. I don't think he's spineless or over eager or I don't think I like him for his information he can give me. I like him because he's real. Getting angry in the forest with me. He's being real Jake, no flirt, no charm, no arrogance, no nothing. I could be anyone right now. Not Freesia Mellark.

I scan the forest for something to say that doesn't involve this mess. I think he's already too worked up for one day. I spot a tree that's been arched from severe wind. Its limbs are all willowy with a light foliage leading up into the sky. I remember a day when I was here with Adam, we must've been about 12 and he taught me how to climb a tree. It was that tree, with its gangly limbs so easy to climb, that he taught me. The old memory brings an event from early this morning into my mind, when I was walking through town and I crossed through Adam's lawn.

"_Freeeee!" The voice comes from above me and I look up to find Adam. He jumps down from the tree and lands about a metre in front of me. His hair's messy but his eye's are bright. If it wasn't for Lily all the girls would be over him. "Is Lil working?" He asks and I nod. "Let me guess! You won the rock paper scissors." I laugh with him._

"_How did you know?" I ask in mock surprise. He pulls me down to lie on the grass next to him._

"_What's up?" He asks, staring up at the sky. A couple of rain clouds seem to be forming. _

"_Nothing really. Thought I should get out of the house." I answer. _

_Adam starts humming a song I don't recognize, looking to the trees. "Saw the TV today. Warnings are everywhere." His head rolls over and he looks at me intensely. "Things are going to change." Adam doesn't like to talk about this stuff usually. "Told you we should've moved countries. Lived in a rain forest." He says, easing the tension. That's an old joke from long ago, when Adam was trying to prove his skills in the wilderness to me. We were about 10 years old. He Lily and I had all been friends since we were little, but once they hit 13, bam, they were an item. Anyway he had complained that Panem was boring and surely other countries had more interesting things. He had just been learning about rainforests in a book of some sort. He proceeded to drag me into the woods for the whole day- something I only usually did with Lily- and show how we could survive. We found little bits of food to eat, and made a shelter out of sticks and things. He scaled trees while I showed him how to weave a net that I learnt once in District 4. We also went swimming in the lake and he pretended to rescue me because I was 'drowning'. By the end of the day he was pretty confident we could move out of Panem and go live in the rain forest, with all the animals._

"_And how do you propose we get out of Panem?" I turn back to him laughing._

"_We'll swim of course." He tells me matter of factly even if it is impossible to swim across an ocean. I grin and hit his shoulder. "There's a lot of Peacekeeper's around now. Do you think there'll be new laws and everything?" I ask him, bringing us back down to earth. _

"_Oh I have no idea. Who are you taking to Daisy Lane's?" He changes the topic very obviously and I get the hint he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. _

_Oh, Frigging Daisy Lane. "I don't know. I'll find someone by the end of the week, does that make you happy?"_

"_Yes." He answers simply, nodding his head. "I heard Kin Reese was going to ask you to it." I like Kin. I sit with him sometimes in school though I don't think of him in a sexual way or anything. I guess I could go with him…_

"_Adam why is it so important?" I press. Adam's a very calculating person and usually has a reason for everything. But at the moment I'm lost as to why._

"_You can ask me that after the party." Maybe his reason is just to annoy me._

"_Fine, I'll ask someone to go with me this week." He nods approval as Mariah calls to him from the house. I bid him goodbye and head back to my house._

I bring myself back to the real world where I'm sitting in the forest with Jake, not Adam.

"Jake are you busy this weekend?" I ask, changing the topic efficiently. My readiness at the question surprised me. He looks back at me a little surprised as well.

"No, why?" There's still some tension in his neck from his rant but he seems to be returning to normal.

"Well there's this party, that I'm meant to go to and apparently I have to take someone. Would you like to go with me?" Maybe it was me who was arrogant because I honestly thought he'd jump at the chance, and say yes immediately.

"I'll have to check Free." He says rising from the log, he doesn't look at me. "Anyway I have to go. I'll see you sometime." He leaves as quickly as he appeared, and I begin to think maybe I was wrong with how he views me. Maybe I'd made it all up.

And of course once again I'm wrong because he comes running back calling my name. Typical, though I smile. At least I was right about him on some level.

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><p><strong>GALE POV<strong>

District Five down. District Eight, 200 wounded and 22 dead from riots surging through the district. District Six, 50 wounded, their principal industry, transportation has been shut down. District Nine, production of grain has been halted.

District Twelve, new Peacekeeper's added. All transportation in and out of the District has been shut down. I can't help linking this to the amount of rebels in the district. The electric fence has been turned on, something that hasn't happened in about 20 years. Any attempts to leave the District will result in heavy punishment. This is a darker time we are living in now.

Generally speaking, we were allowed to leave the District after the rebellion because the law was wavered. These new restrictions are to contain citizens and allow rebels no access, apparently. Though this seems dangerously close to the old days.

This has been a week from hell honestly. Being rampaged with phone calls and updates, it's obvious the districts are falling at a rapid pace. My job at the moment is to ensure my district is cared for and to also assign lower level employers plans of action. But honestly I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know where specifically any of the rebels are. They could be anywhere. I haven't heard from Finnick but I assume he's warned the Victor's already and he's probably been moved to 8. If he hasn't warned them, I'm sure they've figured it out on their own.

Today there is an obligatory meeting in the heart of District 12, formally introducing the new Peacekeeper's and applying the laws I am learning to hate. For our safety? I'll need evidence before I believe any of that crap. The meeting is pretty much a warning to stay in line otherwise we'll all be subject to the rebels. Every member of District 12 must attend otherwise heavy punishments will be laid. As I enter the square with my family it feels just like the reaping's used to, when the odds were definitely not in my favor. But Panem could never travel that far back again, where The Hunger Games were played. It will never happen.

Kaity and I take our spots with the kids, and I see her glancing around nervously. Jake is still not here. I had told him this morning, so he better show up. I take Kaity's hand to calm her down.

"He'll come, don't worry." And right then the national anthem plays as the Mayor and newly instated Peacekeeper's take the stage.

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><p><strong>FREESIA POV<strong>

"Free the fence is on!" Jake yells at me, coming to a sudden stop, out of breath. His hands are braced on his thighs as he fights for air. Definitely not what I had expected and I don't understand.

"What?" I asked confused. The fence isn't activated anymore.

"I nearly fried myself just then! It's buzzing and I threw a stick against it and it got fried! We can't get out!" Jake is absolutely frantic so I try to think how Lily does. Think this through objectively and _stay calm._

"Jake, calm down!" I yell at him and push him on the log. He sits down willingly enough and looks up at me with frightened eyes. Jeez isn't he meant to be the strong one?

"It's not a felony to be out here anymore so we'll just have to wait until the fence is turned off." I remember my mother telling Lily and me how this had happened many times in her teenage years. She said she always sat in a tree and waited. I'm proud at how level headed I sound and that I actually have a solution to the predicament.

"What if they don't and we're stuck out here?" He asks in a negative voice.

"Our parents will figure out where we are." I tell him tiredly sitting on the ground in front of him and playing with a stick. And if they don't Lily can figure it out in no time.

There's silence as I draw lines into the dirt and he's sitting on the log. I start to turn the lines into a flower. A lily.

"I'll come with you to that party." He says suddenly, looking down at me from his spot. I meet his eyes with a questioning gaze. Why is he saying yes now? "Might as well know more than three people in the district." He says shrugging. Then he adds, "And it'd be nice to spend some real time with you." A smile tugs at my lips.

"Yeah, I thought it would be good for you." I say as I continue the lily in the dirt. The grounds slightly damp so the grooves stay well.

"Well I guess anyone would have said yes to you if you asked. Isn't that what it's like here for you? And you seem to be someone that would go to a lot of these." This bothers me. His whole statement makes me feel so vain and useless, as if I only care for these trivial things.

"I don't spend all my time going to parties, you know. I'm only going because Adam hasn't stopped going on about it." I say defensively, jabbing the ground harder with the stick. "And I'm not some fleusy that asks out every guy she can see!" My voice is rising and this time it's my turn to get out of control. I know I'm not being rational but I don't care.

"Woah, Free! That's not what I said." He says holding up his hands. My throat feels tight and my eyes sting and I don't even know why. Why am I crying over something Jake Hawthorne has said? I continue drawing in the ground, refusing to meet his eyes. "I just meant that you could have picked anyone. I wasn't trying to insult you. And I know your not some flirt; you're really smart and sweet actually." I laugh a shaky laugh at this, and I look into his eyes. He's smiling back at me.

"Fine, you're forgiven." I mumble, scrawling Lily's name above my flower and getting off the ground. We sit like this for another hour or so, talking, laughing, and actually getting to know each other. I learn about his family, hunting and District 2, which I've never been to. And a couple of minutes in I definitely know I misjudged him. Finally after a while we hear footsteps and voices coming from inside the district, towards us. We both rise and head towards the fence ready to be let out. As we approach though, it is not the scene I had expected. A swarm of Peacekeeper's are yelling orders at each other as they climb through the now dead fence and run full pelt in our direction. I start to run, but it's no use. They get to me first and take my arms roughly and pin them behind my back. I scream, but they only tighten their hold.

"Get off her!" Jake yells as a couple grab him, though it takes more than me since he's so much bigger and stronger. I see one throw a punch and I'm so outraged by it that I start to fight harder, trying to kick one of them. I get nowhere. Within all the cacophony I hear a Peacekeeper say "You are under arrest for venturing beyond the District's boundaries. You will be trialed in the Justice Building."

I lose all my momentum and stop fighting as I realize I have no chance. I feel rigid as they drag Jake and me out of the forest forcefully. So much for this not being a felony…

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><p>Please review! :)<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

**Freesia POV**

My arms hurt from the pressure of the Peacekeeper's hands and the awkward position they're being held in. I've lost the feeling in my left. They march Jake and me quickly and efficiently through the district, not even pausing when I stumble in a ditch. We get led into the town square, where I realize that the entire district is congregated in the town square. I realize now this is where I should have been instead of in the woods. The audience hasn't seen us. The Peacekeeper holding me jerks me forward so roughly that I cry out in pain, he tells me to keep walking. I move my legs mechanically while Jake shoots profanities at them. We're nearing the stage now, where more Peacekeeper's and the mayor stand, and I can tell people have noticed, because a whispering takes over the crowd and a couple yell out. I decide to keep as much dignity as I can muster so I walk smoothly onto the stage led by the Peacekeeper with my head held high and a neutral expression painted on my face. I stand before the entire population of District 12.

"Hey!" I male voice booms from the crowd. I shift my gaze to see Jake's father, Gale striding through the crowd. "What the hell are you doing with them?" He yells getting closer and then I see my dad following suit, equally angry. A peacekeeper steps in front of them but they both push the Peacekeeper away easily barely slowing down. But once they reach the bottom of the stairs there is really nothing they can do as a wall of Peacekeeper's blocks them. I scan the crowd and see Adam standing next to Lil in the front row, both visibly fuming. I spot my mother near Jake's family, and I know she would be right by my dad and Gale if she wasn't taking care of Rye. He's crying and it really affects me. I want to tell him everything is okay even if everything is obviously not.

"Silence!" The head peacekeeper, who I have no idea what his name is, yells out to the babbling audience. "We have here, our first refusal of the law that was stated earlier, and these two will be our first examples of punishment should anyone else step out of line. These two were found beyond District 12's boundaries in the woods that line the District. As a direct violation of the law they will be trialed in the Justice Building."

I know my eyes are bulging but I just can't believe it. Going into the forest wasn't against the law! I didn't even know we were meeting in the town square today! I look at Jake, but he's hiding his emotions better than I am. I can hear the audience muttering again, disapproving immensely. There's a chorus of "That's Freesia Mellark!" and "This is ridiculous!" and "They didn't do anything wrong!" One person actually yells out "Untie her you fools!" I sneak a smile at that. The town's people don't know Jake well enough to regard him specifically but there dissent is clear enough.

I peer to the side and see Gale and my father struggling with Peacekeeper's again. A couple more men have joined the fight.

"They didn't know!" Dad yells in anger, pushing a Peacekeeper off him. "This is absurd! You can't punish them, they are kids!" I hear the Peacekeeper's nearer to me mutter something about our ages under our breath. They must know we are under 18 though I'm skeptical of how much of a difference that would make.

"Silence!" The head Peacekeeper calls again. He looks to the Mayor in distress but the Mayor is obviously on our side, and doesn't make a move. "These two will be trialed like any other citizen of Panem for their breach in law." He states loudly again. As if to add emphasis the guy holding me shakes me slightly and this really hurts. My arms are too tight and I've lost the feeling in my right now. I let out a low growl that only the people on the stage can hear but I'm hoping he'll loosen his grip a little. These Peacekeeper's are not the usual ones that patrol District 12. I actually knew a few of the old ones personally as did my parents. I'd seen them punish people but never severely, and never for entering the woods. These are new and brutal, sent from either District 2 or the Capitol, though they seem oddly similar to the rebels in both their brutality and manner. District 12 is not safe anymore. At least not with them.

I scan through the people of our District, our small population of 6,500. We all just fit in the square. Their faces are angry and sullen, though apart from my father and a few others none can make a move. I can see part of the Hob and a patch of The Cow Man's land where I stand, and all I want is our district to be normal again. Where I could wander around and not get arrested. Where the country was not teeming with disaster. The audience continues to disregard the authorities and shouts out many things. More people are trying to break free from the crowd and confront the Peacekeeper's. I'm touched they care so much. Soon the Head Peacekeeper realizes that having Jake and I stand upon the stage in front of our district is causing more harm then good and we are quickly escorted inside the Justice Building. Out of the public eye, inhibitions are forgotten. Our parents run in, and then surprisingly Haymitch bursts into the building.

"If you think for one minute-" Haymitch begins to yell. A Peacekeeper tries to grab him. "Get off me you asshole!" He spits back, throwing them off. My heart warms for Haymitch. As much as a bum that he usually is, he cares so much. The Peacekeeper's look about to retaliate when the Head walks in. A strange silence takes the room.

"Arresting these two will do no good." Haymitch says in a milder tone careful of upsetting the wavering patience in the room. The head man turns to him inquisitively. His face open. "You are giving District 12 a reason to rebel! This is _Freesia Mellark_." He pronounces my name distinctly. "She's the daughter of the Mockingjay! Every citizen knows who her family is. If they see her hurt or jailed, you're going to have your own rebellion on your hands! They aren't even of age." The room is still deadly silent as this is thought over. My arms still haven't been let go, but now I'm too scared to voice it. One wrong move and this will go all south.

"What about the boy? He's of no significance." The head Peacekeeper says coldly. Gesturing towards Jake. Oh my god, how did this happen? I can see Gale looking murderous but he must know right now that his word will not help. I feel like crying.

"Taking action over this is ridiculous!" Haymitch sidesteps the question. "What are you! On the rebels side or our side?" He yells, and this is where he makes his mistake. There's an immediate shift in the room's atmosphere, as the Peacekeeper's regain their attack mode. Jake and I are suddenly shoved toward a room. I scream for my dad but I get forced in anyway. The last thing I see is my father and Gale yelling at our authorities in the white marble building, before the door is closed and I am plunged in darkness.

"Jake!" I hiss, panic growing inside of me. "Jake! I can't see!" Something touches my hand and I nearly scream before I realize it's him. "What's going to happen to us?" I whisper, thinking the worst, death and bad things although logically that's obviously not going to happen. I've never seen in my life people punished by a death sentence.

"I don't know." He whispers back, giving my hand a squeeze and pulling me into a hug. "We can't be jailed when we're under 18." Oh, I hope he is right I think as I lean against him. The lights suddenly fly on, bathing our room in yellow. I notice now that it contains two plush chairs and a rug on the floor. No window. Jake's eyes are inches from mine, and I stare into them for a second before untangling myself and retiring to a chair. He sits on the other.

"Did you know of the meeting today?" I ask him, feeling extremely tired. I rest my cheek in my hand, looking at him. He's a little windswept and shoots me a careful look.

"Yes." He says, offering no explanation. He knew? I jump from exhausted to irate in seconds.

"You knew?" I shriek sitting up and throwing my hands in the air. "So you knew and you didn't think to say 'Hey Freesia, we're supposed to be in the square today otherwise we'll get caught by Peacekeeper's in the woods!'" I think maybe they can hear me from out there since I'm yelling but I just don't care. My voice cracks on the last word telling me I'm being much too loud.

"I forgot okay!" He yells back. "And I didn't know it was illegal." He's not particularly angry unlike myself instead he's slumped in the plush chair. Honestly, I don't care, I continue to yell.

"How could you forget? Didn't it click when the fence was on and we couldn't get out!"

"And how useful was that information going to be then Freesia?" He bites back, crossing his arms.

I falter. He's right and I know it. It's not his fault, I should've known anyway. Why didn't anyone tell me? You think if missing it was going to cause so much trouble my parents might have put in the effort to tell me. I sigh, giving up on the argument.

"Fine, sorry. It's not your fault." He sighs and throws a grin my way. At least he can put up with my temper.

"It's okay." He does that amazing lopsided smile that guys do. And I can't help smile a tiny bit. "They must be arguing our case now." That worries me wiping my smile away. All of the District's situations seem tenuous and wouldn't it be just perfect for them to have the Mellark's acting out. I guess from their point of view we could be dangerous. Fuel the rebellion like the last time. Only they don't understand that we have no plan to fuel it. We want to stop it.

"What if they get themselves into trouble?" I ask him, worried. I couldn't bear it if our family is broken apart. He sees my concern and reaches for my hand. As much as this is intimate I let him do it.

"They'll be fine." He reassures me. "You watch, this'll blow over. It's not like we've stood in front of Panem and declared our uprising. We were just in the woods." I happen to wonder if they would consider that an act of rebellion. I decide to believe it though, whether true or not. It makes me feel better. We sit like that for hours until finally the door opens and in walks the Peacekeeper.

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><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

We sit in the cold marbled Justice Building. Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch and I. Sadly, Haymitch is our best bet since he isn't a parent of the "offenders". He's the one that persuaded them to let us state a defense earlier. This was in no way official court proceedings, it was more a casual- well, heated- chat with Head Peacekeeper Penn.

I believe we've toned down the situation, but anything could happen really. Now they are in a room discussing the result. I doubt we couldn't have done half as well if we weren't some of the best known people of Panem.

I tune back into the conversation, I'm meant to be partaking in. "…could be anywhere. Who's to say they aren't in the districts?" That's Peeta and I assume he's talking about the rebels.

"Who's to say they are?" Haymitch counters. "We'll never know. If they've gotten this far they aren't going to be obvious to find. Isn't that right Gale?"

"We have no leads." I agree. "It's odd, being on the other side of a rebellion. Especially when we don't know _who _exactly the rebels are."

All three nod. "There shouldn't be one. We got rid of the Hunger Games, we stopped starving, what's the goal?" Katniss asks, agitated. She has a point but everyone knows it's not as simple as that. I think she's kidding herself. She wrings her hands.

"Honey, Panem is obviously better than it was but it's nowhere near right. Our rebellion was the beginning not the end." Peeta says wrapping an arm around her. I remember when I used to despise Peeta for gaining Katniss but now I realize what a mistake that would have been. Maybe it would have been right if there were never The Hunger Games and rebellion but definitely not now. I love Kaitlyn.

"Peeta has a point." Haymitch says. "Even if Panem's okay by our standards we are still seriously disadvantaged."

"They're going to pinpoint us, aren't they?" Katniss asks. "To make sure we don't step out of line and rebel along with others."

"Yeah. We're going to be watched, especially after this." I say, gesturing the white marble building. We are all talking in low voices since there are two Peacekeeper's are lining the walls. Though they don't seem interested in us anyway. They're far more casual without Penn looking over their shoulders.

"Well, let's hope it's not as brutal as the last time." Peeta's comment is futile and we all know it. A war will always have casualties. They will need to be extreme to win the game. And by the looks of it they're already winning.

"Well, we are officially shut down now, the district. No going in or out until it all ends." I say. "And even if we were allowed outside, District 6 is down, no transportation within anywhere in Panem. Only through the Capitol and some of the Career Districts."

"So we're trapped." Says Katniss flatly.

"Yes, in other words we are."

The Peacekeeper's and Mayor walk out of their discussion room. I'm hoping the mayor was able to calm the situation. I know he at least has sense and is on our side. We get ushered into a court room- or at least it resembles one- and Freesia and Jake are both escorted inside. They aren't pushing them forcefully anymore, they're being shadowed. Penn takes the front along with the Mayor.

"We have discussed the offence made by Freesia Mellark and Jake Hawthorne and we have reached a decision." We are all tense, though these days' punishments aren't nearly as severe as when we grew up. Even so I wouldn't put it past them to do something rash. "Due to the current state of the country and the state of each district we conclude that it would be irrational to force severe punishment on the two offenders. They will be fined and any other step out of line, any breach in law they commit, will be immediately sentenced with imprisonment without need for trial." Penn finishes his spiel and immediately leaves the building followed by his men, without a single glance in our direction. We all sit still for a moment letting the information sink in. They aren't punished, they are safe. I immediately rise and stride over to Jake grasping him tight. For once, he isn't embarrassed from being hugged by his father.

"What the hell were you doing?" I scold him. "I told you to be in that square and you were out in the woods!"

"I forgot…" He mumbles looking down then glances over at Freesia. She's looking angrily at her parents.

"Why-" She's interrupted by Lily's shout from down the hall.

"Free!" Lily runs into the room at full speed and tackles Freesia in a hug. Freesia hugs her but is still preoccupied by something.

"Why didn't you tell me mum?" She asks Katniss angrily. "I didn't know we were meant to be in the square!" Her voice cracks and she has tears in her eyes. Lily wraps her arms around her supportively.

Katniss just looks confused. "We did! We left you a note and I told Lily to bring you to the square with her because we were out." All eyes turn to Lily and realization dawns on her face.

"Oh no…"

"Lily!" Katniss yells at her. I choose this moment to leave. I push Jake forward, but not before he mutters something to Freesia, and we both head out of the building alongside Haymitch as Lily gets murdered by Katniss. We head out into the afternoon sun and most of the district has dispersed from the square, distancing themselves from this afternoons events. Haymitch leaves in direction of the Hob and I am left with Jake.

"Dad, are the rebels winning?" He asks. Making no move to hide his suspicion. I nod my head as we walk along the dirt street towards our house. A chicken runs across the road.

"Why did they treat us so badly? Was it because of Freesia?" I shoot him a look. He does know that the Mellark's are pinpointed in this whole mess and potentially our family too. I sigh, giving in. No point in lying, he'll find out the truth soon enough.

"Yes. We don't have much information, but from what we can assume the Mellark's and other Victor's are in danger. The rebels obviously don't want them fueling a counter attack and our other authorities don't want them fueling the rebellion. It's not a good position to be in." Jake doesn't answer; he seems deep in thought, staring out to the forest behind the fence. "I'm telling you this because I trust you, Jake." I remind him. "Don't go repeating this to anyone, okay?"

He pauses for a long time before grudgingly admitting, "Okay."


	11. Chapter 11

******Sorry I haven't updated recently, I've had a lot of school work, but now I am on holidays and should be able to update more frequently.**

**Here's the latest chapter, I was going to split it but I think it works better as one. So it's a long one :)**

**Enjoy :D  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

Daisy. Lane. _Daisy frigging Lane_. Tonight is the night Adam has been constantly reminding me of. Tonight is the night I will figure out his fixation with Daisy and the significance of her party. I'm in my bedroom doing my makeup. Tonight is the night I am also taking Jake out, and I guess it could be considered a date. Right? Oh I gave up a while ago trying to even figure out my relationship with him. I'm just going along with it until it is finally clear in my mind. Which may be never. Lily wanders into my bedroom wearing a deep blue dress that I think was bought in the Capitol. It's striking enough anyway. Her hair is dead straight, looking more like mine usually does obviously save the color difference.

"Do you want me to do you hair?" She asks. Lily has clever fingers and can do magnificent things with my hair.

"Yeah, sure. I was thinking all up?" I ask her gesturing to my dress hanging by the mirror. Also a product of the Capitol, actually something that Effie Trinket gave me a while ago as a present. We don't see Effie much but we've visited the Capitol a few times and my parents always felt obliged to meet with her. The dress is silver and shimmers when I move. Backless but with a high neckline, and stops an inch or so above my knee. Thank god, it's what the Capitol people would consider 'simple', so it's not grotesque or crazy. But in District 12 it is beautiful. Lily's hands take my hair and guide it up into an elegant twist leaving a few waves on my face.

"Do you reckon Adam will reveal his master plan tonight Lil?" I ask, already knowing he hadn't told her anything.

"Oh I suppose. I just learn to ignore his antics until he finally decides to tell me." She says smiling. They really fit together; Adam and Lil. "Come on, let's go." She says. I quickly slip into the dress and my high heels. _Really _high heels, a more daring purchase from the Capitol.

Our parents are waiting downstairs for us. It had taken a lot of convincing on our part to persuade them to let us go. The Peacekeeper event still fresh in their minds. I don't think dad likes seeing us in our dresses with so much skin exposed but mum beams at us.

"The boys are walking you down there?" She asks. As if on cue there's a knock on the door. There stand Adam and Jake, in jeans, jackets and collared shirts. They smile appreciatively. How much simpler it is to be a guy. We say goodbye and head down the street with them towards Daisy Lane's. My hand in Jake's, Lily's in Adam's.

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><p>Daisy Lane has an expensive house. That's clear the minute you walk in. She has also has a lot of friends. Though of course I know them all. It's Jake they do not know. And I made the mistake of entering hand in hand with him on our arrival so naturally everyone saw and now everyone is curious of my new 'boyfriend'. Whatever.<p>

"Freesia!" A friend from school named Adeline walks over, handing me a drink. "You look amazing! You even outdo Daisy. She won't be happy."

"You can thank the Capitol for that." I say smiling, taking a sip. Yes, alcohol. I make a reminder to myself to not drink too much. A couple more people wave and call out to me as I talk to Adeline. And then I remember something Jake said when we first met. _I had a bunch of friends. But none that really made a huge impression you know?_ And this is it. These are all my friends from school, the people I sit and joke with at lunchtimes but I rarely think of them outside of school. I don't miss them. How strange. I realize Adeline is looking at me expectantly and I glance at Jake.

"Oh Adeline, this is Jake Hawthorne. He just moved here." She gives him a flirtatious smile, and while I know she's like that with a lot of guys, it bothers me. She saunters off soon after, leaving me with Jake. He gives me a knowing look and nudges my elbow with a smirk.

"What?" I try to think of something I did wrong.

"You didn't look very happy with Adeline over there." He says slyly, jerking his head to where she is now. He squeezes my hand and I blush.

"Shut up." I mumble trying to hide my smile. I take my hand out of his and lead him over to more people as he laughs at me. I introduce him to Kin, a guy named Pat, and Hollie, who is actually a good friend of mine. A real one, unlike Adeline. Though soon the girls are swarming, looks like they're going for the tall, dark and handsome. And of course soon the alcohol is raging. I sigh, taking a sip from a new drink.

I leave Jake to chat with some others and I plan to hunt down Adam. I spot Lily alone, so of course many of the guys ogle her, and I just laugh. Okay he's not with Lily…eventually I find him chatting with some guy that I think is in my English class. Anyway, unimportant. I give the guy my best smile, grabbing Adam's hand and tugging him away.

"In a hurry?" He asks smirking, playfully slinging an arm around my waist. I glare at him. We always do this, be intimate even though we've never dated. It's more of a joke than anything since everyone always claims I'm stealing him from Lily. Anyway, it's just Adam, my best friend. Between the three of us we know where we all stand.

I focus back on the party. "Okay, so I'm here _with_ someone. Now you can spill you ultra secret plan." My tone doesn't give him a chance to argue and anyway, he promised.

"Well I dunno…I don't see this certain someone at the moment." I glare at him fiercely. "Fine." He relents, punching me in the arm. "Come upstairs with me then." He pulls my hand and starts towing me away. I'm a bit startled.

"Adam what are you doing?" I hiss. Couples go upstairs to make out and what not. Not Adam and me.

"Trust me, okay?" And I have to. He's my oldest friend and I know I'm about to find out whatever he's been planning. He leads me into a room. "Here." I appraise the room. It's a study in the upstairs of Daisy's house. Books line bookshelves and paper scatters the desk. I study Adam carefully trying to ascertain whether or not he is drunk because this room means nothing to me. He looks sober though. Adam never really drinks anyway.

"Adam, you're a bit too cryptic even for me right now." He laughs and heads to the desk.

"Have you not realized that Daisy's father is the Mayor of District 12? Why else would they live in a house as nice as this?" He asks me raising his eyebrows. My eyes go wide. I scold myself for not making the connection, because I did know that once. I'm distracted by Adam ciphering through the belongings on the desk.

"Adam! That's not our stuff!" I hiss striding over to him and hitting his hands. He sighs, standing up straight and looking at me.

"Freesia, you want to know why I brought you here?" I glare but nod my head. "Well this is it. Daisy's father is the mayor of the district; he is going to have a lot of information on the rebellion. Isn't that what you've been trying to find out? Also he is not here, I already asked Daisy. Even better. " He grins proudly.

How did I not realize this? Of course, this is the reason! Why else would Adam go on about it? My glare shifts to a grin as I admire is insight. He really does think everything through. Something else nags at my mind though.

"Wait, if this is your whole reason, then why was it so important that I bring a date?" I ask. My eyes narrowed, arms crossed.

He smiles a little. "Oh that didn't have anything to do with the plan. I just wanted to mess with you so you'd ask out Jake." He's laughing and my stomach drops. Is he joking?

"What?" I shriek, throwing a piece of paper at him. "Adam! I can't believe you!"

He just laughs and walks over to hug me. "Worked though didn't it?" He asks, his hair, flopping in his eyes. "_You asked him!" _He sings in a fake high pitched voice that reminds me very much of Effie Trinket.

"You're unbelievable." I say shaking my head. I try to turn back to the desk but he grabs me back playfully. I roll my eyes at him.

"You love me." He grins arrogantly.

"You're so dead." The words don't come from my mouth. I whip my head around to see Daisy Lane standing in the doorway arms crossed, her body leaning against the doorframe. She glares at me. Adam's gone paper white and starts stumbling over his words. Obviously not working so I step in and play it cool.

"Daisy!" I grin, sauntering over to her. I'm a little taller in my monster heels. She's not impressed.

"Oh give up Free. You've already upstaged me tonight." What an idiot. I didn't sit in my room tonight planning how to look better than her. I've never liked Daisy particularly and come to think of it, I was even invited to this party. She seems to be thinking just that. "What are you doing?"

I decide to be frank with her. "We're looking for information on the rebellion, what else Daisy?"

She laughs quietely, staring at me spitefully. "I could have figured that out, I was reffering to Adam over here, I didn't know you and Lily shared." It takes me a while to place her comment. Trying to understand what spurred it after I figured out that she must've seen us hugging and Adam saying I love him. I turn on her, absolutely enraged.

"Are you kidding me Daisy? With all the guys you go-"

"Oh back off Freesia this is my house." She waves me away impatiently.

"Adam does _not _cheat with me." I say heatedly, glaring at her with all my might.

"Whatever." She says, unconvinced. "Now with the rebellion, I don't really blame you for snooping around in my dad's things. I'm curious too. But I have something that might be of far more importance than my dad's paperwork." I regard her carefully sensing a trap.

"And what is that?" Adam asks curiously stepping forward so he is in line with me. Daisy smiles slightly.

"You're not the only ones who are looking into the rebellion. And you aren't the only ones who can find information." She says vaguely, attempting to seize our curiosity. I still find myself wary. "Down on Miner's Main soon, in that warehouse there's a meeting. I know a few select people attending." I worry at that, because Miner's Main is the dodgiest part of the district and the 'warehouse' is no good. "This is where we get the information." She continues. "There are people there that have access to certain things, and I'm sure _the Mockingjay's daughters_ would be of great asset. Not to mention, your actual role in the rebellion." What the hell does that mean? Our role in the rebellion? Does she know something we don't?

"This is all off the books, you know?" She continues. "Because if the Peacekeeper's found out we're all screwed. But if you're sourcing out information on the rebellion, I'd be there." She stares us down for a second before turning to the door. "Oh and one more thing." She says. "Bring your boyfriend Freesia, and Lily, Adam. There'll be a fair bit of fun there as well. Unless of course you'd prefer Adam. I wouldn't blame you." She winks and saunters off back towards the party.

"You have to be kidding me…" I mumble shaking my head. I turn towards Adam and am frightened to see conflict on his face. "You're not actually considering this are you?" I ask, incredulously.

His face scrunches in confusion. "Well…I mean isn't this what we have been waiting for? This could have the answers, more information. And she did say something about you and Lily." His raging curiosity is similar to my own but I just can't bring myself to trust Daisy. We've never been close, but we've never been on bad terms. Until tonight I guess.

"Adam this is some perverted sex meeting that Daisy Lane has told us about, not to mention on Miner's Main in that warehouse. How dodgy could you get?" This spells out bad to me.

He frowns, obviously not believing me. "Well let's keep looking. I'm guessing Daisy doesn't care." He says, dodging my question. I give in grudgingly and we continue sifting through the desk. I sort through a lot of irrelevant papers trying not to move too much so it won't be obvious someone's raided it.

"Freesia." Adam says quietly, staring at a paper in his hands. I notice he used my full name which means he must be serious.

"What?" I ask, trying to have a look. He flips it over to me and I'm met with the pictures of four people. Three men and one woman.

"Oh my god." I say, staring at the paper. It made sense now.

"Are they the ones?"

"These two are." I say pointing towards two of the males. "They were some of the Peacekeeper's that held Jake and me." The two men are pictured on the page and bold letters above them read _SUSPECTED REBELS_. I'm brought back to the event a few days ago where I even thought to myself that these were not normal Peacekeeper's, they were brutish and cruel. I should've pieced it together. "So the rebels are already occupying the districts? I'd heard they were only in the Capitol." I ask thinking of what I had heard and the news on the television.

"Look at the date." Adam says pointing to the left corner of the paper. "It's recent. They must've only realized that rebels aren't just in the Capitol." He says glumly.

"But if they're in the districts…what do we do?" I ask. This cannot be happening. A year ago, everything was normal. The rebellion behind us, we were living a free life. I don't understand.

"I guess we can't do anything." Adam says. "We've been locked into the district." Once again Adam is right. There's no evading this. The rebels are winning and our security measures have backfired on us. We're trapped. For once being part of the Mellark family isn't just a celebrity sort of thing. This could be dangerous.

"Hang on." I say. "If the rebels are here, as Peacekeeper's and whatnot, wouldn't they have ordered the lock down?" Adam thinks this over.

"What are you trying to say?"

"That maybe our security, Jake's dad for instance, maybe they've been working for rebels all along. How would they have known? We don't know whose who anymore. Anyone could be a rebel." Adam looks at me carefully and I know he doesn't want to believe it. But I can sense he thinks I'm right.

"Let's just keep looking, and get out of here. People are going to notice soon." We continue combing through the room carefully picking our as many bits of information we can. Information on district's, industry, anything. After about another 20 minutes I decide that we've been snooping for long enough. I'm starting to feel awful that we're taking things that are so obviously not ours. I straighten up and head to the door, calling Adam. He says he just has one more piece of paper to look at. I stand by the door and wait for him, facing the hallway, becoming antsy when suddenly he sucks in a breath and starts to freak out. I turn back to his commotion and find him, knuckles white from his grip on the paper and his mouth agape.

"Adam?" I ask striding over. "What is it?" I yell at him when he doesn't answer. He flips the paper over and I scan it quickly. It's inside information, a rumor of the rebel's game plan, from a non rebel inside the Capitol. It said reinstatement of The Hunger Games.

* * *

><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

I head over to the Katniss and Peeta's house, thinking tonight is the night to discuss the rebellion considering the kids are out. It's getting worse although the specifics are still unclear. I don't know why they're not giving me information but they're just not. I saw a program on the T.V a few days ago outlining a massive attack against the rebels that our government was initiating. I hope it has some effect. It's quite dark when I reach their house, and there are no lights to make the journey easier. I should have driven. But it seems ridiculous to drive a few minutes down a road. I pass the gate, climb the porch stairs and rap on the door. They should be expecting me.

Katniss opens the door, a smile on her face. "Come in." She says. Cheerfully. And while she is not like her old scowling self it's still a bit odd. I enter a bit wary and hear multiple voices coming from the living room. Again odd. I follow Katniss and I'm proven right; they do have guests. It's the last people I would have guessed. Finnick Odair and family.

"Gale!" Finnick greets, merrily, getting up. He shakes my hand and claps me on the shoulder. "Good to see you!" I shake off my shock and clasp his hand.

"Good to see you too Finnick. When did you get here?" I ask, because technically it is impossible for him to be here. Transport has been shut down and no-one leaves or enters the District.

"Ah well, we got special consideration. Got relocated to this District." He says. I catch a hint of uneasiness in his voice.

"I thought you were going to 8?" Last time we had spoken that had been the plan, but of course District 8 has gone down now anyway.

"I thought so too, apparently not." He looks at me and it seems like he's holding back on something. We sit down and chat for a while, with Annie and their son Ethan who seems to be in his early twenties and looks nearly exactly like Finnick. Right when I'm about to bring up the rebellion Finnick cuts in.

"Let's sit outside for a second. It's a nice night." Peeta, Ethan, Finnick and I head outside while Katniss and Annie stay with Rye in the living room. "Sorry Annie doesn't like discussing the rebellion." Finnick says reluctantly once we're outside. I nod in understanding. While Annie is a lot better than she was during our rebellion I can understand her unwillingness to venture back into that time.

"So what do you know?" I ask Finnick. Maybe he's been let in on more than I have. Maybe he hasn't been shut out.

"Nothing." He says. His voice has some steel to it. "I'm being cut out and I'm guessing you have too." He says. Well there goes that. I look at Peeta who is listening intently and at Ethan who is gazing into the distance.

"How did you know?" I ask. I hadn't told him I'd been cut out.

"I think they're pooling victor's." He says. "Well not just victor's, rebels. Our rebels."

"Pooling?"

"Why else are we all here? You're family and mine among the "_Mockingjay's"_." He rolls his eyes at the name and does quotation marks with his fingers. "I think it's a plan to keep us under control. To watch us." He says. I notice the dread etched into his face and it's obvious he's considered this for a long time.

"What about the other's?" I ask him.

"I spoke to Johanna not long ago." Finnick says. "She says a lot of the others got moved to her district."

"But our move was approved by our security not the rebels." I argue with Finnick. This doesn't make any sense.

"I know. This is where it gets messy." He says grimly.

* * *

><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

Adam and I descended the stairs 20 minutes later. I'm scared. No actually that's an understatement. I can't even think straight. So many emotions are coursing through me at once. There's a fair amount of whispering at our absence but most people ignore it once Adam heads straight to Lily. I head to Jake, which is my job, to find him so we can all meet in the backyard. He's chatting to Kin and a circle of girls.

"Jake!" I call, barging straight through the group and reaching for his hand. "I need to talk to you." I tell him in a low voice and lead him out of the circle. I get a couple of whistles and ooooh's but I ignore them and drag him away. The girls throw me dirty looks. Ha.

"What's up Free?" He asks his voice sort of husky. I feel a little giddy as I go to answer him, and I know it's the alcohol talking. That and the fear gripping my insides. My heart is pounding a million miles a minute.

"I found something out." I say heavily. I lead him to a vacant corner in Daisy's huge garden so no-one should overhear us. Lily and Adam should be coming to meet us.

"And what might this be?" I spin around quickly to face him but get distracted by his lips. I definitely think the alcohol has taken some effect on me. That and my mix of emotions. His tongue goes over them slightly. My breathing speeds and I'm unsure what is going on.

"Well I...I was with-" His lips crash down on mine before I can get the sentence out and I don't pull away. Right now I want Jake Hawthorne. I don't even stop to question this. His hands are on my waist, gripping me tightly and I sling my arms around his neck and my hands move to his hair. It's soft beneath my fingers. I feel his tongue brush my lip and shockingly I let it. I feel the rough stubble from his cheeks against my hands and he grips my back tighter to him so every part of me is touching him. I'm really out of breath now but I just don't care as our lips pick up the pace and his tongue enters my mouth. I let his tongue play with mine for a second before I have to break away for air. But I rest my forehead on his keeping contact, we're both breathing hard. I regain some clarity in my head.

"Lily and Adam will come soon." I whisper, disentangling myself from him and looking away. What did I just do? I just made out with Jake. That's what. He laughs.

"You don't have to be embarrassed Free." He says.

"I'm not!" I shoot back angrily. He shrugs and takes my hand. I let him even while Lily and Adam approach.

"Hey guys." Lily greets us. I smile at her but she shoots me a knowing look. Obviously I look nervous or something. Only she can tell. She looks at our hands curiously. I take mine out of his, trying to avoid her scrutiny. "So what did you two find?" She asks motioning between Adam and me. Adam and I share a look quickly and he knows I want him to talk. He takes a deep breath and begins.

"The District's that have gone down? They've _all _been taken by the rebels." Adam's says, speaking very quickly and very quietly. "As in they have full control. Full control of transportation, grain and power. At the rate it's going they can occupy half of Panem soon, if they haven't already." Lily and Jake look horrified much like Adam and I did when we found this out. "I know," he says, "and obviously they are going to be targeting the important ones."

"They're going to come to Twelve aren't they?" Jake asks in dread. I look up at Adam with frightened eyes.

"They already have." I whisper. Lily and Jake's heads whip around so quickly to see if I'm joking. I'm not.

"What?" Jake says. "Nothing's changed though."

"The rebels are _everywhere. _Apparently. From what we could gather at least." Adam speaks. "Some have occupied District 12. I mean we have the coal mines and a great deal of old rebels in the District."

"And two suspected rebels I recognized as the Peacekeeper's that arrested us." I say to Jake. "They wouldn't have treated us so harshly if they weren't. I mean we practically took a stance and defied them from they're point of view. Being outside the fence." I say. Lily nods in agreement. Jake's eyes light up suddenly as if he's figured something out. When he sees me looking he assumes a blank expression again.

"What?" I ask carefully. He shakes his head.

"Nothing." He says giving me a smile. Fine.

"There's one more thing." Lily looks at me in disbelief. I try to amend what I said. "Well I don't know if it's true…it's um…just a rumor, but we found it and we read something about…" I can't seem to finish and truth is I'm scared out of my wits.

Adam finishes for me. "There was something about the Hunger Games."

* * *

><p>"So what did you think?" I ask Jake as we walk home. His arm's linked with mine, because high heels don't fend well on loose stones. Lily and Adam are the same. We are trying not to think too much about the rebellion or Hunger Games. Even though it's obviously still in the back of all our minds. We're trying our hardest for each other's sake.<p>

He smiles. "It was good. Well at least I'll know some people when we start school."

"Yeah, he'll start school with a trail of girls behind him!" Lily laughs and winks at Jake. He looks a tad uncomfortable, and for once he has nothing to say. _Oh my god it's a miracle_ I think to myself.

"Let me guess, District Two parties are all glitz and glam, down at somebody's mansion?" I ask Jake. Steering the conversation away from his many admirers. I try to picture a District 2 party. I've never been to District 2, but from school I've heard they're the wealthiest and were the most favored back in the day.

"Oh yeah Free, and Daisy doesn't have a mansion?" Lily says sarcastically, laughing at me.

"Shut up, you know what I mean!"

"Sort of I guess." Jake says. "Though you guys had the glitz and glamour sorted out tonight." He says his eyes appraising me and Lily.

I turn my head away from Adam and Lil and face Jake straight on, our faces nearly touching. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He grins. We look at each other for a second until I break eye contact accidentally as I trip in a pot hole, invisible in the dark.

Jake's arm tightens and he grabs my waist to steady me as I trip forward. "You okay?" I look up to answer him, but become startled. One of his arms is around my waist so that our hips are together and I'm gripping his arm and shoulder, which causes our noses to nearly touch. He continues looking at me so I disentangle myself keeping his one arm linked in mine for the support.

"Fine." I smile and we all continue walking.

It's quiet for a moment and Lily is giving me the look. The one that says, _You and Jake Hawthorne, huh? _I give her one back saying, _Shut it. _She laughs and leans into Adam, he pecks her cheek.

"So Free, saw you and Shamus Gallaghan having a heart to heart tonight." Adam says pointedly, grinning ear to ear. I'm reminded of what happened after I kissed Jake and had the chat with Lily and Adam.

"Oh my god Adam. Shut. Up. Now." I say to him menacingly. Of course he doesn't care and just starts laughing his head off.

"Wait who was he?" Jake asks leaning around me and trying to recall the guy.

"Oh, we didn't introduce you to him." Lily assures him, kindly.

Adam just laughs. "Maybe we should have. He could've punched him in the face for harassing Free again."

"Harassing you?" Jake looks at me, his tone slightly angry.

"No he doesn't _harass _me." I say quickly glaring at Adam. Lily has a similar idea and smacks him on the arm. _Go Lil._

"Adam! If he was actually harassing her, I would expect you to punch him in the face!"

I burst out laughing. "Okay maybe I will!" Adam says, but I'm sure he's bluffing. "All of Free's attempts just seem to drag him in."

I groan loudly. "_Adam."_

"Well he _was _convinced they were dating." Lily reminds him, giggling her head off.

"Oh that's right! So Free this is all your fault!"

"How is it my fault?" I ask him incredulously. "He's nuts!"

"Yes, but you didn't do a very good job of telling him you _weren't _dating. It took you three days to figure it out, meanwhile he'd been telling everyone he had the hottest girlfriend in the school!"

I shake my head at Adam, while Jake's head swivels between the three of us. "I am so confused…"

"Okay." Lily says stepping in for me and Adam. "This guy Shamus has some weird obsession with Free and deluded himself into thinking they were dating. Now every time he sees her he tries to seduce her or something like that." We're all laughing at our memories of Shamus except of course for Jake who has a crease in his brow.

"Well I guess he won't think you're dating him when you get back to school." Jake whispers in my ear, tickling my face. I look up at him questioningly. Are we dating? Well I guess I just did spend part of a party kissing him and now he's walking me home…I'm used to things being said officially. See, this is what I mean. Why I'm always confused about Jake and I. None of us proclaim anything, things just happen. Oh well, I can't really argue we _aren't _dating, considering everything.

Before I can say anything Adam pipes up.

"Look at your house." He says pointing. The windows are all filled with light even though it's nearly midnight. There are four men talking on the porch, I can't tell who they are from here.

"Your seriously not patrolling the streets until we come home are you dad?" I call out as we reach the gate. Jake unhooks my arm. It would be like dad to do this. Worried someone had abducted us or something crazy.

He laughs though. "No Free, we're just talking." As he says this I hear Lily gasp, and I look at her but she's waving frantically at the porch, a smile on her face. Then I hear him, from the porch, laughing quietly.

"Ethan!" I shout without even needing to check it's him, and race up the path to tackle him in a hug. He hugs me back, still a half foot taller even in my enormous heels. Lily follows behind and hugs him too, and we both greet his father Finnick Odair.

We've known the Odair's all our lives. We always used to visit their house in District 4, though they rarely come here. I've always been best friends with Ethan, even though he's five years older, we still get along well. He's one of those friends who you can see only once or twice a year but still be really close with. He's the one who taught me to weave nets down on the beach in 4.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him eagerly, hoping he's staying for more than a couple of days. Dad laughs at my energy.

"We've moved here for a while." He says with a smile. I frown. Moved here? Why the hell would they abandon District 4 for 12?

"What?" I ask sharply, but my dad cuts him off before he can answer.

"Inside girls it's late. You can catch up tomorrow." He waves us off and I'm guessing they want to continue their conversation before we interrupted. "Thanks, for bringing them home Adam, Jake." Dad nods at the boys who are standing awkwardly a metre or so from the porch. Adam nods and walks back down the path. Jake goes to follow but he gives me an odd look first. I smile at him and give him a small wave. It takes a couple of seconds but he returns it and then follows Adam out of our garden.

"Jake I'll be home in a half hour!" Gale calls out as we enter the house. Lily and I wave to Annie and mum on the couch and head upstairs to bed. The rebellion and Hunger Games forgotten for the night.

* * *

><p><strong>Please Review!<strong>

**I'm considering phasing Gale's POV out, what do you think?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Freesia POV**

I sit in forest, in the middle of a field surrounded by trees and dirt. There are no special flowers or green grass but it holds something special within its features. A canvas is in my lap, ten brushes are splayed around me in varying sizes. A palette of paint accompanies each brush with colors I'd only learnt how to make earlier. They are vibrant and rich which adds to my slightly drabber surroundings. I pick up my biggest brush and watch the paint slide across the canvas, the texture unaffected by the heat of the day. I hear one of my brushes rolling away and look to my right to see that the palettes and brushes have been disturbed. They no longer sit in perfect lines. Hands come down on my shoulder suddenly and I'm scared for a second before I remember they're weight I am so used to. Lips are at my neck and ears and I hear the voice whisper my name. The hands turn me around as the lips crash on mine and our tongues dance together, instantly brightening the dull landscape. The hands, rough but warm, touch my skin under my shirt and suddenly it's gone. I touch the belt on the torso and unbuckle it, the pants disappearing quickly. Soon the other body and mine have no clothes and my back is slammed into a tree as the lips continue to attack my mouth. The hands on my waist begin to move up my body and I break away to take a breath and reveal the dark hair and grey eyes.

"Jake." I whisper against his skin.

I jolt awake suddenly, my ears listening to a clattering down stairs. My heart is pumping a little too quickly. I just dreamt about Jake Hawthorne…sexually. Oh dear. I can't say why this bothered me. I mean, we are together, aren't we? Well I guess I should really stop calling him Jake Hawthorne then. Maybe it's just because I denied I had feelings for him for so long. I shake it off and head into the bathroom running a hot shower. When I am getting dressed in my room there's a knock on my door.

"Yeah, come in Lily." I say in my bra and jeans. I begin hunting around for a top.

"Is that my new name?" I look up and find Ethan. I grin at him.

"Hey." I say, casually as if I see him everyday. "So you're now living in District 12, huh?" I find a blue singlet and pull it on.

"Yup. That's the latest." He says sitting on my bed. "It's not so bad I guess…" He trails off a crease in his eyes.

"You're thinking about the beach aren't you?"

"Yes." He laughs. "I don't know what to do now though. My job was in four." I think this over. He's too old for school obviously and there isn't a lot over here in 12.

"You could work at the bakery. I'm sure dad would pay you." I offer. He laughs.

"I don't know how to bake Free." He says punching my arm.

"I'll teach you." I say. "Otherwise you can just work at the counter." He considers this for a moment before changing the topic.

"So you went to a party last night? Where was my invitation?" He jokes around getting up and looking through my things around my room. He touches a couple of my drawings on the wall. "So you've got yourself a boyfriend? I've never heard you talk about him before."

"Mmm. I guess so." I say tying my hair into a ponytail in front of my mirror. "His name is Jake. He came from Two." We look at each other through the mirror.

"You guess so? Come on Free, he either is or isn't you boyfriend." He continues to laugh, giving me a disbelieving grin. He's not used to seeing me unsure about something like this.

"Fine he is." _I think,_ I add silently in my mind so Ethan stops scrutinizing me. "What were you guys discussing last night anyway?" I ask changing the topic, thinking of the four men on the porch. I pull out some jewelry and put it on.

"Ah, not much. Just normal stuff." I've known him for so long I know he's being evasive.

"I know that's not true. It's the rebellion isn't it?" My good mood has dampened slightly when I think of everything else that happened last night other than Jake. The reality sets in as I realize that our lives are no longer perfect. Our country is corrupt and our home has been infiltrated.

"Don't ask about the rebellion Free. You don't want to know. If people aren't telling you they have a reason." It's rare that Ethan speaks to me like I'm younger than him. But what he doesn't know is, I already know about the rebellion, I know a lot. But what people keep alluding to is that my family has some part in it. Miner's Main pops into my head and I realize I might need to go there to get the answers. But I don't tell Ethan anything and I drop the subject because he's obviously not going to give anything away.

"Where are you living anyway?" I ask him as I grab a small bag and stuff some money into it.

"A little bit down from the Cow Man." I smile at the nickname he adopted from me. So he's living pretty central. "Where are you going?" He asks as I find some boots and slip them on.

"Out. Think I'll visit the Hob or something." I say picking up my bag and making my way out of the bedroom.

"What happened to your Sunday morning routine?" He asks descending the stairs with me.

"I've still got it. Do you want to come?" I ask, reaching the landing.

"Nah, I have to get home. I'll walk you there though." We grin at each other. I steal some bread that dad must've made this morning and kiss my family goodbye. We enter the dirt street, the suns out making everything glow in orange.

We keep up a casual banter like usual as we walk in the market's direction. Neither of us mentions the rebellion or changes to the district, like the Peacekeeper's. My guess is Ethan knows quite a lot, but I won't push him for it. I know better than to do that. Even if he is trying to protect me, I know he's wrong about it. I hug him goodbye, telling him I'll meet up with him tomorrow, just before the market starts and he heads over to a sweet cottage style house. I continue through the market greeting various patrons as I go. It seems quieter than usual on a Saturday morning and then I see a pack of Peacekeeper's casually roaming through and I realize why. Anger swells up in me at the sight of them, at how they've wrecked our harmonious district and all I want to do is shout out at them. I bite my tongue. I enter the Hob which is busier than the market. It's actually quite busier, a steady stream of people flowing through. There seems to be a pretty involved haggle over in the far corner, where a small crowd of people are watching. They block my view of the hagglers.

"He's almost as good as you." I jump at the voice which crept up on me and I turn to find Greasy Sae. It's not that surprising since I'm leaning on her counter. I look at her in confusion.

"Who?" I don't like being compared to someone, especially someone who draws a crowd.

"The boy." She nods just as the crowd parts, the negotiations over. The guy turns around and I see the dark hair, olive skin of Jake. His smug smile clearly indicating he won the battle. I smile to myself and slowly shake my head.

"Why are you here?" I call out as he strides over. He's almost as good as me, huh?

"I come here all the time." He says, pecking my lips. I forget about all my confusion this morning as I finally pull myself together and think to myself, _yes we are together_. My body warms at the thought, including my cheeks as I think of my dream. "You just never notice." Really? So in the month or two he's been here, he frequents the Hob as much as me?

"Mmm. Well you'll just have to come with me on Sunday mornings then." He grins.

"I wouldn't mind that at all." I hoist myself on top of Greasy Sae's counter, apparently just like my mother used to. I do a lot of things like my mother used to. Jake leans against it beside me. She hands us both a bowl of soup.

"I tell you Freesia, watch out for this one." She points her ladle at Jake. "He's becoming a regular." I smile and shove his head playfully.

"I can still beat him." They both laugh.

"So how did _you_ get Freesia Mellark?" She says to Jake, pointing at me. "Hard one to wrangle in." I zone out for a while, eating my soup as Jake and Greasy Sae keep up their teasing. I don't have much interest listening to them talk about me and my boyfriends. I watch as people wander in and out of the Hob. I see my mother walk in which surprises me the most. She doesn't frequent the Hob as much as she used to. A couple of sellers greet her very happily. I suddenly realize that I haven't told her about Jake and our hands are entwined as h leans against me. I scoot quickly away before mum can see me. Jake shoots me a look but I nod at my mum who is now walking over to me. Understanding flashes through his eyes.

"What are you doing here mum?" I ask.

"Just need some things for dinner." She says as she greets Jake and Greasy Sae. She and Greasy Sae pull up an easy conversation from the long years they've known each other. I feel something pull on my arm.

"Do you want to leave?" Jake whispers in my ear. I nod at him and he pulls me down from the counter, keeping my hand.

"Where are you going?" Mum asks. I pause a bit too long, trying to decide on an answer.

"Ah…home?" She laughs at me and tells me to go, eyeing Jake. I don't think I'll have to explain anything to her, I'm sure she can figure it out on her own. Just as I take the first step away, a sudden hush falls over the Hob, the constant chattering has seized.

Peacekeeper's. Four of them enter the Hob instantly leeching all the pleasure from the atmosphere. Ever since the incident earlier in the week everyone has become wary of the Peacekeeper's. Luckily most people seem to be on my side, for the moment. I can tell my mother's gone stiff and she puts a hand on my shoulder protectively. They wander through slowly, surveying the area asking a few people questions. I don't know if people are aware these are supposed rebels or they just think they were sent from the Capitol. One stops in front of me. Almost the entirety of the Hob is looking in my direction. I can feel my mother's anger radiate off her.

"Been responsible lately Miss Mellark?" He asks me casually giving me a smile. As if he's not trying to accuse me of something. His grip on my wrist defeats his effort. He tightens it suggestively. It's all I can do not to yell in his face. "Wouldn't want to see you back in the Justice Building again, would we? Not too soon anyway, I'd think." Before I can answer he keeps on wandering, relieving my wrist. I know my face is probably showing shock but I can't erase it.

"Go." Mum whispers in my ear and pushes me towards the exit. Jake takes my hand and leads me out quickly. Everyone is looking in my direction and I feel embarrassed for some reason. Once we're a good hundred meters from the Hob we begin to talk.

"You okay?" He asks me.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I wave him off. It wasn't like they'd done anything to me. I still feel a little shaky though. "Where are we going?"

"My house." He grins pulling me along faster.

* * *

><p><strong>Gale POV<strong>

I comb through documents I have of the rebellion trying to extract details I missed, trying to find the information they have kept from me. It's a pointless effort but I have to feel like I'm doing something. My phone goes off and I hurry to get it, ready for a distraction.

"Hello?" I say. Katniss is on the line. "What did you need?" I ask her.

"It's the Peacekeeper's." She says, not bothering with pleasantries. Fine by me. "They're making rounds, questioning people, checking for illegal activity."

I sigh, I knew this was coming. "It's not that surprising is it?"

"I think they threatened Free." She says bluntly.

"Threatened?" I question. If it's starting already…

"It was like a warning, like they expect her to step out of line." Katniss is obviously really worried.

"Katniss I'm sure she's fine." I try to assure her while I think it all through. I recently found out about the Hunger Games, I don't know if this is the right time to tell her.

"Have you seen her?" She cuts in to my thoughts. "She left the Hob with Jake." With Jake. They could be anywhere then.

"No I haven't."

"Listen Gale, do you think this could be what we talked about? I mean it would make sense. She hasn't done anything but if they-" I get distracted when the front door slams loudly and I hear two people laughing. I peek down the hall to see Freesia and Jake.

"Oh I found her. She's here." I tell Katniss who sighs in relief.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, I'll call you back in a minute." I tell her and hang up the phone. "Hi guys." I greet them. Freesia smiles back very politely while Jake doesn't seem to notice anything but her. I sigh. Well I guess he finally won the fight for her.

"Was that my mum?" Freesia asks tentatively indicating the phone in my hand.

"Yes." I nod. "She was just wondering where you were. Are you guys okay? I heard about the Hob."

"Yeah, it's all good." Jake says.

Kaitlyn walks into the room while Toby and Marianna screech through the doorway, running at lightning speed.

"Don't run!" I yell while Kaity goes into guest mode and starts fussing over whether they are hungry or not. I leave the room to go call Katniss back, mind on the rebels.

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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

Jake and I are lying out on his back lawn, shaded from the sun be a large tree. My head in his lap while he leans against the trunk. We've escaped the prying eyes of his siblings and eaten an amazing lunch his mum insisted on. I'm surprised by how busy their household his, ours is much more quiet. He plays with my hair as we quietly chat.

"It's getting worse." I whisper thinking of the Hob.

"What's getting worse?"

"Everything. District 12. Panem." I say, depressed. "Why are they targeting me so much?" I ask him, rolling my head so I can look into his eyes, I can see a slight hesitation again. What is that about?

"Probably because we already committed a "felony"." He says sarcastically.

"But they don't target you." I argue. "They –" He silences me with a kiss, lifting my back up so my lips reach his. I don't complain. I kiss him back passionately and just when things start to escalate I hear the back door open. I jump apart from him so quickly it's like I've been electrocuted, I sort of fall over myself since I wasn't sitting properly to begin with. Thankfully it's just Marianna. I sigh in relief.

Jake grins at me like I'm an idiot and gently pulls me back. "What do you want Anna?" He asks her impatiently.

"I'm just playing." She says cutely, walking over to another tree with her dolls. He starts to argue but I stop him.

"Let her, it's okay." He doesn't look very happy but he agrees with a peck on the lips. I'm annoyed at myself at how much energy I spent not liking Jake while I was missing _this. _I guess I'll just have to make the most of it.

"I want to go to Miner's Main." I say bluntly. Clearly unexpectedly as he does a double take and frowns at me.

"What?"

"Miner's Main, I want to go." I tell him again. He just stares at me for a while trying to decide where this is coming from, I wait patiently.

"You didn't seem to want to last night." He says carefully, surveying my face. "What changed?"

"I want information. I want to know what's happening. No one will tell me, not even Ethan." He stiffens at the mention of Ethan's name and I narrow my eyes. What was his problem?

"What's wrong with Ethan?" I say, accusing. My voice has gone hard and I can tell he realizes he's taken a wrong turn. Though of course like me, he bites back.

"Oh you know, he's like the most sought after guy ever and he just happens to 'best friends' with you. I mean you practically threw yourself on him. What am I meant to think?" I pause, digesting his words. He doesn't see my relationship with Ethan the way I do. Or ours for that matter. I keep my cool, and explain, considering I was a little more excited to see Ethan than him.

"Jake, I've known him ever since I was little. He's always been my best friend. And I don't mean like Adeline or Kin…he matters a lot to me. But I'm not into him, and he's never been into me Jake." I carefully leave out the part where I had the biggest crush on him for half my childhood. But it's irrelevant and definitely won't help my case. "Look I wouldn't be here if I wanted Ethan. I want _you_." I lean in for another kiss then, deep and passionate, forgetting Anna in the backyard. When he breaks away he looks convinced. Good. His eyes shoot up to the sky, now pink and orange in the sunset.

"Come on," he says getting up and extending a hand to me, "it's getting late. I'll walk you home."

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><p>Mum places dinner in the middle of the table, the dinner from the Hob. She hasn't said anything to me about it. I told Lily naturally, and now she's convinced on going to Miner's Main as well. I really, really hope it isn't Daisy's version of some weirdo sex thing. I might just kill her otherwise.<p>

"How was your day girls?" Dad asks, digging in to the food. Since I'm sitting next to Rye I help him cut his dinner into smaller pieces, also giving Lily the chance to answer. I don't wish to explain the incident especially since mum hasn't told him.

"Rye and I baked a cake for dessert." Lily says giving Rye a little nudge. His eyes light up and he grins at her.

"Yeah, yeah! I…I picked chocolate cake… and made icing all by myself!" He tells dad in his disjointed little kid way, far too excited for a cake.

"Are you sure it's edible?" I mutter thinking of icing made solely by Rye.

"_Freesia_." Mum warns me while dad congratulates him. I laugh it off.

"What about you Free?" Dad asks. "What did you do?" I'm about to tell him about my day with Jake, minus the Hob, because it seems like the right thing to do. And mum's beginning to look wary anyway. Then I stop myself, and I start to think. Really think. I think of Jake moving to District 12, I think of Ethan moving to District 12, I think of Miner's Main and how I have to go so far out to get information on what is actually going on. I think of Jake always hesitating when the rebellion is involved. I think of my parents always evading my questions and how I have to get information on the other districts from Jake and snooping through other people's desks. I think of the Peacekeeper's that are always watching me, not Jake,_ me_. And I think of the times when people suggest my family has some part in the rebellion. All of this courses through my mind quickly, as I think it over, and suddenly I'm so angry and I don't want to lie about my day.

"You know what dad?" I say with bite. "A Peacekeeper threatened me at the Hob today. That's what happened." I get from the table and storm off to my room leaving my family in absolute shock, I slam my door in anger. I huddle on the floor my back against my bed as I stare out the window into the night, tears rolling down my cheeks. I don't really know why I'm crying, I just want to stop feeling so helpless and be able to know something concrete. I hear the door crack open and I can tell it is Lily who walks in. She sits down next to me and puts her arms around me, I lean in gratefully.

"I'm angry about it all too." She whispers. "It's not just you." That makes me feel a lot better.

"Do they watch you to?" I ask her, hoping someone understands things the way I do.

"Yeah they do." I can't really say it's relief that passes through me, because of course I hate that they're targeting my sister as well. But it makes me feel slightly lighter, knowing that I'm not the only one.

"Mum and dad don't know about the Hunger Games, do they?" I ask her. She shakes head at me, no.

"They know about the rebellion though, they just don't tell us." I nod, already knowing that. "But hey, the Hunger Games was a rumor. Can you actually picture it being implemented again? I think we're safe…for the moment." That time I chose to believe her. I slept in her room again that night.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for the reviews! I really, really appreciate it :)**

**Just for people that are confused, I have read the Hunger Games but this story was never meant to coincide directly with the ending of Mockingjay. So I know Finnick died and Katniss only had two children. This story is more an adaptation than a direct continuation so there are meant to be slight differences.**

**Here's the latest chapter, hope you like it!  
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><p><strong>Freesia POV<strong>

It happened about 6 o'clock, late in the afternoon. My entire family was home. They broadcasted it to the entire nation, so no one would miss it. It was even featured on the giant screen in the square for the few shoppers who weren't in their homes. It was shown on every channel, every home, every screen, so loud in the square that even sleepers would hear. I had felt the vibrations of the sound travel through my house, through my body, so it had felt like the rebel was right next to you. My mother had cried, as had my father, the rebels had broken the people of Panem. It was now my turn to break them. To inflict pain upon the rebels that tore apart our lives. Only I couldn't. I was not the Mockingjay. I was not prepared. I was no-one. I, Freesia Mellark did not stand a chance. And neither did the whole of Panem.

_Earlier_

Two days had passed since my breakdown at dinner. My parents had confronted myself and Lily; they had told us a little of what was happening but nothing that was entirely useful. They were still protecting us. How could I blame them?

Peacekeeper's roamed, and now we made sure that whenever we were in the public eye we took the utmost care in our actions. In other words we didn't have fun anymore. A man had been trialed yesterday for 'stealing' a loaf of bread. The Peacekeeper's found him guilty, from what evidence I'll never know. Because it makes little sense for the man to have stolen the bread. Generally we all have enough food in the district, and even people with the lesser amounts of money can afford meals every day. Anyway, he was whipped and jailed. I had heard that Mariah Underwood had argued to go treat him; she was a nurse in the small doctor's clinic. She had been the only one to test the Peacekeeper's. They had cast her aside, luckily with no harm. I assume the trial was to show our district who has the power.

Atop the mantle piece, next to the clock, bowl of keys and our family portrait sits a new photograph of Adam, Lily, Jake and me. Two days ago it was taken and staring at it I can almost imagine my life the way it used to be. Dad took it when we weren't looking, while we played a game on the front lawn. We are all laughing and entwined someway together, Peacekeeper's and rebels forgotten for the moment. I wish every day would be like the picture. But of course I don't get my wish.

I'm finding Jake today, I'm confronting him. I want to know what's going on and I know he knows. I haven't seen him since that other day because I've been working in the bakery and spending time with Ethan. I think I'll leave out the latter for him, might go down a bit better.

Turns out I don't have to go far to find Jake. I open my back door and see him walking across the back lawn.

"Why didn't you go around the front?" I ask suspiciously.

"Why didn't you?" He counters giving me a smile. I've learnt to ignore Jake's teasing because he waits for me to bite. I won't give him the satisfaction I think.

"I have to talk to you." I say as seriously as I can, hoping he'll get the point. He does because the smile disappears from his face.

"What about?" He asks me. I lead him out to the corner of my lawn so nobody in my house can hear and we can have some privacy. I sit down in the grass and motion for him to join me.

"What's happening in the rebellion?" I ask being straightforward. Jumping straight to the heart of it is the best tactic. "And what does it have to do with my family?" I've caught him by surprise clearly, and he stares at me for the longest time before finally attempting speaking.

"I don't know everything." He hedges. I become frustrated. Weren't we meant to be honest with each other?

"You know more than I do, and there's something you are not telling me. Jake…" I use my best pleading voice and face, which is really more menacing, but he caves. That and he knows I will become angry any second.

"Okay, but you didn't hear it from me." He says seriously pointing a finger. I nod thinking that's fair enough. "Have you watched the T.V recently?" He asks. I stare at him curiously.

"No."

"Okay, we'll get to that." He says. "First things first. Your family is a threat to the rebels." I knew our lives couldn't just be normal. "They're worried you have the power to override them, to create a new rebellion. You and the other victor's, the other rebels that is. But of course since you're the Mockingjay's daughter they're wary of you the most." He looks at me sympathetically. I've had a hunch it was something like this. "So they're pooling victors and rebels."

"Pooling? What do you mean?" I ask him.

"I mean like how suddenly all the people associated with our parents rebellion have been moved to the same Districts. Why else are my family and the Odair's here?" I think this over and have to admit he has a point.

"So what does this have to do with the T.V?" I ask.

He draws a big breath and begins slowly. "It's not so much in our district…although I have seen it here, but the rebels are giving out warnings…about you." He says reluctantly. "Well your family. They're creating fear; they're trying to pit you against everyone else. Like you're the problem not the rebels. It's their defense, to market you guys as the bad people. They even have footage of us being arrested." It's a lot to hear at once. That they're specifically targeting our family. No, we are not safe. I don't know what it is, but I feel my throat close and my eyes sting. _Stupid_, I think to myself. Next thing I know is I'm in Jake's arms sobbing uncontrollably. He strokes my hair.

"It's okay. Nothings going to happen to you." He whispers. It's not me so much I'm worried about, though I like his voice so I don't argue. I sit there with him for a long time before words are spoken again. It's me who breaks the silence.

"Okay, so you've told me about the rebellion, do you know anything about the Hunger Games?" My voice is brittle and I have to admit I sound pathetic. I barely get out the sentence. He looks at me carefully and shakes his head, I see in his eyes he's sincere. I accept that.

A new look creeps onto his face. "You know what? Enough of this, we're going to go have some fun. I don't care about the Peacekeeper's we're still allowed to live." I must look really pathetic because his voice has too much energy and he's suddenly on his feet raring to go. I smile at his effort for me.

"Where to?" I ask.

"Well it wouldn't be a surprise then would it?" He asks playfully before sprinting off in the other direction.

"Jake!" I yell after him, laughing. He notices I'm not following and runs back easily.

"What's the matter?" He says. "Can't keep up?" He gives me that arrogant look that I used to hate, but now I just recognize it as teasing.

"Jake, come on…" I whine, skeptical of whatever he has in mind.

"Okay, I'll make it easy for you." He says and then scoops my up in his arms quickly. I lace mine around his neck to steady myself as he takes off again, walking this time. Man, he is strong.

"Jake, stop it!" I yell, but I'm laughing at the same time. He doesn't listen and keeps trudging forward.

"What's the matter?" He grins. "I'm doing all the work."

"Let me down!" I complain.

"Nah, you're super light." He says as he picks up the pace. "And otherwise how am I going to get you to where we are going?" He says in a matter of fact voice, keeping on walking. I admire his persistence, so I give in.

"Fine, I'll go!" I relent. "Just put me down!" He gazes at me for a second, deciding whether I mean it. I unhook my arms pointedly and he chooses to let me down. He eyes me for a second making sure I won't make a run for it. I roll my eyes at him and point grumpily in the forward direction.

"Are we going or not?" I ask. He laughs quietly.

"Yes we are. Come on." He leads the way taking my hand having to drag me along a little. "If I have to drag you, I'll just pick you up again." He warns so I match his pace, which is of course a lot quicker than mine.

"Your legs are longer." I complain just for the sake of it.

"I have never heard you complain so much Free." He teases.

"I don't like surprises." I say petulantly.

"Well you're going to love this. Trust me." A smile creeps onto my face so I keep on following him. He's good at doing that. Making me smile. As much as I love Adam, if I'm in a bad mood, he'll only annoy me further. Jake can keep the balance.

He leads me along the fence line that runs beyond my house and around the district. We wander through the more deserted parts, not where I usually walk. There are no people in these areas. Eventually we get to an abandoned old house, forgotten amongst the brambles and trees. Old and dilapidated it sits far away from any other houses. He starts to walk his way through the blackberry bushes that twine around everything, having no issue with his runners and jeans. I stop at the edge of the bushes and look down at my sandals and bare legs. He turns around.

"I thought you wanted to walk?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. I glare at him but remain stationary by the brambles. He comes over chuckling. I jump on his back this time, piggy back style, as he leads us through the bushes. I rest my chin on his shoulder and kiss his cheek, nuzzling in close to him. When we reach the end of the blackberries, behind the house he lets me down.

"Why are we here?" I ask, now even more suspicious than before. How am I meant to love a broken old house infested with weeds?

"Look." He says pointing. I follow his gaze. From where the blackberries end there is a muddy slope which we stumble down, me especially on the loose rocks. I regret not wearing better shoes. Once righted, I see the District 12 fence. Although here it looks different than in other parts of the district. It's all broken and rusted, the wires tangled up leaving large gaps, big enough for a person to fit through. Jake steps forward and extends an arm to the fence.

"No!" I scream pulling him back suddenly, causing him to lose his footing. "Are you crazy? You'll kill yourself!" I yell at him, astounded he could be so stupid and willingly touch the fence. He doesn't look as scared as he should be. I slap his arm for good measure.

"It's not charged Free." He says, which is stupid because the fence has been charged ever since we were arrested. He sighs a heavily when he looks at my face. "This parts broken, the charge doesn't travel along to this area of it." He explains. I still look at him skeptically, not believing it. The Peacekeeper's would have seen to this. I pick up a stick and throw it into the fence; it gets caught in the tangle of wires. Nothing happens. "See?" Jake says smiling slightly. He guides me slowly to it and climbs through first; he comes out the other side unscathed so I follow, noticing no tell tale hum of electricity. Once I step onto the ground beyond the fence I feel a rush of happiness. The woods. I'd never spent a lot of time in them but being able to escape the district, the rebellion, the Peacekeeper's gives the woods a whole new life. That and I feel like I've won somehow.

"How did you find this?" I ask as he leads me deeper into the woods. I follow willingly never once thinking we shouldn't be here, that our lives and others could be at stake. Restrictions had made us more rebellious, less worried about the rules. In other words we were stupid.

"I was just wandering one day, and I found it. Pretty good, huh?" He says pulling me into a hug. He kisses my lips which are stretched into a grin.

"Yeah, pretty good."

"Come on, we still haven't reached our destination." His enthusiasm is back and he takes off quickly, me struggling to keep up among the roots and bushes. He reminds me of a puppy dog. We stumble through the woods for another twenty minutes. I'm puffed as I try to keep up with his pace. Finally he stops and skits around behind me.

"What -" His hands cover my eyes, his body pressed against mine.

"I told you it would be a surprise." He whispers in my ear. His feet gently guide mine forward, and I think to myself he better not make me trip over anything. Then he'll be in for it. When his hands disappear, I'm standing in front of a lake. Not the lake my parents had shown me and Lily, this one was different. There is a small rock ledge where we are standing which you can jump off into the clear water, where flowers ring the edge.

"Do you like it?" He asks me.

"I love it. This is even better than the other one." I say honestly, hugging him tightly. "Thank you." I say staring straight into his eyes. Feeling a million time better than in my backyard.

"No problem." He says, kissing me softly. His lips are warm against mine and his hands entwine in my hair. I step forward closing the gap between us when my foot rolls on a loose rock. I hadn't realized how close to the drop of the rock ledge we were when suddenly I'm falling through the air. I scream and then hit the water, slightly painfully since I hadn't prepared myself. The lake is deep and it takes some effort to swim to the surface. Once I'm up I see Jake peering over the ledge in horror. I yell out that I'm okay. Once he sees I'm up and fine and not dead he starts rolling around laughing his head off.

"It's not funny!" I yell back, coughing from some water I swallowed.

"It's hilarious!" He yells back in between guffaws.

"You have to come in too then!" I yell, so he can share my embarrassment. Not a moment later has he jumped into the water with much more grace than I managed. I swim over to him.

"Oh shit." He mumbles staring into the water.

"What?" I ask.

"We're going to have to walk through town drenched." He says, indicating our still clothed bodies. Oh shit indeed. If we lived in District Four it would all be okay but what excuse do we have when the Peacekeeper's find us soaking wet on our way home? They'll know we've been beyond the fence. And if they find that Jake and I broke the law again we are dead. I wouldn't be surprised if we got whipped. See this is what I mean; we are stupid. I look up at the sun beating down on us.

"Here." I say, swimming out of the water hoping this will work. I pull myself out of the lake and begin to strip off my shorts and shirt. Thank god I wasn't wearing white underwear today.

"What are you doing…?" He questions tentatively, his eyes raking my body. Ha, boys. I proceed to lay my clothes out on a flat rock that the sun is hitting.

"Hopefully they'll dry in an hour or so." I tell him, and his eyes flash with understanding while he swims out of the water and takes his shirt and jeans off. My dream flashes into my mind, the one with Jake and me in the forest, as I stare at him in his boxers. He's absolutely ripped, something I hadn't seen before. He takes a step toward me and I can sense what's happening. The next events proceed very similarly to my dream, minus the paint brushes obviously. I get a sense of deja vu as my back ends up against a tree again. I giggle at the similarity and he looks into my eyes questioningly. I break away, before we turn the rest of my dream into reality, heading back to the water. It's too odd, doing this in a forest. I jump back in, this time as my own choice. We spend a good hour swimming around in our underwear, making out and being stupid. It really is the best hour. We lie in the soft grass drying off a bit and waiting for our clothes.

"I'm sorry Free." He says quietly as my head lies on his bare chest.

"For what?"

"For not telling you about the rebellion, I should've told you to begin with." He says gazing down at me. I can see the regret in his eyes.

"It's okay." I say truthfully, because at this moment everything really is okay. I snuggle closer to him, the sun beating down on both of us. His fingers trace random patterns against my shoulder.

"We should go." Jake finally admits after a while. "We have to get back." I look up at the sky. I can't read the sun like my mother but I take a stab and say it is about five o'clock. If I'm right there shouldn't be many people out in the district, we have a lesser chance of being seen. We gather our clothes, which are still damp but luckily they don't look wet. I tie my hair into a bun so it's not as obvious as well. We venture back, and meet with the broken fence. I throw another stick against it just incase. Not exactly a great end to the day if we get fried by the fence. I feel more nervous as we check for people and quickly hop through the gap. I wasn't thinking straight when I entered the woods today, weighed down by emotion, but now I realized just how careless this was. Not that I regret it…we hurry away from the house and brambles, me constantly checking my shoulder. Fortunately no Peacekeeper's or anyone of the sort appear. When I approach my house I see Lily sitting on the front porch. I wonder what she's doing because she has nothing in front of her and she's staring off into space. She looks up suddenly when I appear.

"Where have you been?" She asks running up to me. When I hug her she flinches slightly. "And why are you wet?" Her eyes are intense on my face and she looks highly suspicious.

"Jake showed me a way through the fence." I say in a low voice to her, eyes bright. My excitements back. Though she doesn't gasp or rejoice like I expect, she just stares at me, her eyes reproachful.

"You're kidding right?" She asks seriously.

"Lil, no. I'm serious." She surveys my face and finally accepts it. I know she's torn between being angry and being intrigued. My guess is her curiosity will win.

"I went looking for you everywhere today. Mum and dad were worried." She says and her face isn't normal. Neither is her manner, she should've had some more emotion about the fence. I study her for a second.

"Why?" I ask carefully.

"There was a broadcast today. There is a compulsory viewing for all of Panem tonight." Suddenly I hear the national anthem blaze across the district. It comes from the main square and probably all the televisions. There's no ignoring it. "Sounds like it started." Lily says grimly, towing me roughly inside.

A well known presenter of the Capitol appears on the screen. He must be working for the rebels I think. He introduces the segment and then the screen flits to what I assume is the lead rebel.

"Citizens of Panem." He greets grandly. I look at him curiously. To me he doesn't fit the part. Not like President Snow used to. He doesn't look evil, there isn't coldness to his eyes, he looks…respectable. Aside from the fact he's leading a rebellion of course. "We have been at war, we have seen casualties, and this is the time to stand down. We have warned you, and still resistance has continued. Your most recent attack has failed only wasting more valuable lives. In light of this we call for drastic measures. As of now, the 77th Hunger Games has been implemented as a warning and insight of what is too come if you continue to resist. Do not kill your people, your children. The reaping will proceed in one month." And the screen goes black. There it is, what we have been waiting for; The Hunger Games has come back.

Mum loses at and runs out of the room, dad follows her though he moves slower. As if he's weighed down by the information. I look at Lily. We're not quite as shocked as our parents but we did get adequate warning. I'd thought it about it a lot but I never really imagined it happening…until now. There's no going back. It's final.

"We could be reaped." Lily says looking at me. Strangely, we're devoid of emotion. Maybe I used it all up today.

"One of us." I agree. "Wouldn't surprise me really." I say. Wouldn't it be perfect for the one of the Mellark twins to enter the arena…I think of what Jake said. How they're portraying us as the bad guys, warning people not to side with us. Having Lily or me reaped would complete it. Give the rebels the ultimate power. But what do the rebels want? Freedom and equality, that's what they have said. So why are we resisting? Isn't this better? My parents used to be the good guys, leading the rebellion, when did it all change? Who are we meant to believe anymore…?

"Where did mummy and daddy go?" A small voice says from the floor. Lily and I look down to see Rye playing with a teddy.

"They've just gone to their room." Lily says. "They're talking about grown up things." It sounds nicer when it's simplified like that. It's moments like these I wish I was still as innocent as Rye.

"Can we play Hungry Hungry Hippo?" He asks excitedly already forgetting mum and dad in his four year old mind.

"Yeah, good idea Rye!" I praise, happy for a distraction. "You go get it, and I'll make some food."

"Are we really going to play Hungry Hungry Hippo the whole night?" Lily laughs as we make toasted sandwiches together in the kitchen.

"Yes, Lil. Yes we are. Maybe after we can teach him monopoly." We both laugh, and sit down for a game night. I try not to think of what other game we could be playing very soon. The Hungry Hungry Hunger Games.

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><p><strong>Please Review! Tell me what you think.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Freesia POV**

"And you said I couldn't do it!" Ethan teases me, kneading his portion of bread on the countertop of the bakery.

"Well you spent all that time convincing me you couldn't…" It gets harder every day to keep the lightness to my voice, to keep the darkness away. I notice the changes more in our district than before. I assume we are beginning to look like others. Others that have had people die, riots started, Justice Buildings attacked. I had been given a false sense of security over the last couple of months, assuming that since District 12 was okay so was everything else.

"Well it turns out I can bake." He grins at me. I turn to look what he is doing and he's grabbed the bowl of raisins and starts to put it in the dough.

"No!" I yell, pulling the dough out of the way. I even gave him a sheet of instructions and he can't seem to follow it. I suppose because he's a guy.

"What the hell Free?" He says looking at me like I'm crazy.

"And you said you could bake!" I scorn him playfully. "You don't put those in yet." He looks down at his hands confused.

"Well I was nearly there!" He laughs taking his dough back. I sigh shaking my head.

"You should stick to the register." I say, which is what dad had suggested to me, but since dad isn't here we're both working in the back together.

"Well that might work if we had actual customers in the bakery." He says looking pointedly towards the front of the store where no human being is in sight.

"True." People have become scared. I can feel the wariness they have of my family emanate from them. I assume it's from the Capitol broadcasts but I have a feeling rumors are spreading within the district. Of course, not everyone is like this. People like Kalia and The Cow Man stand by me and my family, but those are only a few in thousands. It often sends me into a bad mood, these sorts of changes. That and the ever looming reaping.

"I don't understand." Ethan tells me. "Everyone used to love you in the district. You were like the most well liked person along with Lily."

"Yeah well not anymore." I say glumly, my bad mood back. My eyes prick and I feel like an idiot. He touches my shoulder sympathetically, and leaves a flour hand print against the black fabric.

"Well I still love you" He nudges my playfully and I have to grin at him. He gives me a hug so now we're both in a mess of flour.

"Thanks." I mumble kneading the dough.

"Anytime." He smiles.

We finish our three hour prep time at 8am packing up quickly. Dad will take over the rest of the morning and afternoon hoping some customers will appear. We walk back to my house, only taking about 15 minutes. There are always less and less people wandering around every day. The other day I actually got my bag checked by Peacekeeper's. Like I'd be concealing a weapon or secret anti rebel documents! I found the whole thing so ridiculous I practically threw the bag at them and offered to do a strip search. They did not look impressed and gave me a warning of being disrespectful to authority. I then remarked I was merely being helpful and that I would never dream of disrespecting the people who kept our district in line. They finished their search and sent me roughly on my way, watching me until I went out of sight. Probably not the smartest thing I could've done, since their intent on seeing me slip up but I gave me a great sense of satisfaction. Not everyone is as daring as I am, so they now stay tucked away, safe as houses.

We're now in the house, Ethan lounging on the couch, me on the floor.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, rolling from the couch to the floor in a loud thump.

"Peacekeeper's, The Games…" I mumble.

"You know even if you were reaped, you'd still have a good chance." Ethan says kindly, picking up a conversation from early this morning. I know he's being kind but it just get me angrier.

"Are you kidding, Ethan? What can I do? I can't use any sort of weapon and I'm not even strong like my dad was! I'm dead if I get picked." I rant, listing off my weaknesses which I'd already thought about a million times before. He seems unfazed.

"You'd get sponsors." He points out.

"Would I? Seems like the nation hates me." I say sullenly, my mood plunging rapidly.

Ethan gives up trying to convince me, and we pick up easier conversations, ones that do not involve Panem. Lily wanders down the stairs, around 9, a bit late for her. I can see why when she enters the living room. Her hair is disheveled and there's no light in her eyes. We both have these sorts of days, when being sought out by Peacekeeper' and being made a villain takes its toll.

"Hey Lil!" I greet her cheerfully trying to coax her into smiling. She greets us both and wanders into the kitchen alone. I hear a door bang and hear her gasp, and suddenly Adam is here.

He brings his usual brightness to the atmosphere, something which is becoming more necessary day in day out.

"Hey guys!" He greets us way too cheerfully, a stupid grin plastered on his face. Even Lily smiles. Adam is good for times like these because nothing fazes him."You ready?" He asks me.

"Yep, come on Lil let's go." I say, getting off the floor and pulling her arm towards the door.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Ethan calls still on the floor.

I falter. Truth is we are meeting Adeline and Daisy to get information on Miner's Main. Not the best way to spend my day but helpful nonetheless. But Ethan is wary of me partaking in anything to do with rebellion.

"Just meeting some friends." Adam says for me. Why couldn't I say that? Idiot…

"I'll see you later. You can stay here if you want, my parents won't care." I say casually walking through the back door.

"I'll go raid your bedroom!" He shouts just as the door swings shut. Oh, Ethan. We enter the street, Adam with a spring in his step, Lily dragging her feet. I notice Adam scanning the street for someone…or something. Peacekeeper's?

"Adam what are you looking for?"

"Ah there he is!" Jake comes into my view, looking good leaning against a tree at the end of the street.

"Jake's coming?" I question.

"Why else is he here?" We pick him up and head on our way to a small shop that apparently Adeline's brother owns. Strangely, Adam seems to be in on everything and leads us through a shabby back door in what must be a storage space of the shop.

It's low lit; a few lamps are scattered through the room. There are two ragged looking couches where Daisy and Adeline sit. The rest of the room is filled with shelves laden with boxes. I notice a guy standing in the corner peering at a shelf. Daisy and Adeline are doing something with their hands at a small coffee table that I can't make out in the dim room.

"Dodgy, huh?" Jake whispers in my ear as he's passing me, sauntering over to a couch. The picture of ease. I suddenly understand what they're doing when Daisy lights up the joint she's been rolling. Adam follows Jake to a couch and they both put their feet up against the table. Lily follows willingly, way past caring. I lean on a shelf eyeing the other guy suspiciously not entirely comfortable with this arrangement.

"You made it." Daisy grins. How corrupt is she? And _Adeline_, I used to like her. We were friends. What happened? I focus on what she's smoking.

"That's illegal." I say. It has always been. If Peacekeeper's were to walk in we'd all be arrested. Particularly Lily, Jake and me. Daisy laughs as if that's the funniest thing she's heard.

"Really Freesia?" She says scornfully. "Since when do you care for the rules, you and pretty boy here." She says winking at Jake. "It feels amazing. Try some." She throws one at me. I catch it and eye it carefully. I'm not familiar with drugs so I don't know what it is. I throw it back.

"Who's he?" I say harshly, indicating with my chin to the guy in the corner.

"He's who gets us this stuff." Daisy says pointedly, taking another pull. "You know him."

He turns and I'm completely dumbfounded. "Kin?" I screech, he's just grinning lazily, as if I couldn't have not known.

"Hey Freesia." Really, Kin? I like Kin!

"This is ridiculous…" I mutter. Everyone ignores me, including Adam and Jake.

"So Daisy." Jake says. He's so laid back it's as if he hangs out here everyday. What is going on? "Miner's Main. When is it?"

She grins flirtatiously. My hands ball into fists. "Next Saturday." She says. That's one week away. "Be there at 10."

"Will Peacekeeper's be patrolling?" I ask, because they do that sometimes. Daisy can tell she's bothering me and her grin widens.

"Aw come on Freesia. Scared of Peacekeeper's?" She taunts me, her voice sounding like she's speaking to a five year old. "It's just a risk you'll have to take." Does she not realize they will be ready to jail us if they find out? Or maybe she doesn't know considering she wasn't arrested like myself.

"Okay, so how exactly does this work?" Adam says steering Daisy's eyes away from me. They all go into the logistics of the meeting; who's going, who knows who, bits of information they'll know, while I stand there sullenly glaring at Kin. He just smirks back and offers me more drugs. I shake my head fiercely and avert my eyes. I feel alone, as if I'm the only one that recognizes this as a bad plan. Lily, Adam and Jake are still negotiating. What has gotten into them?

They all stand up suddenly bringing me back from my thoughts. Daisy and Adeline go through Lily, Adam and Jake bidding them goodbye, Daisy lingering in front of Jake just a bit longer toying with his shirt. Anger flares up inside me. Daisy notices.

"I'll see you four on Saturday. Oh and Freesia, if you think it's too…._risky, _you don't have to go along with it. But I would love Jake to be there." She says suggestively, eyeing him. That's it, I lose it. I've had enough. I pick up a torch that's lying on the shelf next to me and throw it at her head. I hear her scream and the thud of the impact as I stride out of the room knocking a shelf of boxes down on my way. I don't think it hit her head though, because she probably moved, which disappoints me, but at least I hit her. I march quickly away from the shop not bothering to wait for any of them. I hear running footsteps trying to catch up and Lily calls out my name. They don't catch up for another half a block or so but when they do I feel Jake's hand clamp my wrist. I spin around angry.

"Get off me!" I hiss, yanking free.

"What happened back there?" He asks in disbelief, his eyes a little fearful.

"What happened?" I yell. "Did you not see? Or didn't you notice this was a bad idea because you were too busy making new friends!" I've reached a new level of loudness and I've gone all screechy. Adam takes my arm furiously and leads me off the path.

"Keep your voice down!" He warns me. "Use your head Free!" I've never heard Adam angry like this before, especially with me. "If we go around openly hating Daisy then do you think we'll get the information we want?" That pulls me up short. I didn't think of it like that. Now my actions seem very rash. "She'll be on your back now since you threw a torch at her head! You're lucky you were the only one that overreacted."

"Okay, lay off." Lily says, pushing Adam aside. "She gets it." I stalk off in the other direction again, this time miserable rather than furious. I hear only one set of footsteps following me.

"Free, come on." I hear Jake say and I decide to stop for him. He catches us quickly and snags my waist. "You okay?" He asks a frown in his voice.

"Yeah…" I mutter feeling conflicted. "Did I overreact?" I ask him warily.

He chuckles. "The torch at her head may have been over kill." He says lightly. And then he adds, "I wasn't happy with the situation either but I was better at acting than you were." I smile ruefully, and he pulls me in the direction of his house. "Come on, let's forget it for now."

"Good idea." I grin kissing him softly. We end up in his bedroom…on the bed, obviously. We both lose our tops but things don't escalate any further. I lie there and think about Jake. I've had many boyfriends but I've only ever felt the same right now with one other. His name had been Michael and we had dated for half a year. Would've continued but he moved to District 6 and we lost contact. At the time I was crushed but now I guess I am glad since I've got Jake.

"I'm going to get some food for us." He says getting off the bed, not bothering with his shirt. No one is home anyway. I admire him as he walks away. I flip over to my stomach and survey his room. Standard guys room. Clothes on the floor, bed not made. There's a huge window that takes up one side of the wall though that a desk sits in front of so the room is always bright. I wander over to the desk and finger through his things. I doubt he would mind. I haven't been in his room all that much. There's not a whole lot in his draws, some papers for when we start school, pens, pencils some hairclips…I must have left them at his house once. They look like mine; otherwise he'll have some serious explaining to do. I find a photo of me that I wasn't even aware was taken. Dad must have taken it that same day as the one of the four of us on the mantle. I slip it back, thinking how sweet that is. And then I find a folder with a slip of paper inside. It looks like something of his dad's; similar to stuff he's shown me before. It probably contains information I already know on the rebellion but I open it up anyway. The top of it reads The 77th Hunger Games; the date is from last week. That intrigues me. I scan the document and I nearly drop it out of my hands.

Jake steps through the door just then, carrying two bowls of noodles. I look up at him quickly, tears in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks, frowning at me. His eyes hone in on the paper in my hands and his eyes widen. "Free-"

"What is this?" I whisper. Because this cannot be happening. He just stares at me, mouth rigid, not answering. "What the hell is this?" I yell. "You told me you knew nothing about the Games!" I throw it at him; he ignores it and lets it drift to the floor.

"Listen Free, I was-"

"Were going to do what Jake? Tell me? Because you've had a while to do that!" I'm flying out of control the anger I had before flaring up again. "I _asked_ you that day and you told me you didn't know anything!"

"You were crying!" He yells back defensively. "You were practically hysterical; I didn't want to upset you further!"

"Oh well, I'm upset now!" I yell. I feel sick as emotions rake my body. "This is my life at stake, Jake! How could you not tell me? Was it because it doesn't concern you so we can act like the perfect little girlfriend and boyfriend and prance around District 12 happily?" I shriek losing all rational thought. He looks like he's been punched in the gut.

"It was hard for me too, reading that!" His temper has got the best of him. "Don't make this all about yourself." His implication that I'm self centered hurts because it's close to home base, and I'm scared it's true.

At the moment though, I'm on the defensive. "Well it is about me because I could be the one dying, _not you_!" I scream at him.

"I have just as much chance as you do!"

"Do you?" I look at him fiercely. "No you don't. You don't have to be the 'Mockingjay's daughter'. You don't have to live with rebels trying to attack you and jail you just waiting for you to slip up. You don't have to deal with people from your district turning to hate you because of what they broadcast on the T.V!" All the pent up emotion from the last weeks comes rushing out. Everything I have felt towards the rebels and the rebellion I scream at Jake.

"Screw you, Jake." I pick up my jacket and rush out of his room taking the stairs two steps at a time and bursting out of his front door. His dad is just coming up the path and I want to scream because he couldn't have waited five minutes. I push past him roughly ignoring his attempt at greeting me and I run home.

The Games are rigged. The Hunger Games are rigged. Rigged! Which means either me or Lily has a definite place in that arena. One of us has a definite sentence to death. And so do a lot of other children. Probably children on other victor's. If the tributes are rigged then so is the winner. And it won't be one of us obviously. I'm in a near hysterical state as I push my way past people in the district. Some stare angrily; they're the ones that don't like me. That buy into the rebels. I pass Hollie, who looks severely worried and calls after me. I ignore it all and keep on going. I pass Peacekeeper's and for the first time I don't fear them. They don't stop me either. I make it to my house, creating quite a scene amongst the district people by the square but I don't care. I run into the closure of my home gratefully. My mum is sitting at the kitchen table; she is the only one in the room. I might have been able to sneak up to my room without being scene but since I slammed the door open that is not an option.

"What's wrong?" My mother fusses running over to me. I just hug her and cry. She leads me to the couch. It takes me a good twenty minutes to become coherent and it's then she asks me what's wrong again. I can't bring myself to voice The Hunger Games being rigged nor break my mum's heart like that. So I lie – well it's not technically lying – but I tell her that I think I broke up with Jake. I sound like a pathetic teenage girl but I don't have an option.

She pauses for a moment and tells me she's sorry. And then she says, "Were you ever going to tell me and your father you had a boyfriend?" That stops me for a second because I realize that with everything going on I had never told them. I hadn't even brought him home for them to meet.

"Well there's not much point now…" I mutter. Mum kisses my forehead comfortingly. When dad comes home I quietly go up to my room. I find Lily lying on my bed.

"What are you doing?" I ask miserably.

"What happened?" She asks sitting up quickly. I go through the whole situation this time, bursting into tears all over again. It seems too surreal everything that is happening. The day has plummeted rapidly, going from good to bad to worse. I guess, in truth, I just can't accept my own death.

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><p><strong>Please review! :)<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for all the story adds and such :)**

**I really hope you like this one! Leave me a review and tell me what you think.  
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><p>It takes a couple of days before he tries to contact me. I ignore him, not out of anger but out of conflict. I feel like I did when we first met. On the one hand I am still frustrated he lied to me and on the other hand I miss him. Which of course I hate because I refuse to be one of those girls that needs a guy. Truth is though, he was both my best friend and my boyfriend and at the moment these are so rare to come by I really need him back. But for now my stubborn side has taken over and I don't answer his calls or walk near his house.<p>

Miner's Main happens tonight. I've discussed it with Lily and we both decided it is better if I don't go. That way I can cover for her at home if need be and our parents won't become suspicious of all of us going out. I suppose everything worked out best then.

I'm at a loss of what to do. Normally I'd be spending the day with Jake, either that or Ethan. And while Ethan isn't free and Jake is who knows where I feel incredibly lonely. If my life was the way it used to be I would be in the Hob right now, but of course I'll probably run into Jake and I don't fancy seeing a bunch of Peacekeeper's. Part of me wants that to happen- seeing Jake that is -and that is why I stay back. Not even Lily or Adam is here. So instead I paint, a good therapy, while my mind wanders through everything. I sit in the studio that only dad and I use, on the designated painting stool and paint on my canvas I started the other day. It is a picture I'd seen once before in a book. It was of a busy city somewhere that I think didn't exist in Panem. Somewhere more exotic than Panem. I wish I knew. Come to think of it, I'm surprised I even viewed the picture. My dad says I have an artists eye because I can remember details so vividly and paint things I'd only seen a couple of times.

In the painting, buildings line the horizon and it is painted from the perspective of a person in the park. People wander by or sit on benches and cars clog the road. I wished I lived here. The buildings aren't grotesque or flashy like the Capitol and I can almost see the freedom the people have. Or at least I paint it that way. I see them walk in and out with no type of authority present. No Peacekeeper's. I add a few trees and things here and there, objects that weren't in the original picture. A lady sits on the bench with her child as she reads a magazine. I imagine it to be a travel magazine of different countries. Countries she plans to take her family on holidays. A man is yelling at a car with his hands in the air as he attempts to cross the busy road. He is angry but he will continue on his way, soon forgetting the car. He is at no threat.

I paint a girl with blonde hair in the forefront of the cityscape, not far from the woman but a little further from the man. A boy stands next to her, slightly taller, laughing at something that only they know about, his eyes locked on her smiling face. She is dressed in normal clothes as is he, so they do not grab your attention immediately. They blend in amongst the other city goers, having no identity in the busy picture. If someone else would look at this they would not realize this as a feature of my painting. But I do. Because I envy the girl I created. That nobody knows of, that can laugh easily with either her friend or boyfriend. Whatever the boy means to her. And that's the beauty of it. Nobody knows who they are, what they are, what they do. Nobody knows of these people in the painting, the mother or the angry man. They carry out their lives without fear or fame; they wander through their lively city unaware of their wealth. Not in money. No, because they are not rich, but it opportunity, in freedom. They are rich in things that matter, yet they are unaware.

I lean back and admire the work I have done of the nameless city.

"One of your best." A voice comes from behind me. Dad wanders over to my canvas and studies it, mussing my hair a little. "Where is this?" He asks curiously his fingers hovering over the paint but never touching it.

"I don't know. Not here." I answer truthfully. He looks down at me with a smile.

"This is really great." He praises me, squeezing my shoulders. He doesn't comment on the foreignness of the picture. He doesn't say so but I can tell he's proud of me. "You've captured the emotion well." I look back at the picture. And yes emotion is there. The boy smiling, the man yelling, a teenager waving excitedly to her friend. So many stories entwine into the single snapshot, so many lives living through their own issues and their own happiness.

"I'm going to go get some food." I tell him and jump down from the stool. Dad stops me.

"Dinner's on the table, that's why I came to get you." He says. Dinner? How long have I been painting? Dad's mouth twitches at the sides. "I always did tell you, you got lost in your work." He says and we walk out into the dining room. Mum and Rye are already eating but Lily is absent.

"Where's Lil?" I ask digging into a chicken stir fry.

"She's at Adam's." Dad says. I nod and continue eating.

At seven Ethan comes around. I'm not expecting him but I'm glad all the same. I show him my painting of the city. He is impressed but distracted. I try to discern what it is but instead he changes the topic.

"I thought you were going out tonight." He says, toying with a brush. Interesting, since I never said anything.

"No, Lily went out. I'm here tonight." He looks at my face and then nods his head.

"Okay." He doesn't seem convinced. Whatever. We chat for a while longer but at 9 he says he has to head home. He and my dad hold a small conversation before I hear the front door close.

10 o'clock rolls around and I feel I mix of excitement and nervousness because I know Lily is down at Miner's Main. I hang out in the studio flicking through some painting magazines. 11 o'clock comes and I go upstairs to check my phone. Nothing. I try to call her but she doesn't pick up. This sets my teeth on edge a little but I give her the benefit of the doubt. She is smart and she knows what she is doing. I head back downstairs to the studio. I hear my parent's converse in the lounge while I sketch a couple of things. I'm listening for a sign of distress but I know I won't get any. They have no reason to be concerned with Lily being at Adam's. At 12 o'clock I walk out of the studio to go check my phone once more Twelve is the dead line, if she hasn't called I will kill her.

But before I can reach my room I find myself cornered by my parents instead. And I mean literally, like I have no way of moving out. I look at their faces, sensing there's no room for leniency.

Turns out, I should really stop assuming things. These days I never seem to be right. Because I know I'm in for something.

Freesia?"

"Yes?"

"Where's Lily gone?" Dad asks in a stern tone.

My heart stops. How the hell had they found out? Seriously! "She's gone to Adam's house." I reply smoothly, repeating the alibi she had given them, though my heart is racing.

Mum sets her mouth as if she's trying to decide whether to believe me or not. Dad just doesn't buy it.

"Don't lie to us. We know she isn't. Now where is she?" But how do they know? Who told them? Dad obviously knows something else; she sleeps over at Adam's house all the time so usually this wouldn't be a problem. I try to think through the situation and what information they might know.

"Have you called his house? She's staying the night." I venture, guessing Dad's going on more than a hunch than anything else. Though if they take me up on my suggestion it's all over anyway.

"No. It's 12 at night Freesia. Lily isn't answering her mobile though." Yeah, I know, I think sarcastically. I had tried too. I wanted to check on her and now I'm starting to worry as well.

"Well if you haven't called the house, how do you know?" I ask, possibly a little too matter-of-factly, possibly a little too brusquely. Dad's face hardens at my tone but mum does the opposite.

"Peeta…" She says to him. I nearly laugh out loud. Usually we play on Dad's sympathies; mum's usually the hard ass.

He waves her off. "Freesia if you just tell us you won't be in trouble. We just need to know where Lily is." He says a little more softly. I don't want to be guilt tripped though. I choose to take the upset approach.

"But I don't know! She told _me_ she was going to Adam's! And that's where she is!" I say, my temper rising, not just part of the act. I don't know what I am angry at though. My parents, Lily, or this whole situation?

"Okay, okay Free! Don't yell." Mum tries to reason. "Peeta I'm sure she's just at Adam's." Oh my god, my parents have swapped personalities…

He glares at her still not convinced. "She would've picked up her phone." Yes, he's right, she would have. Now where has she got to? She's late and she hasn't called.

"And Freesia, I happen to know that Adam is supposedly out anyway?" Damn! How does he know this? It's all going downhill.

"I think he cancelled to spend the night with Lily." I say as calmly as I can; now thinking on my toes. If we go any further I'm going to be throwing lies everywhere. I can't afford to jeopardize myself.

"Are you sure? Because we told Lily many times it's not safe to go out all the time." Yes I remember. Maybe they were right…She had told me to tell them she was at Adam's if they asked. But she also said she'd be done by twelve so we didn't get into a situation like this. Thanks, Lily, really helpful.

"Dad I honestly think she is at Adam's. She knows not to go out." It was a half lie. The second half was completely true, but knowing she wasn't allowed didn't stop Lily. And anyway, I would have gone too if Jake hadn't fallen through.

"Okay thank you Freesia." Mum steps in for me. "Peeta she will be at Adam's house. We'll pick her up in the morning." Mum sends me away then and I happily run to my room. As I enter I see my phone ringing on my desk. I bolt over to it with no hesitation.

"Hello? Lily?" I ask frantically.

"Free!" Lily's voice answers me. My chest feels a bit lighter; I find my breath a bit more easily.

"Where the hell are you? Dad's completely suspicious, and I just had to cover for you! You are late!" I want to yell but that will obviously call my parents attention to me.

"I need your help." My heart nearly stops again.

"Are you alright?"

"Well sort of." She says carefully. "I need you to pick me and Adam up."

What? "Can't you just walk back to his house?"

There's an uncomfortable pause. "Free, we're on Miner's Main! It would take half the night! I don't think we'd be safe anyway." What has gone down over there?

"But how did you get there in the first place?" I wonder. They could have only walked if they didn't take Adam's car.

"We got a ride with…a friend." I don't know who this is. We never got into the details; I just assumed Adam was driving her.

"…Who?"

"It doesn't matter, we're kind of stranded, and it's really dodgy out here." Her voice has a pleading edge to it and she starts to sound scared. I can here Adam say something to her.

"Okay, okay. But how do I pick you up? Mum and dad will hear if I take their car."

"Go to Adam's and take his car. It's parked on the street, there's a spare pair of keys in the kitchen. The back door he left unlocked." Adam and Mariah don't have a lot of money but they do have a car. When Adam isn't hanging out in trees he's tweaking it. He loves that car that he shares with Mariah. I know I have to be back before 6am when she goes to work. I don't see a problem with that though. What trouble could I run in for six hours?

"You want me to break into his house?" This is getting beyond ridiculous. I know I could probably slip in and out with out his mother hearing me, but still…

"You'll be in there for five seconds."

"Please Free! It's important." I can hear Adam say. Adam never begs, they must be in trouble.

"Okay, I'm coming, hang tight."

"Thank you." And the phone goes dead. My heart pumps quickly in my chest as I put on a pair of skinny jeans and a sweater of Jake's that hangs off my shoulder. It sends a mixture of sadness and regret through me. I guess I miss him. I leave my hair down and pull on my black boots.

I hear mum and dad enter their room and shut the door. Good, one obstacle out of the way. I wait ten minutes and creep out of my room and down the stairs, thanking the builders of the house that it doesn't creak.

I slip out the back door because it makes less noise. I run full pelt across the garden, the cold of the night biting into me as I go towards Adam's house. I slow my pace so I make no noise as I reach his garden. Stealthily I sneak to the back door and turn the knob to the kitchen he said he left unlocked. It doesn't move. I try again. It's definitely locked.

_Shit._ Mariah must have found it open and locked it after he left. I spin in a slow circle taking in my surroundings, looking for inspiration, the same way I'd do it if I was painting.

I pull a bobby pin from my pocket and snap it in two. I'd seen it on TV, how they picked the locks of doors. I jam the sticks in and begin wiggling them around, trying to be strategic. But of course I have no idea what I'm doing because I don't rob people in District Twelve. I throw the pins on the ground in disgust.

What do I do? They sounded stressed on the phone, so I can assume I am their only hope. But I can't get the damn keys to the car! How do I drive the car without keys? You can't! Can you?

I nearly jump out of my skin as I see a shadow on my arm. A spider from the garden is crawling its way on me. I shake it off realizing I'm becoming antsy. Creeping around in another person's back yard at night, where my parents could find me missing at any time. Not to mention I could be arrested for trespassing or whatever. Great way to show district pride…

Think, think. I tell myself, hugging my jumper tighter to me. Well not mine, Jake's jumper…_Jake!_

I fumble my phone out of my pocket and hit the speed dial before I can think twice. It takes about five rings before he picks up. I don't have time to ask myself whether this is a bad idea.

"Mmm?" He mumbles, clearly still half asleep.

"Jake wake up! I need help!"

"What, what?" He asks, suddenly more alert.

"I need a car. I have to go pick up Lily and Adam."

"Car? Dad took the car in for repairs. I don't have it."

"What?" I nearly yell into the phone. Before realizing I have to be quiet or else someone might find me and accuse me of robbing or stalking or something. "But I have to go pick them up and I can't get the keys to Adam's car!"

He pauses for a moment. "Is his car on the street?"

"Yes, why does that matter, I don't have keys!" I'm becoming frustrated with him. He's not helpful when I actually need help! Mr. I know everything…no wonder I've been -

"I could hot wire it for you." He offers, breaking through my grumbling though his words don't make sense to me.

'Hot wire?" What is that?

"Yeah, starting a car without the key. My dad taught me once when the car broke down."

"You can start a car without a key?" I exclaim.

"Yeah of course. Hang tight, I'll be right over." The line clicks as he hangs up. It feels almost like the old times. Thank god for Jake.

It's the ten longest minutes of my life as I wait next to Adam's car on the street hoping nobody will see me. Though if I was really trying I'd be hiding in a bush or something. I have still have enough dignity not to do that. Finally Jake appears and jogs towards me.

"What's happened?"

"I don't know." I say frustrated. "Lily and Adam are stranded on Miner's Main. Our parents don't know their out there, and they need me to pick them up."

Jake's face is odd when I tell him this. I can't tell what he's thinking. Come to think of it, I never can. I let it go as he lifts the bonnet to the car and gets to work. Lil is more important at the moment.

In three minutes Jake as the car going. "You're amazing." I tell him. Instead of hugging me or merely accepting it like Adam would do he looks sad instead.

We get in the car, me in the drivers seat since I know the District better. Five minutes into the drive he starts talking.

"So you're not ignoring me anymore?" He asks, trying to keep his cool.

"Jake…" It was too complicated and right now I just needed to see my sister.

"No it's okay. I get it." I sigh, keeping my eyes on the road, but my knuckles are turning white from my death grip on the wheel. "But if that is the case, I would like my clothes back."

My lips turn up. "I only have this jumper."

"Even so, I have been known to get cold." He says teasingly, indicating his jumper-less shirt.

"You have other jumpers." I strive for nonchalance also but it falls short. "Jake you know it's not that …" I trail off incoherently.

"It's okay Freesia. Just don't hide." And even though there are no signs of hurt in his voice or face I just know I have hurt him. My stomach clenches uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry Jake."

"Don't be. Just figure it out okay?"

I laugh. "Promise." For the rest of the car ride there is less tension between us. It takes thirty minutes to reach the other side of the District, and nobody can miss the gradual change from our cosy town to the down town hole that Miner's Main is sort of like. People are roaming the streets unlike our neighborhood and I'm suddenly glad Jake is here, because a lot of scary people eye the car suspiciously.

"I can't believe they went here." Jake says which strikes me as odd because it's a little hypocritical.

"We nearly came here." I remind him. Though he says nothing. Fine.

I pull in front of where the building they were supposedly in but I see no sign of Lily or Adam.

"Oh no…" I whisper. I get out of the car and wander a few steps down the street, and then I spot some guys further down the lane. One whistles at me, and one nudges another and they all begin to wander towards me.

Suddenly Jake is by my side, standing protectively in front of me. Tall and strong. I am so thankful that Adam's mum locked that door right now. The guy's pause which gives us the chance to get back in the car and drive further down the street.

I throw my phone to Jake. "Call her. Ask her where she is." He does so as I circle the block. I can tell there's a moment of confusion as she hears Jake's voice but he quickly gets their location.

"A few streets down, they're waiting outside a store." He points me the right way. As I pull up Lily and Adam appear from their position in a shop front that isn't visible directly from the street. They immediately jump in with no hesitation.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" I ask incredulously as we drive away, eyeing them in the review mirror.

Neither one of them answers. "Well? You call me out in the middle of the night, and tell me to creep over to Adam's house and steal his car and your not going to tell me what happened?" I realize now how scared I had been for them, but I also realize I'm sounding like our mother so I tone it down.

"Well we got here and it was going okay. Just like Daisy said. We were about to leave when it happened. Some people came. Everything went haywire, there were punch ups and people smashing glasses and then one of them spotted Lily. And started yelling about the Mockingjay and the Hunger Games and that they were coming back and we were all dead. And they started trying to get to Lily and that's when we ran. Look Free, we'll go through the details later." Adam dismisses me.

There's a heavy silence in the car as we think this through. Turns out people hate us more than I realized.

A couple of minutes later Adam breaks the silence.

"Jake why are you hear anyway? We called Free."

He laughs but I become annoyed again. "Your garage was locked and I couldn't get your keys Adam! Luckily Jake can hot wire a car."

Adam sighs. "I was afraid of that."

"Thanks for warning me." I say sarcastically.

"Thanks, both of you." Adam says quietly. "We were really screwed."

"It's okay. You can call me anytime, you know that."

"Thanks Free." Lily says. "Do mum and dad know?"

"No…but only because mum calmed dad down. He knew you were here."

"How?" She asks surprised.

"Beats me. He thinks you're at Adam's. They're picking you up in the morning so I suggest you be there." They both nod.

Jake turns on the radio. "So now that we're all safe and not missing, what are we doing?" His buoyancy is nearly flawless.

"Uh, going home?" I offer. Jake gives me a look.

"Come on, we get dragged out in the dead of the night, we have to have some fun! No-one knows we're gone. And we'll be fine once we get out of this area."

We all laugh though I'm still apprehensive. My dad's words ring in my ear. _It's not safe. _ "I suppose…"

"Why not?" Adam asks.

"What if we get caught?" Lily is wary.

"Why would we get caught?" Jake turns towards her. I can think of a million reasons but I don't say. She starts to laugh at his eagerness and Adam nudges her playfully.

"Okay so where do we go Jake? It's your call." I offer to him, since it was his idea and I just dragged him around the District after ignoring him for a week. We are reckless.

"Oh I know! Let's go to-" But we didn't find out what he said. Instead a car came screeching in front of us from the other direction, speeding along the wrong side of the road. It was going too fast for me to react and I was preoccupied with my passengers anyway.

I tried to swerve but the other car was erratic and clipped the side of our car and sent us spiraling. I had no sense which way was forward and which way was back, people were screaming and it was dark, I tried to tap the break but it did nothing. The last thing I saw was the metal street lamp swell in front of me before the car slammed into it.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you everyone for all the great reviews! It really made my day :)**

**Sorry I kept you waiting, here's the next chapter!  
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><p>Noise is all around me. I can see the swirl of lights behind my eye lids that travel back and forth. I struggle to move. My breathing is heavy and my head hurts. There's a sharp pain in my leg and it feels wet. Is it raining?<p>

I can hear voices coming closer. They seem serious but a little frantic. I can hear someone's labored breathing beside me. Or is it mine? Once again I try to open my eyes but they don't move.

I can feel a sort of cushion near my chest and I wonder what it is. I wonder where I am. It doesn't feel like anywhere I'm used to. My legs feel squashed in as if they don't have any room. I can't move them.

I let the noises and lights continue to swirl as I drift in and out of awareness. After what seems like an eternity in the colors and confusion something touches my arm. I jolt, and my unresponsive eyes finally open. My breath comes in gasps which hurts my chest and I have the feeling I don't have enough air.

My surroundings confuse me more. A pair of brown eyes are the center of my vision. To my left is what looks like a spider web hanging precariously close to my face. Red tinges the web. Has a spider caught its kill?

Wind whips my face as I turn back to the eyes. Behind them is darkness though colored lights sweep in and out behind them, disturbing my concentration. The eyes are in a frown of concentration. Noise still hammers my ears but I catch a voice that stands out of the cacophony. It said safe I think. It repeats itself, and I can hear it more clearly. _It's okay. You're alright; we're going to get you out of here. _Where is here? My breathing is still difficult and maybe I'm hyperventilating. _Calm_, I here the voice say. I realize my eyes are closed again and I pry them open with difficulty. I try my hardest to make sense of the situation but the pain in my head makes it difficult.

There are other voices. Like the one that's talking to me. Someone's groaning in pain. What has happened? I tune out the voice beside me and I catch two words from the other. _Lily Mellark._ Lily? Lil?

"Lily!" I try to call to her but my voice is hoarse and hands rest upon my body to calm me. I'm so disoriented, I just want to understand. Where is Lily?

_It's okay! It's okay!_ The voice chants. I look at the person the voice belongs to. Deep brown eyes and short brown hair. A man. He's wearing a uniform but it's hard to see because it's so dark and the lights keep moving.

"Do you know where you are?" The man says to me but he's not looking at me, he's studying my leg. "Is your name Freesia Mellark?"

"Yes." I breathe. A harsh wind whips against me again which makes little sense because I thought I was inside.

I hear tire tracks not too far away. Tires. Suddenly the world comes into place, piece by piece. I remember I'm in the car and I remember Lily, Adam and Jake were with me.

I look back to the man who has a large cylindrical shape in his hands. I notice the door of the car is missing hence the wind that is making me cold.

His hands move to my neck but I don't resist because I realize the colored lights for what they were. Ambulances. They were introduced only when I was little I've only ever seen them once before. The man – the paramedic – wraps the object around my neck. I don't like it. It adds to the claustrophobia that I'm feeling and now I can barely move at all.

Something rigid is shoved behind me and I start to move without my command. I don't resist. The windscreen moves into my vision, it's been shattered making the unmistakable pattern of a spider web. I remember how I saw the red tint in it and I realize that blood is covering it. Who's blood? I hope it's mine.

Suddenly I'm out in the open air though I'm lying down and I can see the stars. The brown man shines a light in my eyes.

"Lily? Adam? Jake?" I try to yell out to check if they made it. The most important people in my life.

"Everyone is attended to." A voice answers. The brown man? Maybe a colleague. Attended to. Does that mean they're alive? Right now I believe that, that everyone is okay. Maybe I shouldn't but I do.

I get loaded into the ambulance. The whole long ride to the hospital is spent with the brown man fiddling with tubes, needles, braces. I slip in and out incoherently. I know he is trying to ask me questions but I can't decipher them nor do I want to answer. My breathing has become more and more difficult and I begin to hyperventilate again. This time though, calming doesn't help, I can't get enough air. The man's shouting something but instead my eyes close.

The next thing I know I'm in District 12's ER. Chaotic noise surrounds me and I'm flying through the hall at high speed. I get jostled onto a table and there's about five people around me all conversing frantically while sticking tubes and such into me. An oxygen mask is put on my mouth and I inhale greedily though my chest still feels tight.

I don't know what's happening. The pain has dulled somewhat though I can still feel it. They must have given me something. My eyes close again, and I'm scared what will happen the next time I wake.

For the third time this night I wake, and it's so quiet I worry I am deaf.

No. No. I can hear a beeping noise. And breathing. My body feels freer than before I realize I'm no longer trapped in a car or neck brace.

I look around. There are three other beds in the room. Three other people in the ER. My mind processes it slowly. Lily…Jake…Adam. We made it. Lily and Jake are both awake I realize. They are looking at each other holding a small conversation. As for Adam he is not awake. He is not moving. Tubes come out of him from everywhere including one taped to his mouth. The sight scares me.

"Free? Are you okay?" Lily asks. My head snaps in her direction.

"I guess. Are you guys?"

I try to assess them but we all look pretty awful. "Yeah somewhat."

"What happened to Adam?" I whisper. I can hear Lily start to sob. Jake answers instead.

"I'm not sure, they won't tell us. He got the worst of it though." His voice is thin and the weakest I've ever heard it.

A nurse enters the room casually, sees us awake and starts for a moment. She recovers quickly.

"Are you all feeling okay? Any pain? I could give you more Morphling." The offer makes me shudder as I remember the pictures my mother had shown me of Morphling addicts. We all shake our heads.

The nurse checks our vitals on each of our machines and puts some medicine into Adam. I want to ask her what's wrong with him but I'm too scared.

"Now, we will need contact numbers for all your parents to let them know where you are and what has happened." The nurse says casually. No one replies. You could hear a pin drop.

"Do we- cant we just be discharged and head home?" Jake stammers out while Lily and I remain petrified, sitting stock still.

The nurse gives us a disapproving look. "No. You were all in a very serious accident and you will have to stay here over night for observation. Your parents need to be notified considering you are all underage." We are all _dead. _I mean dead, dead. Still none of us offer any help to her. The nurse sighs in frustration; taking a disliking to us I'm sure. "You can either co-operate or not co-operate. But we do know you are Lily and Freesia Mellark," she points at us, "and we can easily get in contact with your parents, and I'm sure they'd be happy to give us the names of the parents for the rest." She waves her hands at Adam and Jake in a frustrated flourish. She's got us.

We all comply grudgingly and she leaves the room to notify all our parents.

"Oh my god, oh my god. Free we are dead." Lily's losing it; I've always been more of a rule breaker than her, though that hasn't been completely obvious lately. Anyway old Lily has returned.

I start to freak out as well. I completely lied to them about Lily and then crash a car, injuring everyone. As my breathing speeds my chest hurts again and I struggle for air. I try to stay calm but it doesn't work like the first time. I'm gasping and Lily and Jake are looking at me scared. A nurse runs in and gives me an oxygen mask and fiddles with my machine.

"Take it easy. Keep this on for a while." And she leaves the room just as swiftly as she came.

Lily and Jake stared at me with worried eyes. I can tell they're asking if I'm okay. I nod and give them a thumbs up. They don't look reassured.

Time passes slowly in our room. I can't talk with the oxygen mask and while Lily and Jake hold small conversations you can tell they're not interested. And besides, Adam still has not woken.

Maybe a half hour later there's a commotion outside our door. I can hear the voices of my mother and father and a doctor trying to inform them of the situation. As they enter the ward I catch the last words of the doctor.

" – in a private ward. No need for a commotion." Is that why we're all in here? The Mockingjay's daughters are too recognizable? I don't get time to ponder as our parents jump on us.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" Both mum and dad are asking me and Lily frantically. I pull my mask off.

"I'm okay." I say as Lily says the same.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Mum's crying and dad's almost there. They hug both Lil and I and I know that the yelling will come later, not now.

The doctor informs them of our injuries which I think a little strange because they never informed us. Broken ribs, collapsed lung, concussion and a deep cut on the leg for me. Lily has a concussion and a few gashes but she is the most unscathed. Before anyone can say anything else, Gale Hawthorne bursts through the door, followed by Mariah Underwood.

"Jake! Are you okay?" Gale nearly yells while the doctor quietly talks to Mariah.

"Yeah I'm fine dad." Jake answers unhappily.

"What the hell happened?" Gale's words hang heavily in the air. Every pair of adult eyes bore into our faces. We all look down. The picture of guilt.

"Will Adam be okay?" I whisper as my eyes start to tear.

Mariah looks sympathetic. She knows me so well.

"He's got internal damage but they say he'll wake up in a day or two." She seems calm and I guess it's because she is a nurse. I start crying. My mother puts her hand on my shoulder and pushes my hair back. Soon I need the oxygen mask again, she puts it on my head and I try to breathe deeply.

"Who was driving the car?" Dad asks gently. I put up my hand. "How did you crash?" He turns to Lily and Jake. Both look bewildered because neither actually knows. Lily was in the back and Jake was facing her when it happened.

I take off the mask. Everything comes to me in vivid detail, hurting my head. "There was another car from the other direction. They came head on to us, I tried to swerve but they still clipped us and we drove into the pole." All the parents cringe, knowing that the crash could have been fatal.

"And you were on Miner's Main?" Dad asks skeptically.

"Yes."

"Why?" His voice is very hard. "Why were you there Free? You _swore_ to us that Lily was at Adam's and then you what? Go out and meet her? With Jake?" Dad's yelling now, mum's trying to calm him down. I don't say anything because I don't want to point fingers at Lily.

Lily does it for me anyway. "She never planned on going out there. I called her because I needed to be picked up."

"What?" My mum asks, confused.

Lily sighs. "Adam and I got into some trouble and we couldn't get home. I called Freesia to come pick us up in Adam's car."

"Where does Jake fit into this?" Questions Gale. All the adults nod, eyeing Jake critically. They're right; he shouldn't have even been there.

"I couldn't get Adam's keys so I called Jake. He hotwired it for me." Gale gives Jake the most disapproving look I've ever seen.

"This is ridiculous…" Dad mumbles.

"Peeta…" Mum mutters but dad loses it.

"No! When you guys are in trouble you call _us!_ _We_ will come and pick you up! You _do not_ call Free and tell her to steal cars and drive out to the middle of nowhere!" Silence fills the room. We all know it's true.

"Okay, it's late. You guys hopefully will be discharged in the morning. Now get some sleep. We'll be here when you wake up." Mum says as she tries to lead everyone into the waiting room.

"There's one more thing." Lily whispers as they file out.

"What?" Dad says heavily. He looks incredibly exhausted.

She speaks carefully. "There was a commotion when some people saw me on Miner's Main. It spurred on the uproar. It seemed convenient the car crashed into us." I gape at her as does everybody else.

"What are you saying Lily?" Dad asks. Yes what is she saying?

"Nothing." Lily shakes it off. "It just seemed weird that's all. That the car came straight for us."

The parents walk pondering what Lily just said. I pondered it too until sleep overcame me.

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><p>The morning doesn't bring much comfort. My body hurts more than yesterday and when I look to my left I see Adam has not woken. The full impact of yesterday's events hits me in the face and now I realize I have put us in more danger. Peacekeepers will be asking if they haven't already and they will be flowing with questions and suspicion.<p>

I notice my parents aren't in the room like they said they would be when we woke up. I figure they are still in the hospital though. I am the only one awake in the room and the other two – save Adam – are still sleeping peacefully. Well at least comfortably I hope.

I start to feel claustrophobic being kept in this room and I become desperate to get out. I look down at myself. My leg is bandaged heavily as is my ribs and I can see two tubes bringing nutrients into my system. I don't feel too rocky so I figure I can do without them for a moment or so. I carefully pry them out of my arm and sit them on the bedside table. I don't think of what I will tell the nurses when they come back to reinsert them.

I rise gently, testing myself. There is a protest of my ribs but nothing that debilitates me. I decide I'm okay. I stand up carefully. My leg won't bare too much weight but I can hobble okay. I see a small stack of clothes at the end of my bed, brought by my parents. I decide to change into them because I feel silly walking around in the hospital gown. It's slow going and painful but I manage to pull on the track pants, shirt and jumper. Once I'm feeling slightly more normal I exit the room quietly waking neither Lily nor Jake. It must still be really early in the morning because there are no nurses and darkness still shrouds the windows. I pause deciding my options. The hospital isn't particularly big so there aren't many places I can go. The outside however looks promising with its light breeze and less sterile environment.

I hobble out the door and find a bench on the grass. The grass is nice on my bare feet and the breeze is fresh. My mind however is less calm than my surroundings. Images flicker through of last night, unrelenting. Adam's backyard, Jake's face laced with humor, my hands on the wheel, Miner's Main in the moonlight, the men down the street, the car from the corner, the light post. And then the speed picks up. I see the shattered windscreen, the brown man, the darkness, the blue and red lights, the stars, the brown man again. I begin to hear sounds that accompany the images, a shout, tearing metal, voices frantically unclear, the ring of a siren, the yell of the voice, and the scream…the scream right before we met the impact. The scream rings through my mind as does the feel of the crash; resonating through my bones. I feel as if I am there. I can smell the petrol and the blood, I can see the man and the ambulances, my gaze hones in on the web, the shattered windscreen splattered with blood…and the onslaught ceases as quickly as it came. I find myself back on the bench outside in the dark. I am hunched over, my hands covering my ears. I straighten up, my ribs searing, and try to slow my breathing.

It's okay. It's okay. But I am rattled.

I hear a commotion from behind me and I turn to see my mother pushing her way through the door.

"Freesia!" Her voice is a mix of relief and anger. "What are you doing?" She places a hand on my shoulder and sits on the bench. "We've been looking for you everywhere!"

"I wanted some fresh air." I tell her disjointedly, still distracted from before. My gaze travels past my mother into the trees beyond the hospital not looking into her grey eyes. I try to rid myself of the flashback but my hands still shake. My mum seems to realize I am agitated. She gently grabs my arm and guides me back inside chastising me about wandering around. I don't listen. I take in my surroundings vaguely but I am still stuck in my own mental land.

I get laid back down while a nurse inserts the tubes again. She's the grumpy nurse from last night; she must have a long shift. I swear she stabbed me more than necessary and I growled unhappily. She didn't even bat an eye. My mother leaves the room to go find the other parents.

I turn and lock eyes with Jake as the nurse checks some monitors. I can see the worry and the questions. I feel an ache in my chest.

_Miss you. _I mouth to him, my eyes sad. He smiles slightly, pauses, and mouths it back. We don't say anything else until the nurse leaves.

"I'm sorry." I try to put as much emotion in as I can, apologizing for everything. Not just last night.

"Me too." He says, a little withdrawn.

"What are you sorry for?" I ask.

"For keeping things from you." He says simply, our gaze never breaking.

"Yeah, well, I think I out did you crashing the car." My attempt at lightness falls short and tears well in my eyes as I think of Adam.

"Hey it's okay." He says. His fidgets uncomfortably and I can tell he wants to get out of his bed and to come over to me.

"No, it's not." He doesn't get a chance to refute it as our parents walk in. There's the mandatory fuss and tiresome reproaches they give us. I zone out mostly. A nurse wanders in and gives us the news. Lily and Jake would be able to leave at the end of the day, although it was suggested I stay for a day longer. A loud argument commences between my parents, me and the nurse, until a doctor was called in. Grudgingly I was given permission to leave but must attend regular checkups. I don't mention the flashbacks that are constantly seeping into my mind. I would only lose the battle.

It's when we are all preparing to leave that all the fun happens. We all get dressed into normal clothes, (me for the second time today). I still need a bit of help from my mother to avoid movements that hurt my ribs. Not the best look to have when you fought to go home early. Then a doctor walks in, looking solemn.

"The authorities have arrived to question you on last night. Since the three of you are being discharged we couldn't avoid it." Maybe I should have stayed the night. And since when are they called _the authorities? _The three of us get led out in succession leaving us no chance to converse and build up an alibi. I still don't understand what really happened last night. I catch Jake's eye before I'm led into the room. Dread fills me as I realize I have a slim chance of getting out again.

The room is cold and bare. My back is straight in a hard wooden chair as the Peacekeeper before me watches intently. His scribe is to my right, poised and ready to sentence me, a tape recorder perched in front. I try to ascertain whether the Peacekeeper is rebel or not. I can't do it, which means I'm in an even bigger predicament.

He begins. "Is your name Freesia Mellark?" I glance towards the tape recorder.

"Yes."

"Age?"

"17." He nods, glancing at his papers.

"Where were you last night Miss Mellark?" Miner's Main flashes in front of me.

"Picking up my sister." I try to say steadily.

"Lily Mellark?"

"Yes."

"Could you explain why Lily was on Miner's Main?" More flashes. I try to pull myself out of it.

"No." I say shortly, trying to catch my breath. He appraises me for a second before turning back to the paper. He doesn't argue. His scribe shuffles.

"How did you crash Miss Mellark?" There's a pain in my head, making it hard to think.

"I –" Darkness falls over my eyes. Headlights blind me, tires squeal. I hear the scream and then feel the impact. I pull myself out of the onslaught, shaking.

"A car came head on to me."

"What did it look like?" He asks not missing a beat. I notice his hands laced together on the desk. Then headlights, the scream, the pole. I hadn't seen the car.

"I don't know."

"Why were the other two occupants in the car?"

"Adam was with Lily. Jake came with me."

"So you weren't only picking up your sister?"

"No." He thinks he's got me. He directs his questions differently.

"What is your relationship with Jake Hawthorne?" I see him in the car, sneaking a smile at me. The feel of his jumper on my skin. I see him turn around to Lily in the back. Then I feel the impact again.

"His is my friend."

"Are you positive Miss Mellark?" I see my mirror in front of me showing myself wearing his jumper.

No. "Yes."

He takes a note. "Have you had any other previous offenses?" I shift uncomfortably.

"…Yes."

"Please elaborate." The forest enters my vision. The Peacekeepers running at me from beyond the fence. Gripping my arms. My arms hurt.

"I was beyond the fence. With Jake Hawthorne." I say hoarsely. My head aches from the images, I can feel too much. Including myself beginning to break.

And then he says this. "Thank you Miss Mellark. You may go now."

Relief.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone, here is the latest chapter. Basically it's a break from all the drama to sort out the details, sorry it's a little shorter than usual.**

**Enjoy! :)  
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><p>I'm busy drawing when he breaks my concentration. "Free!" Rye screams from down the hall. I sigh and make my way slowly through the house to find he and Jake in the middle of a board game; both cross legged on the floor. I glance at the clock; 5pm. Jake is helping him count the spaces to move his pawn; he follows Jake's hand enthusiastically and claps when he's done. "Play with us Free!"<p>

"I'll watch Rye." I laugh. I ease myself slowly down, being careful of my ribs. Rye knows not to jump on me at the moment. Jake takes my hand as I watch the two boys play the game. They roll their dice and move their pawns across the brightly colored board. I like that Jake is entertaining Rye even though I can see the bandages still on his arms.

Because I'm not particularly concentrating on anything, it happens again. Flashbacks that course through me. I lose a couple of seconds of time as normal before I'm brought back to the game, escaping the past. I try to still the shudder that goes through me. Jake looks concerned and squeezes my hand reassuringly.

Okay, so maybe I should back up a bit. Things aren't nearly was simple as this. It was four days ago we were discharged from the hospital, after our interrogations. Four days we have been recovering. We have not been sentenced. Adam woke up yesterday but he has not left the hospital. The day we were discharged Jake and I cornered Lily to ask what went down that night. Here is what I know:

The rebels have taken over most of the Capitol. Most. But they still don't rule it fully. They are in the process of obtaining the last of it and with that they will have full control. "So we've nearly lost. Just not quite." That's what Lily had said sarcastically as we brainstormed everything we knew together. The sheer coverage the rebels had over the country shocked me and once again I found myself aware that we were cooped up in a false sense of security while other district's suffered. I won't let that happen again.

Which brings me to the fact that the rebels are in every district._ Every _district. Hidden. Bad news for us considering we can't tell. So we must tread carefully. I have a hunch the Peacekeeper's who interviewed us were rebels. But it's just a hunch, I can't prove it. Though considering we've had no punishment might stand for something.

The District's which have gone down and are under full rebel command are 2, 5, 6, 8, and 9. Though once they get the Capitol the rest will fall into line. 12 is pretty much under rebel command although this fact is not known to most. I wouldn't be surprised if people had started to guess it anyway. It's only a matter of time now before things get stringent and the rebels make themselves known.

And the big question? What happened on Miner's Main? Well here you go: Basically people are scared and irrational. Rumors have spread about our family and how we are influencing the rebel's hand. Towards the end of the meeting a group of people had come in, created havoc. "You're going to get us all killed!" That's what they had screamed. Of course everything went from bad to worse once they'd laid eyes on Lily. The irrationality got to them and they went after her. Threatened her. Adam and Lily escaped the uproar. I still don't understand it all fully but I do know we are an apparent 'threat' and now we are on people's hit lists. Which makes us think the crash was intentional. Not that we can do anything about it.

There's no doubt in my mind that one of us will be sent to the Hunger Games, especially after this. I had wondered what the arena would be like.

Desert? Mountains? Forest?

"They'll put us in something really special. Or at least something that carries a lot of meaning." Jake had said. I'd tried to ignore that he said 'us'.

"Do you reckon there will be a lot of weapons? It doesn't seem their style, to emphasize the bloodshed." I'd said. I'd seen the frown on his face. And there it was again, the doubt. Who were the good guys and who were the bad? My parents had been in the opposite position last time. They had been the rebels. Does it make it wrong what they are doing right now?

"Aggression will never solve anything." Jake had told me. We'd been sitting in my backyard. "They're sentencing innocent children to death. Nothing about that is right."

"Our parents did that too." I remind him. "They agreed for a final Hunger Games and they blew up The Nut in District 2."

I'd seen his resolve flicker then. "And that was wrong." He'd said with finality.

Sadly, the doubt was only clearer in my mind.

Oh and Jake? We'd patched things up pretty quickly. A hug and a kiss – well maybe a bit more than a kiss - had cleared things up…well almost. We're not quite where we were before but it's a start. Ethan on the other hand is a whole other story. After some snooping, a bit of digging I found out that he'd known about Miner's Main. Not the crash, the meeting. I don't think he knew the details but he'd warned my dad. And it turns out Ethan was right. Like usual…he was right to worry for us because we were not as safe as we thought we were. People want us dead if I'm being honest. Though that still doesn't erase the fact I'm angry with him.

"Free I'm hungry!" Rye brings me out of my depressing thoughts; he's sitting there with a frown on his face.

I sigh. "Okay, but you have to help me make dinner." I warn him. He pouts and starts to whine.

"Come on Rye." Jake says hopping up with way too much enthusiasm. "I'll show you how to do it. Trust me it's fun." Rye is a lot more amenable when Jake proposes things rather than his big sister. He runs in the kitchen after him, already idolizing Jake.

"We're your parents?" Jake asks chopping vegetables to go with the chicken mum left me. Rye's sitting on the counter passing him new vegetables every now and then.

"They took Lily to the hospital." I say quietly, not meeting his eyes.

"Why didn't you go?" He asks curiously. I think he already knows the answer.

"I just…couldn't do it. I can't do it Jake. I just can't talk to him. I can't see him like that."

"It's not your fault." He says, looking at me sympathetically. But it is. I drove. I crashed. "I'm serious." He says, grabbing my arms and pulling me towards him, a new sort of determination etched into his face. "This was not your fault. It was whoever was in that other car. You couldn't help it, okay? And Adam would want to see you. Think about that, he doesn't blame you." I don't say anything but just let him hug me instead.

"I'm hungry!" Rye interrupts us jumping down from the counter before I can object.

"Be nice." I scold him turning back to the chicken. I don't really know what to do with it. "Bring the vegetables then." I say. Rye picks up the plate with the chopped veggies from the counter with Jake's help as he walks behind him, his hands hovering in case he drops it. "Thank you."

Rye seems to think he's helped enough and runs out of the room. I continue murdering the chicken.

"What are you doing?" Jake asks suddenly, watching as I try to hack at the chicken. He shakes his head and comes up behind me, my back pressed against him and places his hands over mine. "Here I'll show you." He says his face against my cheek, guiding my hands and showing me how to cut it. I can feel the rough stubble on his jaw.

"Since when are you the better one at cooking?" I ask playfully. I can feel him laugh against me.

"I've been practicing." He whispers in my ear, his breath tickling me and he kisses my cheek. We stay like this until the chicken is in clean pieces and I start on a marinade which I actually know how to make. Jake takes care of the vegetables.

"We could go to the hospital tomorrow." Jake offers. "I'll come with you if you want, but you need to see him."

"Jake…" I moan. I really don't want to break down and I'm afraid I will if I go back there, that, and the flashbacks will worsen and I won't be able to pull myself together again. Just thinking about it makes me shiver.

"Are you okay Free?" He asks dropping the argument, a new conflict forming on his face. "You haven't seemed right, well ever since we got out, something's been wrong. What's wrong?" I hadn't actually told anyone about the flashbacks or the fact that sometimes they're so bad I lose minutes in time. Until now no one has bothered me about it. Luckily the only person that could have noticed so easily was Lily but she hasn't had much time to think of anyone else other than Adam. But I can't lie to Jake now, so I tell hem the truth.

"Every time I close my eyes I see it. Everything, the crash, the blood…" I shudder. "I can hear it, and feel it. It's awful, I can barely sleep."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jake asks totally stunned. Searching my eyes.

"I don't want to go back there…" I say quietly, shaking my head. "I don't want them to give me medicines like they did to my mother! I don't want to be dependent on them and become all crazy…or…" I can't form the right words and my hands are shaking rattling the spoon I'm holding.

"Hey, come here." He says softly, taking me in his arms and pushing the food away for the moment. "It's going to be okay." He whispers a hand in my hair. "You should think about getting medicine because it might help you, okay? But you have to go back there because Adam needs to see you. Trust me." He says then kisses me on the mouth. Hm, well maybe we did jump back in to where we were before…

"We'll go tomorrow." He says, looking me in the eye. "Before it's too late." A new sense of dread is filling me. He's talking about the reaping. The reaping that is creeping closer and closer. And suddenly I'm transported back to two days ago though this isn't like the other flashbacks.

_Lily is waiting for me in the front yard as I approach the house. She's sitting cross legged in the garden. She's staring at a flower that's growing in the grass on its own. I join her, facing her in the garden. There's a prolonged silence as I wait for her to speak, although she never acknowledged my presence. I can tell she has something to say._

"_I…you have to promise me something Free." She says, finally looking me in the eye. _

"_Anything Lil." I tell her._

_She speaks slowly, choosing her words carefully. "We both know one of us will be chosen." I nod, yes; one of us is going into the Hunger Games. "And we both know that whoever it is the other will volunteer for." She looks at me, her eyes pained. I knew that too. The rest comes out in a rush. "But Free, I don't want you to volunteer for me, because I couldn't live knowing that you died for me!" She's distressed. Her voice is high, her eyes wild and teary._

"_I know Lil. I couldn't either if you did that for me." I say taking her hand. For once I'm the calmest._

_She takes a ragged breath. "I want to make a deal with you then. Something we can't break. Ever." There's a small pause and I know what she's thinking. "Whoever gets picked, gets picked. And the other can't volunteer for them. They have to let them go." She's crying now and so am I. I can't say goodbye to my sister. I just can't. But even so I nod and we link our little fingers together. A pinkie promise. We haven't done it in years but we both no we won't break it. Not ever._

I look into Jake's eyes, in the present. "Okay, we'll go tomorrow and I'll see him." I assent.

"You'll see, it'll be good for both of you."

We seal the deal with a kiss.

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><p><strong>Look forward to the next chapter: the reaping!<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**So here it is! Sorry I was planning to update on the weekend but I was interstate for a wedding.**

**Enjoy. Please review and tell me what you think. The good or the bad.  
><strong>

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><p>The day has come. The reaping. I'm not as scared as I think I should be but I guess I I'm not feeling much of anything, really. I can't sum up a feeling at the moment. I move around my bedroom woodenly, dressing myself in random clothes strewn about the room. Lily doesn't come into my room like other mornings and I'm almost scared to see her; it would finalize the fact that I won't be able to be with her after this day. My eyes prick but I force myself not to cry. I will not cry today.<p>

Somehow it never really hit me until today that I will never see Lily again. Either I'm going in or she is. Between the car crash and Jake and everything else, I never had a chance to fully realize how this will affect me. Too little too late. The day's here and I'm screwed. Deep down I know I'm going in. I've caused the trouble, the Peacekeeper's know me. I can't deny that, I only have to ready myself for it.

I wander down the stairs and find my entire family in the kitchen eating breakfast, a shocking occurrence. My mum and dad are trying to put a smile on their faces, I can tell that, but the tension in the air is thick. Mum had already given us an "I love you so much" talk, with one million hugs last night along with dad. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Now it was time to play, to begin. We were a family and we were strong.

The square is filled with people when we get there. Some people like the Cow Man smile encouragingly at me but I receive glares from many others. I notice lines of rebels, armed with weapons, on the outskirts of the square and it reminds me that our district is practically owned by the rebels now. Even if not fully they can still contain us with numbers and weaponry. For the districts not under rebel command I think they are just taking people by force and entering them into the Games. My parents hug both Lily and I for an extremely long time and when we can't prolong it any longer we move away ready to take our places. Just before we leave we grab Rye in a bear hug and tell him how much we love him. He doesn't understand the significance of today, that and I don't think he understands the concept of dying anyway. I suppose this will be less painful for him that way.

Lily and I take our places in the area for the 17 year olds. This is how I imagine it was for my mother and father back when they were 16. Through all the hustle and bustle, Lily and I get separated from one another. We stand in the same area but four people stand between us. Maybe it's better this way.

Effie Trinket, not as young as she used to be, takes the stage still in her outrageous Capitol fashions, just as soon as we take our places. I thought a rebel would be doing her job, but apparently she's as good as any. I'd called her Aunt Effie when I was younger; she'd always given me delicious food and shiny presents, things that amazed the five year old me. Even when I got older she gave me dresses and things, and even if I thought she was crazy, she really did love our family. I feel sorry for her, standing on the stage conducting the reaping. Of course this is stupid considering I'm the one in danger.

Before she does anything though, an actual rebel takes the stage. He states a huge spiel on the Hunger Games and the reason they have been implemented and it reminds me vaguely of the speech Snow used to give back in the day, I'd heard it when I had watched the old Hunger Games. And then something shocking happens, midway through his speech, something completely unanticipated. He says, "You, here in District 12 and along with every other citizen in Panem have more power than you think. This year you hold the power to halt the Hunger Games." My heart leaps into my throat. What is he talking about? I catch Lily's eye briefly before turning my attention back to him. "If we claim the entire nation, every district, and every citizen into our command before the conclusion of the Hunger Games, we will let the remaining tributes that are alive, leave the arena and return home. It is up to you District 12 along with your fellow citizens. Do you wish to kill you children?" All I could think of was there is a chance both of us could live. We might not die. The thought makes my head spin.

He leaves the stage to a rather flustered Effie Trinket.

"Uh, ladies first." She says. I'd heard that before but it no longer carried the same pizzazz. The next few things take a painfully long time as my hands sweat and my heart beats wildly. I feel faint and sick as her heels clack on the stage as she approaches the reaping bowl. Her hand enters and picks up the slip of paper and she returns – just as slowly – to the microphone to read it out. I hear the blood rush in my ears and I catch Lily's eye just before her voice rings loud and clear through the audience. What puts me off is the hint of sadness, of regret that courses through her high frequency, which makes me positive my name is on that paper.

"Lily Mellark!"

My entire world stops. My entire world shatters around me. No. No, no, no. Not Lily! This was never meant to happen! Since we aren't standing next to each other, she walks to the stage by herself, the kids parting willingly for her. Her steps are stiff but direct. I run out of the area for the 17 year olds unthinking, almost as if my body has a mind of its own. Peacekeepers – rebels I assume - immediately step forward, but they don't touch me.

My lungs fill with air because I want to volunteer. I want to scream to Effie to take me instead of Lil. I want to undo this because even if there is a chance she could live it is as slim as it gets. The country won't hand themselves over for two dozen children and no way in hell will she win the Games. But I freeze as our eyes lock, blue on blue. I remember the deal we made, the promise I made my sister. She gives me a look, telling me to go back, reminding me of our agreement. There's no desperation or fear in her eyes, there's just acceptance. She is telling me to accept this, and the look is just so…so _Lily,_ something I've missed in her,that I don't scream out to volunteer.

Our eyes remain locked for an impossibly long minute. I want to plead with her, but I know she won't have it. I can feel everyone's eyes on the two of us and myself beginning to comply. Silence fills the square as we continue our stare off.

Effie breaks the silence.

"Are there any volunteer's for Lily Mellark?" I can here Rye start to cheer for Lily because he knows no better and thinks she's been chosen for something special. He is soon stopped by one of our parents, I don't look. Every single pair of eyes in District 12 gazes at me. Grudgingly, nearly impossibly, I step back into the area full of 17 year olds. I hear a couple of people gasp. No doubt I haven't kept to the same standard as my mother. Lily nods slightly to herself and resumes walking to the stage in measured paces, walking to her death.

"Well…well now for the male Tribute of District 12!" Effie looks a bit frazzled over what just happened.

Her hand enters the ball and pulls out a white slip. "Patrick Riley!" I don't know who that is and I don't care. And anyway it isn't Jake. A tall muscled guy walks onto the stage, dark hair, strong arms, and a frown on his face. No signs of fear. He looks like a fair contender in the Games.

He and Lily shake hands rigidly.

Then Effie regains her perk. "Ladies and gentleman I give you the Tributes of District 12! Lily Mellark and Patrick Riley!"

I'm not even watching us they leave the stage.

_1 hour later…_

I'm standing in the weeds; half crazed trying desperately to free myself. I squirm in his grip trying to wrench my arm from his hand. I need to get into the forest; I need to get away from everything. Just five more meters. Damn it! Why did he follow me here?

"Ethan!" I yell. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. "Get – off – me!" My efforts aren't working because he's stronger than Jake.

"Free!" He tries to reason, while keeping his hold. "Just listen!" But I don't want to listen. I want to get away from him. His hold isn't in any way aggressive, no, because Ethan would never hurt me, but even so I don't have the composure to do this. I continue to struggle my way to the fence.

"No!" He yells as he lets my arms go. I have a moment of freedom when I think I can make it but his arm snags my waist and pulls me back with effort. The movement hurts my ribs. "For god's sake Free!" He yells, spinning me around and keeping his hands on my shoulders. I'm forced to look him in the eye. "You can't go in there, okay? Do you want to die? You won't be helping anyone! They will come and find you! Do you think your parents could handle that at the moment?" It's the first time he's ever raised his voice like this at me, and I'm slightly frightened. Even so I yell back trying to throw all the bad things that are hurting me onto him.

"I don't care Ethan! She's as good as dead! You can't tell me what to do because you sold me out! I never should have let her go! I wanted to volunteer! Get away from me!" I scream pushing at him.

"What the hell?" The voice comes from further away and I see Jake sprinting down the slope towards us, slipping in the dirt. "What are you doing to her?" He pounces on Ethan immediately, he releases his hold. They regard each other in that stupid testosterone fueled, guy way, both of them trying to hold their ground and out do the other. Ridiculous.

"I'm not doing anything!" Ethan bites back glaring at Jake.

"Oh really? Then why was she screaming at you to let her go?" He counters stepping closer. Normally I would step in between them and calm things down, before punches are thrown, but I see my chance and I take it; I take off to the fence again thinking I can get there before they do. Once I'm in the forest they won't be able to track me. I hear them scramble for a minute, surprised by my actions, and right before I reach it one of them grabs me again. I lose my balance as does he and we fall into the fence. Luckily this part is not charged so we don't get fried. I try to scramble up, as my eyes meet Jake's. I see a great deal of concern in them but he gets off me quickly. I stand up and stare at the two of them. I'm now covered in dirt and look wild.

"You can't do this. It's not safe." He says in a measured tone motioning towards the fence.

"Just leave me alone." I whisper, my voice cracking. I can't do this right now. Ethan and Jake and everything else.

"Free…" Jake says.

"No, not right now." I shake my head vehemently. "She's gone, and I'm here, and that wasn't meant to happen. She was meant to stay with…" Oh my god Adam! He was exempt from the reaping considering he would probably die before the Games started if he was reaped. He has no idea of the outcome of the reaping.

I turn and race my way back up the slope, but when I hear them begin to follow I spin around in anger. "I'm not going in there anymore!" I say pointing to the forest. "So just leave me alone." In any normal state I would never scream at them like this. But I wasn't in a normal state.

They don't follow me after that. I run through town crazily but there aren't many people out today to see the mad girl who just lost her sister, tear through the town. When the hospital steals my view I push my legs harder and burst through the doors. I don't even think of flashbacks of car crashes. Nurses look up startled but I'm gone before they can do anything. When I reach Adam's door however, my energy runs out and I stop. I feel the ache in my body, reminding me I am not meant to overexert myself. I ignore it.

I see him look up, and for a small moment he smiles at me, and I calm down slightly, because Adam is here for me and he understands. He knows me like no one else. The moment doesn't last long however before the smile is wiped off his face and realization dawns over him.

I stumble over my words. "I'm sorry – I couldn't -" But I couldn't what? Take her place? I very easily could have. All I had to say was two words. Shame fills me as I realize I could have turned this around so easily.

"Free…you're here…she got reaped?" He whispers. I see the raw agony on his face but at the same time the conflict that he should be glad I'm safe. I also see the shock which only means one thing.

"You thought I was going to get reaped as well." I say quietly. How on earth did Lily get picked?

"No -" I wave him away because he's only going to dispute it for my sake. I already know the truth. There's just silence after that as we stare at each other, both trying to come to terms with the same thing. Lily's gone and neither of us expected it.

"Come here." He says roughly, and moves over in his bed. I don't hesitate in heading to him and I climb into his bed quickly lying next to him. He wraps his good arm around my shoulder. I can't hold it in any longer; I burst into tears and cry against him and I can tell he's crying to. My head against his shoulder, and his cheek resting on my head.

"I'm sorry." I tell him over and over. "I should've volunteered."

"No, no." His voice is thick. "I'm glad at least your safe." I try to catch the lie but his voice is sincere. How can he be glad?

We stay like this for an impossibly long time until all the tears have gone, and even then I don't want to move. I know how this must look to other people but I know to us this is just what we do. I need my best friend and he needs me because right now he understands me better than any other person in the district and today we've both lost the same thing. As the light grows darker my eyes feel heavier as the exhaustion and emotions take a toll on my body. I listen to Adam's breathing, even and no longer hitched, and I find myself sinking lower and lower into unconsciousness before I'm finally rescued from all the torment.

I'm jolted awake suddenly from footsteps outside the door. It's dark in the hospital room and I find the window blackened. I look to the clock and it reads 11. 11, what? PM? It must be. Ah shit…I roll out of bed careful not to jostle Adam and right myself. I need to get home, for once I'm thinking rationally. The last time anyone saw me was the early afternoon and I was a complete wreck. Come to think of it, I'm surprised that the nurses didn't throw me out of the hospital. Maybe they were being kind.

The minute I step out of the room however I realize kindness had nothing to do with it. There's a man waiting for me, sitting in a chair placed conveniently just outside the door.

"Ah, Miss Mellark." He says cheerfully as if we meet here everyday. "I am glad to see you have woken."

My body runs cold. I study him suspiciously. He is tall and lean and looks to be in his mid thirties, with soft brown hair and blue eyes. His features are contorted into a friendly smile that I immediately distrust.

"Shall we?" He says motioning for us to leave with his eyebrows raised. I glance around the hospital and there is no one here. I don't know this man but he seems to know me. For a moment I consider running but I doubt I will get far before something stops me. I struggle until finally deciding to follow him and be good and hopefully I might get out of this and return home to my parents. He leads me out of the hospital swiftly and efficiently, nodding towards some nurses at the counter. Once we are outside I find my voice.

"Who are you?" I question, looking up at him. A small smile plays on his lips.

"My name is Michael. Head rebel." He says with an air of superiority. Head rebel? I didn't know they had a head.

So I've been caught by the rebels. Great, just what I need. Maybe one Mellark out of the way was not enough. Or maybe they had expected me to volunteer. We continue to meander through the district at a leisurely pace, which unnerves me, as I am tensed in anticipation. When we take I a sudden turn I stop waking and look at him dumbfounded.

"Where are we going?" I say, looking in the direction he is facing. That only leads to the forest.

"The forest." He says easily, cocking his head. "I thought you would be comfortable there. It is where you intended to go this afternoon was it not?" I feel like ice as I realize I've been watched. For how long?

The last thing I want to do is head into the forest in the dead of night with the head rebel who has labeled me to my entire district as dangerous. It would be a suicide mission. So I prepare myself to sprint away screaming for help when he comes out with, "I'd like to discuss your sister's current position and more importantly your own." Is he serious? Could I possibly be able to strike a bargain?

Curiosity and desperation piqued, I nod in assent and follow him down the path. One of the worst decisions I could possibly make.

"I would've collected you earlier from the hospital if your friends had not been so determined." He says casually as we ease down the slope which is a lot more difficult in the dark.

"What?"

"Those two boys who seem so attached to you. They waited here for hours, you know. I kept tabs on this spot waiting for them to clear. Quite awkward if you ask me, between the two." Had Ethan and Jake really waited here for hours so I couldn't run into the forest? I don't think they even like each other. In fact I'm almost certain Jake has a great dislike for Ethan. I recognize now my earlier intentions as dangerous while they had realized it straight away. "Well come on." He says motioning towards the fence. He slips under first, and while I have a good chance to run I recognize it as futile because he'll just hunt me down again. I slip under, getting my already dirty clothes even dirtier, and he offers me a hand when I rise.

Well I guess even evil people can practice chivalry.

"This way then." He says cheerfully leading me down a natural path. Is he just perpetually happy? Or does he get his kicks tormenting teenage girls? We stop at a log. "There we go. Much more privacy than in the district, especially with your parents tearing the place down." My parents. They'd already lost one daughter today and I decide to run off and go missing. Guilt rushes through me and I eye the fence wishing to run home. Instead the guy, Michael, pulls me down onto the log. "We have much to talk about Miss Mellark."

"Really?" I counter. "I don't think we do. You've already sentenced my sister to death."

"Ah, yes." He nods as if he is actually considering what I am saying. Is he mocking me? "That is what I wished to discuss with you." I feel like we're going to go around in circles. I sigh heavily and look out at the forest. The moon is bright creating a natural light but even so I cannot see more than a few feet in front of me.

"Don't tell me you're going to offer Lily her life in exchange for something because I know it won't happen. That's the only reason I would discuss anything with you, so you can save it." I say already defeated. It's all too late; there is no possibly bargain I can make.

"Ah but that is exactly what I am proposing." I do a double take because there was no way was he telling the truth. I scoot away from him on the log, scared of what his actual motives are. "See Freesia," He continues. My names sounds strange in his voice. "You're a smart girl, that's obvious, so I assume you've already realized that even if we have promised to stop the Games if the nation complies, that will never happen. You see because humans refuse to think alike."

"Yes." I say warily.

"So considering that is not an option I am proposing to let Lily win the Hunger Games if you will comply with my wishes. Or should I say the rebel's wishes." I repeat his offer in my head and both times I come to the same conclusion: he's offering to save Lily. YES. Yes, yes, yes, she could live! But instead of losing my composure and screaming in acceptance I play it cool, matching him.

"What would I have to do?" I ask although I've already made my decision.

"Work for the rebels." He says. "I know you are relatively aware of the rebel's current hold on Panem, due to your appearance on Miner's Main." He says raising his eyebrows suggestively like it's a joke we share. I don't react. "So you know we have roughly half the population under control and once the Capitol is obtained we should, potentially, be in control of everything. Correct?"

I nod. Yes.

"What poses the most threat however is that of District 13." I go incredibly still at the mention of 13, my euphoria shattering around me, now we have entered dangerous territory. He appraises me with a smug smile. "Yes Freesia, we need District 13 under control. They pose the most problem in securing Panem. We had only been able to get a minimal amount of rebels into the district and sadly they were killed the same night you crashed. Awful things, despicable." He doesn't sound particularly regretful and his reproach at 13 is hypocritical.

I had grown up with a relatively care free childhood, save for the present situation. I had visited many districts. And one of those had been District 13. In fact, I had been there multiple times. And while my parents had always drilled me about politeness and manners and other more trivial things, something they never ceased to mention was the significance of District 13. Being the entire core for the old rebellion, District 13 was well equipped and still held the facilities and recourses from that rebellion. I had been educated on the logistics of the district and the rebellion and over time I gained a lot of knowledge. I also knew that in case of new conflicts within the country, District 13 was the best bet at keeping our fragile years of peace that we were able to obtain. But I also knew that the rebels had been acting out for months and I had seen no help from 13. Still, the rebels were aware that the district would be a threat to them and now they wished for me to help take it out. And technically I could, because I know and have access to vast amounts of information on 13, and in return I could regain my sister.

But even so I know what I can and cannot do. "I can't help you." I force the words out of my mouth readying myself to leave. There has to be another way. He looks mildly surprised by what I said. And I have to admit I'm proud of my resolve.

"Brave of you, Freesia, to sentence your own sister to death at the fate of 13."

"I didn't sentence her to death, you did!" I shoot back at him with all the ferocity I can muster.

"Yes, and now -quite leniently I might add - I am giving you the option to save her. What do you want to do Freesia?"

He knows the answer. I want to save Lily. But can I do it?

"Why didn't you blackmail my parents? They want to save her just as much; wouldn't they be of more use?" I say, trying to steer the conversation away for a moment so I can think.

"Freesia, use your head. Dealing with previous rebels. That is not how you win a rebellion; they have the power if needed to pose damage to us. It would not be a productive move." Oh, so they go to the 17 year old girl who is much simpler to blackmail? Yes, they do because it's easier to deal with me and they know I have the information.

Another problem arises for me. "How do I know you won't kill Lily? You've spent all this time making us seem like the bad guys, wouldn't it be _unproductive _to let her live?" I say, using his terminology. It will be too obvious if she won.

"See here is the thing." He says, choosing his words carefully. "People don't just openly hate you without reason. People fear you out of fear for themselves. Many don't know you personally and the ones that do seem to like you." I wonder whether I should take offence at that. "The reaction you are receiving is purely from fear as they believe you are the culprit for the rebels…how should I say? _Indecency. _If however you were to _comply_, and we choose to portray you as in acceptance of the rebels, I presume most of the antagonism will dissipate and Lily, daughter of two victor's already, will be crowned the victor willingly." There it is. There's my option: Let Lily die or save her. Never in my life would I have thought I'd have to think about this decision, weigh it up. But here I am.

"What do you want on District 13?" I ask, although I think I already know.

"Everything you have Freesia. That's the deal. And don't try to hide anything; we are very good at sourcing things out. We'll know if you withhold information." He stands up. "Have a lovely night." He says smoothly before sauntering away back towards the fence.

I sit with my head in my hands for a long time, the panic stage of all this shock finally setting in. Huge sobs rake through my body, and the sound travels into the wilderness as I hear animals shuffle.

"No, no…" I mumble over and over. Rage runs through my body so strong that I shake and my hands tingle and all I want to do is run. I leap up, my vision blurry from tears, my entire frame quivering. I need to let it out. This morning I had wanted to feel something but now all I want to do is take it all away. To go back being numb and wooden. I scream in frustration and punch the tree in front of me trying to alleviate the pent up fury and switch everything else off. I do it twice more, again and again, screaming my head off before the intense pain catches up to me and I crumple to the ground.

A lot of times passes while I'm in the forest, dazed, before rationality wanders into my brain I finally come to the conclusion that I need to be home. I pull myself up, using only one hand, and try to retrace my steps back through the dark. It's harder at night because everything looks the same but I make it to the fence and back into District 12.

Absolutely no one is outside in this part of town, and it must be well past midnight. I wander through the district slowly until my house is in front of me. The lights are on and I almost chicken out and run back down the street though I know I can't. I steel myself and walk through the door.

Seven heads snap up to look at me the minute the door opens. Mum, Dad, Finnick, Ethan, Jake, Gale and Haymitch. I've interrupted a deep conversation. Though the silence doesn't last long before it everything turns into chaos.

"Where the hell have you been?" My mother screams at me. "It's 1 am!"

"I – I was at the hospital with Adam and I fell asleep." I say almost silently. I hadn't realized how cold I was before I entered the heated house, but now I can't stop shivering.

"We checked the hospital 45 minutes ago Freesia. It doesn't take that long to walk home." Dad says more calmly than mum but still with menace.

"What happened to your hand?" Haymitch asks before I can answer the question, craning his head to get a better look.

For the first time I take note of my appearance. I can feel my hair in wild tangles, sticking out at odd angles. I have scratches running the length of my arms, blood is coating my severely bruised hand and dirt is covering every inch of my body. I do not look good and there is no way I can say I've only been at the hospital.

"I fell in the dark, down a slope when I was heading home. Maybe I passed out…" That is the best answer I can get out to account for everything without saying I was just blackmailed by the rebel leader. No one seems to believe me and I don't blame them because it's pathetic.

"We've been looking for you all night." Ethan tells me. "Search parties and everything." I know I should feel guilty, and I guess I do a little, but what I mainly feel is anger because they have no idea what happened and what I have to deal with. They assume I'm wallowing in self pity, when I have much more pressing concerns in my mind. But I can't say any of that, so I mumble out apologies standing awkwardly at the door.

My dad is the first to take sympathy and gently grabs my arm and leads me to a chair in the kitchen. Mum is a mix of anger and worry and she throws her hands in frustration and runs up the stairs. Jake approaches me carefully as dad ducks into the kitchen, he kneels next to me.

"Hey." He says simply, and while it is completely inadequate for the circumstances he still makes me smile a little. "I was really worried about you." He says seriously. "Don't run off again, okay? We can get through this. You're strong; I know you can do it." I know he doesn't understand but I don't care, I'm drinking in his words greedily.

"Okay." I say. My voice wavers.

I know he hears it because he says, "You know I love you." He tells me giving my hand a squeeze. My heart jumps. It's the first time he's said it ever and although it's possibly the worst circumstances at the moment that was the one thing that I needed to hear.

"I love you too." I whisper as he pulls me into a tight hug and I grip him as tight as possible, grateful for his support even after today.

"I'll take care of you, okay?" He whispers in my ear, a hand in my hair. I nod my head mutely and he kisses my cheek. Sadly the moment ends as Gale calls him and he leaves along with Finnick and Ethan. Ethan gives me a searching look before leaving, unsure.

Haymitch and dad end up being the only people in the kitchen with me.

Dad brings a warm bowl of water, a wash cloth, antiseptic, and a bandage as Haymitch stares at me, concerned. He cleans my hand gently in silence.

"You know you can't do anything against the rebels, right?" Haymitch says suddenly. "This isn't like last time sweetheart, you can't be the Mockingjay. I'm going in tomorrow and I'm going to do my best alright? I'll try and get her out."

"What?" I asked completely confused.

"They've designated me as the District 12 mentor." He says with a grimace.

"Why didn't they send you with Lily?"

"I don't know." He says shaking his head. He looks over at dad. "I better be going. Take care of yourself. And don't do anything stupid." He says pointing at me with his completely serious look that I've never contradicted.

"Bye Haymitch." Dad says quietly and I hear the door slam. Dad doesn't say another word for a while and this scares me more than the yelling.

Finally he says, "Go to bed sweetheart." And gets up and leaves me. I go to bed like I was told but I don't sleep and when I finally fall into a shallow sleep I wake up with dreams of car crashes, blood, and newly, Lily being murdered in the Games.

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><p><strong>Were you surprised to see Lily entered or did you suspect it? Review! :) All comments welcome<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Firstly, I am really sorry this chapter took me so long to put up after I'd been updating regularly. I've tried to make it up with a decent lengthed one :)**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or added this to alerts or favourites, it's all very helpful and I really, really appreciate it!  
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><p><em>Heads…Tails…Heads…Heads…Heads…<em>the coin flies into the window. I cross my arms in a huff. I can't make a decision on a coin! _Think, think, think. _But when I think I go around in circles and my head aches. I need to save Lily because I doubt Haymitch will be able to. But how?

The answer creeps its way into my brain. _Give the rebels what they want._

_Shut up. _I tell myself. That won't help anybody. Well anybody that's not Lily. I lean back on my chair and survey the study. _I could do it…_

"Stop it!" I scold myself, kicking the desk. I've never been an aggressive person until now.

I hear Jake's voice in my head. _Aggression never solves anything. _

"What do you know…" I mumble even though he had said that about the rebels and not me. I sigh getting up and leaving the study. Rule number one: if you start talking to yourself you have been in the house too long. Outside isn't much help considering the woods are everywhere. _I could do it…no I can't…but what if…_

I give up. I wander aimlessly around the living room until the mantelpiece grabs my attention. The family photo sits on top, glaringly obvious.

"I could bring you back." I whisper, touching the Lily in the photograph. She just smiles good naturedly at me, uncaring. _Well that's helpful._

A knock at the door startles me and I suppose it's good timing since I'm talking to myself and inanimate objects.

"Hey." Jake smiles standing in the doorway. I walk back into the lounge room as he follows. I turn the picture downward. _I'll figure it out later. _Whether I'm promising the actual picture or myself I don't know.

There's an awkward silence in the room as Jake tries to assess my mood or maybe my sanity. I wonder if he can tell I'm keeping something. What am I saying? Of course he can! No one bought my flimsy story. "I heard Adam's being discharged today." He finally says with an attempt at lightness.

"Yeah, he told me." I say dismissively. I know I shouldn't take this out on Jake but I'm running at the end of my tether.

"What happened that night?" Jake asks quietly, glancing at my hand still wrapped in the bandage.

"I can't tell you." I whisper. My eyes sting. I hope he'll just drop it because I really can't keep lying. And to my surprise he does.

"Okay."

"What?"

"I said okay." He says, his eyes piercing me.

"Okay…" I say unsure. He is not one to give in. He just gives me an easy smile and for a second I wonder that maybe I have actually gone crazy. "Can I ask you something?" I question timidly, trying to sort out the tirade in my mind. He gives me a careful look before nodding.

"Anything." He says softly.

"Do you think the rebels are right? Overall is it good what they are doing?" I say. My question had the opposite effect intended as all the gentleness drains from his face and he rubs his face with his hands tiredly.

"Free, don't start this again." He says.

"Just answer -"

"No Free, just stop, okay?" He says. "We were fine the way we were before. The rebels are _killing _people; murdering them! They took Lily for Christ's sake! How can you even contemplate this?" I had it coming, when he'd finally lose it with me and for once I don't get my back up about it.

But I have to contemplate this because the answer will help me decide whether or not I can sell out 13 in exchange for Lily. I mean it's just a matter of time before they get a hold of it anyway, right?

"Okay, forget I said it." I give in looking at my feet.

"Look I have to go." He says in an extremely tired voice. "I just wanted to check in on you. I'll be back later and we'll talks some more."

"Thank you." He comes forward and kisses me, deeply and passionately before heading to the door.

"Love ya!" He calls out playfully before swinging it shut. I smile despite my mood.

My position in now on Lily's bay window as the light seeps through it. The best light…I stare into the woods beyond the window, a photo of only Lily and me clutched to my chest. I know the weaknesses of 13, and I know exactly how the rebels could initiate an attack. But can I do it?

I mean in truth, it would just be a matter of time before the rebels got a hold of 13. I would only speed up the process and in return I would save Lily's life. But that was the irrational trying to be rational.

Obviously, I cannot, under any circumstance predict the future and by not selling out 13 I would be giving them time to plan an attack on the rebels. By giving the rebels the information though, I would be technically positioning my allegiance with them.

Was that really so bad?

_Yes_! Yes it was. But that was because I believed so thoroughly that my parent's actions in the past were right. Were these rebels right too? Giving the information would perhaps save lives, as the rebels would take a hold of Panem more swiftly.

I sighed. That made no sense. I wasn't getting anywhere.

There were only two ways to look at things:

I give the rebels the information, going against the entire district and my country, and catalyze the war between the rebels and 13. My actions would be responsible for many lives but in exchange I would receive a life that to me contains much more value.

Or I could not give the information. Lily would die in the Hunger Games and I would still be in danger of the rebel's actions, although District 13 would for the moment remain safe and I would not be held responsible for ending many, many lives. However most likely inevitably, District 13 would be obtained in the end into the rebels command.

I know which answer I'm inclined to take but I shut it down immediately. Once again I'm back to square one. I scan her room, now empty and abandoned and imagine her walking through the door to greet me. I see her hair hung loose, and her dress swishing with her steps. The picture is so real, so vivid in my eyes that I immediately spring up and run out of the room. I've been calling myself crazy and seeing Lily is exactly one step closer to insanity.

For now though I was to find Jake. To silence my brain. I have an idea where he might be. After screaming at him after the reaping and practically locking myself away while I've attempted to sort out the rebel's blackmail I think I owe him something. Especially since he's been coming everyday to see how I'm doing.

I wander out into the street. With Lily gone I hadn't realized how my life is constantly surrounded by guys. Rye, Jake, Adam, Ethan…and I'm in desperate need of girl action without testosterone. I'm thinking of seeing Hollie but that will have to wait until later.

I find him where I assumed him to be; in a park just outside the main square. I'd seen him go here with Marianna before and sure enough there she was playing on the swings while Jake watched her from the bench. I guess he got stuck with babysitting. I approach him quietly, so he doesn't notice. I creep up behind and cover his eyes with my hands.

"Guess who?" I say leaning in. He starts but stills once he realizes it's me. He grabs my hands.

"Is everything okay?" He asks with a frown. I hate the fact he has to ask me that when all I've done is leave the house. Time to shape up. I answer him with a kiss on the lips and he quickly pulls me around from the back of the bench to his lap.

"I've missed you." He whispers against my skin and our lips lock once more. I make a noise in assent and I lace my arms around his neck and my fingers entwine in his hair. His reach up my back, warm against my skin.

"Missed you too." I say as I take a breath. "I really am sorry." He doesn't get the chance to dispute or accept my apology before I'm on him again. He doesn't complain.

Just as things begin to escalate to pure impropriety I hear a little voice behind me.

"Jakie!" The little nine year old says. I scramble off him quickly my cheeks heating up. Jake appears as nonplussed as ever.

"Anna!" Jake mimics her tone playfully.

"Mummy said you weren't allowed to kiss Free when I was around." She tells him seriously crossing her arms. I hide my face in my hands, embarrassed, and try to step away.

"Come here." Jake chuckles and grabs my waist on sits me back down on him, despite my protest. "Mummy isn't here now is she Anna?" He asks her broadly with his eyebrows raised.

"I'm going to tell her!" She says stubbornly and I have to laugh because she reminds me of Rye. I feel Jake sigh.

"Tell you what? If you don't tell Mummy I will go and buy you ice cream." He says cheekily to the little girl. I frown in mock disappointment at him even though I've done this to Rye before.

"Okay!" She chimes and begins walking off to the square. "I want two scoops Jakie!" She trills as she twirls around ahead of us.

"See how easy was that?" He asks, as we trail behind her, his arm squeezes my waist.

"You're lucky she's still so young." I tease him, fixing his collar that's flipped up, he swats my hand away.

"You're like my mum!" He complains. "I swear if she could she would still dress me."

"Maybe I should dress you." I suggest looking down at his clothes. He shakes his head in frustration and follows Anna who is happily skipping into the shop.

We come out with two scoops of chocolate ice cream for Anna and one ice cream for Jake and me to share. For the first time since the reaping I actually feel happy. Or at least not depressed. Close enough. Of course once I let my mind wander back to my predicament that'll be erased. So I decide to simply not think.

"You ready to go home Anna?" Jake asks as we walk through town. I still receive some hostile looks but not as much as before. I suppose they think it's enough that Lily got sent to the Games.

I can tell Jake is more than ready to take her home and be rid of her.

"But you said we could go on the slide!" She complains, eating her ice cream greedily.

"Oh, come on!" Jake complains under his breath. The slide she is talking about is in the primary school playground and is a little out of the way.

"Maybe you should stop making her promises." I stage whisper and receive a glare in return.

"Do you mind?" He asks, as if he's worried he's boring me immensely. Quite the opposite really.

I shake my head. "Come on it won't take long." I say, dragging him along this time.

We play on the slide for a good half hour before Anna declares she is ready to go home. Jake sighs in relief.

However we end up at my home, not his. The perfect combination really because we were able to leave Anna to play with Rye under the watchful eye of my father while Jake and I headed to my room.

I feel a twinge of grief as I look at Lily's door, and I try really hard not to see her in the doorway, but it all doesn't last long before I'm distracted.

"You seem better today." Jake says quietly and kisses my mouth as I back into my room.

"Mhmm." I mumble. The only reason I was better was because I actually made an effort. If he'd known I'd been rambling to objects and seeing Lily I think he would retract his assessment. I force his mouth open with mine and slide my tongue inside.

"What changed?" He asks carefully after a moment, as we break away, aware this is a fragile conversation. I hesitate a moment too long, heightening his suspicion. He steps away from me in a small movement, surveying my face. Before I can repair the situation something grabs his eye. I trace his glance and find him staring at the wall by my dresser.

"Jake." I say hurriedly, tugging his arm towards me. Not good. This is definitely not good. Though he shrugs me off and walks to the wall. I put my face in my hands.

"What is this?" He asks, touching a hand drawn map on the wall.

He's found the wall. I hadn't even thought about it when we'd walked in here.

It's a mess of scribbles and pictures which reinforces my rather negative assessment of my sanity. Sort of similar to a conspiracy wall I guess. Really it's my way of working out the District 13 predicament. In theory I thought if I had been able to visualize it all, maybe the right answer would jump out at me. It was wishful thinking, really.

Jake's hand rests on the map I made of District 13 from what I can remember and what I know. My artistic memory had come in handy then. Also stuck onto the wall are various photo's, mostly of Lily and me, playing around in District 13, as I tried to piece together the schematics of the district. This was for if I decided to help the rebels and give them whatever I could on 13.

On the dresser, between the perfumes and brush, are stacks of discs all labeled with either, "propo" or one of the Hunger Games names. These are whatever I could scrounge up from the Hunger Games or the last rebellion in an attempt to justify one of my decisions.

Jake looks disheartened as he studies it all. "Free I told you to stop obsessing and punishing yourself over this. It can't be good for you. It's like you're trying to justify-" He stops speaking suddenly and his eyes brighten as realization dawns on him.

"Jake just forget-"

"They gave you an ultimatum, didn't they?" I don't answer. "_Didn't they_?" I'll never, ever understand how he pieced this together so quickly. "That night, is that what happened?"

I could lie, I do consider it. But he's guessed it all and I just don't have the power to do it. Instead I nod my head miserably.

"What did they say?"

I swallow. If they found out he new the deal would be terminated. "They said that if I gave them all the information I knew on District 13, they would let win Lil the Hunger Games." I was scared of his reaction, of what he would tell me to do. I was worried he would take down the wall, tell me to stop obsessing and to get 'help'. I didn't want any of the sorts.

What I didn't expect was Jake to say, "And you didn't agree? Why not?"

I falter. "What the hell do you mean why not, Jake?" I say heatedly. "The entirety of 13 is at stake! How can I do it?" I repeat the question that had plagued my mind for so long. I imagine Lily by the dresser, where she's stood so many times, pleading for rescue. Only Lily wouldn't do that.

"Think about it." He says. "You could save her, keep her alive. District 13 is going to be inevitably invaded by the rebels, you can't stop that, but you could save her." Jake wasn't thinking objectively, I should have known that, but at that point all I cared about was that someone else had told me to take the decision that I was dying to take. Suddenly everything seemed rationalized.

I nod my head studying the wall. I know what to tell the rebels now.

"I'm meeting with the head rebel tomorrow night." I say.

"That's the night the interviews are on."

"Yeah I know. After they finish I'll make the deal."

"I'm coming with you."

"No." I say forcefully. "You're not!" Nothing would make the situation worse. "They will end it all if they know you know. We have to keep this quiet, okay?"

Very, very grudgingly he nods his head though he doesn't seem happy about it.

"Just trust me." I say, even though I don't trust myself.

He doesn't answer. He kisses me again.

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><p>"And the moment you have all been waiting for!" The presenter's voice booms across the square. No more Claudius Templesmith. This guy was less extravagant but just as strange. "You're tributes!"<p>

It was pure mockery. How they labeled the tributes heroes and pretended we were all dying to see them. Another blow reminding us that we are to blame. A surge of whispering carries through the crowd of District 12. Adam gives me a pained look. Hollie touches my arm.

It was the opening ceremonies, however this year the interviews were to be conducted now and not on the last night. Like all the previous Games, they play it on the huge screen in the square that has only recently been implemented again.

District 1 is first to appear. The setting is more or less the same. Tiers of Capitol spectators are watching that must be working for the rebels and the Capitol's expensive buildings surround as the scenery. The outfits aren't outrageous like the former Hunger Games, though the tributes are obviously glorified. District 1 shimmers as per usual, and the two tributes look relatively composed. They'll be contenders in the games, they're Careers anyway. I wonder whether that will make a difference this year. The chariots continue down each district making its appearance. I notice District 8 is absolutely petrified and District 4 look ruthless. The presenter comments on all the tributes but focus on their potential rather than style, unlike the old days.

When Lily comes out I nearly lose it. What contains me is the presence of everyone around me. Hollie with her hand on my arm, Adam watching the screen intently, Jake with an arm at my waist. Even Ethan is here and he gives me a reassuring look but I can see him waver over Lily. I try to return it. Rye wanders around my feet unable to see. I hadn't wanted to bring him but I had no choice considering my parents were most likely basket cases back at the house.

Lily is wearing a black dress, long sleeved, backless, and fitted. Parts are cut out, almost as if she has been burnt. I think of my mother, as the girl on fire. Her blue eyes pop out from her dark makeup and hair and her dress is accented with red. She stands next to her fellow tribute, Patrick Riley and both wear a mask of confidence, their heads held high.

"And there we have Lily Mellark, daughter of two rebels." The presenter speaks. "I wonder how the betting will go for her. Any secrets in the arena?" He muses. There is betting in the Games, like before. The people who are pro rebel, or just plain cruel are betting on who comes out. I suppose no one will be betting Lily to come out, but they don't know of the deal I'm about to make.

"She looks strong." Hollie whispers in my ear, still clutching my arm.

"Yeah she does." But I know that strength is frail, and I wonder how it will hold up in the arena. _I will save you. _I promise. I know I will. _Just hang in there._

I look for Jake, for reassurance in my decision and he nods his head at me. Okay. I could do it.

The interviews begin, just like before, as darkness begins to fall on the district. I make sure Ethan has Rye so I don't lose him in the dark. He's fascinated with seeing Lily on the screen and I know he still doesn't understand what's going on.

The interviews progress quickly, as the interviewer, surprisingly an aged Caesar Flickerman, questions the tributes. They go through their feelings at the reaping and their chances at winning. Each I have been told is connected to the old rebels or some anti-rebel agenda. That is the reason they were reaped. Of course nobody in the interview states this but it's obviously true.

A few tributes stand out. Like the girl from District 4.

"So Marina, do you have a plan when you enter the arena?" Caesar asks. She is similar, physically to Annie, though emotionally she is malicious.

"Oh yes, I've had many tips from my district. Honestly, the others won't stand a chance. I'll win and then join the rebels and the new Panem." Traitor. But that is exactly what will keep her alive longer.

The boy from District 11 named Ren.

"It was a shock, getting reaped, I admit it. But I'm glad it's me and not anyone else. I doubt I'd last long in the rebellion anyway." Gasps from the Capitol audience. That boy intrigued me, but I disregarded him. He'll die quickly anyway.

The girl from 8, Morgan, who hadn't actually gotten a coherent sentence out and who Caesar very kindly escorted off stage. She looked far too fragile for the Games.

And finally it was Lily's turn. As usual she was composed.

"Hello Lily." Caesar greets her merrily.

"Hello Caesar." She smiles good naturedly, and she reminds me so much of my father when she speaks like that. I look over at poor Adam who's as white as a sheet; I place a hand on his arm reassuringly. He grips my hand tightly.

"Now we all saw your reaping and of course were wondering whether it would be a repeat of the past. I have to say Lily, I was surprised when your sister stepped back like she did."

I don't think anyone else would notice but I see the slight falter in her expression. Guilt rushes through me. _I'm sorry, I'm going to save you!_

"She and I had made a deal." She tells Caesar surely, regaining her composure. "We made a deal to not volunteer for each other." She pauses for a moment then says sincerely, "And I'll always be thankful that she kept her promise because I love her too much to let her enter the Games." Lily says with her natural charm and ease that sum up who she is. Lucky for Lily she is likeable so just maybe we can pull this off.

I feel Jake guide my head onto his shoulder as his arms tighten and I realize I'm crying watching the huge screen in the square. Adam looks beside himself and I squeeze his hand.

"Just like her father!" Caesar addresses the audience in the Capitol. There's a murmur that passes through it though I can't tell whether it's positive or negative. I hope Lily can sell herself well because otherwise we're going to have a hard time pegging her as the victor.

"Now tell me Lily, who do you take after most? Your mother or your father? Obviously you have you're mother's gorgeous looks. " He says indicating her dress. "I'm sure we're all dying to see your skills in the arena." Yes, people are _literally_ dying to see this. What an awful choice of words.

"I think I have the best of both in me." Lily smiles. "But you'll have to wait to see what I've got until I enter the arena. I can't give away my secrets." She says mischievously which causes Caesar to immediately enter into a playful banter. So much like our father she is. I imagine dad back at the empty house with mum watching this. Or maybe they'd already turned it off.

They continue the rest of the interview quickly, outlining her previous travels to the Capitol and her life back here in 12. Then she stands up, kisses Caesar's cheek and walks off stage.

Patrick Riley's interview is uneventful. He gives a strong persona and has a cockiness to him that will benefit him in the arena. By the end I'm still unaware of who he is related to that led him to be reaped.

Then Caesar Flickerman bids Panem a joyous goodbye and asks as to stay tuned for the training scores in the next few days. The screen blackens and darkens the square, now only the occasional street lamp lighting the district.

My little group disperses quickly as each resident of the district heads back to their houses miserably. Jake and Adam leave together, Adam taking Rye and telling my parents I'd gone to Jake's, as do Hollie and Ethan. Soon I'm alone amongst the few scattered people left. Some give sympathetic glances to me, for consolation but it does none of the sort.

It's time.

I wander to the woods, down the slope through the fence and along the narrow path to the log I had sat with the head rebel days ago. It's dark and cold but my mind is made. Just as I sit I hear his voice.

"Glad to see you've made the decision Freesia." His friendly tone causes my hairs to stand up and I wish it was light and I was able to see. "I take it, you have the information?"

I nod at his form, a meter or so away and pull the map from my pocket. _Click. _A beam of light covers me emanating from a torch he holds in his hand and his face is lit in a way that reminds me children telling scary stories.

"What is this?" He asks, approaching.

"A map of District 13." I doubt this is the valuable information they are seeking considering they almost definitely have some vague schematics of the district. Even so I need it to explain.

Laughter rings through the trees and I start so violently I slip from the log as another figure approaches from behind the rebel.

"We already have a map love. Now hand over the goods or the deals off." The man is nothing like the head rebel. His voice is harsh and full of steel.

I stay still, sitting there on the ground. Who was this man?

"Just another rebel. It's okay, he's not as nearly as awful as he seems." The head says swiftly, indicating to the man behind him. I clamber back onto the log and lay the map down.

"District 13 is surrounded by a series of safety measure and security that is nearly impenetrable." I begin, trying to get this over and done with. "Every way I know into the district, you will be detected." Tension courses from the two men. "But I think I have the best way in that will give you the upper hand."

"Where?" How many times had I scouted out 13 with Lily? Or was taken on tours? Never would I have thought I would be using the information for this to help take over the district.

"The east side has the least force." I say pointing to the map. "It's the hardest to get to and the terrain is rugged. However if you attacked from the east they would only detect you once you got deeper into the circle." I point to a large circle drawn into my map. "In this area you will be detected wherever you enter, there's no going around that. But in the east there is an old tunnel. Limited patrol. You will get the furthest into the district using this entrance until you are detected. Once you are it's all about force. If you have adequate numbers you should be able to override them." I say, thinking of the poor residents who will die soon. _This is the only way._ I remind myself.

"How many?"

"I don't have those numbers." In truth I don't have a lot of information. The only reason I know the tunnel is because I found it when I was little and soldiers came after me once they'd detected an intruder. My parents had later informed me of why I caused a near emergency, and that is the only reason I know it's the weakest spot. The rest is common knowledge or assumptions, but I hope it can be enough for them.

"Where do we go from there?" The head rebel asks.

I walk them through the most important spots to hit that will limit the amount of soldiers and facilities that district 13 will be able to use to retaliate and the best ways to get through the levels. I omit the parts of the district that I haven't been to and pretend the parts I do know share far more importance. And I give them one more crucial piece of information.

"Have a team readied at the south. Beyond the circle, that's important. Once you have infiltrated from the east most of the forces will be averted. The south is primarily housing and you should be able to enter easily and infiltrate most of the district." Their eyes light up in the glow of the torch as my stomach clenches. _I'm killing people._

"I'm glad to see you made the correct decision Freesia. Trust me, this is the best option in the long run. As long as your allegiance is kept with us Lily will be crowned victor." All my uneasiness disappears as I think of having Lily back, tangible, not just in my head.

The two men wander away quickly as once again I'm left alone on the log. I'm not safe yet. They will come to me again and ask for more. I'll have to comply to save her. Pushing my previous breakdown in the woods from my mind I hurry towards the fence. I'm still not quite accustomed to the woods and there are roots everywhere so I fall twice, scraping my knees. The path isn't particularly clear in daylight, so in the nighttime it's near impossible. I can dimly feel hysteria building again as I become convinced I'm lost in the woods as my surroundings darken further. I should've made it to the fence by now shouldn't I? I push myself faster through the plants and trees, panting, trying to locate the light of the district. My ears become acute to the whispering of branches and hum of animals. It gets louder and louder until I convince myself I am running in the wrong direction, and the sounds enclose around me, my breathing fast and heavy, as I travel deeper and deeper into the heart of the woods where things are waiting for me. The branches scratching me begin to feel like hands grabbing at me and the sounds of the night are sinister and cruel. My head whips around frantically and I feel a million eyes on me as I rip my way through the forest sobbing.

Just as I begin to fully come apart I see it. _Yes!_ The fence is ahead. I run full pelt, harder than I have ever run, at the fence only stopping to climb through the hole at the bottom. On the verge of madness I scramble up, out of the dark clutches of the forest and am about to sprint home when my eyes meet another pair.

I shriek and my first instinct is to run away from my attacker. But that only lasts for a millisecond as I realize the person isn't a man out to get me. It's a boy.

"Kin!" I cry. "What the hell was that?"

He smiles slightly. "Hey Freesia. What are you doing?"

I look back towards the fence and the harmless forest. What can I say?

"I didn't think you'd want to get caught by Peacekeeper's again." He says.

"It was a mistake." I say gesturing towards the forest.

"I'm sorry about Lily." He says but something seems off. It's dark out, he has no flashlight…did he know I was in there?

"Yeah me too." I reply bitterly.

"I would do anything to save her if I was in your place. It must be tough for you." I frown. He can't know about my deal with the rebels can he? "I mean you must hate them."

I hesitate then change the topic, becoming suspicious. "I haven't seen you lately Kin. Where have you been?" He gives me that easy grin that I used to love back when I knew who he was.

"Been lying low with Adeline. Avoiding the Peacekeeper's and such. Didn't want to get into trouble or anything." He raises he eyebrows at me.

"I better get home." I say quickly, getting a bit creeped out and not caring for this conversation.

"Be careful Freesia. You never know who you're going to run into. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." He says, walking away. But not before he winks at me.

I stare blankly at the spot where he left. What does that mean? What the hell was all that? I begin walking home with shivers up my spine. There are secrets lurking in every crevice of the district. What's Kin's secret? I muse our corrupt country and district as I wonder down the path. Street lamps aren't common in the district so I don't have much vision. I'm trying to squint into the distance when I hear it, and my body runs cold.

_Snap! _I spin my head to the sound quickly and find a figure approaching me. I'm so wound up I swear I nearly faint although no scream comes out of my mouth.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I scream at Jake, after a quick panic attack, who looks completely bewildered. "When is it ever a good idea to lurk behind trees in the dark! What is with you people?"

I've clearly caught him off guard. He only nods his head with slightly frightened eyes, his arms dangling at his side.

"Come on!" I huff, already marching ahead. "You might as well walk me home."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Please review :)<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: The Arena**

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><p>"So….one thousand down, seven hundred to go?"<p>

"Adam, stop being a drama queen!" Hollie gripes from her place at the counter.

"Okay fine. _Two hundred _to go?" He says with a stupid grin on his face. She ignores him and continues to mix the cupcake batter in the bowl. I can just see a small smile on her face.

I hit him with a spatula that I'm using to ice the cupcakes

"Hey!" He complains, wiping icing from his arm.

"Go and make yourself useful and get those out of the oven." I say, indicating to the third batch of cupcakes that the timer is now ringing for.

"Why does one person _need_ this many cupcakes anyway?" Adam complains while getting the tray out of the oven. I don't think he actually minds doing this with us because we are all eager for a distraction. Honestly I think he's just complaining for the sake of it.

"It's a party Adam." I say shaking my head at him. "There will be a lot of guests."

Right now we are in Hollie's kitchen. A party is being thrown for a cousin of hers who wanted, apparently, a display of cupcakes instead of a cake. But not just a small display…as in _4 dozen_ cupcakes. Hollie roped me into it, since I can bake and ice even though I've never met this person. She said it didn't matter and it gave me an excuse to start spending more time with her. Adam's here because I found him in his backyard – like usual – and forced him to come and give us an extra pair of hands. He needed a distraction the most I think. So far, we've made nearly 3 dozen, and we have two hours to complete the rest before the party starts. It's the first sense of normalcy I've had in a while, though I still find it strange.

I can hear the buzz of the television from the other side of the room giving an update and highlights of the Games. I've been able to keep myself together knowing that I've made the deal, but Adam and my parents are not quite holding up the same. Hence the cupcake day – well for Adam at least. They're recapping interviews on the television and showing small snippets of the tributes training together. Nothing to give their strengths away, but just enough to see what's going on. I hear Lily's name amongst the hum, but I don't bother looking up. I don't want to see her until she's saved.

"What do I do with them?" Adam asks, holding out the tray with oven-mitted hands.

"Take them out and let them cool on the stove." I tell him like he's a four year old. You've got to wonder why Rye loves him so much.

"Freesia where's Jake?" Hollie asks, pouring batter into another tin.

It's just a curious question but Adam ooooh's in his fake high pitched voice and bats his eyelids.

"Be quiet!" I mutter. "I dunno, around town somewhere." I say vaguely because I really have no idea. I told him I'd be here today, so he's not going to be looking for me.

"Well-" The doorbell rings cutting Hollie off.

"I bet that's him." Adam says in his usual voice winking at me like an idiot.

Hollie laughs. "It so is. Can he bake?" She asks hopefully heading to the door.

Adam and I wait in silence listening to the sound of the door opening and a deep voice at the door.

"Free, it's for you!" Hollie calls. Adam does a victory motion and mouths _I told you so! _I roll my eyes heading to the door, not quite sure why Jake's here, but already smiling anyway, when suddenly I stop right in the middle of the hall. That is not Jake.

"Hey Free." Michael, head rebel says playfully as if we're friends. Anger flares up inside me at the way he said Free. "I was told you'd be here. Can I have a word?" He says motioning outside. Like usual, he is the epitome of friendliness, and to someone like Hollie, he looks like a really nice guy. I, of course know different.

I move my legs woodenly and force a smile on my face. "Yeah. Be back in a second Hollie."

I move outside shutting the door and regard him suspiciously.

"Sorry for interrupting." He says cheerfully, a grin spread on his face. "We've had a change of plans I need to inform you about."

I raise my eyebrows. "Don't you think it suspicious if the _head rebel," _I say the words sarcastically, "just starts appearing and asking for me?" I don't have much patience today.

"Free," there it is again! "nobody knows I'm the head rebel here in District 12. To them I'm just another citizen. Actually, nobody in District 12 knows who the rebels are specifically apart from the Peacekeeper's obviously. We're invisible but they're still aware we exist." Of course I already knew that…they've played this well.

"Fine, what's the change of plans?"

He chuckles at my tone. "We require you for some meetings on getting safely in and out of District 13. We have a range of sources on District 13, but we will need your input to plan." Not exactly convenient but I could manage that. What worries me is what little I actually know about the district and whether they can figure out my uselessness sooner or later.

"Okay." I agree. "I'll do it." Anything for Lily.

"That's not all." He says with an attempt at an apologetic look. It doesn't work since he's so cheerful.

"We need you in District 13."

"_What?" _I nearly scream.

"We will discuss this later in the meetings, but we have deduced that, for our safety and the securing of 13, your presence along with our other sources will prove most useful and effective." He grins as if proud of himself while my mouth hangs open. "Good day, Freesia! I'll see you after the Games begin!" And with that he leaves the house, leaving me frozen at the door.

Go to thirteen? _Go to thirteen! _What is he talking about? I can't fight for the rebels! Hell, I can't even fight! I feel the familiar sense of panic set into my system. What if I don't come out? What if they want me to kill people? The questions swirl around my brain, unrelenting.

_But I have to_ is what I finally come up with. I can't back out now, I've already given them the information, and I'd be killing Lily too. No, I have to go. I have to be like my mother and fight in the rebellion. The thought makes me feel sick.

"Free?" Hollie's behind me in the hall.

"Yeah!" I say faking a smile. She can't tell. "Okay, I'm coming back to finish."

"Who was that?" She asks curiously. Not suspiciously.

"Oh, just someone from the Hob that was wondering about trading." I lie smoothly and not even Adam bats an eyelid.

"Okay. Well we're nearly done!" She grins. "We're on the home stretch!" Adam whoops and fist pumps the air. I laugh and head back to my piping back. 15 more to go…

We finish 10 minutes before 1'oclock which gives us ten minutes to set up the display. Once we've created the tiers on many cupcake stands we look back at our work.

"This is brilliant!" Hollie says excitedly. "Good work guys!" And we all hug.

"Well I guess this is when we make the run for it." Adam jokes, moving back towards the house. Baking really isn't Adam's thing.

"You can stay, after all you did all this." She offers.

"No, it's okay." I say, only wanting to get back to my room and cry. "I don't think people would react well to me anyway." I say in complete honesty. It's not as bad as before but I'm still almost a kind of taboo.

"Okay, see you guys later." Hollie says as we head back inside. "And thank you!"

"No problem."

Adam and I leave and I make it back to my house in one piece. But when I enter my room I don't break down like I expected. Instead I realize that I've found a new resolve.

I see the pictures of Lily and me on my District 13 wall. Laughing, hugging, and joking. All my carefully constructed ideas of how to get into 13 and how best to conquer it. For the first time, I feel as if I have power.

"I want you back." I say forcefully looking at Lily. I take a deep breath. "I will get you back."

Fight in thirteen? Sure as hell I will.

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><p>"You sure you're okay?" Jake asks two days later, sort of playfully, but I can tell he's serious.<p>

"Yeah. Why?"

"You seem…upbeat lately."

"How is that bad?"

"Not bad…just different." He says uncertainly surveying me.

I reach up on my toes and give him a kiss. "I'm fine." He nods.

My resolve wasn't short lived. I'd found an inner strength, a way to keep going that wasn't just merely eating and breathing. I'd accepted that I was going to save Lily by infiltrating 13. Honestly, I was almost relieved to do it. To take that last step to ensure her safety. I hadn't told Jake; that would be unproductive. So of course, this sudden change had taken Jake by surprise.

"It's almost time. You sure you want to watch?" He asks me for the last time. The Games were about to begin.

I nod my head. "Yes, I have to anyway." He looks like he might disagree but he keeps his mouth shut. We don't go to the square today; we sit in my living room. Dad joins us, stern faced but strong. Mum used the excuse of taking care of Rye but I don't blame her for not watching. She doesn't know what I know.

The anthem begins and the screen shoots to the launch rooms. Or the stockyards as we say. Here they are releasing the training scores as the tributes prepare themselves to go in. Each score will flash next to the person being filmed. It's at this moment the betting will go crazy.

The stockyards are bare and cold looking and the tributes stand next to the tubes that will take them into the arena, psyching themselves up. They are wearing khaki colored pants and white t shirts made out of light fabric. The arena must be hot. District 1 and 2 receive 7-9 as they step into their tubes, while District 3 doesn't have as much luck. Marina, the girl from four predictably pulls a 10 and her eyes glint maliciously as she enters her capsule. Ren the boy from eleven manages an 8 matching his mild personality and he looks neither eager nor afraid to enter. And then comes Lily. She looks focused and prepared and even if I know she'll be okay my heart still beats unevenly. They flash her name and then a 7.

Seven? What kind of score is that? It's neither high nor low, outstanding or pathetic. I attribute it to my cooperation, that they are no longer displaying her as the enemy.

"Why did they give her a seven?" My dad mutters to himself.

We don't get to think much because Patrick Riley scores a 9 and then the camera follows him into the arena.

My first reaction is confusion. The arena was like none I'd ever seen before. The camera pans out and gives us an aerial view. The tributes are placed in two half circles, facing each other. The stand amongst a barren circle of sweltering desert, devoid of trees or any sort of protection, in the exact center of the arena. In the center of the desert lies the Cornucopia the sun glinting off the gold. Like the 74th Games, the goods are spread out a distance around the Cornucopia. But all that is not so shocking. It is the stretch of suburbia to the side of the desert that is unprecedented. It creates a semi circle around one side of the desert. On the other side lays a deep forest too thick to see what lies within. The suburban side replicates a district. Which district, is indefinable, but it unmistakably looks like Panem. But the houses are dilapidated, some burnt, and rubble lines the streets. Is this what it will look like if we don't cooperate? With all our district's in wreckage? I look at Jake. He had said before that the arena would hold meaning. He was right.

I find Lily; she is nearer to the district than the forest. I see a few bare essentials in reach if she is quick. I am frustrated that there is no bow when the camera closes in on the tributes. She can probably throw knives well, due to her aim, but the bow is her best chance at survival. Even if the rebels agree to save her, there isn't much they can do if she dies in the bloodbath. The gong sounds and the tributes sprint from their plates. I expect Lily to do the smart thing and to snatch one of the items closest to her and run to the forest for cover.

She doesn't. Instead, as they all run for the Cornucopia or forest intent on their survival, she runs behind her plate and shoots into suburbia, not even bothering for the supplies closer to her plate. No one saw her, giving her at least 30 seconds over everybody else. The camera chooses to follow her for the moment since her movements are unexpected. She sprints down the uneven street, jumping over bits of buildings and breaks into the first house she sees. And there, she's found the loot.

While the inside of the house is just as rugged as the streets it still contains salvageable items. She runs into the kitchen and finds knives still in their holder. She grabs them all, along with a water bottle. There is no food but she has the most important things. I haven't given her enough credit obviously.

But I frown. "This is too easy…" The camera flashes back to the bloodbath. Four bodies lie on the ground, and the remaining tributes who haven't fled are still fighting. Sweat pours off them due to the sweltering desert heat. A couple of them follow Lily's actions and head into suburbia, still unaware that she is there. The commentator leaves a few comments but is otherwise silent.

Briefly we're shown tributes hiking their way through the dense forest - wait no it's a swamp. The trees are dense but the terrain is awful - until it cuts back to Lil. She kicks down the door of a new house.

"What is she doing! She already has stuff, get out of there!"

"Wait. Look at her, she has an idea." Jake points. She breaks down three more doors, while the commentator muses over her motives, collecting a few things but obviously looking for something in particular. I don't understand and I am growing frustrated. All the houses contain different items. One has an array of guns and animal heads lining the walls, which obviously symbolizes a hunter. But for sport not for food. Though the guns are useless and broken. Another is obviously a women's house and contains various arts and crafts. She grabs some string from there and finds a pack of fruit. Finally, she reaches a house where her eyes brighten and she runs into a room that contains hunting boots and a stack of broken arrows.

"Ah, of course, Lily Mellark must be looking for a bow." Says the commentator. "I wonder if she compares to her mother. Her training score didn't quite do the job." I grind my teeth.

She spins in a circle assessing the room frantically. She knows she is out of time. Suddenly her eye hone in on the closet. Maybe it was pure luck, or maybe it was instinct, but she rips open the door and finds the hunter's stash. A bow, a spare string, and a quiver of intact arrows. She hitches the gear onto herself and makes a run for it out of the house.

"Yes! She's got an edge." I say but my dad hisses suddenly.

Lily's scream is the second thing I register. She's flung open the front door to the house to find herself confronted by two people. My first thought is tributes but they are not wearing the same gear. They look like civilians.

"What, are they real people?" Jake's mouth is gaping at the T.V. Lily catches on way before us, and slams and locks the door in front of their faces. She sprints to the back door and hurtles onto the street.

"I see Miss Mellark has found the mutts." Another commentator states with eagerness and the camera flashes to a career pack having the same trouble in suburbia.

"Mutts?" I screech. "Can they even do that?" This was beyond over the line. Human mutts? How do they even create them?

"If you think about it, it's clever of them." Both Jake and I turn to my father, bug-eyed.

"_What?"_

"They said we're killing our children by not complying with them. And in the arena, with human looking mutts, we literally are killing them."

I think over Jake's comment again. _They'll put them in something really special. Something that holds a lot of meaning. _

"Oh my god." Suddenly the safest, sheltered, most helpful part of the arena was a deadly catch.

My dad chooses to leave the room then. For the next ten minutes the battle continues as the Career pack receives quite a lot of damage from the mutts. However they're safe in numbers and most of them come out alive. The rest of tributes are hiking through the swamp, trying to stay out of the knee deep mud and the camera alternates between single people and alliances. Ren, the boy from 11 is going surprisingly well and has made head way. However Lily got no alliances. Who would want to pair up with the Mockingjay's daughter? So far, the swamp produces no deadly tricks and the only predators are the tributes themselves.

But Lily is facing another problem back on the other side. She's outrun the mutts and reached the edge of suburbia where she is leaning against a brick wall, catching her breath, bow still clutched in hand. I now understand one other deadly part of the arena. The expanse of desert. It's unsheltered and anyone hiding in trees would be able to pick off anyone who ran across it. But suburbia posed a much more dangerous problem then the swamp. She needs to get in there. She knows this too and I can see the gears in her head turning.

Firstly she attempts to go through the slim line of swamp that circles the patch of desert on the side of the arena but the mud is too deep and she ends up waist high. She contemplates for a moment but then she just gives in. She ducks her head and runs across the expanse, zigzagging to avoid being shot.

"Brave of her." A commentator says.

As predicted a spear comes whizzing at her from somewhere near the Cornucopia, but it misses and she skits out of range. Once she reaches the fringe of the swamp no more surprises await her. She enters the thick foliage in search of refuge, hurrying away from any sort of danger.

"Okay, that's enough for now." Jake says and switches off the T.V.

I sigh, content. Of course if he knew that he'd think I am insane. But Lily had survived the bloodbath, she is now safe. All I have to do is take down 13.

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><p><strong>So how did you like it? Review :)<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

Never in my lifetime did I think I would ever be sitting in the Justice Building, surrounded by rebels, willingly creating a plan to take down District 13. Never. But here I am, in my chair, listening to a rebel named Craig identify the weapon storage areas of13, surrounded by the white marbled walls of the Justice building. Are we pursuing justice?

I'm unsure. The way they present their ideas is highly logical, and highly similar to the old rebellion. And that for the last 15 minutes we've discussed how to minimize civilian deaths. These people that surround me, they seem entirely normal. Not evil, not mad, just normal people. Like my parents. You can understand my confusion.

"Now Freesia. Enlighten us with your plan of entry." Michael suggests.

I wander through the plan again; enter from the east, another team waiting at the south. But one issue comes to mind.

"My parents- or anyone for that matter," I amend, "can't know I'm working with you guys. They are going to notice if I'm gone and in a hover craft to 13."

Michael smiles. "That day we will pull you in for questioning and interviewing for the Hunger Games. Your parents can't argue and there is your alibi. We will delay the news of 13 by a day or so, alleviating any suspicion on your part."

I nod. Sounds reasonable. Actually better, it sounds plausible.

"You've said how to get into the district, but you haven't said where to go after we enter and override the main security personal." _That's because I don't know, _I think vehemently to the rebel who asked the question.

"The main spots to hit will be the weapon storage areas, like Craig outlined and the headquarters where the other security and important personal will be." I say, using what everyone else has said because I really don't know the district well. "The team on the south will take care of the minimal security on that side and a few meeting rooms that will hold less vital, but still important information." I say.

"Where will the district be evacuated to?" Someone else asks.

"The bomb shelters on the lowest levels. We will dispatch a small team to secure those so they can't lock themselves in and find ways to retaliate." I don't say it but I know there'll be a problem with that. They will be hard pressed to work their way down to those shelters.

The meeting continues with information and dealings that I either don't know or don't care about. I begin drawing with the pen and notepad they had given me to take notes if I needed.

After about 5 minutes the rebel next to me leans over.

"You know, we're meant to actually pay attention in these meetings. They're sort of important." She whispers to me. I look up to see the creases in her eyes telling me she's joking. She's joking with me? Well that's a new step. I suppose they don't hate me. I feel the pull in my mouth forming a small smile.

"You're talented. That's a good drawing." She says now completely disregarding the rest of the meeting. I peer at my drawing. It's in a cheap pen on a worn notepad but aside from that it is actually quite good. "That's your sister? It's almost like a photograph."

I hadn't paid particular attention to what I was drawing though yes it was Lily. It's just a rough sketch of her face but back when she was carefree and loving and not when she was fighting for her life in the Games. Like right now.

"Thank you." I say realizing I hadn't spoken a word to her. She gives me a small smile before turning her attention back to Michael.

The rest of the plan gets set in concrete. I am needed to find the tunnel to entire via the east and maneuvering through a vast part of the district. I hope I can fake it because I have a minimal sense of direction, especially in a district as convoluted as 13. They also need me to identify the main headquarters which only I've ever seen out of all the rebels. I am relying on luck much more than skill. No one notices though and for now I am safe which means so is Lily.

"4 days people." Michael says happily. "We will meet again soon and reevaluate the strategies." The group of people disperses quickly chatting about normal things like normal people. I don't know why I assumed the rebels to be heartless monsters because, after all my parents were once rebels, but seeing them as the enemy made it so much easier to fight against them. Now that is all gone.

The woman next to me pats me on the shoulder and leaves the building. She seems like a mother in my opinion. I am one of the last to leave, my footsteps echoing against the marble. I can feel Michael's eyes on me and I turn expecting him to say something to me. He merely looks on surveying me from head to toe. I am slightly unnerved so I blurt out the only thing I can think of.

"See you in soon." God, I'm an idiot.

His lips twitch. "Goodbye Freesia."

* * *

><p>Traitor.<p>

What a common word these days. My dad had said it in disgust as news carried of new citizens that had joined the rebels.

"We fought so hard. They're undoing it all." My mother ranted.

"Well even if they do succeed they won't do it easily. You know they're going to retaliate." I knew that 'them' wasn't the rebels anymore.

"Will it work?" She says with doubt.

My father didn't seem much more confident. "It didn't work last time."

"They were meant to grow up in a world that's safe." She started crying. I knew that 'they' was now their children, me.

"I know." Says dad quietly. "I hate that we can't do that, but I would never take them back." Mum makes a noise of assent.

"Haymitch has already talked with them hasn't he?" Says mum.

"Yes but he wouldn't give me the details Katniss. Even so it's starting again. It's odd being on the other side this time."

My mother had stayed quiet for a moment. "I'd rather there were no sides anymore, Peeta." She said tiredly.

Dad had sighed. "God, me too. Me too."

They hadn't known I'd heard and I slip upstairs soundly, forgetting the reason I had come down at all.

Mum and dad knew about anti rebels plans. Haymitch had said not to do anything, to leave it to him and he would save Lily. All the people I loved were now involved in saving the country and what am I doing? I'm making meetings and infiltrating 13. I had no sense of what was right and wrong anymore. All I had was a blurred line where in the center there was a war and the very real chance that my sister could die.

"Traitor." I whisper, testing the word. I look at my drawings on the wall.

Yeah, maybe I am.

* * *

><p>Day three of the Games. Lily's still alive obviously. Eight are dead 16 are left. She had been going so well. She had had weapons and food from suburbia and she had made it into the forest unscathed but now I was witnessing her downfall.<p>

"Get up! Run you idiot!" I scream at the TV, tears streaking my face. We were in the Hawthorne's house today.

"Freesia, stop it. Now." My father tells me levelly but I can here the menace in his tone. Jake wraps an arm around me for support. Gale and dad begin discussing something in whispers. My mother is busying herself back in our house. It's too painful for her to watch Lily in the Games. And right now it's almost too painful for me too.

I had assumed that if I did my part she would be okay. But on the screen there was nothing about that picture that was 'okay'.

Right now Lily doesn't look in a position to win. She's about to lose any second. It's her first kill, a boy from District 4, an arrow neatly lodged where his heart would be. Luckily for her there is now one less Career, although I wouldn't want Marina his district partner after her. There's no doubt Lily has our mothers skill with a bow and arrow, but as for potential she only goes so far. Earlier this afternoon she saw a gory death of the girl from 11. She's been screwed up ever since. Just like Annie used to be. Lily, the carbon copy of mum, does not have the mind set to contend in the Games. Unlike our mother we have never been subjected to such awful things, we hadn't had to watch the Hunger Games every year or hunt for our own survival. We were unaccustomed with death; We grew up in an entirely different world, a much more sheltered world. And it might just be the death of her now.

Lily has freed the arrow from the boy, the arrow she nearly didn't drive into his heart. Good for her that she did, otherwise she'd be dead. I'm not sure whether the rebels would save her at this point or not. She needs to run though, there's a pack of tributes near. And given she's spent the last minute screaming hysterically because her arrow wouldn't come out, they surely know her position.

I'm close to screaming at the screen again when she begins stumbling away. She starts off slow but her pace quickens and soon she's sprinting away, looking almost like the Mockingjay's daughter should look.

I can see it in her eyes though. The brokenness, the slightly crazed look. The rebels will not want to have an insane victor. She needs to pull herself together.

The screen flickers to the career pack, specifically Marina the girl from four. She has the highest betting. They are just approaching the dead body of the boy and Lily only has a couple of hundred meters on them.

Marina screams, a high animal like sound as she looks down at her district partner bending down to his body. The other Career's stand back, tight faced but composed. She inspects the wound.

"It's too small to be a knife, too clean as well." She looks back at the Career's. "It's Mellark I'm certain. It's pierced the heart too, we all know she has deadly aim."

A ripple of some emotion goes through the pack. Then they all start the way that Lily had run.

"Oh poor thing, she was going so well." The commentator says indifferently.

"She might still have a chance." One reasons. "After all she is a Mellark."

"A full pack of Career's in pursuit of her? And by the looks of it she wasn't holding up-"

"Turn it off." I grumble and leave the room. I slam the door open to Jake's room on the top level. There's a picture I was drawing earlier on his desk, and I stride over and crumple it up, and fling it into the bin. My hands shake. I'm just so _angry…and confused…_

I hear the creak of the floorboard and I know Jake is behind me. His eyes are concerned but he doesn't say anything. I don't either. He kicks the door shut, the movement aggressive, and I know he is angry too. Suddenly he is in my face right in front of me. I don't expect it because usually he insists we talk it out, but he pushes me roughly against the wall and attacks my lips. My back slams into the plaster and my own lips respond with the same ferocity. I know they'll be swollen later. I feel his hands, rough against my skin, gripping either side of my waist and slowly running their way up my body…A shiver runs through me.

Our tongues dance together and I grip his hair, possibly too tightly but he only groans with pleasure in response. His hands are on the hem of my shirt and I let go of his hair and he has it off in seconds. I remove his quickly relishing the skin to skin contact. He's warm and I can feel the pattern of his abs against my stomach. He squeezes my thigh and lifts it slightly and I follow his lead and wrap my legs around his waist using the wall for leverage. He lets me breath for a moment as he nuzzles in my neck, gently sucking the skin and then leaving a trail of kisses downwards.

"I love you so much." I tell him breathlessly.

He gives me a lopsided grin. "I don't think you have any idea the effect you can have. You're amazing."

I squeeze his hips tighter with my legs and pull his lips up to mine. I shift on him slightly and grind my hips a little. The sound he makes makes me feel insanely happy. My hands trail down his back and to his pants as his climb up mine and to my bra strap. We are so far gone past thinking and reasoning that it takes the heavy foot falls of our father's on the stairs to pull us out of this ecstasy and realize this is so not the way we want our parents to find us.

Jake swears under his breath. We both react so quickly in our haste thinking only of our clothes on the floor that I unwrap my legs the same time he moves away letting me go, and I crash against the wall and fall to the floor. He's grabbed his shirt and has an arm through it before he actually looks at me.

"Shit, you okay?" But I'm nearly crying with laughter. I rehook my bra from my place on the floor and he throws my shirt at me. "Come on!" I put it on with shaking hands as I'm beginning to laugh hysterically. He runs over to his desk attempting to look busy as the door opens and I have just regained my shirt.

"Hey guys, we were thinking-"

"Hey look I found it!" Jake says convincingly and waving a photograph at me. He walks over where I'm trying to look at ease even though I can't keep the grin off my face.

"Oh yeah, that's it." I say taking the photo. "What were you saying dad?" I turn to him trying to look innocent.

"Gale offered for you and Rye to stay the night here." He says and I'm trying my hardest not to blush. "Have a bit of fun for a change. Get your mind off things."

What good timing. Dad's phrased it like it's for our benefit but in truth I know it's for him and mum. They need a break from Rye's constant happiness and my moodiness. A chance to gather themselves.

"I think that's a great idea."

"Good I'll go get Rye."

I totally lose it once they leave the room and roll on the floor in hysterics. Jake shakes his head at me and comes over to pull me up.

"I'd rather that not happen again."

"It wasn't so bad was it?" I grin, he grins back and pecks me on the lips.

When my father returns he sends a very excited Rye into the house and I say goodbye to him at the door. Just before he leaves he turns to me.

"Free?"

"Yeah dad?"

There's a slight pause as he chooses how to phrase something. "Just remember, I'd like you to get invited back to the Hawthorne's, okay?" He says and gives me a serious look.

"What?"

"You did a good job of acting normal, well Jake did, but your lips are swollen. And your neck…" Dad says to me with an amused smile. "Trust me, I've been there but I don't want Gale sending you back in the middle of the night. Keep that in mind okay?"

My face flushes. And here I thought he hadn't noticed. "I'll be good dad." I promise, completely embarrassed.

"Good, otherwise I'll lock you in the basement until your thirty."

If I didn't know him so well I'd think he's serious.

I don't know why, maybe we're just morbidly curious, but we sit down to watch the Games again that night. Jake's mum had very tactfully taken Rye and Marianna, the youngest ones, to the kitchen to bake a cake for dessert. The rest of us were in the lounge watching the television.

Lily was not holding up. She had evaded the Career's in the forest but she was now wandering aimlessly. The determined girl we saw in the first day was no longer there. Before the reaping we both knew that one of us wouldn't come out. Looking at her now I know she has given up.

3 tributes had died today, one getting trapped by the mutts, one killed by the Career's and surprisinglyone killed by Ren, the boy from 11. So far he didn't have a scratch on him. He was strong and could overpower most tributes which made it easy for him to kill them with his knife. But there was a softness in his eyes, almost regret for the dead tribute that set him apart from the others. He had empathy and he hasn't been pushed over the edge yet.

"He could win!" Jake's sister, Caroline, insisted observing him.

"He won't win Caroline." Jake tells her. "The rebels don't like him." That was putting it lightly.

"Well I think he could." She says indifferently.

I nuzzle into Jake's side and rest my head on his shoulder. The screen flickers back to Lily. She is by a lake filling her water bottle up. The camera pans out and reveals Ren, entirely carefree about 100 meters away.

"Looks like Miss Mellark is going to have some trouble." Says a commentator.

He's right. Ren is creeping closer and closer towards her and he now has a clear view. I'm waiting for the Gamemaker's to intervene, to put something in his path so she can't die.

"Come on Lily." Jake mutters.

And then something happens. Something I'd never thought could happen. He grabs her and covers her mouth with his hand. She tries to scream and kick away but he is too strong. I see his muscles flex in the effort to keep her still.

And then he says it. "Allies?"

"No way!" Caroline mutters. "She could win now Free!" Caroline doesn't know it's rigged. Gale does, and silences her quickly.

Lily is frozen just like I am. Ren removes his hand from her mouth. "We'd have a better chance against the Career's. I saw you take out that boy. Incredible aim."

So he saw her lose it and go crazy, and he's applauding her for her aim? Why on earth would he ally a girl who is on the brink of madness? This boy is stranger than I imagined. She looks at him through her vacant eyes and says the exact opposite of what she should.

"Deal."

* * *

><p>Rye mumbles in his sleep next to me, looking entirely peaceful, his dreams not plagued with awful images. Before he went to bed he had told me he missed Lily. I'd said she would come back.<p>

Obviously, I was not allowed to sleep in Jake's room. Even as much as he argued I got the guest bedroom with Rye and I let him sleep in the bed with me. After all he's still only four. But at 2am after tossing and turning since 11 I give up and extract myself from the piles of blankets.

My mind won't stop. Just like after the car accident images course through it. Prominently Lily dying, me being unable to save her. Which is ridiculous because in three days I will be in 13.

I move as silently as I can through the house and find my way to the kitchen. It's pitch black so I turn the lamp on. I search through the cupboards until I find a mug. I fill a pot with milk and cocoa placing it on the stove to make a hot chocolate. The leftovers of the cake the kids made still sit on the counter and I take a piece to eat.

The T.V is in the next room but I don't have the strength to watch it by myself. InsteadI notice my phone that I had left on the counter after dessert. It's flashing with a message. I frown opening it, expecting it to be either Adam or Hollie. It's not.

_Hey Free. Heard you're going in for questioning this week. Guess I'll see you there ;)_

It's from Kin. How did he even find that out? It's not even real! Unless they actually _are_ pulling people in for questioning? But what has Kin got to do with anything?

_Yeah I guess so. Why are they pulling you in? _I text back, playing along. He almost seems like the guy I used to know, the one that was on the track team with me and I used to sit with in English. But now he's too mysterious.

I stir the milk in the pot until my phone buzzes again.

_No idea. I know both Lily and Pat so maybe that's it. Bit late isn't it? Why are you still up? _

This is the kind of thing I would be texting Adam about, if he ever used his phone. Not Kin. Even so I guess he still is my friend.

_Can't sleep. U?_

I pour the hot chocolate into a mug and take a bite of cake. I check my phone.

_Neither, I'm at Addie's. Games kept you awake too?_

I don't know why he would be kept up at night from the Games, his sister wasn't in it. Then I chide myself, these are still his friends even if he is all weird lately. But Adeline, ugh, why he's interested in her I don't know. I guess she's pretty enough.

_Yeah tell me about it. By the time the questioning comes maybe they won't need us. _It's a sort of lie because he doesn't know about the deal but it almost seems true. Anyway it felt good to talk to someone else about this.

2 minutes pass. _Don't say that, I know she's going to be okay. I'll walk with you to questioning. _

Not exactly an ideal idea but I shrug.

_Okay sure. What time are you going in?_

Another sip, another minute.

_7. U too right?_

_Yes._ I text and set the phone down, eating a piece of cake in the dim light.

"What are you doing?"

I start violently, Jake's sleepy voice incredibly loud in the dead of night. Strangely I feel like I've been caught out even though I haven't done anything wrong.

"Couldn't sleep."

He frowns at me through bleary eyes. "You okay?"

The buzz of my phone cuts off my answer. "Who are you texting this late?" He asks confused. He grabs the phone before I can get to it. If I could come up with an answer he wouldn't look at it. But I can't.

"See you then. Goodnight, get some sleep." He reads the text aloud and then looks at the name. "You're texting Kin in the middle of the night?" He asks disbelieving.

I sigh. "He texted me first Jake, he's at his girlfriend's anyway." I say tiredly.

He gives me a cold look. "Okay he texted me because he's going in for questioning too!" I didn't want to lie so I'd planned not to tell Jake until later but I can tell any other response will not help my situation. Texting each other while his girlfriend and my boyfriend are asleep? Not a good look.

"Questioning? What questioning?"

"Two days from now. They want us in the Justice Building and they're questioning us for the Hunger Games." I say in a rush.

He forgets all about Kin, which was exactly my plan. "You're kidding right?"

"They're not going to do anything they just want answers." Oh how good at lying I am. "Now do you want some hot chocolate or not?" I ask holding out my cup.

He still looks worried but he comes over and drinks some and eats my cake.

"Hey! I was eating that!" I protest smacking his shoulder.

He looks at my eyes levelly, popping the last piece in his mouth, and then grins. "What's yours is mine, babe."

Oh Jake Hawthorne, you are so lucky I'm in love with you.

* * *

><p>AN: Hope you enjoyed it!

Need some suggestions and feedback, and a big thanks to reviewers and subscribers :)

Next chapter: District 13. I will update as soon as possible!


	22. Chapter 22

"You're going to be okay." Mum assures me. "Just stay calm and answer their questions, it's best to just tell the truth." A deep sense of worry and guilt pool in my stomach because she does not know the true nature of today.

"Okay mum. I'll see you later." I say hugging her hard.

"Do you want me to walk you down there?" Yes, I do.

"No it's okay. Kin's going in as well, we're walking together." She nods and gives me one last hug.

"I'll make sure we have something nice for dinner."

"Thanks." I step out the door and give her a final wave once I reach the gate. One of her daughters has been given a death sentence and the other is helping rebels. If only she knew.

Sure enough Kin is down the street waiting. Tall, broad, a smile on his face.

"Hi Kin." I greet him, but I can't seem to smile.

"Hey."

I don't stop walking, I merely collect him and continue on my way.

"Nervous?" He asks.

"Yes." I say honestly, my hands are shaking. Of course he doesn't know what I'm referring to. If I was really in for questioning it would be a piece of cake.

"It'll be okay."

_Sure it will. _I think sarcastically. _Overthrow the district and be home in time for dinner. Sounds easy._

"I'll be glad when it's over."

"I bet you will."

We reach the Justice Building within 20 minutes, the morning sun glinting off the marble. I draw a breath to steady myself.

_I'm doing the right thing. _

But what happens when we enter throws me off my game; unnerves me, makes me feel like an idiot: Kin heads straight to the rebels, greeting them by name, and says

"So the plan all sorted? Am I in the east or south team?"

He's working for the rebels! How could I not have seen it? Miner's Main suddenly comes into my head. That's why he had so much information!

"Sorry Free. I wasn't meant to tell you." He looks at me apologetically but I'm not having it.

I walk away and towards where Michael stands, as happy as ever.

"When are we leaving?" I ask irritably.

"15 minutes. We've pulled rebels from all over the nation for this raid. Once we get there it's your show until we get further in."

Right now I hate myself. Who puts a seventeen year old in charge of literally thousands of lives?

15 minutes couldn't be any shorter. Suddenly I'm getting pushed onto a hovercraft. We are all dressed in a practical uniform, looking identical. Sturdy pants and a black long sleeved shirt. The lady who commented on my drawing sits next to me.

"Ready? It's a bit daunting, I know, doing these things for a first time."

The only consolidation I have is that my mother did these things when she was my age. If she can do it I can, right?

"Do you have children?" I blurt out, disregarding her comment.

She looks a little surprised but nods. "I have two."

"Why are you here then?" I ask and it comes out more judgmental than I intended.

"I'm making this a better place for them. That's why I'm here. I want them to have a good future."

Isn't that what my parents said? Isn't that why they went through the heartbreak and torture? All for me, Lily and Rye.

Maybe I really am creating a brighter future. I can't tell. I just have the perpetual feeling of being stuck in the middle of things and other people forcing my hand.

Of course no one is forcing me, which makes it all the more worse.

"You'll understand in the future." She assures me. I doubt I ever will.

In a half hour we arrive. My palms are slick with sweat. Kin is in the other team. But for now we all land in the same spot.

Michael hands me a device that measures distance. One bleeping light is the center of 13, one is me. We are ten kilometers out.

Every rebel looks at me. There is a huge amount. Hundreds. Pulled from every district to complete this mission.

I clear my throat. "The circle is roughly 1.5 kilometers from the center. Stay out at least 2 until you go in otherwise you'll be caught."

There's a silence as if they expect me to say more. "Let's do it." I add uncertainly. God, I am nothing like my mother when it comes to this.

We break apart and begin our trek towards the east. Technically going at night is the best option but we ruled that out long ago considering we had to hike 10 kilometers against the rugged terrain.

"You sure you have all you need?" Michael asks.

"Yes, as long as I can access the tunnel this should be fine."

* * *

><p>This was so definitely not fine.<p>

Screams, blood, footsteps, gun shots, sirens fill the air.

I had underestimated 13.

My heart threatens to burst as I sprint further into the district, a band of rebels loosely following me.

_One, two three…_I try crazily to count the doors I'm passing to find out if I'm remotely near my intended destination.

A scream. Gunshots. I duck reflexively and point the ugly gun in the other direction. I don't see a threat, but one of the rebels shouts something and I take off again.

_Four, five, six…_

"We need to find it now!" The rebel yells in my ear.

"I know!" I shout back.

_There! _I recognize a passageway and hurtle down it, the other rebels trailing me. I find the door and push my legs harder, effectively smacking into it.

Locked. The handle doesn't budge. I spot the keypad on the wall.

"Please, please, please." I whisper, throwing myself at it and I punch in the numbers I had secretly seen a soldier use when I was younger. Guns shots echo from other tunnels.

The red light tells me I'm wrong. Of course 13 would change their codes regularly.

"We need to get in there now!" One rebel shouts. I mash the keypad with my hand in a vain attempt to open the door.

The rebel next to me raises his gun to it.

"No!" I scream swatting it away. "You'll fry the system! We'll never get in!"

"Then what do we do?" He shouts.

A loud bang and a shower of sparks come from above. I cover my head as the passageway dims. Someone's blown the light. Three District 13 soldiers are at the end of the passageway blocking our only escape, guns poised.

The tension is tangible as our whole team freezes. Then chaos reigns down. Shots are fired from both sides, the passage echoing the deadly sounds. I raise my gun, huge against my body, but I can't bring myself to pull the trigger.

Something crashes into me; hard. I fall to the ground smashing my head against the wall. Bullet holes mark the wall where I had been.

"Stay down!" One rebel shouts at me. I obey, head throbbing.

Suddenly there is a grapple and I look up to see the rebel pushing a wounded soldier up to the keypad, blood staining his clothes.

"Open it now or I'll blow a hole through your head."

I scramble up. My team is bleeding but alive. I don't look in the direction of the two dead soldiers at the mouth of the passage.

The soldier at the keypad refuses to put in the code until the rebel fires a bullet through his kneecap.

I can feel the waves of agony emanate from the solider; his screams resonate through my bones, his pain I can feel in my own body just as strongly, as he punches in the numbers and the door slides open.

"Good." The rebel says and shoots him point blank in the skull. I gasp, a choked out sound, as the soldier falls to the ground.

I get pushed inside without a second thought to the dead man on the ground.

All that matters is that we made it to the control room. My usefulness for now has expired. I can't fight well and there are rebels more experienced with the controls. But we'd made it into the district as well as I had said. We'd gotten far into the circle before we met resistance and the other team was in the midst of overpowering the south.

They secure certain parts of the district using the controls either initiating or preventing lockdown. I stand in the corner trying to rid the images of the dead from my mind trying to stay in one piece. How can I get through this?

A communication device of one of the rebels buzzes.

"Yes?" He answers hurriedly, listening to the orders.

"Out!" He suddenly shouts. "You two stay here and man the controls!" I was not one of the two he was shouting at. "They need back up down in the assembly area!"

I am made to follow the other three rebels that are now running back to the heart of the battle; the main meeting area of citizens of 13. I turn off my emotions, I don't feel, only react.

The assembly area is pure chaos. Every person is in battle, rebel or civilian is nearly indistinguishable. I lift my gun for self-defense. Gun shots and screams fill the area, louder than I thought possible.

A man comes at me. "You!" He must recognize me. He too holds a gun, however looks far more experienced. I run, not away, but past him so he can't shoot me in the back. I weave in and out of the people, all bloodied and wounded. I hadn't shot someone with my gun yet. I didn't even know if I could aim well enough. I duck when a knife whizzes over my head but no threat proceeds to attack me. A person falls in front of me but I continue running until a force contacts with my arm. It's gotten caught, and at the speed I am going I nearly dislocate it. Suddenly I'm against a wall, in a small passage, a hand at my throat.

"What are you doing?" The voice is harsh and sharp, but I recognize it.

"Liz." I breath dread setting into my body. I knew her, I had helped her in the kitchen when I visited. It was bad enough seeing nameless people fight and die, but it was unbearable when they had an identity.

"Freesia." There's no lenience in her tone. "So _Freesia Mellark _is going against her country? Do you have any ounce of decency like your parents? You are working for rebels! I thought you were like your parents, thought you were a good person Freesia."

She removes her hand from my throat and I am about to speak when the butt of her gun slams into my face. I fall to the ground in a bundle of pain.

"That's for infiltrating our district. Now why are you here?"

"For her." I mumble, my voice thick from my bloodied lip.

"Who?"

"Lily! If I do this she'll live." Liz's hand freezes in the air. Now she is conflicted too.

Then her words tumble out frantically her face changing in her urgency. "Freesia, don't. Don't listen to them! You don't know what we know. You'll never-"

_Bang! _Liz crumples to the ground in a pool of blood. Her last words lost.

I look to my right. There she is, the mother, the one who sat next to me on the hover craft, gun raised, relief on her face.

She grabs my gun and pulls me to my feet placing it in my hands and jerks me back towards the fight.

"You can thank me later."

* * *

><p>There's no time to think. No time to reflect. Time doesn't apply any more. You're either in the moment and alive or dead. I whizz down the halls with a new team which are just the stragglers that weren't in life or death situations. We are looking for yet another hot spot, this time something another rebel is familiar with, that contains weaponry. If we get ahold of this the district will be at a serious disadvantage.<p>

Only once again we become lost and confused in the district, changed from the destruction and hordes of people.

We're nearly at the dining hall when I realize we are going in the wrong direction. I shout out to the rebels. One curses loudly and forces us to run even faster in the opposite direction. I trip and sprawl on the ground. My gun falls out of my grip and skids across the slick flaw causing another rebel to fall.

"Watch it!" One reprimands me.

I don't know why but this gets my back up. "Well thanks to you we've wasted ten minutes heading in the wrong direction!" I yell back, stepping closer to him.

"Well thanks to me I shot a guy who was about to kill you back there! You want to die? Here." He gives shoves me away causing me to stumble. "Go out there and die!"

"I'm not backing down! I'll lead the way since I know where I'm going."

His face turns a deep red and he raises his hand as if he's about to punch me.

"Knock it off you two! We have a job! Let's go!" Another rebel screams shoving both of us fiercely.

I regain at least part of my head and realize we need to be moving. We all pick our pace back up and run down the length of the hall. I'm second last in the line due to my argument and the man yelling is behind me. I can tell he'd like to attack me but he holds himself back. It's when I round the corner I hear it. The shot.

I immediately press my back to the wall while the others turn around in a frenzy. A rain of bullets come from the tunnel but hit the far wall not where I am standing. Our team raises their guns and edge to the mouth of the tunnel slowly, ready to attack. Instead we see a group of soldiers turn the corner at the far end. No time to shoot. No time at all.

"Come on!" Another rebel yells. "Keep going!" But I can hear the reluctance; see the sadness replaced by perseverance. It takes a lot to leave one of your teammates behind. We all feel something when people die. My eyes linger on the rebel on the floor. The one I'd been feuding with not even 2 minutes ago, our bodies full of life. And then I turn and run. Away from it and into other problems.

One rebel down…how many more to go?

But there's the catch. I wasn't taking out rebels.

* * *

><p>"We have one minute!" Michael shouts. We are regrouping, the first stage over. We are in a hidden spot that will not be so hidden in a minute.<p>

"Craig! Go to the entrance. Mia, to the lower levels! The rest get out and keep fighting! Work your way to the main security areas! We have the assembly area and weapons secure!" People scatter. Michael turns to me.

He has my hand drawn map. "You said you knew where this was. Go now! Secure it."

There was an emergency room I'd outlined on that god-forsaken map. It contained hard copies of all information District 13 held. We needed to secure that information. Only I was able to identify that room. Only I knew where it was.

Only I didn't. District 13 had morphed into wreckage, ravaged by war. As I got through lower levels I leaped over bodies, and avoiding falling bits of buildings, fires, and pools of blood. The district did not resemble what I remembered. I knew this area was roughly on the 4th level but where was harder to define.

Footsteps sounded behind me. I wheel around and meet face to face with a citizen of thirteen. He comes at me quicker than I thought possible brandishing a large knife; I react on instinct and dive to the side, the knife slicing through my shirt and into my arm.

Without thinking, with only survival instincts I raise my gun and nail him in the chest three times just as he's raising his knife again. He crumples like Liz did.

"No…" I whisper bending down to him. "No!" But it's too late and I must go on.

I run through the wreckage, on and on until I find something vaguely familiar. It was a classroom, where children should be. _Nearly there._

My legs burn, my lungs burn, and so does my head, and for the first time I feel like I could actually be the girl on fire.

But I push on. I don't know what the door looks like but I know the passage.

_There!_ I run full pelt and choose a door at random. My second choice is the right one. I shoot the lock from the door and kick it open. There they are. Computer systems holding vast amounts of information, everything a rebel troop could need.

But there is something else there, under the desk, flashing. Something I'd hadn't remembered, something that the rebels never discussed. A panic button. All the main control rooms must be fixed with them!

I survey the computer screen, it's flashing a message.

_District 3 alerted. Reinforcements sent._

District 3 was one of the few districts not under full rebel command. They were coming.

I grab my communication device, really a high tech walkie-talkie, and scream into the receiver.

"Emergency! Code 101!"

It immediately reroutes to Michael.

"District 3 has been alerted! They're coming with reinforcements!" I shout into it not even thinking. I was fulfilling my duty; I had to be a solider to save her. This was the most logical course of action. I was reacting on instinct alone.

And later I'd find that it was in that moment, with that instinct that officially made me a rebel.

* * *

><p>I make it back up the levels where most of the war is raging. We've now secured vital parts of the district. I hope it is over soon. I'm running up a set of emergency stairs when I crash into something and fall back down the flight.<p>

Despite the pain, I'm up in a second. The intruder and I both raise our guns in the same second with a metallic click.

"You always scare me to death." I tell Kin tiredly hiking my way back up the stairs.

"Sorry, you're always in a state of panic. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." I wave him away. "How are you going anyway?"

A shower of bullets sound just above our heads and Kin forces me down before he can answer, smacking my already injured body against the floor. He kneels up as another shower penetrates above us, peers through the railing and shoots four single shots. I hear a dull thud that I'm much too accustomed to.

"Come on. We better keep moving."

We continue hiking to the higher levels that still need some man power. We run through fallen bodies, broken timber, lost weaponry watching each other's backs. It feels nice to have a partner that I know and trust to an extent, rather than going solo. The main areas are all secure. Bands of rebels guard civilians or attend to injured people.

We pass many groups all under control, and receive nods from the rebels. Sometimes we're given information, sometimes orders. Eventually we make it to the top level but find it eerily empty.

"Where is everyone?"

Kin just shakes his head. I hear a low buzz from outside, beyond the underground of 13.

"Do you hear that?" I ask.

"Yeah."

Suddenly we are both running to the exits, me leading the way, and find ourselves on ground level. We look up at the expanse of sky, darkening into late afternoon. Our heads whip around until we find the source of the noise. A hovercraft, with the unmistakable label of 'District 3', materializes above.

"No!" I breath. This should have been taken care of. Right as I think that, a high pitch whistle fills the air. Kin understands before I do and yanks me back into the tunnel where we had exited, yelling as loud as he can. We get about five steps into the tunnel before the explosion knocks us off our feet. I land on top of Kin and we both scramble to get up. When I do, I wish I had stayed down. I look out the mouth of the tunnel where I can just make out the falling debris of the District 3 hovercraft.

They'd utilized the district's old industry. I was wrong. It was all taken care of. We were winning.

* * *

><p>In a district that was so oriented by time, it's impossible to tell exactly how much time has passed. Being underground there is no natural source but my body tells me it's getting later.<p>

I stand among the rebels. There's a commotion in the center of the room. "You guys are sick! You will never win! You can kill us all you want but you-" The man yelling earns a boot in the face. He tumbles down mumbling profanities.

"Anyone else want to argue?" The rebel whose boot it belonged to asks the crowd loudly. No one dares move.

Patrol. This is my latest job. I stand with another rebel, gun held, manning an exit to the space in which we are holding District 13 citizens. The room is dim, some of the lights blown, and the air is stale and thick from the sheer amount of people stuffed into the space. I scan the crowd of hostages, deliberately avoiding the far left corner where I can feel glares and waves of hatred course across the room towards me. I know at least four people in that corner and they sure as hell know me. Though they don't dare speak or shout out but their dissent is clear enough.

All I want to do is head over to them and explain my intentions, say that I'm not a rebel. But now that would be lying and I would blow the deal with the rebels. I can't say I'm not a rebel, because I chose their side. I worked for them. I killed. I reign in my temper and ignore the far corner. I chose my side, and now I have to stick it out.

An indefinable amount of time passes; the only sounds are coughing or the beep of a communicator. My mind wanders through the other parts of the district and wonder whether they are still fighting or if they are under control. My communicator beeps in my pocket. I pull it out; I'm needed back on the first level. I show it to my partner who nods and I turn to the exit. Just when the door closes behind me I hear it. A shout from the far corner.

"Traitor!" The shout is met with the familiar thud and this time I don't even care to wonder if they are dead or just hurt. Traitor. There's that word again. I can't define it. If I could I would have to decide which side, rebel or not, was right. And I'm too numb for any of that.

I work my way through the scarily vacant district. I can hear shouts from far away and other sounds more like machinery or weapons. I keep on going on my way to the top. On another set of stairs, once again, I meet Kin.

There's no fright this time, no raised weapons. "You got called in to?" He asks me.

I nod. Speaking is too much energy. Once again we make our way up together, watching each others backs. We are greeted by Michael and a small group of rebels.

"Well done." Is the first thing he says. I feel the tiniest, oddest, sense of satisfaction. I had done it. I'd saved her. It was all over. "We are sending a small group of you back. To keep your alibi's intact and to reinforce the district's again. The remainder will of course, be staying here, tying all the loose ends."

I feel a tenuous wave of relief. I get to leave this hell hole where I'd shared part of my childhood. "The hovercraft's waiting. We'll debrief everyone in a few days or so. Identify a final death toll. But well done." He states again with his ever present cheer.

Kin grips my shoulder and I lean into him with exhaustion. I was glad to board that hovercraft. We sit next to each other on the ride back.

"Guess we'll have to pretend we didn't obey." Kin says. The words are nonsensical to me.

"What?"

"In our 'questioning'." He draws the quotation marks with his fingers. "Have to say we wouldn't answer and they beat it out of us." He explains indicating both our injuries.

This surprises me for two reasons. One, that Kin was hiding the fact he was working for the rebels. I'd assumed his family and friends knew. And two, I hadn't thought about my injuries for a long time and only now was I feeling the pain again.

"Guess so." I mutter and lean my head against the window.

We arrive in the forest of 12 and have to walk back to the fence. How many times had I been through this gap? It was just before dinner from what I could tell from the sun. Michael had kept his promise, kept my alibi clean. _I'll make sure we have something nice for dinner._ My mother's words ring in my head.

We make it back to the Justice Building without being seen which was part of the plan. Change back into our normal clothes. Now we can leave like we've been in questioning the whole day. Other rebels disperse in other directions, to their own families, while Kin and I walk home the same way.

"You okay? It was tough back there…I know especially for you…"

"I'm fine Kin." I say harshly not wanting his pity. "Thank you." I add to soften my tone.

We say goodbye near where Jake's house is. He squeezes my shoulder and gives my eyes a searching glance.

When I continue my walk home, I imagine that I can feel eyes on the back of my head from the direction of Jake's. Or that's what I tell myself. I'm walking slower than usual and I make it to my house when darkness is just falling.

The minute I open the door my parents come scurrying around the corner. Clearly they were going to give me some speech on how they were so worried and they hoped I was okay but their mouths close the minute they see me.

I haven't actually seen myself but I know I must have bruises covering my face and blood on me.

My mother wordlessly rushes up and throws her arms around my body. My father stands back looking like he's been punched. I feel it then. Everything that I hadn't during the day. I feel it with full brute force, attacking my insides, clawing them until they are raw and aching. I cry, hard, in my mother's arms.

That night dinner is forgotten. They tend to my injuries, my mother changes me into pajamas and tucks me into bed. And when I wake up screaming from nightmares she is the one that runs into my room because she's been through it before. And when I don't calm down, or physically can't, she comes into my bed and sleeps with me offering me safety and comfort like I was a little girl again.

When I wake up in the morning I don't feel hollow. I feel depression, victory, misery, hopefulness, terror. I feel it all on some huge spectrum containing every emotion in its pure form. I can't rid it, I can't turn it off. And after hours of sitting in the swirls of emotion taking on the tirade I do the only thing I can do.

I accept it. Everything, in all its glory and horror. Because what else can you do?

* * *

><p>AN: So I've been waiting for a long time to write this chapter. I really wanted to show Freesia start to wonder which side she should really be fighting for and the conflicts she has once she gets to know the rebels. And start getting some action in! Please tell me what you think!

Soon I will start some outtakes from some other character's POV's after a few chapters. If you have a request let me know :)

Thanks for the feedback, you guys are awesome.


	23. Chapter 23

I don't think anyone can ever get used to death, no matter how often you see it. I know it's like that for my parents. They never got over the rebellion. No one did. Maybe I thought I was stronger now that I came out of 13. But I wasn't really, I was just different.

I never guessed how much things could keep changing after the attack. I had thought that after District 13, my life would revert back to normal, or at least contain some tiny bit of normalcy. But in seven days the district was capable of changing dramatically. In seven days I changed too.

The day after the attack is the hardest. My parents are careful to avoid sensitive topics and routinely check on me. I can still see the people I killed, the people I failed to save. They wait until I close my eyes and appear to taunt me, bloodied and broken. But I've learnt a trick. Shut them out. It doesn't always work but just sometimes I find a moment of peace. Unlike right now.

If I simply can't ignore them I draw them. I'm sitting in the studio frantically sketching it all, trying to save my sanity. Liz, the dead rebel, the hovercraft. They'd all lost their lives because of me. Especially the hovercraft. That day the rebels wouldn't have been prepared without my warning. But I've replayed it in my mind a million times. And I know in that moment, I chose to side with the rebels, to obliterate that hovercraft, but no matter how many times I think about it, I can't exactly say it was wrong necessarily. People would have kept on dying either way, whether we blew up the hovercraft or not. I simply allowed the rebels to defeat the district.

My pencil is creating a pool of blood around a body when I hear the click. My senses are more attuned now, so when I'm being secretive I can react quickly. But otherwise I'm just jumpy all the time. Hurriedly, I hide my drawing with another piece of paper but proceed to knock the entire pile of drawings onto the floor where they fan out in a mess. I let out a sound of panic. I fall off my chair in an attempt to seize all the paper before dad can see.

"You okay?" Dad asks, bending down to help.

"I'm fine!" I yell, snatching a piece out of his hands. I hug the stack to my chest.

He raises his hands in surrender but he doesn't look taken aback at all. "It's okay. There's lunch if you want to eat." He tells me, pointing towards to the kitchen. Having been in a position similar to mine before, he knows how to act around me.

"Thank you." I say keeping my eyes downcast. He leaves without another word but for a moment I feel the heavy weight of his hand on my shoulder.

I gather myself, and place the drawings into a sketchbook where no one will touch them, take a deep breath and head back into the real world for lunch.

* * *

><p>The real world it turned out was hard to be in. People asked questions when I went outside. Jake asked questions which I had to answer in lies. Small details would spur flashbacks where my body would shake and my mind would be overcome with images. It was the worse when they broadcasted the news of 13 over the whole country, one day later, and I was forced to watch. I re-watched the hovercraft get blown to bits which was entirely my fault. I watched nameless soldiers crumple and die like every other dead person did that day. Thankfully I didn't see Liz again, but the broadcast was enough to send me into a state. I'd never been exposed to so much in my life until this rebellion. I was growing up fast, I was changing.<p>

And death remained an ever present theme in my life. Unable to escape from it, I learnt to live with it. But one in particular was difficult to overcome. One day after the broadcast Gregory Mitchem, The Cow Man, died. Strangely not from war but from old age. In some sadistic way I found that a relief. We congregated in the main square for his funeral.

Jake's hand squeezed mine as we waited for it to begin. I toyed with the black lace on Lily's dress. I was angry at myself; I hadn't done my Sunday routine in so long and I had neglected the Cow Man. Now he was dead, like a lot of other people.

It was then that I caught Kin's eye from across the square. With his face bruised and cut like mine, he mouthed the words _are you okay?_ His sensitivity as always shocked me, and I was still confused of his care towards me. But I nodded and mouthed the same back. Then I had felt my phone buzz in my bag and I hid a smile. I picked it up when Jake wasn't looking and read the text.

_Debrief is tomorrow. Need to talk?_

Yes, I did need to talk. I needed to tell him of the flashbacks, of the dead that came after me. I needed to let my feelings out about what had happened that day to the only person I could trust with the information. I texted him back that I'd talk tomorrow and I already felt a bit lighter. That's when Jake breathed a sigh of frustration and the lightness disappeared. I followed his gaze to Kin.

"Are you sure he has a girlfriend?" He half joked.

I laughed trying to cover my uneasiness, slipping my phone away and silenced his suspicions with a kiss. Heat coursed through my body, like always, like only Jake could do.

A speaker stepped onto the stage. Millie Dryer, an old friend of the Cow Man's. I recognized her from the market. She spoke eloquently, and easily, forming a framework of imagery of Gregory Mitchem. Hot tears leaked from my eyes and I felt the tightness of the hand holding mine in response.

The ceremony didn't last long. The district people who turned up paid their respects and I watched his casket get buried in the cemetery. Leaves spun in the breeze. His gravestone only held his name and his life in years. I placed a single rose onto the grave once it was filled.

* * *

><p>The day after the funeral I meet Kin halfway to the Justice Building. Up close, he looks extremely battered which is exactly why I've been avoiding my mirror.<p>

"You ready?" He asks.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

We once again enter the Justice Building but I no longer have a feeling of impending doom. I feel satisfied, I guess, pleased at least by the fact that I've saved Lily. However I still find my eyes trailing to Kin. Lately he does seem himself, like the guy I first met, but I still can't understand why he willingly works for the rebels. I mean he doesn't even have an outside influence. But who am I to judge? I blew up a hovercraft and killed a man. I wasn't exactly innocent anymore.

"Welcome people!" Michael's cheerful voice calls out in the meeting room. The room contains only District 12 rebels, the others getting debriefed back in their home districts. "I see you've already seen the news we posted on our victory of 13? Of course it was near impossible to miss!"

He clicks a button on the remote in his hand and on a large T.V screen the footage plays again. It doesn't affect me as much the second time around, actually I am unable to find any sort of sadness in me. _Lily's coming back soon_ a little voice in my head kept telling me and my world slowly started glowing.

"But on to more serious matters." Michael's voice brings me out of my mulling. "The final death toll of the District 13 raid stands at 300. That is 89 rebels and 211 civilians. We are creating a memorial in the Capitol to honor all lives lost." Flashes of bodies penetrate my mind but I push it back, thinking.

It's these acts of kindness, of consideration that makes times like these difficult to separate myself from them. I find it harder to find the line where there is Freesia and where there is rebel. I catch Kin looking at me from his seat beside me. I mean, how different am I from Kin? We're the same age, same district, and same allegiance. We're not different, that's just it.

"But in regards to our victory," Michael continues, "I must say that I am now leaving District 12 and am repositioning my stance back within the Capitol along with the other heads of our rebel community." The rebel leaders strike me. There's more than one? Thinking about it now, about the amount of area and people that the rebels have to cover in an entire country it is definitely not surprising there is more than one head rebel. What _is _surprising is how I never realized. "You will all once again be under the command of Lisa here in District 12 and she will be receiving direct orders from me and the others back in the Capitol. Your work will proceed as normal."

Once again I begin doodling on my notepad in front of me as Michael glosses over more findings from District 13, items of information I am not interested in. Happiness slowly seeps into my body and what began as doodling soon turns into a full-fledged battle of hangman with Kin sitting next to me. We're so into it Michael has to call my name a few times until I realize I am meant to be listening.

"Yes?" I grin sheepishly. The rebels around the room are giving us looks that I recognize as looks that Lily and Adam used to receive. I shift away from Kin slightly.

"A couple of District 13 citizens we are keeping under control know you and wish to speak with you. Otherwise they will not co-operate. Would you be willing?"

My first reaction is shock. Because for the first time in becoming a rebel I am actually being given a choice not tainted with blackmail. I can choose to say yes or no and no consequences will be formed. My second reaction is dread. I don't know how to face people like that when I'm unable to tell them the truth. I'm about to say no when I stop myself.

_You don't know what we know_, that's what Liz had said right before she died. I hadn't pondered that until now, I'd been trying too hard to suppress the memory, but she had tried to warn me. And now I was a rebel anyway, I should start acting like one.

So I draw a breath and tell him yes, half for good measure and half out of being intrigued.

"Very good, I'll make sure Lisa contacts you."

And then we are allowed to leave. I stand alongside Kin and we make our way out.

"That was brave of you." Kin says honestly as we walk further into town.

"What?"

"Agreeing to speak with hostages you know personally." He elaborates, dodging a little boy running down the street.

"I had to do it." I tell him simply walking along the dirt road.

"No you didn't. He gave you an option." Kin points out. And once again I am stumped by myself. I used to hate any thought related to rebels, despise those who created war against our country. Yet now…I was willingly siding with them. I said I was like Kin. He is a rebel. I am a rebel.

"Come on." He says, leading me with my arm. "Let's go talk." I follow willingly as we head to a secluded park.

Liz's voice rings through my head along with the breeze. _I thought you were a good person._

I'll prove you wrong Liz.

* * *

><p>The days slowly get better and better. I function like normal, and my bruises start to turn yellow indicating they are healing. The sun shines, as I'm sure it does every other day but these were the days I notice the glow it casts onto the town. <em>She's coming home.<em> It was almost like my mantra by now.

My feet crunch on some discarded leaves on the ground as I walk the back way, in the warm breeze until I find myself at Adam's, ready for the picnic. Before I can locate him I hear him.

"Hey babe!" Adam's voice rings loudly from across his backyard as he gives me a huge wave and blows a kiss into the air. I roll my eyes. It's such an Adam thing to do.

"Hey honey." I joke back approaching his lawn and throwing a stick at him.

"And you guys wonder why people always thought you two would end up together." Hollie says, perched on the low branch of a tree, shaking her head at us.

My laughter mingles with Adam's and then a whole new voice rings through the garden.

"I'm watching you Underwood!" Jake yells out playfully to Adam with a mock glare on his face.

Adam scoffs. "She's already mine!" And he grabs my wrist, tugging me in and kissing my cheek.

I hear Hollie laughing while I try to get out of Adam's grip. "Adam stop!" But I'm laughing along with Hollie. Jake shoves him away and then gives me a real kiss on the lips.

"That's what I'm talking about." He says. Hollie ooooh's from the tree while Adam pulls a hurt face.

I decide to intervene. "Come on guys!" I shout in an attempt to round them all up and get going. "You can fight over me while we walk there."

"I call dibs on her." I turn around shocked that that came from Hollie's mouth.

We all enter the square together glimpsing the screen display the Hunger Games, I avert my eyes from the Cow Man's house. Lily is getting increasingly better with Ren by her side. The determination glimpsed at the start of the Games is back on her face and she appears fit to win. Like always working with someone is better than working alone. They've scavenged food and stocked piled their own supply of weapons, so they are definitely contenders in the audiences' eyes. Even the commentators agree. Although right now they are not being featured.

"Come on Free! We have to keep going!" Hollie chirps and I look up to see my little group already heading in the other direction. I move on.

The boys stop by the market quickly to buy food for the picnic. Hollie goes to look at some ribbons at a stall which leaves me by myself. Soon though there's a tap on my shoulder. I turn to face Kin.

"Hi." I say a little surprised. He has an odd expression on his face.

"How are you holding up?" His constant concern for my wellbeing confuses me but I don't pass up the chance to chat. Our last conversation had helped ten-fold.

"Surprisingly okay. Better. How are you?" He doesn't look as okay as I feel. His eyes are tired, purple circles lining the bottom of them and his expression is wary.

"Okay I guess. Still have the nightmares?" I immediately understand that is what is still plaguing him. That is what explains his haggard look. Yes of course I still get the nightmares.

"Yeah." I tell him. "Keep yourself distracted, it helps." I offer with a small smile.

He returns it, looking possibly a little lighter. "When are you dealing with the hostages?"

"Tonight." I remind him. I'd told my parents I'd be with Jake as an alibi, they hadn't minded. In fact they'd all but pushed me out the door.

He frowns. "Be careful okay?" There it is again, the concern. "I don't want to see you take a step backwards." He says carefully. I don't fully understand what he means but I assume he's referring to my mental wellbeing.

"Okay, Kin."

"I'll see you around, okay?" There's almost a forceful quality to his tone. "Guess it's kinda inevitable being rebels and all." And then he just leaves offering me a wave. How strange.

"I didn't know you were still friends with Kin." Hollie says behind me, offering me a cheeky smile. For a moment I'm nervous she overheard but her expression is easy.

"Yeah well, we had some stuff in common, kind of got thrown together." The understatement of the day!

She gives me a long searching look before nodding her head and turning towards the boys who were returning.

* * *

><p>The picnic was beautiful. We spent an hour or so walking to a side of the district we rarely ventured to, but contained grassy fields of flowers. No one else was there.<p>

It was one of those rare times, when we all felt utterly at ease, amongst the war that was raging through the districts; when peacefulness fell on us that was not hampered by blood and gore. I felt whole like this, being here and imagining Lily returning. My thoughts were clearer. I had done it, I had not lost myself, but I had saved her. I had chosen a side, yes, I had become a rebel if only for a moment, but I had achieved the impossible and now everything had fallen into place. Like a jigsaw. It was a personal victory that I had conquered this huge mountain coming out unscathed- well relatively- and saving the most important person in my life. For the first time in a long time I didn't feel fragile. I knew this would change the minute I returned back into the district, where all the other reminders would affect me, but now here in the field I was at peace.

"What are you thinking about?" Jake comes to sit behind me, hugging me from behind while Hollie and Adam attempt to scale a tree. I sit between his legs.

"Oh you know, Panem." His arms tighten, I watch some leaves scatter in the breeze.

"You going okay?" He asks seriously, sweeping a strand of hair from my face.

"Yeah of course." I flinch slightly when his hand gets a bruise of mine. My face is still quite raw and sensitive. I can almost feel his anger when I jump back slightly. "I'm good now, knowing she's coming home soon."

"Just in time too." I turn in his arms and look at him in confusion. A small smile plays at his lips. "Well hey, you'll be eighteen soon. You'll get to celebrate with her." He smiles softly at me, and this time his eyes don't linger on the bruises. My happiness glows through them.

"Your right." I say in astonishment.

"Of course I am. Aren't I always?" For that, I hit him playfully and he jumps back laughing. The breeze blows a handful of leaves our way and one gets stuck in his hair.

"If you haven't noticed I'm the one that's always right." I inform him superiorly but I can't keep the smile from my face as I remove the leaf.

He scoffs. "Yeah, whatever, you may be older but I'm definitely wiser." I punch him in the arm but he wraps his arms around me preventing me from swiping again.

"You're impossible." I grumble.

I can feel his laugh through my own body, his happiness seeping into my already cheerful state. Tangible, that's why I love him. He's so real.

"Wouldn't have it any other way, would you?" He whispers in my hair, his hot breath causing me to shudder.

"Oh I might…" I tease him.

"Actually if I do remember you despised me in the beginning." He recalls with a chuckle.

I snort. "Yeah. You were too damn persistent. And arrogant." His lips press to my cheek as the breeze ruffles my hair.

"Guess it worked out for the best huh?"

"Ah, but you see I could have had Adam. Quite a catch that one." I joke with a totally dead pan expression. Jake gives me the not so impressed look.

"Well you're stuck with me." He says and turns me so he can reach my lips, claiming me.

"Mmm what a shame…" I can't keep the same joking tone when I'm in his arms and he's kissing me like this. He senses this and smiles. I bring my lips back to his when Adam calls out.

"Hey lovebirds! Knock it off and come up here! You can see the whole district!" Adam shouts out. When I look up I notice he and Hollie have successfully climbed the tree at least ten meters into the air.

I sigh knowing he won't leave us alone any longer. "Fine, we're coming!" I call out and walk through the leaves to the base of the tree. Jake gives me a boost effortlessly to the first branch while he just jumps and swings onto it. Damn he has muscles. When we reach the top I draw in a shocked breath steadying myself to make sure I do not fall out of the tree. You really can see the whole district. It pans out in its circular formation, the houses placed randomly and sporadically through the land. The sun is just setting casting a warm glow onto everything.

"Cool huh?" Adam says to me, his eyes smiling. I admire his resilience, still not knowing she is safe.

"Very." And I give him an awkward hug between our branches.

"Hey look over there guys!" Hollie pipes up pointing towards the main square, a fair distance from us. We can just make out the screen and the dots of the ant sized people meeting in the square. My heart jumps. I'm late. I should've realized from the setting sun but I was due to negotiate with the hostages.

"Looks busier than normal." Jake comments while I try to find the path back down the tree. Adam and Hollie hum in agreement.

"Come on, we better start walking back anyway. It's going to get dark quickly. And we can suss it out." Adam suggests giving me a nudge as he sees my efforts of reaching the ground.

When we all place our feet on solid ground we journey our way back to the heart of the district, me moving slightly faster than the others.

"Probably just something interesting being broadcasted again." Jake muses as we walk back.

"Yeah." I say believing him. Because at that moment I hadn't thought anything could destroy my blissful state. Not even the hostages.

* * *

><p>The noise reaches our ears before any sight can. It's the hum of people, masses of people, all congregated in one spot. Strange for this time of day. As we come nearer to the square the sounds become more distinct. Gasps and sighs.<p>

"What's all the commotion?" Adam wonders. A teenage boy runs down the street, ahead of us, frantically heading towards the square. Adam's eyes find mine and we all speed up.

The sound only becomes louder as we draw nearer and I recognize the booming sounds of the screen. Whatever the commotion, the Games have spurred it. I am not prepared for the scene I encounter.

The crowd of people is large, all shoppers or passersby who have halted to watch the bloodbath unfold. Being District 12, most look troubled by the displays of brutality and violence seen on the screen. The screen contains five people; Lily, Ren and the remaining Careers including Marina the girl from 4. Blood has already been shed and they are all harboring deep injuries. Lily and Ren are currently sprinting away from the pack, although their bodies are moving in sporadic movements and they cannot keep their pace level. However neither can the Careers. I watch intently as Lily and Ren make head way and when a good distance ahead pause by the wide trunk of a tree.

"Keep moving…" I mutter to myself. Something brushes my side and I look up in time to see Kin, although he quickly moves his eyes. He doesn't approach me with the others here but I caught a glimpse of some emotion in his eyes. Sympathy? Reassurance?

The scream jolts me back to the screen like an electric shock. The Careers are on Lily, brandishing knives and spears. I have an odd experience as a boy staggers towards Lily, his knife hand slashing the air. I feel almost a rush, a feeling of being drawn back while watching the screen, until I am standing back in the ruins of 13, searching for the room with the panic button, the man in front of me, older and in better condition than the boy, swiping towards me holding his knife. I remember the sting of the cut in my arm and the girl I'm watching evade the knife no longer has dark hair but blonde. She skits around the man like she should and I wait for the moment she will raise her gun and shoot him and watch him fall to the ground. But she has no gun. Her knife she is holding, but it cannot find a purchase on his body. He raises his knife again and he throws it, leaving her no time to evade, the alteration of actions confusing my mind and the memory. The knife spins in the air and finds home in her chest. And this time it is the girl who crumples not the man.

The horrific sounds that emanate from the bodies around me cause my world to dissolve until I see the greenery of the Games and the now dark haired girl lying on the ground her blood pooling. Not me in 13. I refuse to process the scene because the dark haired was never ever meant to fall. She was safe. I tell myself this over and over, blocking out the violent scene unfolding in the square. I have reached a state of certainty; that there of course is still a chance, a chance for the events to right themselves and Lily to live, when the cannon sounds, loud and clear. Signifying her death.

* * *

><p>AN: Cliffhanger I know! Next chapter will be up ASAP. Sorry for the delay on this one.

I know this might be a shocker, I would really love to know what you think! Please leave a comment, it would make my day :)

Once again thank you for all the subscribes, you guys are wonderful!


	24. Chapter 24

_Boom! _The sound matches the thud in my head, in my chest.

_Boom! Boom!_ Two more people fall, I cannot hear anything else.

_Boom!_ The last one.

My body hurts. I can feel my pulse throughout my body; getting stronger, stronger, stronger…the world shatters. Sounds and movements erupt in an ugly haze.

I run.

Trees whirl past, people shout out, I run on and on. I can't breathe, I can't see. My chest is aching, my head is pounding, my whole body shakes.

I crash into something. The gate. A hand grabs my arm.

"Freesia!" The voice shouts. Jake.

Sounds reach my ears, pairs of footsteps running down the porch stairs. The haunted looks on my parent's faces tell me they've seen Lily. Arms try to envelope me in a hug, I jump out.

Something snaps inside me and I'm screaming incoherently. "I made the deal! She was safe!"

The tiny rational part of me sees the widening of Jake's eyes and his body tense but I don't take note. Something new hits me, my hands fly to my mouth and I bite into the flesh out of pure fury.

"Oh my god! I killed – I – they lied to me – and I –" I fall to the ground wrapping my arms around my knees. The amount of emotion in me is physically paining me. I sob uncontrollably, digging my nails into my skin trying to release the agony within me.

My dad unfortunately caught onto what I was shrieking before I had better judgment.

"What did you do Freesia?" I can't form words over the sobs and I am pushed over the brink into hysteria.

"What deal?" My dad shouts at me, his eyes not blue anymore. I can hear voices everywhere, the wind feels abnormally strong.

"I invaded 13." I tell the three people around me who had no idea before dissolving back into hysteria.

* * *

><p>They think I'm sleeping in my room. They think I'll be okay. They think they can call doctors and talk to me. They're wrong.<p>

I'm raging.

The family portrait atop the mantelpiece? Next to that clock and bowl of keys is broken, in pieces on the ground. Because we are not a family anymore.

It's dark out, the night animals watching me, as I make my way towards the rebels, knife in my pocket. I used to be scared of killing, but they took Lily. Now it was all over.

The moment she fell still replays in my mind. Over and over. I did their bidding and they killed her anyway. Liz was right. I was a terrible person.

The wind whips through my hair, scattering leaves, chilling me.

My footsteps are muffled by the soft dirt on the ground, enabling me to stalk my way to where they are holding the hostages. Where rebels are. Where I will kill them.

I fling open the doors ready to fight and am greeted by silence. My body runs cold. Where are they? My footfall sounds loud in the silence against the marble of the Justice Building.

I break into a run, the slapping of my feet echoing around me. I draw my knife, gripping the handle. The flashback of the knife sticking out of Lily overcomes me for a second before I move on.

I count the doors I pass, reminding me of being in 13 where I became a rebel, until I find the door I think is right. At that moment, I wasn't thinking straight, I was too overcome with rage and grief to consider why the door was unlocked and whether I was walking into a trap.

The minute I lay my eyes on the hostages I feel a sense of victory that doesn't match the hostage's expressions. Their anger is prominent, their eyes flicker nervously to my knife. _They think I'm here to kill them._ I realize.

I sprint to them and attempt to cut the ropes binding them while they scream hysterically thinking I'm trying to kill them. A crash behind me causes me to straighten.

Four rebels stand at the doorway poised to attack. One charges, and I stab him with my knife, far gone past sanity. That was the moment the onslaught happened.

An impact to my head brings me to the ground in agony and the bloodied knife is wrestled from my hand. I attempt to fight back, but soon I'm pinned and four more sharp impacts reach my side until I stop fighting.

Waves of pain enclose my body as I lie there until the sounds diminish and the colors fade out.

* * *

><p>When my eyes reopen I am thoroughly disoriented. It is pitch black and I think I am outside for a moment until I realize that there is no light from the stars. That and I just crawled into the wall.<p>

The ground I'm sitting on is hard like concrete and very dirty. It is cold, and I can't even see my hand in front of my face. I sense that I am no longer in District 12.

_This is it, _I think. The rebels have officially turned against me. I can't say I'm surprised.

The next few hours I fall in and out of consciousness. Each time I wake though everything is the same as before; dark and cold. The silence presses on me. Eventually I fall into longer periods of unconsciousness until I barely wake at all.

My mind wanders through old memories.

"_Shhhh! People will hear you!" I scold Mike, as we sneak to the edge of the school grounds, running along the dusty ground._

_He laughs, his voice deep even at 14. "Calm down Free. We're fine." His hand tightens on mine as he tugs me along. He pulls me behind a tree on the outskirts of the school and we both grin childishly at each other, his brown eyes sparkling. _

_I watch the breeze blow bits of his curly hair as I realize that I really, really like this boy. With his broad shoulders and gentle demeanor, his arms leaning against the tree as my back rests on the bark. We lean in at the same time and kiss each other innocently. He tastes sweet, his lips warm. The breeze ruffles our blonde hair, carrying the scent of flowers._

"_You look really pretty today." He says shyly. I blush a light pink, glad I took fifteen minutes extra to style my hair this morning._

"_Not too bad yourself." I strive for a light tone, moving a bit of hair from his eyes. _

_He leans his head into mine; I feel his lips tickling my ear. I giggle. Just before he can whisper magic words there's laughter from beside me._

"_There are teachers coming!" Lily tells me frantically with an ecstatic look on her face. She knows all about Mike but I don't know how she knew we were here._

_I break away quickly from Mike but leave our hands connected. We run further into the school grounds our laughter carrying through the wind._

I resurface to my dark room sensing it's far later than when I fell asleep. Something in my body is aching but I can't determine what it is. There's a light tapping outside that must have caused me to come to. Soon though it leaves, and when it disappears I do too.

_Excitement pooled in my gut and radiated throughout my body. There was a skip to my step as I made my way to park where Mike said he'd meet me. He said he had something to tell me. People waved to me on the street and I smiled politely back. I loved District 12; the culture, the intimacy, the trees._

_Mike is waiting for me on the park bench. He smiles at me and holds out a couple of flowers he picked. I immediately sense something wrong when the smile doesn't meet his eyes. My panic overrides my excitement. _

_Even so I sit on the bench quietly, taking his hand, letting him begin. He watches the young children play on the playground, among the patches of flowers for a few minutes before he says anything._

"_We're leaving." He says bluntly. I'd always admired that about him, his ability to say everything how it was, but right now I resent it._

"_You're leaving what?" I ask, turning on the bench so I am facing him. I already know the answer though._

"_District 12 Free. We're moving to 6." He had warned me of this months ago, when we were hanging out in his room. I'd disregarded it, choosing to believe his family would stay._

_District Six was a long way away, I already knew that, I'd been there once before. But I hadn't liked it. I turn back to him but he isn't looking at me anymore._

"_When?" I whisper brokenly, tears forming in my eyes. My chest felt constricted._

"_A week."_

_One week! I had one week left with my boyfriend, the guy I had fantasized marrying, the only boyfriend I've ever truly loved. The person I had been with for over a year. One week!_

"_We'll write." He promises me, his eyes flicking up again._

"_But we won't be together." _

_I can see the raw pain in his eyes when I say this. "No."_

_I share one of the last kisses ever with my Mike, already feeling alone._

My body jerks when I come to, causing me to groan. The feel of his lips disappearing the moment I emerge into consciousness. I had thought that was the greatest pain I'd ever felt when Mike left, but it was nothing compared to this. The raw, hollow feeling of where my sister once was, the physical pain of my body was tearing me up. The loneliness. I want my family. I want Adam. I want Jake.

I hear the pitter patter sound again, the tapping. It dissipates quicker this time not caring about my current state. I feel a tug within me, a slipping sensation and once again I succumb to the darkness and enter a much happier time 5 or so years ago, before Mike, when life was blooming not dying.

_I walk into the house after seeing a friend in the park._

"_Where's mum and dad?" I ask Lily who's perched on the couch._

"_Doctor's appointment. Dad gave me this to try and figure out a name." Lily holds up "The Big Book of Baby Names" with a smirk._

"_Found anything?" I ask her, grabbing a bagel from the counter._

"_No. Care to enlighten me with your wonderful ideas?"_

_I laugh at her sarcasm. She knows very well how helpful my naming ideas are. _

"_What about Bagel?" I joke around just to annoy her, eying the bagel in my hands. She glares at me, upset I'm not taking the task seriously. _

"_Seriously, he should be named after bread. We're named after flowers and dad's whole family were bakers!" I begin to list off names. "Sourdough, Wholemeal, Pita…hey that's like Peeta!" I burst into a fit of laughter over myself as Lily just shakes her head at me._

"_The baby's going to be nameless at the rate we're going!"_

"_What's Lily getting all upset about?" Someone says from the door. I turn around to Adam leaning against the doorframe. He winks at Lily quickly. I know without turning that she's smiling now._

"_I was offering her very serious names for our little brother." I tell him dryly._

"_Yes, because we can go around town saying hi this is Sourdough Mellark!" Lily says in exasperation but her eyes are softened._

"_You should name him Rye." Adam calls from where is he raiding our kitchen. There's even a little corner in the fridge where we keep leftovers for Adam now._

"_Adam that's not funny!" Lily yells, flicking through the name book again. I laugh anyway. _

"_No I'm serious!" He walks back in holding a loaf of bread. "Look, it's bread AND it's a name!"_

_The look Lily gives him is priceless. _

"_No, Rye as in Ryan." He tells her seriously. "But it also fits Free's stupid bread thing."_

"_It's not stupid!"_

"_I like it." Lily says surprisingly her eyes lighting up. "Rye Mellark. Sounds nice doesn't it?"_

_I nod in agreement. "Okay, but let's not tell mum and dad the name came from Adam finding a loaf of bread in the kitchen."_

My eyes open. Still no change. The darkness seems to have gotten darker, if possible. My stomach rumbles. I was becoming scared. I was never going to break free. The pitter patter is there again. I will myself to fall into unconsciousness.

_I'm scared. I can't see mummy or daddy. Lily is not here. It's almost sunset, the sky is dark. I cry as I watch the waves because I don't know how to get home._

_I'm lost._

_I want my teddy or a big hug from daddy. It's cold. I hear a sound behind me and I turn to it._

"_Freesia?" It's Ethan my big friend. Mummy says he doesn't have cooties like the other boys at home. I run to him as fast as I can while I'm crying._

"_I'm lost!"_

"_It's okay." He says as he picks me up like daddy does. Daddy says he is strong because he works on boats all the time. I put my face in his neck and I cry. "Shhhh. It's okay honey, we're going to go home now."_

_He walks away from where we were._

_Later I hear my mummy call to me._

"_Oh Freesia, baby, there you are!" Ethan puts me on the ground and I run to mummy. "You scared me sweetheart, don't run off like that again!" I like getting hugs from mummy, she is warm, and she says nice things._

"_I'm sorry." She hums something to me which I always like. I want to sing like her._

"_There you are Free!" My daddy's big voice comes from Aunty Annie's and Uncle Finn's house. "Are you okay sweetheart?"_

_He picks me up in a bear hug and I smile. Then Aunty Annie comes out of the house with Lily._

"_Lily!" I yell and run to her. She hugs me in a big hug and I kiss her cheek. A boy had seen me do this before at school and he had tried to kiss me too. I had hit him and then I got sent home._

"_You're here Free!" Lily says. "I love you Free!" She says kissing my cheek. "Look I made this for you!" She holds out a daisy chain. I put it on my head excitedly._

"_I love you forever Lily! Forever and ever!"_

The warmth of my sister is immediately replaced by coldness. This time though, there is a change when I open my eyes. Light. At first it hurts and I keep my head in my hands, but eventually I am able to see the sliver of light where the door to my cell has been opened.

A figure stands above me, black and silhouetted against the door, but its features aren't needed to distill fear into my body. His hands grab my arms roughly, and this hurts a lot probably because I hadn't moved in days. He drags me into the hallway where light is everywhere and the sensation is so awful I wish I was back in my dark cell, wandering my own safe memories.

He drags me down the hall as I try to fight, but the attempt so feeble I'm unsure if he can even tell. The light still hurts so I keep my eyes shut until I am pushed into another room and the slam of a metal door reaches my ears. I curl up into a ball on my side, keeping my eyes shut willing anything and everything to be back in my dark cell. There is too much movement and noise around me, I hide my head in my arms and mumble nonsensical things to myself.

Eventually the noise dies down, and I recognize the familiar pitter patter that diminishes down the hall which I now identify as footsteps. I raise my head tentatively and survey my surroundings. The room is made of bars, only one side a solid wall, the spaces allowing light to flow freely. Across the passageway from my cell lie another cell, but this one is full of people. They glare at me with snake-like eyes.

These are the hostages. Citizens of 13 which I condemned to these cells and then foolishly attempted to save. Except they are convinced I was trying to kill them. Maybe that's why they're in the other cell.

I do the only thing I can do in my state. I mouth the words _I'm sorry._ And then I turn my back to them and face the wall, unable to deal with their reproach.

* * *

><p><em>Rye runs into the room, his little toddler legs wobbling as mum chases him from behind. Dad is whistling in the kitchen making a chicken pie for lunch, Lily at the table completing her trigonometry homework. <em>

"_Fweeza!" He yells happily, clapping his hands. _

"_Hey Rye!" I scoop the little boy up and plant a kiss on his cheek. He giggles when suddenly there is a knock at the door._

"_Free honey, could you get that?" Mum asks, already busy with Rye again._

_I make my way to the door and swing it open revealing an empty porch. _

"_Hello?" I call out. There was no one on the streets today. A gale of wind blows leaves into the house and I shut the door quickly against the cold weather. _

"_Mum there was no one there!" I call out to her but I can no longer hear the busy sounds of my family. The house creaks in the silence and the wind rattles the windows._

"_Mum?" I call out weakly._

_No answer. I walk towards the kitchen where my father had been cooking but before I make it I find my family at the kitchen table, their backs to me, facing the window._

_I breathe a sigh of relief. "You guys scared me!" I laugh, hurrying to sit with them on the other side of the table. "Where's lunch – " my sentence is cut off by my scream, as I look to see the dead faces of my family in their chairs, blood coursing from their necks._

I wake up screaming louder than I thought possible. My body thrashes around on the ground of my cell searching for the dead bodies of my family. But there is no one here with me. I dissolve into a fit of racking sobs, burying my face in my hands. I wanted to die, I didn't want this to continue.

A sound alerts me to the presence of others in the room. I whip my head up to find the other cell staring at me.

They are whispering to each other. I catch only one. "She's gone. She's crazy." I don't have the energy to refute it, to scream at them as I would like. So I lie back down in my ball and wonder if it was true. Was I finally crazy?

They come to get me several hours later. The rebels. Just about time because I couldn't take the whispering anymore. It penetrated inside my head until I could hear nothing else. They take me to a room, this one dark and I enjoy that but this one contains more people, not hostages. These were rebels.

The strap me in a chair and my arm is pricked with something. It hurts, I cry out.

No one cares.

Soon the world dims even more, but I don't fall into the pit of oblivion like I did before. I'm still here. Disembodied voices float around my consciousness, pinpricks of light come into my vision but otherwise all I see is darkness. I lose all rationality, all sense.

"What is your name?"

I answer in a slur in the darkness. "Freesia Mellark."

The voice continues. "Affiliation?"

In the haze, I remember the call to Michael saying that District 3 was coming when I was fighting in 13. I give the only sensible answer I can. "Rebel." This causes the voices to change in tone and color, take on a more musical quality.

Are they laughing?

"Where are you parents Freesia?" The voice continues, popping out of the muddy soundscape.

"…home." The minute the words leave my lips my body contracts in pain. The world suddenly comes clear in my eyes and I see a man in front of me, the one asking the questions, and a band of rebels behind him, next to a strange machine with wires running to me. I see all this before the world dims again and the pain subsides. I lose my focus.

"Where are you parents Freesia?"

"At home." The same sensation happens again only this time the pain is doubled. I am confused of the cause.

The questions continue endlessly, as I weave in and out of the murky sights and sounds. I find it difficult to recall the last question. Occasionally the pain will come back and my senses will sharpen before I'm pulled back into the darkness. After an eternity it all stops.

They remove me from the chair and place me in a room where light explodes everywhere. I cannot handle it and inside me my sanity is almost tangible, like sand slipping through my fingers.

I am placed back into the cell with the light where the whispers bombard me.

I hate the light but I have begun to hate the darkness too. In unconsciousness my dreams are no longer purely memories but twisted dreams of death. I wake to the light and whisperings wishing it would all cease. Wishing to cut all my ties and leave wherever I am and head into oblivion. Sweet, sweet oblivion.

* * *

><p>A lot of time passes, that I know. But I am no longer able to determine how much exactly. When I am not consumed in dark rooms the light is artificial. They don't give me regular meals or drinks. The only regularity to my schedule is being brought into the dark room for torture.<p>

My body is weak, my mind worn. For hours after the torture I am left twitching and shaking uncontrollably. I find it difficult to remember what exactly I told them, whether or not I gave them important information.

In consciousness I try to live in my memories, the happy times back when Lily was alive; baking with dad when we were five years old, singing with mum by the fire, trying to set Lily up with Adam. That way the whispering doesn't overwhelm me. But sometimes I find my head empty, unable to retrieve the right memory. This isn't as common but scares me when I forget important things like the look of Jake's room or where Hollie works.

When time lengthens between torture episodes, my body does strange things. It becomes weaker, the muscles cramping and my limbs shaking, my heart quickening.

It's almost as bad as when I'm in the torture room itself.

There's a long period of time when no one comes for me. Not for food or torture. I stay lying on the ground facing the wall. I miss a lot of people.

I remember my 14th birthday when everyone was there but I am no longer remembering it like before. I am there, wandering around the backyard my dad had painstakingly decorated.

Lily and I were both in dresses, hers blue and mine white. Adam is there also standing with two wrapped gifts in his hands. We tackle him to the ground in laughter before my mother warns us about playing rough.

There's a tap on my shoulder and when I turn I have to look up to see in his eyes. Ethan smiles handing me a gift. My heart nearly jumps into my throat he is so gorgeous but I grin and take the gift without faltering. He says he'll see me later and goes to find Lily before joining conversation with the adults.

Within 20 minutes all the guests have arrived. I am standing in the middle of the yard with Lily as our circle of friends chat excitedly about little things. The present table is full, which makes me excited for later when Lily and I will fill the lounge room with wrapping paper as we tear apart our gifts.

The adults are all congregated on the porch and even Effie is there, which is strange because I don't think she's ever travelled to District 12. My dad is making effortless conversation with her while I see mum turn away rolling her eyes, bouncing the one year old Rye on her knee. I laugh; Effie really was a little crazy. Grandpa Haymitch is discussing things with Finnick Odair and I wonder whether or not he has been drinking today.

The wind blows and a strange sound comes from the trees. I frown though no one else has noticed. It's a whispering. It grows louder though no guests complain. My breathing quickens as odd metallic clanks and pitter patter sounds come from all around me, sounds that do not suit the backyard. They mingle with the laughter and music creating odd resonances.

Suddenly the guests are no longer in the backyard and I look around frantically. I try to call out but my voice doesn't work, the whispering continues as does the clanking until suddenly I am no longer standing in the grass.

I find myself back on the hard ground, lying on my side in my cell. The clanking was the metal doors opening and closing, the pitter patters the footsteps. I shudder thinking how my two worlds were now blending in one. It made it difficult to determine what was real and what was imaginary. It made the good memories all the more horrible.

When I turn around to face whoever has entered this building I know that something inside me has let loose. Broken. My sanity no longer intact.

Standing beside the guards is her. Restrained but alive.

I shriek, I cannot help it. I scream and scramble to the corner hiding my head. Somebody is shouting something but I refuse to look. I cower in my hands as my body shakes.

"Not real, not real, not real..." I mumble over and over to myself. The real and unreal had collided, had mixed into one world.

Because there standing next to the guards was Lily.

I stay tucked in a ball for what I can guess is hours before I have the courage to look up. Lily or the guards are no longer there but the whispering is. The hostages giving me covert glances.

I turn back to the wall wishing I no longer existed. If this was what I had to live with, I didn't want to live anymore.

* * *

><p>AN: Review for an outtake in Jake's POV

Thank you for reading :)


	25. Chapter 25

Here is the next chapter! It is quite heavy like last time and deals with some serious issues, just to warn anyone who isn't comfortable.

* * *

><p>Nothing changed. Well, apart from me I suppose. I grew weaker and weaker, over time my body starved. I became nearly as muddled as I did when I was in the torture room. I had trouble making sense of my surroundings of how long I'd been held hostage. It all added to my misery, my want to not exist.<p>

As much as I despised being here and wished to be anywhere else, there wasn't anything in my reach to fix that. I _had_ tried earlier when the guards had come to get me. I had noticed a knife in the belt of a guard. I was overcome with misery, and like usual they expected me not to retaliate. So I surprised him when I lunged for the knife, got it out of the belt, but before I could attempt anything he knocked it out of my hands. My last hope of freedom had been stripped away and now they were careful with their weapons.

So instead I'd imagine Lily next to me, sitting with me, keeping me sane. She would smile and toss her hair, point out little things, hold my hand. She felt real, as real as anything could feel, so I spent the time with her. Most of the time when the guards came to bring me to the torture room she would vanish, once again reminding me she never existed here. The torture would be worse if that happened. But it helped with the loneliness when she was here even if no one else could see, and her smile lit up the room, if only for a moment.

When they came for me today though, something changed. The whispers grew to shouts, shrieks that hurt my head and that I couldn't escape from. I heard thuds and metal clank, eventually the noise died until it was whispering once again. That's when the hands grabbed me.

I was in the dark room again but this time was very different. It was still dark, but I was able to see in the dimness. I was not injected, there was no strange machine. But there was another body across from me, in a simple wooden chair like mine, that was not a rebel. She was a hostage too from the other cell.

As I stared at her small frame, much shorter than mine, a name comes to mind. Spurred by her brown hair and brown eyes. Lani.

I get swarmed by memories again. She was older than me, but not by much. She was maybe twenty now. She had lived in 13 all her life, cooped up underground, but she was lively and mischievous. We had played together a few times when I had visited, before mum decided we got into too much trouble.

Her glare from where she is seated tells me she blames me for all of this. I'm not disagreeing.

One more surprise awaits me in this strange room when the door opens and another figure steps in. He stands next to a guard that probably dragged me from my cell. I realize I know him but I can't name him. He is tall with dark hair. Something in my memory is stuck, or maybe I just refuse to believe. My head starts to ache and I look away trying to retreat from the scene in front of me.

It is only when I hear his voice do I remember.

"Freesia? You need to listen."

It's Kin.

An odd sound escapes my mouth and images flood my mind; Kin and I in District 13 working together. Texting late at night. Holding conversations in the park. Deciding he was the only person I could trust when it came to the rebels. Trusting Kin.

And now he was here to torture me.

"Freesia!" His voice breaks through the onslaught. "Listen, this is very important."

I don't want to. This can't be real. He must be in my imagination like Lily. But in the back of my mind I know he isn't. When I refuse to look something strikes me across the cheek and I cry out. There's a shuffle but nothing else comes to attack me.

"Freesia, I don't want you to get hurt. You need to listen."

I try my hardest to focus, to avoid the pain. Which was all I'd been trying to do lately. Kin is standing tall, staring at me.

Kin continues. "This is here is Lani. We believe you know her." I hear Lani whimper and I try to avert me eyes. Something forces my head to look back. Kin's eyes bore into mine. "Lani is going to be in trouble if you don't tell us the truth Freesia. Are you ready?"

No I'm not ready. My body hurts and I can't focus properly. He begins anyway.

"When you were working for the rebels did you give information to an outside party?"

It's a lot of words to process and it takes me a minute to answer. "You. I told you."

There's an uncomfortable silence. "Did you give information to a person who was not a rebel?" Kin rephrases.

Jake. I told Jake, not everything but I told him of my meetings with Michael. I battle with myself whether or not to answer.

"No." I say eventually. There's a pause.

"Did your parents contact anyone outside of District 12 recently?"

I didn't exactly know what counted as 'recently'. "No." I answer anyway, it wasn't even possible in the district.

"Was your family affiliated with the Odair's?"

Ethan's green eyes and bronze hair come into my mind. I want to protect them I do…but I can't deal with the pain anymore. "Yes."

There's a murmur among the rebel crowd.

"Where are these people now?"

I pause. This is the deadly question. "I don't know."

It happens almost immediately. There's a rush of air, a loud impact, and the scream of Lani.

My hands shake.

"Where are they Freesia?" Kin's voice is different. Harder.

"I don't know!" I shriek, tears stinging my skin.

She screams again, longer this time. It repeats inside my head as if on a loop.

"No, no, no…" I mumble. I can't stop the images that come. Liz falling to the ground, dead. The rebel I shot and murdered. Lily dying. Blood pooling everywhere, in every memory, staining the floors. Red overtakes my vision. The scream won't stop and the images replay, around and around. They whirl faster, the scream becomes louder, blocking any sounds from the room or the world.

"Stop!" I scream.

Everything comes to a standstill. My whole body spasms violently.

Then Kin's voice breaks through the silence. "Freesia, tell us where the resistance is and this will all be over. I promise."

Tears fall. I want to believe him so badly. I want his promise to come true. I want the noise in my head to stop. The images to stop. The hallucinations to end.

"Where is the resistance? That is where your parents are. Where are they?" His voice is softer.

"I don't know."

"Wrong answer Freesia."

And it all starts again. The screams claw at me from the inside out and I scream along with it. I look up and see her. Lani. Bloodied and broken, slouched in her chair in agony. For the first time since being here I had an idea.

I had failed everybody else, everybody I had tried to save. But I could save her.

"They're in District 7!" I scream and the only sound left is Lani whimpering.

"District 7?" Kin repeats.

"Outside District 7." There's a hum in the room.

Lani and I are untied and rebels file out. She looks at me with accusatory eyes. She blames me.

I wondered how long it would take the rebel's to find out that I'd lied.

* * *

><p><em>He plays with my hair as we lie in my bed. I had just heard the front door click signifying Lily had left. Nobody was home now. <em>

"_So what does Freesia Mellark want to do once we finish school?" He asks playfully, poking me in the side._

"_Ah…I dunno." I answer lazily, looking up at him. _

"_Take on the bakery?" He asks. He knows I'm great at helping dad decorate the cakes. _

_I laugh though. "No. Never. I don't want to bake for a living. That's dad's thing. If it was a perfect world I would become an artist. But there's no use for them here, I've only really read about professional artists."_

"_I'm sure there would be a spot in the Capitol. There are a bunch of artists there." _

"_Could you really picture me moving to the Capitol?" I ask him with a smirk._

"_No I guess not." He gives in with a grin. "Would you ever move from District 12?"_

_I frown. "Doubt it. I mean, districts are districts. They only differ by industry and I like District 12. It's like a farm." I laugh. "Would you ever move?"_

_He appraises me before he speaks. "No. I'd be wherever you were." A smile spreads across my face and my body warms. How lucky I am._

_Suddenly he rolls off the bed and stands up heading to the door. "Where are you going?" I ask incredulously, sitting up quickly._

_He chuckles. "Relax Free. I'm just getting us some food. Don't worry, you won't get rid of me that quick." He winks._

_I purse my lips. "Okay." I relent._

_He laughs and just before the door swings shut, says, "I'm never going to let you go, you know that. I'll hunt you down wherever you are."_

The whispering has stopped, that's what woke me. Jake's words ring in my head and I think how ironic they are. The cell full of eyes is watching the man open my cell door.

"Up." Kin says to me but he doesn't grab me like they normally do. He doesn't touch me at all. "Freesia, get up." His voice is hard.

I was confused. Had they figured out I'd lied to them already? Was he here to take me to the room again?

I flinch when he pushes against my arm to get me to move and an emotion passes through his face. I can't determine it right now. He nudges me again, and the feeling is odd because it is so gentle.

He leads me out of the room with purposeful strides which I struggle with because I am not fending well on my feet. Once we are out of the eyes of the other cell he supports my body against his; I lean almost all my weight onto him but the touch still causes me to tremor. It was too close, and I tensed in anticipation of pain.

He looks at me, I avert my eyes. "I'm sorry I was rough, they couldn't know what I was doing." I don't even bother to make sense of those words. I walk along with him because I am physically unable to do anything else.

"We have to be quick. They'll be patrolling soon." Nobody since I'd been captured had held a conversation with me that wasn't an interrogation. So I talked.

"Who?"

"The guards." I still didn't understand.

He takes me through corridors, through doors, but I lose my sense of direction. I let him lead me, the surroundings passing in a blur like everything else in my useless mind.

Eventually we stop, he leans me against a wall, and I feel like an object. I sink down to the floor, vaguely worried about what he was going to do to me. I didn't think I could handle new torture methods. Lani's screams still bothered me when things became too quiet. There's a beeping sound and a click and I'm met with a breeze from the outside.

Outside!

I look to my left and there it is. The outdoors. Trees and sun and wind. Only the sun is setting. Why on earth would I be here?

"Come on! Come on!" Kin hurries me, lacing my arm around his shoulders and hoisting me up and walking me out. The air feels like the best thing I have ever felt, I'd been deprived for so long.

A possibility comes into my mind then, through the muddled mess. "You're saving me?" I whisper. The setting sun piercing my eyes harshly.

He looks at me with eyes full of pain. "We are partners. Friends. Of course I'm saving you."

I black out soon after that.

* * *

><p>I immediately sense something is wrong when I don't wake to the whispering. There are odd sounds that I have never heard before. My mind comes to only one conclusion: new forms of torture have been made for me.<p>

Something touches me and I immediately jerk away from it leaving my eyes closed. I hide my head in my arms not ready for new methods of pain. However pain does not come and the hands do not drag me from my cell.

"Hey it's okay, sweetheart." A soft voice says as the hand touches me again, stroking my arm. "Lift your head."

I do and find myself staring into the clear blue gaze of my father.

"Dad?"

"Yeah." He smiles a little. "It's okay your safe."

I don't believe those words. I look around half expecting to find a cell and my dad a figment of my imagination. Or maybe I was dead and here was heaven.

I'm in an odd little room though, the walls uneven and look handmade. It is only my dad and me. There's an odd rushing sound from outside I can't place. My body still hurts but I find it's been bandaged.

"Where are we?" I ask, fear suddenly gripping me, I don't consider this to a place beyond death. If my father was here this was what the rebels were looking for, where they were headed. Or maybe the rebels had already found us. I try to sit up. His hands push me back down.

"It's okay, just relax Free." He tries to say soothingly. I'm too weak to resist the hand on my shoulder.

"Are we in District 7?" Maybe Kin hadn't saved me at all. Maybe he had just moved me to 7.

"What? No we're not in 7." Dad replies, his eyebrows furrowing.

I breathe a sigh of relief, the rebels wouldn't find us for now. "Where are we then?"

"We'll get to that in a little while." Dad says carefully as the door opens.

In walks my mother.

"Mum!"

"Hi honey." She says gently, taking a chair next to my bed. Her eyes glisten in the light. I go to say something, another question about our surroundings, but when I open my mouth I burst into tears instead.

I hadn't cried in a long time. I feel my parents wrap their arms around me tenderly, careful not to squeeze too hard.

"It's okay, we're here." Says my mother.

For the first time I felt safe.

* * *

><p>I have gained a small party to the room. Gathered around me are my parents, Jake and Kin. I eye Kin warily. They told me he'd saved me. I couldn't really remember it though.<p>

They were all going to tell me what was going on now, but no one seemed like they wanted to speak the first words.

Instead I speak. "Where are we?" I'm still confused by the rushing sound outside.

There's a pause. "District 4." Jake says, he holds an odd expression.

"Really?" I ask. That would explain the sound though. We must be near the ocean. The smell too; it is all very salty.

"Outside of District 4." He amends.

"Why?" I frown. I just can't fathom this change.

My dad draws a deep breath. "Freesia this is what is called the resistance. It's an anti- rebel group. Things got bad in District 12 and we left. District 4 is still resisting the rebel influence and we are able to get help from the district."

A thought hits me. "This is like the District 13 of your day." I say, thinking of the rebel group housed in 13 all that time ago.

"Yes, but we're not nearly as well equipped." Yes I could see that. It explained this odd little room.

"How did I get here?" The light was beginning to hurt my eyes and I was frustrated I couldn't work my memory the way I wanted to.

"I brought you." Kin says.

"You tortured me!" I yell at him, on the verge of a breakdown. All eyes all latch on to his face. I see Jake and dad tense, as if they are ready to jump him.

"Freesia they made me do it." He says evenly. "Once you gave us the information, many of the rebels left to go to 7. I took my chance and got you out. I couldn't do it any other way."

I'm not ready to accept that but I'd rather keep myself in check rather than prove to everyone else how unstable I am. "But how did you get here?"

"He contacted us." Dad says. "We travelled a little outside the Capitol and found him with you."

I nod. That sounded feasible. "Is Rye here?" I ask suddenly, petrified of the answer.

"Yes." My mother says. "We'll bring him in once your more accustomed to this place."

In other words they'll bring him to me once I am slightly less of a psycho. I understand though and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I am filled in on more of the smaller details of this place but I faze in and out, struggling to concentrate, all the information adding to the muddy mess in my mind. They seem to notice and slowly peter out. Mum and Kin leave first. Dad follows when a nurse comes in; Jake stays. The nurse asks me questions, forces me to drink, gives me tablets of some sort. Just as she is leaving she does something odd. She heads to the door, quickly turns back, eyes a tray next to me that contains a syringe and a scalpel. She darts back quickly picking them up and striding out of the room.

I raise my eyebrows questioningly at Jake. He sighs but does not answer.

"What was that?" I ask.

He sighs again, running a hand through his hair. "Kin gave a rundown as best he could about your medical condition when you got here. They asked him how you were psychologically as well." He pauses obviously uncomfortable but he knows I won't give up. The rest comes in a rush. "He said you had suicidal tendencies."

"What?" I screech.

"He said something about how you wrestled a knife from a guard."

"Oh my god…" I remember that. The crushing feeling, the need of a release. The need for the weapon. The glint of it in the belt, the only sign of hope. It comes back so suddenly, so vividly I lose it and I breakdown like before.

Jake's arms wrap around me in comfort. I still flinch, unaccustomed to gentle touches. The arms bother me because of the intimacy and I squirm out. He sees the raw pain in my eyes.

"You'll get through this. I know you will." He tells me.

I tried my hardest to believe him.

* * *

><p>AN: Review for an excerpt in Kin's POV!

While the story is in ultimately in Freesia's POV, all excerpts will be in alternate POV's as a little taster of other characters. Suggest any POV's you would like to see!

Once again, thank you for reading and thank you everyone who has reviewed, you guys are keeping me going :)


	26. Chapter 26

I couldn't stress it enough that I hated my time in the Resistance. I made sure my doctor got an earful. He was a kind looking man that spoke in a gentle voice however treated me like glass. I knew rationally that I was just that brittle, but of course would I admit that to myself?

He came around near every day. Sometimes maybe twice. He liked to pretend that we were chatting like friends, but the fact that the majority of the time he held a notebook and scrutinized me with unforgiving eyes, contradicted any intentions he held. I tried sometimes to make it easy for him, honestly I did, but it just wasn't in my nature to explain my feelings to a psychologist.

Actually for one, I didn't even know if he had credentials. I often wondered if he was simply the nicest guy they could scrounge up in the Resistance. But it felt rude to ask him. So I asked Jake. He said he thought he was legitimate. I felt as if he was trying to appease me more than anything else.

Predictably, he sits before me today. I'd like to think I was slightly less broken today, which is why I had demanded answers the minute he walked in. If anything I was able to separate myself from what was real or not. He seemed to sense some sort of stability within in me and consented.

For the first time I drilled him with questions.

"How long have I been missing? What happened to District 12?"

He pauses in a maddening way before clicking his tongue. "District 12 is in riots. Your family and friends that are here left quickly once they broke out."

"How long ago was that?"

He scrutinizes me. "Are you sure you would like to know that?"

I glare at him. "Okay Freesia, relax. No need to get worked up."

"How long?" I demand.

"Two months."

I know he is watching me for a reaction, some inkling that I will break down. Silence fills the room. Two months.

Two months?

The words felt unable to sink in, like they were in a foreign language. How on earth had I been missing for two months? Jammed in that cell while my family and friends retreated to the beaches around four?

"Are you sure?" My previous doubt resurfacing about the man.

He almost smiles. "Yes Freesia. Two months. Have a think about that. Come to terms with it."

He's matching my directness today. His manner more brusque than usual.

"Okay." I say.

* * *

><p>"Two months?" I rant at Jake in the hospital room. "What have you guys been doing for two whole months?"<p>

"Living?" He says raising his eyebrows. He looks a tad scared. "Staying here? I don't really know they don't let me in on the information."

I sigh. "Well, I bet I know what Adam's been doing these past two months…" I say hotly, leading towards a very obvious topic.

"Free, stop it." He says angrily. "You weren't there."

I bite my tongue. No I wasn't there when they left District 12, I was being _tortured._ But I knew I had no right taking my anger out on Jake. It wasn't his fault Adam hadn't made it to the Resistance, as much as I'd like to pretend it is. There had many arguments over that. But I couldn't stop the sense of dread that crept into me telling me that the rebels had taken Adam. He could be being interrogated…

"Free stop thinking about it." Jake warns me, knowing exactly what is running through my mind. "The doctor says you need to rest, let your body heal."

"He's not even-"

"Free!" He says in exasperation, his eyes wide.

"You're like my mother." I tell him, annoyed, making some sort of maternal gesture.

He tries to keep a serious face, raising his eyebrows at me though we both burst into a fit of laughter.

"I missed you." He says. The words are completely inadequate to the look in his eyes.

I open my mouth to tell him how much I missed him when I close it again. "Thanks. Glad you did."

Confusion crosses his face before he cracks a smile. He shakes his head at me.

"Oh Free, why do I love you?"

Our lips meet.

* * *

><p>"It's the best one here." Jake tells me. I don't answer. "Are you okay?"<p>

I don't get the chance to answer before Rye comes running out of the mud brick house I'm surveying. This was my first time out of the hospital.

"Free! Free! Free!" He yells as he runs at me, toppling into my legs. I see the outline of my dad in the doorway watching Rye carefully. "You came back! I knew you would! Did you bring Lily?"

The question wrenches my heart. I swallow past the lump in my throat and pick him up, ignoring the protest of my arms.

I try a weak smile that falls short. "I wasn't with Lily sweetheart. She's not here." I say in a shaky voice. His face falls and I put him on the ground so I can't see his expression. He cries and runs to my dad.

I look at the ground which is sandy, trying to hold in tears. Maybe I'd gotten better since I was rescued, maybe I'd realized that the rebels were not to be trusted, but nothing had changed the horrible, empty feeling that took the place of where Lily was.

"Come on, have a look." Jake nudges me forward towards the house. I take a deep breath, collecting myself. It wasn't much. It was a room really with mattresses, one wooden chair, and my families few belongings.

"Best one here?" I mutter to Jake bitterly.

"Let's take a walk."

He leads me away from the 'house' and further into the depths of the Resistance. I hadn't been outside of the hospital room until today.

The Resistance was almost like a camp. Semi-permanent and permanent buildings dotted the area, scattered messily on the sandy ground. The crashing of waves could be heard no matter where you were and the air held a forever salty scent. Trees were also common, and for that I felt a slight bit content.

"What even is this?" I ask Jake miserably as I scan the fairly bedraggled appearance of the Resistance.

"A place of safety? To keep out of reach of the rebel's and riots?" Jake offers.

"So we're all hiding?"

"Planning." He amends quickly. I'm not quite sure I believe that. How could a place like this have any chance to rebel against rebels?

I take a deep, shuddering breath. I flinch at the hand that comes down onto my shoulder.

"You hate being touched now, don't you?" Jake says with a sense of pity.

"For…two months…" I try out the length of time. "For two months I was in a cell. The only time anyone touched me was to bring me to the torture room." Tears leak down my face. His thumbs wipe them away as he embraces me. He says nothing, which I like for once, as he stands there holding me.

"I want to go home." I tell him quietly.

"I know."

"I wish things were normal. That we were in school right now, instead of hiding in the wilderness. I want to go back." His grip tightens as I cry into him.

"I know." Is all he says.

* * *

><p>The waves crash continuously, I've been watching them for at least an hour. The cold is biting through my shirt, which is Jake's because I have no possessions anymore. My mother had managed to bring one of my shirts and a pair of pants. That was it.<p>

I feel stuck, as the waves draw back and forth cyclically. Where do we go from here? The rebels have practically won and they would be searching for me now. I have nowhere to go.

"It's a little cold for this don't you think?" I turn to see Ethan swathed in moonlight.

"Ethan." I hadn't spoken properly to him yet since I'd left the hospital. Only seen him around the Resistance.

"What are you doing?"

'I couldn't sleep. It was…too much." I didn't need to explain to him that every time I closed my eyes I could see the cell, hear the whispering. I woke up screaming that, in turn, sent Rye into a state before I chose to not sleep at all.

Ethan sits down next to me, resting his arms on his bent legs. "At least you like the beach." He smiles. "I remember your face every time you came to Four. You would beg me when you were little to take you to the ocean. Then of course there was the time you got lost." He laughs.

The scene flashes in my mind. "I dreamt about that…when I was captive. I remember being lost." I say.

"You were tiny, I wasn't so much bigger. Long time ago, huh?"

"Yeah." I say. "And look where we've come." The bitterness seeps into my voice.

"It'll get better." He says.

I eye him curiously. "Will it?"

"How does swimming tomorrow sound?" He says and I notice he never answered the question.

"Won't they be scared I'll drown myself?" My voice is thick with sarcasm. I think of my doctor and even my parents, hesitant over any of my actions. Because I was 'suicidal'.

"I doubt they would begrudge you the chance with a District 4 native." He says jokingly. "Anyway, even if you tried I could revive you."

Randomly I think of a moment in the 3rd Quarter Quell which I had had to watch in school. I remember Finnick reviving my dad. How strange. The thought fills me with dread however because Ethan's parents were not here in the Resistance. We did not know where they were. "I bet you could." I mumble.

"Is it weird?" I ask, already on another train of thought. "Being at your home but unable to enter the District?"

"I guess." He says, clearly considering the point. "The Resistance is weird for anyone, but I still have the beaches which is as good as anything."

I survey the landscape, pale in the moonlight. I suppose this was relaxing, with the waves and salty air. The sand felt nice too. But as much as I thought of it, I knew this wasn't home.

* * *

><p>I wake to Rye falling over my mattress as he attempts to get around the room, his small body on top of my legs. Dad sighs with exasperation.<p>

"Rye, I told you to be careful!" He scolds him. "You weren't to wake her!"

"But it's morning and I'm hungry!" He argues. Dad shakes his head.

"Katniss?" He calls outside. Mum's head pokes in the door. "Take Rye to breakfast. We'll meet you there."

"You can go too." I say. "I'll catch up."

No one in the room acknowledges I've said even a word. Mum walks out with Rye while dad grabs a cup and places pills inside.

"Here you go." I roll my eyes and snatch the cup, frustrated that no one will trust me to take my medication and get to breakfast myself. I don't like the medicine but they force me to take it every day. Sometimes it was okay but other times I was unexplainably tired and it became hard to concentrate. The doctor had said that anti-depressants were in the mix. I didn't exactly know what that meant considering I wasn't aware I was depressed. Of course, no one would bother to tell me such an unimportant thing like that.

"There's been talk of recruiting some people into the Resistance. People at risk. They could find Adam." Dad tells me obviously trying to cheer me up.

"They won't." I say decidedly.

"Why?"

"First of all they won't get into the district and second if he's not in the district he's captive which is even more impossible." I explain to him neutrally. He doesn't broach the topic again.

I dress myself, brush my hair and attempt to look presentable hoping that if I look okay people will think I'm okay. My dad and I walk to the dining area. It's another permanent building capable of holding the inhabitants of the Resistance. Tables sit in the room in long rows; mostly everyone has arrived by now. I spot a table in the far corner where my mother, Rye, the Hawthorne's and Ethan sit. Naturally, Jake and Ethan are table lengths apart. I see little Marianna playing a game with Ethan and I smile, he was always good with children. Rye is avidly telling Gale a story. I walk over slowly while my dad volunteers to fetch the food. Jake immediately scoots over on the bench and I squish between him and his sister Caroline.

"Hi Free!" Caroline greets me good naturedly. My dad leans over and places a tray of food in front of me.

"Eat all of it." He says.

I roll my eyes, shaking my head. I feel Jake squeeze my knee as I tuck into the porridge and fruit I have in front of me.

"What's on the agenda today?" I ask no one in particular.

"School for us." Caroline mutters indicating to the younger kids half -heartedly.

"You have to go to school?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes. "You wouldn't think we would, would you?" She says with a forced smile, clearly addressing her parents.

"Stop complaining Caroline." Gale says.

"What about us?" I ask to Jake and Ethan.

"Ethan and I are building some stuff today." Jake tells me, Ethan nods in agreement.

"Yeah, another building. West side of the Resistance, yeah?" Ethan asks Jake.

"Yeah, want to head over soon?"

"Sure."

I stare at the two with my jaw almost open. This is the first conversation I've ever seen between the two that didn't contain any anger or insults. What had _happened_ while I was gone?

"What do I do then?"

"You're discussing some things in the hospital again." Dad says.

I stare at him blankly. Is that frigging doctor going to come and try to make everything better again? Try to unearth the feelings and memories inside my head? Truthfully, I'd rather they stay hidden, locked away forever.

"I don't want to." I say not even trying to reign in my anger.

"You have to." Dad counters.

"I was going to go swimming with Ethan actually."

"Ethan is building today." He says.

"I'll go on my own."

"No." His tone is final. I look around the table, Rye is still unaware of the change in the mood and still talking to Gale. The rest of the table however seems uneasy.

"Why not?" I ask temperamentally.

"This isn't open to discussion Freesia. You're going, that's final." Since when was dad the tight ass? Mum is shifting uncomfortably.

"You know what? Maybe I don't _feel _like talking today. Maybe I don't want to recount every awful torture technique they used on me. And maybe everyone should just lay off me and stop following me around like a child!" I storm out of the dining hall, feeling pretty much the entire room's eyes on my back.

I'm stomping down the dirt path when I collide with someone.

"You okay?" I look up quickly.

"Why weren't you in there?" I ask suspiciously.

"I ate already." Kin says distractedly. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving." I say and push him out of the way.

"Leaving where?" He shouts after me.

"Here!" I scream.

Suddenly there is a hand on my wrist preventing me from taking any more steps forward.

"Freesia you can't leave. You know that as well as anyone. Now, what happened?" He says levelly which just bothers me more.

"How about everyone thinks I'm going to kill myself because of something _you _told them?" His gaze does not waver. "Oh, and Adam is back in District 12 because none of you bothered to save him, my sister is _dead_, I've spent the last 2 months in a cell being tortured for information I didn't have and now I am practically psychotic!" My voice cracks wildly at the end as I reach my crescendo, at my maximum volume. With so much emotion forced into those words I sink to the ground and sob into my arms. I feel Kin sit next to me and hug me wordlessly. I anticipated the touch so I had time to prepare myself. I hated that I even needed to do that.

After seems what like a very long time, I look up at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't save you sooner." He says regretfully, clearly thinking he could have saved me some mental trauma.

"Not your fault." I mutter. "Why did you? Save me that is."

He draws a deep breath. " Listen up, okay?" I nod. "Free, I was blackmailed into working for the rebel's. I was just like you, but my job was to make sure that you stayed in allegiance with the rebels. That's why I knew about Miner's Main, why I knew you went into the forest to meet Michael."

My mouth opens with a pop. "Seriously?"

He nods. "That's why I saved you. I hate them as much as you do. I was just a pawn like you were."

All that time I'd struggled over the thought of Kin, and he really was just like me."I'm sorry I thought you were working for them."

He laughs. "It's okay. Pretty convincing huh?"

"I thought you'd turned evil." I laugh.

"I know. Michael wasn't there when you were detained was he?"

Somehow Kin has spoken the question that has bothered me for days. "No, he wasn't. Where is he?"

"The Capitol apparently. I don't think he sent for your capture though."

I hesitate for a moment. "Neither do I." I say heavily.

A silence fills the air, as Kin and I consider that if Michael had been in charge, maybe in fact he would have kept his word. Eventually as people start to leave the breakfast room he says, "You know you have to go and talk to the doctor, right?"

"Yeah, I know." I reply.

* * *

><p>"How are you sleeping?" The doctor asks.<p>

"Badly." I don't offer more details.

"Are you still witnessing hallucinations?"

I think about it. I haven't seen Lily since I was in the cell. "I don't think so." I doubt I could tell even if I was.

"That's good progress Freesia."

"My hands still shake sometimes." I say randomly, trying to refute his good progress comment.

"Your body is still being detoxed from the drugs you were subjected to. It is expected."

"Okay."

"What do you think about Jake Hawthorne?" He begins suddenly.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"You are in a relationship are you not?" He asks.

"Yes. What has that got to do with anything?" My outrage clearly shown on my face.

"Does he understand your situation? Understand what you are going through?"

I take a breath in an attempt to steady myself. "I don't think anyone can really understand but in general terms, yes he does." I say hoping my tone closed the topic.

"So he is supportive?"

"What is this about?"

"Freesia I am only concerned for your welfare." My eyes narrow. My welfare? What is he even suggesting? Before I begin yelling at him there's a small commotion at the door. My dad walks in, his face ashen yet there's energy in his eyes.

"Freesia I need you to come with me." He says urgently. I find myself sitting still rather than jumping up ready to get away from the doctor.

"Why?" I ask.

"You'll understand when we get there. Please Free, come on."

Slowly, probably agitating my dad, I stand and then exit the room without another glance to the doctor probing into my sexual life. Dad's expression makes it clear he won't talk until he wants to but I can still sense lightness to his step, to the air around him. I wonder what has brought this on.

He leads me towards another building near the dining hall. Gale, Jake, Ethan, Kin and my parents await me in the room. They are all wearing the same pale yet excited expression. I begin to grow uneasy.

"What is going on?" I ask.

A collective deep breath is taken as my mother smiles and switches the television- hooked to a generator- on. It buzzes with life and I focus on the picture.

Michael steps onto the stage. I glance at Kin and he gives me a knowing look. What is this?

"Ladies and gentleman, as you must know, we have taken ahold of the Capitol and the district's surrounding it. But it is not over just yet. For those of you who are still resisting we have one more revelation for you."

"What the hell?" I ask. Everyone shushes me.

"Keep watching!"

I watch as the screen unfolds, a curtain disappearing from the stage Michael stands on.

"Ladies and Gentleman I present you the tributes of the 77th Hunger Games!"

There are…what? Maybe 20 people standing atop the stage? All adolescents all people we saw get slaughtered to death in the Games. Yet there they are, alive, standing atop that wooden stage. My eyes hone in on a girl, tall and thin, with dark cascading hair and blue eyes.

"No." I say turning away. I can feel a sudden tension in the room, a click of a remote signals the televisions been turned off.

"Free- what? Free – they're alive!" My dad stutters out, so unnatural for him.

"No they're not."

I feel all eyes on me. "What do you mean?" Gale asks me dread filling his voice.

"We all saw them die, they got slaughtered. They're mutts on the stage." I say with finality, I was sure of it.

I can sense doubt creep into the other's minds. "I don't think so." Gale says carefully, my glare wills him to continue. "Mutts don't look that perfect. Even the human looking mutts in the Games weren't quite right. The rebels wouldn't ask for cooperation if they didn't have something to give."

"How are they alive?" I press. "How? They died!"

"We've been through this," says Ethan, "and we considered that they could have fired the cannons early and retrieved the bodies in time to heal them. They would have had access to Capitol medicines."

"No." I say but it is more out of fear than anything else.

"Free, just think about it." My mum says gently, although I cannot detect the happiness in her eyes, so evident in everyone else's. Hers are wary.

"What if she's not?" I ask and I see my father cast his gaze downwards.

"But she very really, could be." Gale says gently.

"Free, we can make a deal with them." Dad says. "Get the tributes out."

"And what would the consequence be?" I spit. "They could capture us again before we could react!"

"We could make a deal with Michael." Kin says suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Gale asks.

"Michael always kept his word, Free and I both learnt that from our time with him. I think if we played it right we could get Lily back." Kin eyes me.

"You want me to make the deal don't you?" I ask him.

"Your presence might help things along." He says indifferently.

My father whispers something to Gale and I see the image of Lily and the other tributes, paused on the television screen. The two images bring on a memory of when I was in the cell. When I'd woken to see a set of guards detaining Lily. The whispering had stopped then to be replaced by my shrieking because I'd thought I had lost my sanity. She'd stood there, blank faced but alive alongside the guards and I had screamed and cowered against the wall in a ball.

"Free!" Dad's voice breaks through my subconscious. Everyone is staring at me intently and I realized I must have zoned out for a very long time, immersed in the memories. Jake guides me to a chair gently as my whole body quivers. He sits me and the others wait patiently for me to speak.

"I saw her. She's alive."

I see every face frown. "What do you mean?" Gale asks.

"During my…torture. I was losing my grip on what was real…what was memories. I woke and she was – she was just _standing_ there, totally blank…but there. I'd thought I was imagining her, I thought she was a hallucination." I hang my head in shame.

"What did you do?" Kin asks.

I feel a tear roll down my cheek. My voice quivers and rises. "Screamed and hid against the wall! I screamed until they took her away." Sobs rack my body as I place my head in my hands.

"She was right there and I barely even looked at her!"

"It's okay Free." Jake's hand is on my shoulder, his voice gentle. "We'll get her back."

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! So this story is gradually reaching its end, I'm sad to say, so look forward to the next 6 or so chapters and share the love by telling me what you think!

Review or PM me for an excerpt in Jake's POV

Thanks for the support everyone!


	27. Chapter 27

After the meeting revealing Lily was, in fact alive, my time at the Resistance stretched on. In my attempt to gain normalcy back to my schedule the days stretched into weeks, and the weeks, very quickly, stretched into a month. I was filled in on details of the escape of other citizens of District 12 slowly as my recovery showed progress. Of course this often set me further back but gradually I was clawing my way back to regularity. Well, as much as I could in the Resistance.

One of the worst days was when they had told me of Haymitch. But in truth, I had actually asked, bringing on the information I did not want to hear. My mother and father had broken it to me.

It went something like this: He had been Lily's mentor, appointed against his will. He had also known of this Resistance which was still in its early stages. He had been desperate; we had been the only family he had left. He compiled a last minute escape plan for Lily, but of course, it never had enough merit to succeed. He was found and taken. He was presumed to be killed. He had been killed to save Lily and she was still alive now anyway. Or so they say.

It had taken me a good two days to work myself back up to a semi-stable state after I had learnt that piece of information. There was a lot of talking both with the doctor and my family throughout that process. But no amount of therapy could hide the truth that Grandpa Haymitch was gone.

I'm pondering this when I feel the warm body shift beside me. Jake's face snuggles closer into hair. I try to rid all the horrible thoughts, taking a deep breath; I decide to start my morning fresh.

"Hey." He says. I can tell he's smiling sleepily even though my back is towards him.

"Hey yourself." I say, rolling over with a grin.

"Have you slept?" He asks his brow furrowing over his groggy eyes.

I heave a sigh. "Yes _mum._ I woke up earlythat's all." Even though this is completely true he gives me a reprimanding look which says I shouldn't joke about this, which I must admit is reasonable considering I've only just started sleeping all the way through the night without nightmares. Partly this is due to Jake and the impossibility that somehow came true that my parents would let him sleep in our 'house' together. When I had told my father sleeping next to Jake helped rid the bad nights, a strange faraway look came into his eyes and he agreed Jake could occasionally spend the night. That had been the first day I had felt happiness so strongly. Of course, I think it also had something to do with the fact that I was now 18 although quite unaware of this I might add. Apparently I'd missed my birthday whilst in my capture and now Jake was about to turn 18 too. I would have been much more excited if I was back home and the thought that Lily had missed this birthday too didn't invade my mind.

"What's on for today?" He asks breaking my thoughts before they could run too dark. He has his eyes closed, trying to wake up but failing, so he doesn't see my haunted expression.

I stare at the planes of his face, his hard jawline, nose, lips…giggling I tickle his leg with my toes. "I don't know…do you have to work?" I ask moving closer to his chest. His arms welcome me easily.

"Nope. I'm free today."

"How about swimming?" I say into his neck.

"That sounds nice."

There's a rustle and a bang before Jake can make any more conversation. My father's voice comes from above me.

"Come on guys, get up. You're going to miss breakfast if you haven't already." His voice is friendly, yet because I know him so well, I can sense the sternness. I am still his daughter -who is really not so innocent anymore - in bed with her boyfriend.

For both Jake's and my own safety I choose to get up.

We get dressed quickly while my dad leaves to the breakfast room. I was glad he no longer chaperoned me.

"Do you want to head down to the beach after breakfast?" Jake asks me handing my shirt to me which I'd left rumpled at the foot of the bed. This is really his shirt, which I tie at the back with a hair tie in an attempt to make it fit. Luckily I have a pair of shorts a woman gave me that are actually the right size, making me look relatively presentable.

"Yeah, sounds good. It's hot today." I quickly flip the shirt over my head. I have to admit, I did like wearing his clothes.

"'Kay, come on." He says grasping my hand and taking me to the dining area.

Now since we've been here awhile, we are greeted by a few members of the Resistance warmly. It makes living here a little more bearable; these small acts of kindness.

"What was it? Like a year ago when we first met?" Jake asks, a small smiling playing on his lips. He lightly squeezes my hand.

I think back to when he first came to District 12. I remember walking through the market, it was summer like now, seeing him with Gale, expecting he was a jerk and acting like a total idiot. Then of course the shock came when he and Gale turned up on my door step, much to my embarrassment. Later Lily befriended him, much to my protest, and he started appearing in our house regularly.

I laugh, the sound is barely strained. "Yeah, a year I guess. It's not like we were together for a year though." I grin, thinking of my constant hatred towards Jake in the beginning. How lucky I am he was so persistent.

"My dad told me to give up. I think he was horrified in the beginning, you being Katniss and Peeta's daughter." He chuckles.

"I miss all of that, the normal stuff." I tell him. "When the only serious problems were you harassing me or Adam waking me up before 6am. Not when…we have to be worried about being killed or captured." I stop for a moment, trying to steady my voice. "Are they working on getting Adam out? Is Hollie still in 12?"

"I don't know." He says. "Neither of us are allowed in on the details, you know that. I'm sure they're working on saving them." His voice is gentle.

I had sort of disregarded Hollie until recently, assuming Adam was the only one in trouble. That was before I realized, because of me, many people throughout the district would be in danger. This was yet another scrap information that had set me back in the process of recovery. I hoped, if for nothing else, Adam and Hollie were together.

"Okay we're here. No more depressing stuff, today's going to be fun!" Jake says, overdoing the cheerfulness. I think this was another tactic my doctor prescribed; focus on the happy stuff. I have no doubt that Jake had been given a total run down of how to act around me.

But I guess it works because I laugh and readily seat myself in the dining hall.

* * *

><p>"A sailor went to sea, sea, sea to see what he could see, see, see, and all that he could see, see, see was… the…bottom…sea, sea, sea!" I laugh at my little brother's attempt at the rhyme.<p>

"Rye, it's the _bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea_." I say shaking my head in laughter. The others at the table are laughing along with me.

"I learnt that song at school!" He tells me excitedly, ignoring my correction. "We sang all sorts of songs about the sea!"

"Did you want to go to the sea today?" Jake asks him in a way that gets Rye bouncing in his seat. I was in charge Rye today because there was no school and all of our parents were in meetings. Jake was in charge of his siblings although they were old enough to not need babying.

Our parents weren't looking so good. I saw in my parents an almost obsessed determination that I worried was overcoming them. I was still scared of what could happen to Lily from the time I saw the broadcast until now, and I was too scared to hope that she would stay alive. My parents' dark circles under their eyes showed me that saving Lily was all they were thinking about. They, along with Jake's parents and a horde of other adults of the Resistance were planning constantly at all hours of the day. Ethan was sometimes there, but often he was left out of the loop like me, Jake and all the other kids.

"Yes I want to go to the beach!" Rye tells Jake clapping his hands. "Can we collect sea shells?"

"Have you heard of this Rye?" I ask him. "She sells sea shells by the sea shore…"

"Don't mess with him." Jake scolds me placing a hand over my mouth, but it was too late. Rye was already at it.

"Sea shells…she…by the…she shore, she…" His little eyebrows are furrowed in concentration. It's an extremely adorable expression.

"Don't listen to her buddy." Jake says. "She's being silly."

"Free is _always _silly! She and Lily used to make me wear a dress!" He says a little crossly. However I'm in a fit of laughter, clutching my sides.

"You are a cruel sister." Jake says. I notice he does not mention Lily.

"Those were the days." I say with mock nostalgia. "Our parents would leave him with us for a day while they went out. Those were always the best days."

He shakes his head at me but is smiling all the same.

* * *

><p>"…To see would he could see, see, see! And all that he could see, see, see was the bottom of the…sea, sea, sea!"<p>

"That was almost right Rye!" I yell out ahead of me as he runs on his little legs towards the sea. His laughter echoes from the cliffs that surround us being carried by the salty breeze. "Don't go too far!" I yell out again.

Jake's laughter rumbles in my ear. "He's fine it's pretty safe around here."

"Yes, apart from the huge expanse of water with waves and rips that you can drown in." I reply sarcastically, nudging his with my hip. He laughs as we break through the trees and onto the hot sand being scorched by the sun. Rye runs ahead, shoes and everything towards the edge of the water. I struggle to keep up and just manage to grab him before he plunges into the water.

"Rye you have to change into your bathers!" I scold him while I carry him farther up the beach where a very amused Jake is watching me. "Now sit down and I'll take your shoes off." I say forcing him to the sand. I pry off each of his shoes, remove his shirt and replace it with a rash vest and then set him loose to the water. Luckily, he stays in the shallow water like instructed while Jake and I get ready. Of course being stranded outside District 4 neither of us has any swimwear, I'm not even sure how Rye's bathers made it in. So instead, Jake strips off to his shorts- much to my pleasure- while I change to another shirt and some shorts. I'm handing Jake my previous shirt to put in our bag when I spot it. It's almost indiscernible, the little dot on the horizon, but after a moment of squinting I definitely know what it is.

"Hey look over there." I say, moving Jake's arm to point to the horizon. "It's a ship."

"That can't be from here." Jake says looking thoughtful. Rye's laughter echoes from a few meters in front of us. "Must be another country or something. It's so far out."

The thought immediately strikes me as odd and I think back to that painting I completed one afternoon months ago, back home. Of the bustling city and the girl and boy in the center, easily missed by the surrounding hustle and bustle. It hadn't been remotely close to any city in Panem and even now I forget where I first saw it. What stops me is the thought that there is a whole other world outside of Panem and we have no idea about any of it.

"I wonder whether other countries are like us." I muse to Jake as we continue watching the ship. It appears to be halted for the moment. Or perhaps it's too far away to be able to see the movement.

"I've always pictured other places freer than Panem. Able to communicate with each other. But who knows, they could be worse off out there, for all I know."

"I would give anything just to be out of here." I whisper, watching the ship now becoming a speck in the landscape. "I never thought of things like this before. But after everything…I just wish we weren't here."

He draws a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Me too. Me too." He says as he takes my hand and leads me to the water.

I take Rye from the shallows and walk into the deeper depths of the ocean with Jake by my side. Rye gets excited as we go further and further in. "Imagine what it would be like." I say to Jake with a smile on my face. "We could be somewhere like the tropics."

"With lots of animals!" Rye puts in, staring at a seagull above our heads.

"And no fences." Jake says. "With lots of roads where you could travel throughout the entire country."

"We could live in the city!" I say laughing. I think of my painting. "Maybe a really busy city with lots of life."

"That sounds like the Capitol." Jake says.

"No, it'd be less grand than that." I explain.

He sighs and looks to the horizon, the boat now gone. "Yeah, that life would be nice."

* * *

><p>I groan as Rye continues to sing the sailor song all the way back to the Resistance, his wet hair flicking off small water droplets as he skips along. Jake just laughs and eggs him on, singing it with him. I hit his arm with as much force as I can muster. He barely notices.<p>

"Hey guys!" I peer further up the length of the path and see Ethan waving to us, dry unlike us, a pile of wood in his arms.

"Ethan!" Rye screams and makes a beeline to him. He grabs his leg since Ethan's arms are full.

"Hey kid." He laughs, extracting an arm to ruffle his wet hair.

"What are you doing?" Jake asks.

"Getting fire wood. Not everyone gets to stay in nice places like you two." He says jokingly, arching an eyebrow. I still find myself amazed that he and Jake can converse like normal people. Like friends. I'm still a little frustrated that I missed this impossible transition.

"Need some help?" Jake asks and I give him a strange look.

"What?" He asks with a goofy grin on his face. He squeezes my hand and pecks me on the cheek. "You and Rye go back, relax for a bit, I'll be in later with Ethan."

I stare at the two of them for a moment before slowly taking Rye's hand and turning towards the Resistance. "Okay…you two have fun." I say unsurely.

I leave to the sound of both Jake and Ethan in hysterics.

My parents have left their meetings when we make it back to the Resistance. They give both me and Rye a huge smile. It looks real, so I guess they must have gotten somewhere in the meeting today.

"Hey sweetheart." Mum says to Rye, giving him a big hug as he starts to chatter about our day, bouncing on his heels.

I walk inside to our 'house' with dad.

"Have you gotten anywhere?" I ask dully.

He gives me a careful look. "We're working on it. We think we have a way to contact the rebels that doesn't involve you." I breathe out a sigh of relief, glad I wasn't involved and glad my father was actually telling me this much for once.

Suddenly my relief becomes clouded. "What if they do something to her before you get to her?" I ask. I can feel my eyes start to tear. Dad pulls me into a bear hug like when I was little, holding tight. Then he grasps my shoulders.

"Look at me, Free." He says. "We have resources, we have connections. You have to trust me that we will get her out. I won't let any of us lose Lily. Even if it takes months, we will get her back because she's our family. Okay? "

"Okay." I whisper looking into his eyes, the same blue as mine.

"Good girl." He says kissing my head. "Now I want you to do something for me."

I nod. "Anything, Dad."

"The doctor's coming around today. I want you to talk to him, treat it seriously."

I grit my teeth. I hadn't thought he would ask this. "Fine." I agree.

He smiles slightly. "Good."

* * *

><p>"So I heard you went to the beach today." The doctor begins in a friendly voice. I still didn't know his name but I assumed that at one point in the past month someone must have told me his name and I'd simply forgotten.<p>

I am about to go with a short, closed answer, when I remember what my dad had said to me. "Yes, I took Rye along with Jake."

"Did you have fun?" He asks curiously as if we're having a normal conversation. I don't see how this relates to anything psychological and for that it eases my tension slightly.

"Yeah. " I say. "I like playing with Rye and I absolutely love the beach. I was always so excited to visit District 4 when I was younger because we don't have beaches in 12." He along with me seems mildly shocked, that being the most words I'd ever spoken towards him in one turn.

"Did you visit often?" He continues.

I nod. "Every year, usually twice."

"And you've known Ethan for your whole life?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Has today helped you deal with Lily's situation more easily?" He asks suddenly, and my uneasiness returns as always.

"I suppose." I say trying not to break. "It took my mind off it. But every time I think of it…" My throat closes up.

"Back home how many friends did you have that were girls? People that you were really close to, other than Lily?" He diverts the topic slightly.

The question catches me off guard. "I…um…I had…one." I stammer out thinking of Hollie.

"So your social life was primarily with males?" He asks me.

"…Yes. I don't see the point to this." I admit.

"Have you considered that there is no one here in the Resistance that is able to fill Lily's spot, to compensate slightly for her?"

"Of course there is no one!" I yell at him. "She was my sister! My _twin _sister who I spent every day of my life with! You have no idea what it is like."

"I think I do." He says lightly, leaning back in his chair.

"What?" I ask icily. If this man thought he could-

"I think I know what it's like. My brother was a victim of the rebellion." He says mildly. I'm stunned. Absolutely shocked. Never before had the doctor talked about himself. Never could I imagine that he could sympathize with me.

Suddenly I find myself with a new respect for the doctor. "What happened?" I ask tentatively.

He draws a breath and I wonder whether the question was too personal. "It was in the riots. I come from District 6. I was never pro rebel, but I never openly hated them either. Until the rebels came I simply just watched things pan out. That was before he was killed. He was six years younger than me and his name was Brian. We were close, for brothers. He had gone to shop for food at the market and while he was there he was gunned down." The doctor pauses. "He was innocent and he was killed so the rebels could make a statement. That is how I ended up here."

I sit quietly, hands folded in my lap attempting to absorb the information that he has just given me. His brother was a victim of the rebellion just like Lily was a victim. Just like me,. For the first time in months I felt like there was someone who truly understood yet could look at my situation objectively.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. I was not the only one hurting.

"It still hurts, like Lily's situation must still hurt for you." He says. "But you have to keep going, keep living. You have to fight for them, that's the key Freesia. You do it for them."

"What if she doesn't come back?" I ask, panic building in my chest. Images of her dying in the Games swirl in my mind.

"Rule one: no what if's. What happens, happens." He says in a terse way that makes me smile, almost clearing all the ugly memories my mind dredged up. "You're not going to help yourself thinking like that."

"But I'm not helping myself if I expect her to come back and she gets killed!" I snap back suddenly.

He leans back in his chair, giving me a curious glance. "For you Freesia, I think it's best you distract yourself. Remind yourself of what is worth living for, but don't shut it all out. We'll continue to talk like this," I give him a sour face. "to work through it, but for the meantime, focus on what's good. What makes you happy."

I huff an assent. Right before I leave he says, "Making lists could help." And with that I swing the door shut.

* * *

><p>"Come on!" I whine two days later, pulling at Jake's hand. "Come and help me!" The doctor's talk had proved somewhat helpful. I was coping. Of course, everyone could see that which was what led me to this situation.<p>

He chuckles. "No, no, no." He says shaking his head violently. His eyes are closed in decisiveness.

"Why not?" I ask him, my hands on my hips.

"Because I have to do something else! And besides I'm not cooking." He says, making a face like that is the worst chore in the world. I consider that I could play the needy, I'm still recovering girlfriend card but I decide that's a bit of a cop out, especially after my progress.

"Fine." I fake a pout.

He rolls his eyes. "I'll see you in a couple of hours okay? I'll see if I can come over tonight." He winks and then wanders away leaving me to head to the kitchen for my first day of chores.

In twenty minutes I'm cooking. Standing in the hand crafted kitchen with 5 other women and 2 men. I grumble to myself about how _other _men are cooking just fine. Don't see why Jake had a problem with it. It's the first time I've been assigned to a chore like this, also the first time I've been separated from everyone I know. Apparently I was deemed sane enough to handle this which was a new benchmark for me. Though I find it slightly awkward. I'm not sure whether I imagine the eyes trained on my back or whether my skin is just prickling. I expect the latter.

I stare at my pot I'm taking care of suddenly, realizing I was unaware of which step came next. Too caught up in my thoughts. A flaw I had managed to develop. I look around a little helplessly, suddenly too shy to ask for help.

"You put in herbs next." A woman next to me, perhaps 22 with dark skin and dark hair tells me, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Oh…um thanks." I smile uneasily, tossing the bowl of herbs into the pot.

"You'll get the hang of it once you start doing this more often. It's nice to see you out and about." I eye the woman curiously.

I'm unsure of what exactly that means. Me out and about? Her name was lost on me, and I assume I never knew it, although I may have passed her multiple times in the Resistance. Of course, I also pass many other people in the Resistance. In other words her care for me is unexpected and slightly unnerving.

She sees my hesitant look. "I was a nurse of yours when you were first admitted." She explains, the kindness still etched into her face. "I also came to where your family was staying shortly after you came here."

I tense, trying hard not to overreact. I breathe deeply like the doctor suggested. Sure I've made progress however being reminded of missing memories always does bother me. I simply cannot place this woman.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you."

She smiles. "I don't expect you do. It was a tough thing you overcame. I also know what torture can do to people. But I'm glad you seem better now."

"Yes." I say feeling slightly odd.

"Have you been to the beach?" She asks conversationally, chopping up vegetables. Perhaps trying to divert me.

"Yes, quite a few times. I went yesterday."

"I always did like it." She says. "I used to go by the pier at home and watch the boats." By this I assume she is a District 4 native. Her bronze skin is a telltale sign.

"I saw a boat too." I admit suddenly remembering the small dot on the horizon. "But it was extremely far out."

"Wouldn't be one of ours, I suppose." She says, perhaps a little shortly.

"Odd, to see one even visible from here though." I say, urging the conversation forward.

"Occasionally we see one. I'd hope so anyway." She doesn't say anything else and I don't exactly wish to push her. Although I'd found her last comment strange. Why would she hope so?

I turn back to the pot of sauce I was making, continuing to stir it over the wood fired stove, facing away from the woman. I try in a futile attempt to remember my first days in the Resistance. Somehow 20 minutes pass and I find myself, along with the others finished. I sigh. I have to keep track of time better.

I can hear others of the Resistance begin to congregate to the dining hall. They are very loud, louder than usual, though I ignore it making up some excuse in my mind.

"God they must be hungry." One of the men say sarcastically. Another nods in agreement. We finish plating up, distributing the large amounts of food into particular bowls, when the noise increases.

"You'd think they were animals."

"What the hell are they doing out there?"

The last comment is followed by a scream and suddenly the sounds aren't so benign anymore. There's a moment's pause, a heartbeat. The scream, so unfamiliar in the Resistance brings on a state of panic. All those in the kitchen rush outside in a frenzy, I hear loud impacts and shouts. I follow a little more slowly, into the open air, and see what I'd imagined the riots in 12 to be. The commotion was actually a long way ahead, in the distance. Vaguely I could see many bodies running about, and a horde of unfamiliar bodies shouting, abusing, making their way through the front the Resistance had put up.

My blood ran cold. This was an invasion. The masses of foreign bodies proved that and proved one other thing: We had all been right; the Resistance was never a District 13. The Resistance was a shamble of people clinging to their last hopes. And now we were paying the price.

In a matter of seconds from running out of the kitchen I am being shoved in a direction as a pack of people make a run for it. I know there is a protocol for a situation like this, where to go, what to do, though I had never listened to them jabber at me about it. Now I curse myself. I find myself running along with the others, my life literally placed in their hands hoping they know what to do. It's a strange moment I feel, running, because literally nothing apart from the thoughts of the protocol can enter my consciousness.

There appears to be a commotion within our group. Someone is shouting something at someone, I can hear more screams in the distance, and scarily a gun shot. Somehow the emotion doesn't find its way through my body. Through the arguing an agreement of sort is reached and I am pushed down a path slightly different to the bearing we were originally running on.

"Go, go, go!" Someone shout in my ear pushing me into another part of the Resistance. I assume they know what they are doing and repeat the words like a mantra in my head.

The ugly sounds are heightened in the night air, the sun setting, the screams and gunshots parading in streams of noise carried by the wind. They don't leave.

I run on, until eventually I trip on a loose root, leaning its limbs into my path. I sprawl on the ground and roll at least 2 meters down the slight slant of the hill. I groan on the ground, dirt in my mouth, trying to regain my bearings. An arm grabs me, it's the woman from the kitchen, and she pulls me up unkindly and shouts something that I assume means to keep going.

Another pack of people collide into ours and for a split second I am afraid, I cover my head with my arms in pitiful protection, assuming the invaders have caught us. The lack of fear from the others proves me wrong, the pack of people being more of the Resistance.

Time seems to stand still, or perhaps not exist. The sun gradually gets darker, my vision impaired as I speed away from the heart of the Resistance. When another pack of people impede us I am not afraid.

"Go! Go!" A person shouts.

A gunshot reigns. I freeze. These were not people of the Resistance. A knife slashes ahead of me, someone crumples. A hand grabs me. I run.

I run on and on, leaving the screams. I hear the pursuit of footsteps before weapons silence them. The screams follow me, stick to me, although always out of reach. All the fight I had gained in13 was lost in me in that moment.

I wasn't exactly aware but I had been following a handful of people to where it was negotiated we were headed. For a small moment a silence forms once we enter our destination. Feet stop. The screams, for now, have been evaded.

I was in a clearing, the beach to be exact. There were more people, more escapees. A state of frenzy took the scene. And suddenly there was someone in front of me.

"Ethan!" I scream smacking into him with all the force I could muster. I hold onto him, tight, he holds me. The only solid thing among the cacophony. "What is-"

"No, not now. Go, go." His voice was urgent and there were the words again. He leads me further down the beach. I could now feel the panic begin to rise in my chest, the hysteria setting in. We were too far from the screams but they weren't hard to imagine. He led me to a group of people further down the sand.

"Freesia!" It's my mother's voice. Her hands enclose me; hold me tight, as does my father.

Then a sense of urgency replaces her warm embrace, adding to the calamity. "Listen to me. Okay? You need to listen. I need you to go." She says and then I see Rye, she hands him to me. "Take his hand, don't let him go." She says quickly.

I'm lost. "What? Mum, dad?" The panic rises, Rye is crying. Ethan is there.

"Go with Ethan. Now." My dad says sternly.

"Go where?" I shout. Go, go, go… I did not want to go.

A finger points to the direction of the sea. There is a boat, crudely made. I had missed the scrawny boat sitting in the water. But there were people on it.

"Get on that boat Freesia, we need you to do this. You need to be safe sweetheart." My dad tells me. He urges me in the direction of the boat. "You go with Ethan. Here, take this. You'll be alright I promise."

This is too fast. There are too many words to understand. He shoves something at Ethan. An envelope. "Where are we going?" I scream. They're urging me forwards and my feet obey, moving of their own accord. I grip Rye's hands.

"Away." My mother's voice cracks, tears run down her face. My father soon joins her.

The pieces fall into place. "No! No! MUM! DAD!" There are hands everywhere gripping me, pushing me.

"Come with me!" I scream for them like a child.

"Freesia we can't! I promise you'll be safe with Ethan, you need to go! It's not safe here!" My mother says.

"No! I need you!"

"We need to find Lily. You go first sweetheart, we need to save Lily but we need you and Rye to be safe. You can't be safe here."

My mouth hangs open, my mind falters. Ethan has my other hand, towing me away. I cannot speak. I throw agonized looks towards my parents. My hands shake.

"We promise we'll find you Freesia. We will not leave you. We're coming after we find Lily." I feel their kisses on my face, their hugs crushing my chest. I feel their tears seep into my neck they mingle with mine. "We love you."

And then they push me forward, gently but firmly, and I feel as helpless as when I first entered the Resistance. A piece in a game. Ethan leads me to the boat against my attempts to return to my parents. I writhe against him ferociously. They watch me.

"No, no, no!" I scream as my feet step onto the deck of the boat. Ethan's grip remains tight on my hands, preventing me from shattering, from moving. I hate it, I hate it. He takes a crying Rye in his other hand that I am not caring for. I try to run to the edge to get off and run to my parents, to seize them, to not let them leave.

They shake their heads. They are crying.

"What about Jake? His family?" I scream as loud as I can. They were not here. My heart rips in two. I need Jake, I need Jake. He has to be here! My body quivers. Ethan tries to quiet me.

"It'll be okay." I hear my dad shout. "I promise. We love you so much!" My dad had always kept his promises.

I feel the boat shudder and move, the movement sickening, the movement tearing into me.

"I won't go!" The words are useless against the boat. I am not in control. I see the sand shift away from me.

I watch my parents faces, tears biting my cheeks, my pulse hammering my insides. I feel sick, I feel wrecked…

Their faces sink away with an alarming speed. Agonized yet decided expressions set into them. They seem so sure. I'm dizzy. They mouth I love you. I mouth it back.

"No, no, no!"

Ethan quiets me.

Soon their faces are just specks in the distance. Like the boat on the horizon. I cry, my body torn in agonizing pieces, laid out for everybody to see, my mind unable to confirm what has happened.

Eventually I cannot see their faces; all I see is an expanse of blue. We sail away, further from the Resistance, and further from my home of Panem.

* * *

><p>AN: Shocked?

First of all I am so sorry this chapter took a long time to be posted, I hit a wall for a while in writing this, but I hope it was worth the wait.

Please let me know what you think! That would mean a lot to me.

And thank you all once again for the previous reviews!

-Elli


	28. Chapter 28

Some would say it was cruel of what my parents did. Some would say it was even suicidal. But I knew that in that time, in that state of panic, what they did was right. Yes, they sent me away with a now five year old to care for, alone apart from my best friend. But in truth, they saved me.

The envelope given to Ethan had contained money. All the money they had, which had included Grandpa Haymitch's which he had endowed to them. It was a lot of money and in the beginning it also gave us a lot of hope.

The boat ride of course, had been agonizing, but very soon I learned how I must act. For Rye. We had stayed on the boat for days, with minimal food and water. People packed in like sardines in a can. The rickety boat rocked through the waves through dark nights and miserable days. For those like Rye, who had rarely experienced a boat, were in a perpetual state of illness. I was luckier.

No one I knew, save Ethan and Rye, were on that boat. Which meant the day we got off we never saw the others again. I supposed the lady from the kitchen hadn't made it. I hadn't had enough mental space to really ponder this really.

We'd arrived at our destination, I wasn't exactly sure where it was when we had arrived, and had become dizzy setting feed on solid land. The next steps had been shifty. We were sat in some sort of place, maybe a police station although I think it was far too big. Too bare. We were assessed. I had huddled with Rye in my arms, and Ethan's strong arms around us both as we waited. Men, security I presumed, patrolled the room. They had called us in separately, although Rye had been with me. I had never felt fear so intensely even in the war.

They had spoken in odd tongues, a strange bright language spoken among them. They conversed to us in a broken form of English. Sometimes it was hard to get things across. We gave them details, personal details and almost regretfully what country we were native to. Their stern glances never wavered. I think I may have been lucky to have Rye, that maybe he being so young influenced their decision. Because at the end of the arduous process we were granted access. It was the first step of many.

The next step was even scarier. I felt lost, used, hopeless. We were set loose, in the strange city, completely alone, completely exiled. I knew then, that from here was the hardest.

"What are we going to do about Rye?" Ethan asks me, staring intently. A light hum of motors travels through the window pane. The room is beginning to heat up as the day progresses.

"What do you mean?" I ask dully, staring at the black coffee in my mug. I don't like it black.

"He'll need to go to school." Ethan says, leaning back on the worn chair, part of the motel room we were in. We'd found the cheapest and had taken temporary residence. We had also had to go shopping, to buy everything considering we took nothing from Panem. That was an odd experience to say the least.

"Yes, he will. He doesn't speak the language." I say. Rye is in the corner of the motel playing with an action figure we purchased. Ethan and I hadn't indulged ourselves. Frugality for now was the key to staying alive.

"There must be others like us. Maybe not many, there must be a school somewhere that speaks English."

I take a sip of the bitter dark liquid my thoughts swirling around, landing on Panem. "Yeah, maybe."

The days passed, we learned how to work our brittle lives. Or more we learned how to survive. It was a fine line. We looked into schools, counted our money, wondered how to earn income. We had also found a place to stay. That had been both a lucky and exhausting process.

Ethan held my hand supportively, not flirtatiously, as we walked the stairs towards the apartment block. It was situated on a street I couldn't even pronounce. The sun seared our skin, the air thick and muggy. Rye was skipping ahead slightly, under my watchful gaze. I was nervous, Ethan knew. We were to see the landlord about renting an apartment and apparently she spoke English. We met her in the office.

"Hello." She greets us with a thick accent. Her hair was grey and done into a swift bun. Her dark eyes scrutinized us between the wrinkles that marked her face. I knew she knew we were not from here.

Ethan replies as I nod my head. She leads us into an office, slightly small yet nicely furnished.

"How I help you?" Her English was broken like everyone else's in this country. Though I was pleased she could at least speak it.

"We would like to rent your apartment. Number 3A." Ethan says charmingly, he always had his way like Uncle Finnick.

She pauses, as if trying to phrase something. "You speak only English?" She asks in her thick accent. We nod, I watch Rye on the floor by my feet playing with his action figure. "Where do you come from?"

Ethan hesitates and I draw a large breath. "Panem." The word hits like a bomb. Just five deadly letters.

She does an extremely good job of blanking her face but I can still catch the small look of apprehension that flickered across. We were not wanted.

"You nowhere have to stay?"

"No."

She pauses, pursing her lips. "Usually I- ah- only give people stay if they- ah- have good words about them." I assume she means references, previous landlords which she can converse with.

Ethan looks at me quizzically and I explain this to him quickly. I can tell the lady

does not follow our rapid speech by the furrow of her brow.

"We'll be really clean and quiet." I tell her earnestly feeling close to the end of my tether. "We'll follow all the rules. We won't cause trouble. Please."

She purses her lips, her face pinched in sternness. Her eyes scrutinize me, walking very slowly over my body, then over Ethan and then her eyes flicker to Rye, playing so nicely and quietly beside me.

"You can stay." She says, I feel giddy. "For the boy." She adds.

Who would have known Rye would be the most valuable asset out of all us three.

"Thank you, thank you." Ethan and I both thank her as she slides paper work towards us. It is not in English. She goes through very slowly each box, explaining what they mean. We fill in various personal details until awkwardly we reach occupation.

"You have no job?"

"Not yet. We will." Ethan says, throwing her his best smile. She seems doubtful.

"If you cannot pay money, you cannot stay."

"We can pay." He says and proceeds to give her the first monthly payment that was described in the ad we had seen in the newspaper. She appears curious, looking at his hand holding the bills we had tediously changed over into the correct currency. Surprised even, by us, by our situation.

"Okay." She assents and rummages in her desk. "You have key." She says opening her palm to reveal the slim silver key. "I bring you rules in English."

The offer is kind and I feel my lips turn. "Thank you." I say fervently, grabbing Rye and leaving the office into the scorch of the sun.

* * *

><p>The apartment is lovely once we move our meager supplies from the motel. It has two small bedrooms, a lounge and a kitchen. I've learnt very quickly that a large amount of money in Panem does not stand up to the rest of the world. Most of that money had been given as our first monthly payment and even then we couldn't afford a three bedroom apartment. We seriously needed jobs. That and we would have to pay for Rye's schooling. The responsibilities were building.<p>

"I want this room!" Rye says pointing to the biggest one attached to the bathroom.

I sigh and Ethan laughs raking a hand through his hair. "Rye that's not your bedroom!" Ethan reprimands him lightly. "You get that one!"

"But I want the big one!"

"But that's for me _and _Free! You can't put two people in the smaller one."

"Why?"

"Because they won't fit!" Rye gives him a surveying glance, not quite believing what he was saying, with all the maturity of a five year old. Even so, he leaves the doorway of the master bedroom and walks into the room we allocated him.

"I like the window." He says once he has done a full sweep of the room. The window was currently shedding a beautiful afternoon sunlight into the room creating a kind and warm atmosphere, the heat diffused with the time of day.

"Well it's all yours." I say. He's appeased for the moment looking at his new 'big boy' bed that came with the room as he sets his action figure on the bedside table carefully. I wander into the master bedroom with Ethan.

There had been an awkward conversation about how to allocate the rooms. Ethan and I were in no way whatsoever 'together' which provided much of the discomfort. However Rye had begged, or more told us, he was having his own room with a big bed and lots of toys. Eventually we had realized that it made more sense for Ethan and I to share the room together and Rye have his own. Particularly because neither of us were very keen to share with a five year old. For anyone on the outside, I know they would find the arrangements odd. I felt guilty towards Jake the moment we had agreed but I quickly banished the thoughts from my mind. I couldn't think of him right now. I doubt if I tried to explain it to anyone, they wouldn't believe me when I said Ethan and I were just friends. Especially when they took a look at him, sea green eyes and all. But honestly, that's just how we work.

"I'm going to have to start looking for work tomorrow. It might take a while." He says bringing me out of my thoughts. His expression is stern.

"Are you sure you don't want me to look to?"

"No." He says. "There'll be no one to take care of Rye, and before I get a job we can't afford to put him in daycare or school, let alone find one that'll take him in."

"Okay, good point." I assent a small smile on my lips. It feels false. Forced like every other action in this place.

"As always." He grins, pushing me playfully. I stumble.

* * *

><p>Days pass. The sun continues its torment, burning the neighborhood and its people. We, Ethan and I, tried many things that for someone normal, or should I say <em>stable,<em> would be second nature. What did we try? How about living for a start? I tried to be lively for Rye, I tried to be my mother. How horrid a job I do. Ethan of course, would refute that. Ethan tried to find work, again so simple if we lived in Panem, so arduous here.

The truth was though, it was a horrible nightmare, a game if you like, trying to survive in such a place where we were so foreign. Like some sick, twisted joke was being played to see how we could start our lives over, with an envelope of money turned meager by this scorching place.

I could go on for hours, as you would know, I could go on ranting. But I don't. I keep it to myself. Because however horrid things are, however unlucky I am, there are worse games to play. I would try and Ethan would try, because we would not give up. We would live.

I'm standing in the kitchen when something moves between my legs causing me to nearly trip over, carrying the pot of sauce in my hands. It's nearly six o'clock and I am making dinner.

"Fly!" Rye squeals whizzing around the kitchen quickly, holding his action figure in the air.

I take a calming breath. "Rye please stop running." I say evenly. I try to sound like my mother. The waver in my voice reminds me how very unlike her I am. I don't think he can even hear me as he keeps on running, weaving in and out of the kitchen and the living room.

"Rye!" I yell. "Go in your room and be still, I'm cooking!"

"But-"

"No buts! Go!" I yell. I have never yelled at my brother like this. I hear the door click, signaling Ethan's entrance which just works me up more. Rye immediately starts crying for being yelled at and throws his action figure down on the ground. I suppose I'm surprised, he has always been such a good kid, but anger just outweighs everything else.

"Go to your room." I say in a cold voice, my eyes pricking. My hands begin to quiver. He continues to cry and shake his head. When I go to pick him up he skips out of my reach and begins to make a ruckus. I can feel the tears threaten but before I can forcefully take hold of Rye, Ethan steps in.

"Rye, get up." He says authoritatively, pulling him to his feet. He reminds me of my father for a fleeting moment, when he was forced to discipline one of us. "Go to your room for time out."

Never before can I remember Rye having to have time out. He doesn't quiet down until Ethan drags him in. Ethan doesn't come out immediately so I suppose he is talking to him. When Ethan does emerge I can only just hear Rye's quiet whimpering. I've already returned to preparing the food. I was already frustrated with myself before Rye acted up. I can cook, yes, but for every single day? I'm a baker not a chef. I missed my dad's dinners and my mum's sorry attempts.

"What was that about?" Ethan asks, like I knew he would even if I wished he would let it go.

"Nothing." I mumble. He can tell I won't budge. I hear him exhale loudly.

"He's been acting up lately. He's not usually like this." He says as he removes the flask of water from the fridge.

"It's just a phase." I say shortly, even though I know it's not, trying not to let red tint my vision. I watch the cool liquid Ethan pours into the glass.

"I don't think so…"

"Don't." I warn him. "Just don't."

He eyes me carefully. I slice the onions on the chopping board with shaky hands. "What's happened?"

What's happened? What does he mean, what's happened! I swallow all my frustration and shake my head wishing he'd just let me brood in peace.

"Here I'll help. You shouldn't have to do this every night." He gives in, taking capsicums on the counter with another knife. It's a simple act, in fact it's very kind, considering he's been out all day in the heat, but what I only notice is how he's going to slice them the wrong way and put them in the pot of stew too early.

"No!" I hiss slamming my knife down. "That's not how it goes!"

His eyes are wide for a moment. He goes over to the pot. "What can I do then?" His voice is full of steel.

My frustration piques. "Nothing! Just go, okay? Just let me do it!"

I see him get his back up, not liking being yelled at. "What is your problem?" He asks. "I'm trying to help you!"

"I don't want help!" I yell.

"What do you want Freesia? Because I'm trying as hard as I can to make this situation bearable!"

"You know what I want?" I scream. "I want-"

"Free?" The voice is tentative and comes from the bedroom doorway, laden with tears. Rye stands there, cutting off my argument the flow of accusations, looking so horribly broken all my anger drains away.

"Dinner will be ready in a second Rye. Go and play for a moment." I say my voice quiet and thick. Muted, he nods and returns to his room quietly. My heart breaks. I return to the counter soundlessly, resuming to the vegetables. I can still sense Ethan standing behind me. As I work my knife through the vegetables I cannot control the tears that course down my cheeks. My knife slips in my shaking hands and clatters off the board. A sob escapes my chest, and in a second I feel Ethan's arms around me.

I cry into his chest as he strokes my hair. "I'm sorry." I mumble. I mean it.

"It's okay." He says, a hand in my hair. We stand there for a minute until I break the contact. I wipe my eyes.

"Can you put the onions in and stir the pot?" I ask him, motioning towards the counter. He moves soundlessly and does as I say a small smile on his lips. In twenty minutes we finish and I call Rye out from his room. He walks out tentatively with his head down. I walk over to him and pull him into a hug, gripping his little body to mine.

"Hey, I'm sorry." He doesn't react. "Do you want to go out for ice-cream after dinner?" His eyes light up like he's won the lottery.

"Really?"

I hear Ethan chuckle. "Yeah, we'll go out once we finish eating." Neither of us mention or pay thought to the ever decreasing money in the envelope.

But just then the world seemed a little more bearable.

* * *

><p>"Remember to hold my hand." I warn Rye as we step out of the apartment and into the bustling city. The heat greets us in a sharp wave. I survey a woman walking down the street grocery bags in hand. I remember Jake fleetingly, standing on the beach of Four, when we had said we had wanted to escape Panem and be free. But here I was and I couldn't determine whether this was the right decision or a death sentence. This question always posed the latter in my opinion.<p>

"Hello!" I turn to see our landlord, Elena, waving to us as she crosses the street. She is heading towards us, her accent as thick as ever. I don't understand how she can wear a long sleeved dress. "How are you?"

"Good thank you. How are you?" I reply politely.

She nods her head kindly. She has finally approached us, and she pinches Rye's cheek adoringly before gripping my arm. "You must learn our language. I teach you." It's not a question, it's an order.

"Oh…um…"

"I see you tomorrow." She immediately turns on her heel and walks into the air conditioned building. I shake my head and walk down the street. I suppose I should be glad I'll be getting free language lessons and that'll definitely help my situation here. But I wasn't used to neither her bluntness nor her kindness.

"Look! Look! Over there!" Rye says excitedly, pointing to a point just ahead of us.

"That's where we're going sweetheart." I say. I had never taken care of Rye for more than 24 hours without Lily. Even if my parents left him with me for the day, mum was always there to take him back once they returned. Now I was on my own. I'm 18. I don't know how to be a mother. But for his sake, I'll die trying.

It was a marketplace, luckily situated a few blocks from our apartment. I believed these were a common occurrence throughout the city. It was much, much grander than what we had in 12. It was vast, containing everything you could possibly need, placed within tents in every color. It was also very loud with salespersons shouting out, in their native tongues, prices and deals. A woman even grabbed my arm to get me to buy something. I was not used to such vibrant life. Unlike in the districts there contained a wide variety of ethnic groups all situated within the same place. The activity made me a bit nervous when I had Rye, my mind conjuring up all sorts of awful things that could happen if I lost him. Of course keeping him with me was no small task. He jumped around excitedly, my hand like a vice on his, intrigued by all the stalls. I headed to the food section getting groceries for dinner for the next few nights. I was careful of choosing what to buy, careful of spending without an income.

"Oh look at that!" Rye trills. "Look Free!"

It was obvious we were not from here just by the fact we were speaking English, but Rye's likeableness and innocence kept the stares sweet and not menacing.

"Hola!" A woman says as I was peering at the fruit in her stall. I smile at her, uncomfortable with the language. I touch a couple of apples and oranges and point to them. She seems to understand the language barrier and nods, writing down a price for me. I nod and hand her a bunch of coins.

"Free can I have that?" Rye whines his hand daringly close to a punnet of berries. I take a look at the price stuck onto them and immediately shake my head.

"No Rye."

"But I want them!" He complains. I sigh, hoping this isn't a repeat of last night.

"Rye." I warn him. "I bought you apples and oranges."

Suddenly the lady says something rapidly that I don't understand and points to Rye. Next she reaches for a punnet and pulls out three berries placing them in his hand. She smiles and pats his head while his eyes shine with happiness. I look up at the woman guiltily having not paid her, though she shakes her head.

"Thank you."

"Gracias." She says instead. I frown.

"Gracias?" I ask. Was that thank you?

"Si." She nods.

I smile. Then say it fervently. "Gracias."

We return home before noon just before the sun is peaking. Once the groceries have found their way to cupboards I am at a loss of what to do. I continue doing odd jobs, and even chatting to Elena downstairs until the sun sets and Ethan comes home.

I ask how he went and all I get is a miserable shake of his head. I felt like we were drowning. The city was becoming too much.

Dinner is a quiet occasion. Rye chatters about what the market was like and asks Ethan all sorts of questions about the city. I can tell he's making up some answers either glorifying it for Rye or he simply just doesn't know. I'm not sure I like this, but I don't say anything.

The night progresses and I get Rye ready for bed. I tuck him in like mum and dad used to. It pains me every time I have to emulate mum or dad. Because I simply cannot replace them or come even close.

"Free?"

"Yeah?"

"When are mum and dad coming? Where will they sleep?" He asks in a small voice.

I frown. "What?"

"When are they coming here? They said they would come."

I have to swallow the lump that's gathered in my throat. I want to refute it, tell him they're not coming, just to avoid complications further down the track but I can't do it. I can't break his heart, and some very small part of me is telling me that they'll make it.

"I don't know Rye." I say. "They need to find Lily first and then get on a boat. Remember how long it took us to get here? They might take a while." I'm proud my voice does not waver.

"I miss them." He says softly.

"Me too, baby, me too."

"Will you read me the story?" His tiny dimpled hand motions to a book on his bedside table. Strangely, Elena had come up to the apartment claiming she had found it. I had thanked her profusely and offered her afternoon tea. She had refused.

"Okay. Get under the covers and I'll read it." I say, picking up the book and kneeling by his bed.

"Once upon a time…"

"Is he asleep?" Ethan asks quietly from the dresser in our bedroom.

"Yeah. I read him a story book Elena gave me."

"Why'd she do that?"

"I don't know." He grunts and proceeds to pull his shirt in the corner to be tended to in the morning. He rummages for a shirt to sleep in. I look at him, noticing the tension within his muscles, the stiffness in his back. I wonder what he's thinking. I continue staring and soon my gaze wanders to his muscles, so well defined, and eventually my mind travels to Jake. His upper body was ripped too, an olive color.

"Free?" Ethan's voice breaks my thoughts and I realize I am blatantly staring at him. "What are you doing?"

"Zoned out. Sorry."

He walks over to where I am sitting cross legged on the bed and takes his side, laying down on top of the covers and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What's wrong?" I ask touching his arm.

He doesn't move but I hear him breath harder. "What's wrong is we're running out of money, we're in this god forsaken country where I can't even get a job and we're completely alone. You're parents sent me because I'm meant to be the adult but I don't know what to do Free! I don't know how to do this!" His voice rises and his foot kicks the bed. I'm shocked; Ethan was always calm.

"Hey." I say softly, touching his arm. "I know Ethan. I'm lost too, but you have to believe that we can make this work." I hear the slight false note in my voice.

"How? Your parents sent us on a death mission." He mutters.

"Don't say that. They would never do that. They loved us." A new thought occurs to me, one that's been eating away at me. "You knew didn't you? They told you before?"

His eyes roll up towards me. "Yeah they told me. They told me they had a boat, the Resistance was working on how to retaliate but they all knew it was becoming futile. They made the boat to get most of us out, those who wouldn't stay and fight. You're parents told me that they'd send you on the boat when the time came. They said they wanted me to go with you, so you weren't alone, so you had an adult so to speak. I think they assumed that maybe Kin and Jake may have gotten out as well, but the attack came so suddenly. They hadn't anticipated it. So they found me and told me that I had to get on that boat with you and Rye and escape Panem." Tears rim his eyes as he finishes speaking, my throat is constricted.

"I think they did the right thing." I mutter quietly a tear leaks down my cheek.

He gazes at me. "Let's say that when it all works out."

"You have to believe it will Ethan."

A pause. A tear falls. "Okay, for you I will."

"Please."

* * *

><p>Days stretched on and on as we were stranded in our lively city. I was taught what was called Spanish by Elena, although my attempts were mediocre at best. The heat continued. Slowly as we lost the confusion and frenzy of starting over and began slipping into our new rhythms, the adrenaline seemed to subside. Nightmares came back from Lily dying to when I was tortured. My hands would shake and I would get random flashbacks from being captive. I was always careful to not let Rye see. However Ethan knew I was suffering and I knew he was too. His parents were presumed dead, he had no family left. Rye and I were his fill in family.<p>

It was only yesterday when the first bit of light had come to our situation. The first time I had felt a slight bit of hope. I had been with Elena failing miserably at Spanish.

"You say hola." She pronounces the word very slowly.

"Olah?" I try.

"No! Hola!" I sighed frustrated. I had never learnt another language and the only accents I had ever experienced were those ridiculous ones from the Capitol. I just couldn't seem to master it.

This continued for about a half hour as I tried, very badly, to pronounce an array of words. It only stopped when we heard the door of the apartment slam. We were sitting in my apartment. A very disgruntled Ethan walks in grumpily, his new coat slightly rumpled.

"Free! I swear if-" He stops his rant once he spots Elena. His face flushes. "Oh- ah- hi Elena." He says sheepishly waving his hand slightly. He retreats quickly into our room before he can embarrass himself further.

Elena quirks an eyebrow in the direction of our room. "What is wrong?"

I sigh. Oh Elena wouldn't you like to know…

"He can't find a job." I say, deciding it's best to just admit that and not try to save anyone's dignity. I realize too late that I am speaking to my landlord and not a friend. She'll kick us out if we can't pay. That would be the final straw. The death sentence. "I mean we can still pay rent." I amend hurriedly, trying to undo the damage.

"He need job."

I curse myself for being so stupid. "Yes." I relent. I felt like it was giving up. My eyes pricked.

"I give him job."

"What?" I ask eyes wide.

"My, ah, grandson owns shop. For car. I give him job."

I cannot believe what she is saying. Give Ethan a job? I don't even know why Elena is so kind to us, with the Spanish lessons and allowing us to stay. I don't understand it.

"Ethan?" I call out. "Can you come here please?"

He wanders out warily from our room warily. "Yes?"

"I think we found you a job." I smile widely. He frowns, however.

"What are you talking about?"

I give Ethan the seat at the table as Elena runs through the plan with him. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders, especially for Ethan. We could now pay for Rye's schooling, and I could begin the process of finding myself a job.

While Ethan is talking to Elena I choose to wander down to the ground floor of the building and check the mail. The building is plain but nice. I see a small girl walking up the stairs just as I reach the bottom. As I head to the letterbox I bump into a man, probably having a few years on me, with light blonde hair and bright eyes.

"_Sorry!"_ I mumble in Spanish which seems to be the only word I'd managed to retain from Elena's language lessons.

I try to pass him but he steps the same way and for a moment we have an awkward instant when neither of us can seem to get out of each other's way. Eventually he places his arms on my shoulders- causing me to flinch slightly- and moves around me. I'm about to turn away, embarrassed when he says something rapidly to me in Spanish and holds out his hand. My mind blanks, unaware of any words he has just said, and it takes a moment for me to realize his hand is held out for a hand shake. After another moment he smiles slightly, winks at me and says something else.

Oh god I hope he is not hitting on me. I hold my hands up in surrender. I can't seem to remember the words to say I don't speak Spanish. How ironic. The awkwardness heightens and I want to step away but realization suddenly dawns on his face, and my curiosity steels me.

"You're the girl that doesn't speak Spanish!" He suddenly says in perfect English, his hands raised in understanding. "I've heard about you!"

And with that being the weirdest thing I've ever heard, I quirk my eyebrows warily. "Oh um…what?" I say uncertainly wondering why he can actually speak English. I notice that his accent isn't the same to most around the city, it has odd inflections that doesn't match mine or the natives.

"Oh not to sound creepy, sorry, my name's Tom. I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I live nearby; I'm friends with the landlord, Elena's grandson. He lives on the 3rd floor." He says quickly his face earnest. I've moved from surprise, unnerve and now just plain confusion.

"Okay…" I begin. "How come you speak English?" I ask tentatively.

"Oh, I'm not from here. I moved here about 5 years ago." This continues to confuse me. No one gets in or out of Panem and here people frolic between countries like it's no big deal?

"Oh." Is all I say.

"Ah, what's your name?" He asks with a crooked smile. He is not put off by my awkwardness which is surprising. However I hope he doesn't try to flirt with me, otherwise Ethan might take him down.

"Oh sorry, my name's Freesia."

"Freesia? Like the flower?"

"Yes."

"So how long have you been here?" He asks out of pure curiosity. "I heard you came from Panem." How much did he hear about me? It's the first time I've heard someone say Panem without negativity.

"We came from Panem about two weeks or so ago." I tell him carefully. He nods the friendly smile still on his face.

"I heard you came with your boyfriend? You had a kid too?" Now I'm sort of unnerved. Are there really rumors going around about us? The word boyfriend tears at me a little. Jake. Where are you?

"No." I say quickly. "I came with my friend and my little brother. He's five."

"Oh I'm sorry. Guess gossip gets a little out of hand." There's that crooked smile again. I'm uncomfortable. I suppose he senses that.

"So are you guys working yet?"

That's an awkward question. "Oh um, well…did you say you were friends with Elena's grandson?" I ask, diverting the topic as something actually occurs to me.

"Yeah I am. He lives in 3B."

I decide to take a stab at it. "You don't happen to work at a mechanics or anything with him do you?"

He is surprised, his eyes tell me that much. "Yeah I do. Why?"

I smile for the first time in the conversation. "Elena just told my, ah, friend Ethan he could work there. We were struggling to find work, being from Panem and not speaking the language."

"Really? Is he good with cars?"

I almost said yes. But Jake was good with cars. "I think he knows enough, you might have to show him a bit. Where he used to live was right by the ocean. He knows everything to do with boats. I'm sure that might help him?"

"Tom!" A voice comes from the stairs followed with a flurry of Spanish. Tom looks up before he can answer me. I turn and find a woman descending the stairs and my jaw nearly drops. She is beautiful, yet it is obvious she does not come from here. I assume she moved here with Tom from whatever country they were in although their traits do not match. She is petite, I might have a few inches on her, though she is slim, wearing a very flattering black dress, belted at the waist. Dark hair cascades her shoulders, red lipstick applied artfully to her lips, her dark eyes, a slight slant to them.

"Kim, this is Freesia." Tom says not bothering to answer her in Spanish. Her eyes fall on me for a second. "You know the girl Elena was-"

"Oh! You're the girl from Panem! I'm Kim, nice to meet you." Does everybody know me as the girl from Panem? She holds out her hand and I shake it, if a little intimidated.

"We better get going." He says to Kim, an arm at her waist. I notice a ring on her finger, a small diamond glistening on the band. They're married? "How about tomorrow, I stop by your apartment with Alex, and we'll show…Ethan was it? We'll show Ethan to the mechanics."

Why is everybody in this country so nice? "That would be lovely. Thank you Tom." He smiles and leaves with Kim out the swinging doors of the building.

I go and check my mail, doing what I had come down to do.

It only occurred to me at the mailbox that I wouldn't have any mail. Who would send me a letter anyway?

* * *

><p>It's at 7am when there is a knock on the door. I walk over to it, dressed in a singlet and shorts, stepping over a pile of toys on the way. They were cheap, from the local market. I swing the door open to reveal Tom and who I'd assume to be Alexander.<p>

"Hola." I try to greet them with a sheepish smile. I was unsure if Alexander spoke English.

"Hey you're getting better!" Tom points his index finger and thumb at me, with an overdone smile. "So where's our guy?"

"Here" Ethan's voice comes from behind me causing me to jump.

"Hey man, I'm Tom. This is Alexander."

"Ethan." They all shake hands.

"We better get going. Day's wasting!" Tom claims grandly.

"I'll see you later." Ethan mutters to me and kisses my head before leaving the apartment. I notice Tom give Alexander a look. I'm struck with anxiety as he leaves with two men I hardly know. What if something happens to him?

_Don't be stupid Freesia. He's 23, he can handle himself_.

The next question crept into my mind. Could I handle myself?

* * *

><p>A week passes. Ethan works diligently even picking up extra shifts on the weekend for the money. I begin to feel useless. He was creating the income. I couldn't even help Rye find a school.<p>

I sit at the kitchen table. I had seen Rye drawing a picture earlier. It was then that I realized I hadn't drawn since I had lived in District 12. Now I was here in this country and I still hadn't. What had happened to me?

I sit with a pencil and a scrap of paper. I miss my old expensive drawing utensils my parents had bought me. I miss my paints and canvas'.

Instead I sketch on the cheap paper. A few sheets had already been discarded along with snapped pencils because I was too worked up. I took a pill- a nifty painkiller introduced to me by Elena- and tried again. I try to rid all the awful feelings and pretend I was back in District 12. 16 years old and absolutely normal. It's not until twenty minutes later do I realize what has been eating me, what the painkillers can't hide. Lily stares back from the paper, her eye piercing into me. They're accusing. Why didn't you save me, they say.

"I should've volunteered." I whisper, tears creating small splotches on the paper. I slam my fist into it.

Why was I even here? Trying to make a living in a foreign country. Legally I was an adult, but I knew emotionally I wasn't even close.

I miss them. I miss Jake. I miss Lily. I miss Adam. I miss mum and dad. Even Kin is on the list. I want them back. I want Panem back.

I draw more. All of their faces until they all stare back at me with accusing gazes. I think of the photos that used to sit atop the mantelpiece. Our family portrait. It had made it to the Resistance. Frameless but it had been there. But now everything was gone. Every person was gone.

What were we doing?

Ethan comes home after I have slid the drawings in a draw carefully for no one to see. I lie on the bed, hands folded, staring blankly at the ceiling. Ethan comes in.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

A pause. "Talk to me."

I quietly pull out all the drawings I had hidden.

"Do you miss them?" I ask, fanning them out on the bedspread. His jaw hardens when he sets his eyes on them. I know how he feels, unnerved by the lifelikeness of the drawings.

"Of course I do." He says. He is looking at me concerned like he fears I've gone mad.

My eyes tear. "Why don't you ever cry over them?"

He looks at me, pain written all over his face. He rubs his face roughly with his hands. "I can't deal."

"I know. It's okay to cry. I wasn't the only one that lost my family." That does it. I see his face crack. Tears flow. He puts his face to his hands and sits heavily on the edge of the bed. I crawl over to him, my tears already shed, offering him comfort. I wrap my arms around him and feel him shudder.

"I didn't think it through when I said to your parents I would go." He says shakily, his voice muffled.

"You couldn't have imagined what would happen. We didn't know."

"I feel like we ran out. We saved ourselves and left the rest to suffer."

I pause, not breathing. I knew what he meant. We ran, the others stayed. And now they were still in the war. "We saved one person."

"Rye."

* * *

><p>Frustration builds as we struggle to find some sort of schooling for Rye. Weeks pass. Ethan earns money bit by bit, I still struggle. When it all becomes too much I take another of Elena's painkillers. Ethan has managed to pick up quite a bit of Spanish being immersed in it day in, day out. With more money we've managed to buy Rye some things, and even take a trip to a supermarket rather than the market constantly. In other words we manage. We get better with each passing week. But with each passing week we are also filled with a new sense of dread. Because we do not hear from Panem. We do not hear from our friends and families. Each day the depression sets in a little more. The thought always reoccurs to me: they're not coming. We're alone. We have to move on. I cry myself to sleep on numerous nights generally in Ethan's arms. I feel guilty even though this means nothing. But images of Jake still swim in my mind. I repeat the thought: they are not coming.<p>

In desperate attempts I had asked Tom one morning what the rest of the world thought of Panem.

Tom draws a deep breath, running his hand through his messy blonde hair. "It's tough. I guess we view it as a country to be avoided. Ravaged by war, I suppose. We hear snippets on the news of what has apparently happened in Panem, and it's always bad. The secrecy has caused a hate- maybe that's too strong- a dislike towards the country. You may receive some odd looks, even verbal abuse when people realize. I'm glad I got to know you guys though. After all we're all just people."

So Panem to the rest of the world was a danger zone. A country at war. I wanted to refute it, to remark on the beauty of the country, the memories of my childhood but too much had happened. I had been at war, I had been tortured, I had seen it all. I couldn't lie.

Tom's next question had struck a chord.

"Is it really like that? Is it as horrible as they say?"

Images flood my mind. The car crash. Kin. Miner's Main. Hospitals. My cell. Lily. The Games.

I breathe shakily. "20 or so years ago it was like that. Then a rebellion took place, my parents helped lead it. Things got better. It wasn't until recently that war came again. There was another rebellion. My family was pinpointed. They kidnapped my sister and blackmailed me." Tom's eyes are as wide as saucers. I find it difficult to talk but somehow I don't stop. "I did everything they said. I gave them information they didn't have on a district, I fought for them as they captured the district. I didn't think through the consequences I was just trying to save my sister. I became responsible for a lot of…lives. Then, when I wouldn't cooperate anymore, when they went back on their word and didn't save Lily…they took me. They tortured me for information I didn't have. For about two months they held me captive. A friend of mine was working for the rebels and helped me escape. He brought me to a spot in the wilderness where people had set up a Resistance against the rebels. We couldn't return and everyone that knew me or my family was in danger. And then one day, the Resistance was infiltrated." My voice catches and I suck back tears. "Then my parents put me in the boat with Ethan and Rye and watched me go." The tears break through and flow freely.

Tom seems to be in a state of shock. His face is completely wrecked. "Oh my god…is it really…did that…?" Words fail him.

"In my lifetime it was never like that until recently. I was happy."

"Now it's a sure fucked up place."

Somehow those words seem to some up my last year of hell. "Yeah. It sure is fucked."

After that discussion with Tom I had felt slightly more….human? I guess you could say. Although I was from normal, I had felt a load lift from my shoulders. To tell someone what I've gone through, what we've gone through, that isn't one of us. I felt a small change in Tom from then on. Consideration, maybe? He dropped by with lasagnas a few times, claiming Kim made too much for them. It was as if they were trying to make up our misery with small gifts of kindness. And honestly it helped.

But even so problems persisted. And it wasn't until we had been here a month that an option came to us.

Rye and I were walking down the street a few blocks from the apartment. He was licking an ice cream, the sweltering heat, we were not used to. It was a bad day. Sweat clung to the back of my neck even though I had swung my hair into a messy bun. I had gotten nowhere with either job finding or schools. I missed Panem too much. This place was still too foreign. Even so I continued walking further and further from our apartment because I needed to do something. I felt that maybe if we distanced ourselves from the small little area we had been living in the past month, maybe an answer would come to me.

The streets were teeming with life and I was dying to hold a paintbrush. It again brought me back to my last painting I had ever painted, of the bustling city. This was it, it was so similar. But where was the happiness?

"Free look a boat!" Rye's hand points toward the pier. I never wanted to set a foot on a boat again.

"Yeah buddy, that's for holidays. For people that like going on boats."

"Can we go?" He asks. I wonder whether he's already forgotten our horrific boat ride. Quite possibly.

"No, sorry Rye. We have to do other things today."

He pouts but doesn't argue. Thank god, because I really couldn't deal with a temper tantrum in public. We walk down another block, the houses transforming to beautiful cottages by the sea. I walk past a particular house I admire, a sleek car parked out front. I get past about 4 meters of the picket fence that lines the house when I hear the voice.

"Freesia?"

I freeze my back turned. I don't recognize the voice and all the fear induced in me by Panem returns. My body shifts quickly to survival mode as if I'm going to be kidnapped again. It's not until Rye exclaims "Kimmy!" excitedly do I turn and the tension drains out of me. I sigh, feeling exhausted.

"Hi Kim." There she is, once again as perfect as a picture. Her sleek hair braided intricately. Today she wears a white dress, her nails with a French manicure. There's always a vague sense of jealousy I feel when I see her, but that is more the old me. The more trivial one that loved fashion and the gifts Effie would give me. If it was up to me, I would've kept the slightly more trivial me. The sense of naivety I suppose. I didn't want the responsibilities thrust to me. I didn't want the suffering.

"Would you like to come inside? It's sweltering out here. I have some lemonade. Do you like lemonade Rye?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" He trills happily.

"Thanks Kim." I smile. After all I didn't have anything better to do today.

I get a slight shock when I step into their house. It's beautiful and clearly expensive. That much was obvious from the prime beach location, that and the flurry of furnishings and decoration, although it was decorated modestly. I don't know why but I assumed that Tom and Kim were more likes us, well more like Elena, people who got by well but with not a lot of money. I guess I should've realized from their clothes for starters this was not the case.

"Please sit." She smiles. The air conditioner is on and gives a lovely relief to the heat outside. I watch her walk to the kitchen and she returns with a small tray carrying three glasses of lemonade.

Rye takes his greedily from her and begins to drink it immediately. "What do you say Rye?" I urge him.

"Thank you!" He says in delight and returns to guzzling down the lemonade.

"Thanks." I smile as she hands me a glass.

"So where were you headed?" She asks conversationally.

I sigh surveying my glass. "Ah…killing time I guess. Trying to see what the city is like." I mumble. I'm embarrassed talking to Kim.

"Are you okay?" Kim asks quietly giving my face a look of concern. How perceptive she is. I glance at Rye. I was not going to talk with him in earshot. Again, Kim realizes this.

"Rye? Do you like drawing?"

His head shoots up. "Yes! But Free is much better than me. She paints too." He chatters.

"I have some paper and colored pencils. I'll take you into the living room and you can draw. I'll even turn on the T.V. How does that sound?"

"The T.V?" Rye's eyes light up more than with anything I've said to him. Kim leads him out swiftly collecting the pencils and paper and before long I hear the hum of the television.

"He's seems like a good kid." She smiles kindly as she returns.

I laugh lightly. "Yeah." I don't even understand why I feel like crying. I meet Kim's eyes.

"What's wrong?" she reminds me of Lily. The hair and the build, and also the concern. I miss it so much I talk.

"I don't know what to do Kim. At all. Ever." I say miserably. "How do I start a new life? What did you do?"

"I have to say I think it was easier for me and Tom. We had moved here willingly, we'd planned out our life together here. We knew part of the language already…how old are you? 21?"

I shake my head. "18."

"18." She repeats as if not believing it. Her eyebrows lift. "You're only 18? Well you certainly don't look it."

I don't answer. "You know to me, you seem to be working it all out pretty well Freesia. I'd be proud of yourself. What caused all this?" She waves her hands at me symbolizing my misery.

"Finding a school for Rye? Trying to be a mum? Finding my own job?"

A small smile lightens her face. "Here, let me help you."

I was dubious and I wondered whether she could actually help our predicament. But even so, I consented. After all, I was out of options.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay so monster chapter, I know! I hope you liked it. I'm sorry it took so long to update, but it's really difficult juggling school and writing, and editing this chapter was a giant task and really made me regret not having a beta. :P**

**A few things: The country Ethan and Free are in is not a specific country of today but I have pictured it with a South American feel. I chose Spanish because I think it's a great language and suited the setting.  
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**Tell me what you think! Do you like the new setting? New characters? Was it good, was it bad?  
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**Thank you everyone who has been following The Portrait. Only a few chapters to go!  
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	29. Chapter 29

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

It's a cruel lesson to learn, really.

Kim had kept true to her word and she had, in fact, helped us. She'd rung around, using her fluent Spanish and had found what was called an International School. I'd never heard of it and neither had Ethan but she had explained they were for foreign people who couldn't speak the language. Of course in Panem, such things were never needed.

It took maybe a week of sorting out the details before we enrolled Rye in the most junior class. We'd also painstakingly bought him the needed bag, uniform and stationary that took a hard hit to our bank balance.

I'd never been more grateful for people like Kim and Tom who were just genuinely in every possible way, lovely people.

That of course didn't exactly help the rest of our predicament. Every day Ethan went to work and every day I took Rye to school. But we were living frugally and it was becoming apparent that Ethan's one job wouldn't suffice even if he worked overtime. Rent was expensive, and we had the cheapest in the area, as was food even at the market. The need for money landed a lot of pressure on me, which in turn, morphed into several heated arguments.

Which is why I'm trailing through the city right now, frustrated, attempting to find any sort of job. Sounds easy. Problem is who will employ an 18 year old girl, with no qualifications and an inability to speak the language?

The answer is no one.

I walk down the street feeling like I might as well die in the thick, burning air. The heat beats down as I continue further down the street, studying the masses of people traveling this way and that, the lines of buildings up ahead, the mix of beggars and businessman on the paths. It was an interesting country. Like all the areas of Panem had been mashed into one place.

I hadn't ever been this far into the city before. Rye's school was a little bit out of the city and that was the furthest I'd been, but today out of desperation I had walked right to the heart. I was further than Kim's house and now reaching the really lively parts where houses stopped and buildings began.

I walked on, sweat forming a layer on my neck until I reached the cities innards. Buses and cars clogged the roads and people quickly flitted in between them. I saw something odd, a woman walking the path in some sort of ethnic clothes that did not belong here. I knew this was not how the natives dressed. I'm reminded of Kim's voice: "There are others. You're not the only one." How interesting.

However once I rounded the corner things became much more interesting. I stop on the sidewalk creating many grumbles from people around me. There is a walkway, or more a square, just off the road leading between buildings. Set up there is an array of people some in the open sun, some in little tents. But what strikes me is the display of artwork lining the streets where various people sit behind it. Canvas' are propped up on a rug, sketches laid out, and I see a woman working on an intricate yet brilliant drawing of chalk on the pavement which looks so real it plays tricks on my eyes. I see a man, wearing suit pants and shirt, briefcase in hand walk over to the woman and drop a few coins in an art case that lays open on the ground.

Huh.

I walk a few more paces down the pavement and stop again, quietly surveying the artists from afar. I'm captivated by their fluid movements. One is painting a new picture while various passersby scrutinize the finished pieces laid out. I see a man inquire about one. The painter sets down their paintbrush and speaks to the man. He nods and hands over a bill, the painter thanks the man and hands him the painting. He walks off with it in a paper bag continuing on his way. My mind is boggled.

Really this was similar to the market back home in 12 with people selling their own goods. But it's in this city, so much more sophisticated so much more poised, that I find it strange this happens. I watch as a shopper chats animatedly to another artist no sense of status evident between the two.

Was this the answer? I take the bench on the opposite side of the square and continue watching. I could paint, in fact my father always said I was very talented. He had taught me from when I was small and had always supplied my utensils. These people in the square appeared to have talent too. It had never occurred to me that this talent could earn income.

Could I do it? Could I display my art on the street in hopes of money? Somehow this seemed...pedestrian to me. I had always had rather prestigious thoughts of an occupation in later life, and my parents always pushed my grades. But what was I here? A young girl from Panem, non-Spanish speaking and unaccredited.

I watched the artists for an hour more exchanging friendly words with others. Here, they were accepted, but would I be? I was distinctly foreign just from appearance not even factoring in language. Would I be shunned?

I debated with myself until I got nowhere, and ended where I had started. And then I told myself I was being ridiculous because never before had I been afraid.

* * *

><p>I sit in my place I claimed in the square. Four days had passed since my revelation. I had considered, to a great extent, not situating myself in the square. I felt intimidated by the other artists. But a quick walk around had shown this spot was really prime. The square was already filled. I sat a little away but still in vicinity of the others. My display was definitely less than theirs, although I felt the technique was much the same.<p>

However I still felt they got the general attention. I busied myself in a new sketch so as not to let it bother me. I wanted to draw something more. I had displayed a variety of sketches I was quite proud of however I felt them…lacking. I had yet to buy the necessary paints to create a painting which was more my forte. We would need some more money before that. I'm sure that if Tom had heard of my dilemma he would immediately buy me paints however I wouldn't burden him or Kim.

I moved the pencil across the page with more care and precision than what I had done in the others. I altered the pressure and angle creating new textures and tones. I drew what I knew I could picture so vividly, what I missed and what I could effectively capture. I drew Lily Mellark, only what she would look like now 18 and here with me. I draw her eyes sparkling with life, a kindness present in the gentle crease of them just like they used to be a year ago. However I draw the planes of her face slightly slimmer, her features less rounded trying to account for time. Her black hair is out and flowing framing her face as a wisp cross her eye. Her lips are slightly parted, a small smirk on them as if she's seeing Adam. I fill her eyelashes and her brows and finish her slim neckline. A heavy feeling takes my heart.

"Bueno." A voice comes from above me and it continues in a flurry of Spanish. Ethan had shared with me a few phrases that he had picked up from working at the garage and that Tom had told him I might encounter. However none of these are what the man above me says. I pick out one word in his speech: talento.

I look up at him and he is staring at the picture of Lily in my hand. A little girl stands by his leg chattering quietly. He points raising his eyebrows. I'm at a loss of what he has said.

I draw a breath. "No hablo Espanol." I say poorly. Speak English, goddammit!

He says something else and frowns. Suddenly he shouts over to a woman studying some paintings at a place a few spots down. She comes over with a smile and speaks quickly with the man.

Her eyes fall on the drawing. "He says he think you very talented. And if you would draw picture of his daughter." I only just catch the words marred by her thick accent and broken English.

"Oh!" I exclaim looking at the little girl.

"Si?" The man says.

I'm nervous having to draw on cue but I take the chance. After all, money will come out of this. "Si." I nod.

I motion for the girl to sit down in front of me. She chatters with her dad while I try to capture her. I attempt to do what I did spontaneously with Lily. I focus on the life, the subtleties of the features that dictate age and emotion. I draw the crinkle by her eyes, the wisps of hair caught by the air. I zone out into the world my dad taught me to go to, the one were nothing else can bother you other than the pencil and the paper. In 10 minutes I've done it. Obviously it doesn't have the exact detail if I had an hour but I'm proud of the lifelikeness.

I ask the girl her name in Spanish and get her to spell it out. I scrawl it in the corner and date the picture. Her dad looks extremely pleased and asks, how much? A phrase I do actually recognize. I falter for a short moment before making up a price that is far, far cheaper than any other artist. I don't care, it's something and I'm sure they live much more expensive lifestyles than me. The man raises his eyebrows and hands over the coins and I give the drawing to his overjoyed daughter.

Right before they walk away he drops a note in the wooden pencil box I had left open. I look up but he has already turned away.

* * *

><p>I walk into the apartment proudly with my art case in hand where the money is stored. I hear the gentle murmurs of Rye and Ethan through the door. I open it with a creak and walk over to the table where they both are sitting bent over some math books.<p>

"Okay so 2 times 2 equals…"

"Hi Free!" Rye distracts himself as I walk through the apartment.

"Hey guys. Doing math I see?" I ask with a small smile.

"How did you go?" Ethan asks with a slightly worried face.

I grin and open my art case on the table. His eyebrows shoot up quickly.

"How much?" He asks as he touches the money lightly.

"Not a whole lot…but it was the first time. I think I have to become more known and then it will get better." I explain.

He raises his head with a smile that reaches his eyes. "Great job." He says as he hugs me.

This was an improvement from the other night when he, in an extremely tired state, told me it wouldn't work. I know now he's thinking more clearly and he actually does believe in me.

The night progresses with a lighter atmosphere than many other nights, the possibilities shining just within reach. Maybe we could do this.

However I felt a sense of dread creeping in every time I remember the picture of Lily. Why wasn't she here?

Tom called like usual, he does this at least every week, and I spoke to him for a short while exchanging stories and what not. He invited us over for dinner again, which wasn't really new since we also had dinner with them nearly every week.

Soon I put Rye to bed and Ethan and I got ready as well, drained from our day. He watches me as I rummage the wardrobe, the elation I felt early deflated. A persistent pain hammers my temple.

"I'm really proud of you." He finally says. I turn a little confused. "I didn't think you'd be able to get anything and now you can do what you love." He elaborates.

I nod and turn back to the wardrobe and finish slipping into my pajamas. My eyes are pricking and it makes me angry because I should be happy. But I'm not.

"You okay?" Aren't they the words of the year?

"Yes." I whisper and crawl into the bed. I can sense his eyes on me before he turn, slips of his shirt and into a pair of pajama pants, switches off the light and crawls in with me.

"You're not." He finally says after a heavy silence. I always liked how intuitive Ethan could be. "What's wrong?"

And then the dam bursts.

I cry.

Immediately I feel his bare arms wrap around me and I cry into him like many other nights. Like usual he strokes my hair until I calm down.

"I drew Lily today. And apparently it was so good that a man paid me to draw his daughter." I say shakily.

I can tell Ethan doesn't quite make the connection. "Free that's good…"

"I can't stop thinking about her! She should be here. Everyone should! We abandoned them."

There's a long drawn out silence. My head hurts fiercely. "Free we couldn't have done anything else. You even told me that once. They would want you- us- to be happy. Jake, Lily, Adam our parents. They would all want us to move on and be happy even if they're not here."

I know he is right. He's always right. But right now it's nearly impossible to believe that we are doing the right thing.

* * *

><p>Days get both easier and harder. It's like I was in a constant state of confusion being pulled this way and that. It was easier in the sense that I was able to gain money along with Ethan. I was slowly becoming more popular and now drew portraits of people more often than anything else. I didn't see anyone else do this, not the lady with the chalk or the extremely alternative abstract painter, so I supposed that was in my favor.<p>

What was still eating me was everyone in Panem. Every day the thoughts plagued me of where they were and what they were doing. Were they dead? That was very likely. Were they hurt? Even more likely. The headaches never went away.

Some days I didn't speak much. I still went out and did my thing because I wouldn't let my boys down but there were just some days where I became muted; too enveloped in my thoughts.

Tears coursed down my cheeks as the images took over me now. I clasped my head in my hands as I tried to fight it off. I could see everything; hear everything like I was back there. There was the good times mixed in with the bad however it all overwhelmed me in the same way.

I stumble to the bathroom Ethan and I share and turn the lock. He was picking Rye up from school today, I knew they'd be home soon. I'd packed up early from the city when it all became too much and my hands started shaking and a persistent pain came to my temple. If I'd stayed there any longer I would have started crying. How horrific.

I open the medicine cabinet to reveal the painkillers I'd learnt to buy at the chemist. Fortunately they were cheap. I knew Ethan wouldn't be happy which is why I bought them when he wasn't there. He knew we had them although I never told him how often I buy them. I don't think he understands.

I pop two in my mouth and wait the ten minutes before they begin to take effect. I sink down to the tiled floor by the bathtub with the bottle in my hands. Oh, I wish things were normal…I start when the door opens and I lift my head.

I never even knew the door didn't actually lock.

"What are you doing?" Ethan asks me from the doorway a frown marring his face.

I get up quickly and reopen the medicine cabinet. "Just thinking."

I hear him step closer before he snatches the bottle out of my hands. I turn around shocked. "What were you doing with these?" He asks, his voice rock hard.

"I had a headache." I tell him evenly.

His expression remains hard while he looks at me. "I've seen you taking these a lot Free. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself like this."

"I'm not doing that!" I yell back at him, my emotions wound far too tightly to deal with this.

"Yes you are!" He bites back. "And I care too much about you to let you do it. I'm taking these away. I think you need to see someone."

I know immediately what he is talking about. He wants me to see a shrink. "No way Ethan. That is way too expensive."

"Well I don't know what else to do Free!" He says exasperated. "Some days you're fine and some days you barely talk! I'm worried about you, you went through a lot."

"And you didn't?" I ask vehemently.

"It's different and you know it." He counters with a glare.

I'm sick of everything and I turn around to leave the bathroom. Brief flashes of memories mar my vision for a moment, a scream rings distantly. He grabs my arm to stop me.

"Let go." I tell him.

"No." He says. "We have to do something about this."

"About what?" I yell. "About how they're meant to be coming home? They're meant to come back and help us? Everyone we love is going to come back in one piece?"

"Keep your voice down." He hisses at me. He fills his lungs with air. "Free, be realistic okay? If this," he motions to the entire room, "is going to work, we have to move on."

"What do you think I'm trying-"

"Without drugs, without anything," He says. "We have to start over Free otherwise we're never going to get through it. And if that means seeing a psychiatrist then we will work for extra money and we will see a psychiatrist so we can actually function like a family. Hear me?" His voice isn't as harsh at the end, only pressing.

I don't answer but I think he can sense he's got through to me.

"We're going to Tom's in an hour." He says, "Let's put this all behind us and have a good night."

* * *

><p>"So we've got some news and thought we should tell you guys." Tom says with a twinkle in his eye as we sit in his house for dinner. I'd tried my hardest to forget the afternoon. Forget everything really.<p>

We were having pasta which was the only thing I ever really remember having with Tom and Kim. It suited all of us though and every time now Tom would come up with some new shape of pasta and some strange new sauce.

"What is it?" I ask with a smile. I glance over to Rye who is busy shoveling ravioli in his mouth unaware of the conversation.

"Well…we're going to be having a baby." Kim says with a huge grin on her face.

I nearly choke on my pasta. "Oh my god! Congratulations!" I squeal and get up to hug them both. Ethan does the same while I explain to Rye the news.

Once we're seated again Kim starts talking. "So I know you guys usually refuse this, but any time you need someone to watch Rye we're happy to do it. Really, it's good practice." She laughs. "He can even stay over if need be, we have a guest room."

She was right that we normally refused they're help with Rye. Not because we didn't trust them but really because we didn't want to burden them. But now Kim was pregnant I felt slightly less guilty.

"Thank you." I smile warmly and for once it doesn't feel so false.

We move onto other conversations, just chitter chatter really. Both Kim and Tom are extremely happy when I tell them I've been doing a lot of artwork. They've already seen some of my stuff back at the apartment.

And then jokingly, Tom broaches the moat awkward topic. "So you guys, met anyone out in the city?" He waggles his eyebrows suggestively telling us he means a boyfriend or girlfriend.

There's a slight pause before Ethan chuckles and mumbles out a no nonchalantly.

I see Tom and Kim exchange a knowing look. "What?" I ask suspiciously.

Tom grins. "We're just waiting for you two to get together." He laughs and spears some ravioli with his fork.

Ethan and I both flounder and I don't think Tom realized the effect this would have on us. "We – no- that would never, um, happen." I stammer out while Ethan also tries to refute the comment.

Tom continues to smile good naturedly and I know he doesn't believe us. I want to wipe that smile off his face and tell him it would never happen.

The night progresses like any other night and we leave around 9, after a lovely dessert. Tom and Kim are always a breath of fresh air however the thought plagued me the entire night.

They were waiting for Ethan and me to get together.

How strange.

_2 weeks later…_

"No I won't do it!" Rye yells at me stomping his foot. This was the time I wish he wasn't my responsibility or I had taken Kim up on her offer to look after him.

I've had it. I've had enough. "I don't care what you want Rye you are going to do as I say! Now go and clean your room!"

"No." He pouts and crosses his arms. "I won't!"

I stride over to him. "Rye I am serious. Now go do as you're told."

I hear the door open from our room and I know Ethan is coming into the room since he can obviously hear things are not calming down.

"You can't tell me what to do! You're not mum!"

The words are literally like bullets penetrating through me. What I had been struggling with for weeks now was just said by a five year old. Rye is visibly angry and I know I am fuming.

"Fine." I say as I throw my hands up in the air. "I've had it." I stride over to our bedroom and tell Ethan to deal with him before slamming the door shut.

I collapse onto the bed in a heap of sobs while I can hear Ethan scold Rye. Ten minutes elapse before I hear the door open.

"I got him to do it."

I don't bother giving a response.

"Bad day?" He asks and sits down next to me on the bed.

"You could say that." I mutter my voice thick. He puts his arm around me and I lean into his body gratefully.

Even after everything that has gone wrong I'm glad he's here with me because I would have never have gotten this far without Ethan.

"I think we should get someone to talk to Rye." Ethan comes out with suddenly.

I stiffen slightly as I think it through. The other week when he had suggested seeing someone for my benefit we hadn't bothered with it. I tried to work through it all instead. Soon I realized that didn't actually help so I chose the easy way out. I refused to think about it. When I did I took the drugs. I threw out all the pictures I had drawn, painstakingly even Jake's. That one was one of the hardest, brought on the tears freely. But I needed a new start. I had to accept they were gone.

But the suggestion for Rye to see someone seemed a good idea. His behavior had deteriorated rapidly which I knew wasn't just a phase because I barely remembered my parents having to discipline him throughout all the years.

"Maybe we should." I assent the anger evident in my voice.

He brings me into a hug. "It'll be okay. We can do this." He says and kisses my cheek. I feel the electricity of his lips against my skin and lean in gratefully for the comfort hoping he was right.

_4 weeks later…_

It all started with a bar.

Or really the bar sparked the event. I suspect it started a long time ago here in this city of heat, passion and life.

A long, long time ago that no one was smart enough to admit. Fear left us paralyzed, the past left us immobile.

Until now.

That night brought forth all the repressed feelings and childhood fantasies. A new beginning of sorts.

"Ready?" Ethan calls out while I slide the last pin into my hair.

I walk out as an answer and I see his eyes widen just slightly. It gives me a great sense of satisfaction.

Kim had all but forced us to give her Rye for the night and to go out. The worry was evident in her voice about the two of us when she had told us we needed a night's break. I think she could tell we were near the breaking point.

She had lent me a dress as well which she said she couldn't wear anyway because of the baby. It was a simple black and white number, sleeveless and slim fitting. She also lent me heels and a clutch claiming I needed a bit of luxury.

All of this creates the look of awe in Ethan and I grin at him.

"Come on, we have to go."

We were headed to a bar in town that Tom recommended. We descend the stairs towards street level together and make our way into town.

"This is going to be nice for a change." Ethan smiles, grabbing my hand and swinging our arms. We did this all the time when we were little.

"Yes it is." I grin up at him even in my heels. We'd been going okay lately. I hadn't paid heed to Panem and it made the days much easier to get through. The painkillers were lessening. However we were both working long hours in between taking care of Rye which became really taxing.

We reach the bar in about twenty minutes which is a very quiet sort of place; subdued but with a few people playing pool in the corner and the others lounging around listening to the soft music being played by a singer and guitarist on the small stage.

Ethan orders the drinks because he knows more Spanish than I do although I am picking it up slowly from being out in the city. We take a seat near the back of the bar in a quiet spot for two.

I slowly sip my drink as Ethan eyes me. "How are you going?" He asks.

I think about it. "Okay." I say truthfully because lately everything really has felt okay.

He smiles. "Do you think we're finally getting the hang of this?" A playful smirk reaches his lips.

I chuckle and sigh. "I hope so Ethan. " I take a deep breath. "They're not coming." I state. It's not a question.

He gazes at me for a moment. "No." He says softly. "But we can move on." His eyes are penetrating me, the sea green so intense. A shiver runs up my spine.

"I guess we have to." It's the conclusion that's been tearing at me for weeks which I'd only come to lately. "Be happy." I say.

Suddenly a liveliness take his face and a mischievous grin forms. "We can do that right now." He calls over to a waitress and orders another round of drinks. I smile and think, yes, maybe I could be happy.

"To a new start!" He toasts.

I take a deep breath and do what I had been doing. Forget. "To a new start."

Two hours later and all inhibitions, fears, and worries are out the window. We're on our…what? 6th round? There's a buzz to my head that is extremely welcomed and the world no longer seems as threatening. In fact it's glowing.

"Okay, okay." I stammer out in my perpetual giggly state. "So this girl- what's her name?"

He laughs and looks at me sheepishly. "You don't know her name?" I say much too loudly.

"I was young…" He tries to defend himself.

"So you wake up at her house, in her bed with no recollection of how you got there?" I ask him with a huge grin. "Then what?"

"I ran." He laughs. "Left the house and went home and avoided all her calls. Then two days later my mum came home and said she had something to say to me. Apparently it was her friend's daughter who I slept and ran with…"

My mouth hangs open. "You're terrible! I bet Annie killed you."

"Pretty much. Dad sort of laughed it off but mum was furious."

I shake my head and down the remainders of my drink. I call the waiter and they bring another round.

"I bet you have awful stories too." He says his face flushed with alcohol. "The amount of guys you've dated…"

"Not as many as you." I counter.

"Go on I want to hear."

And the night goes on.

We stumble home at about 1am our arms linked to keep us both upright. We're laughing crazily and being much too loud but at the moment nothing else matters. We stumble up the steps and shush each other so we don't get beaten by Elena and then dissolve into a fit of giggles when Ethan can't get the key in the lock.

"Let me! Let me!" I say excitedly. Working the key for a good minute before the door swings in. "Ta da!" I squeal as I saunter in alongside Ethan.

He looks at me with glazed eyes. "That was a good night." A lopsided grin forms on his face.

"Mhmm." I mumble and head to the freezer. I find just the perfect thing, a tub of ice cream. I hold it up to him with my eye brows raised.

"Good thinking." He says and he walks over to where I perch myself on the counter. He leans close as I hold the tub of ice cream and I feel the heat emanate from him.

"Here." I whisper dipping the spoon in and holding it out to him. His eyes never leave mine as closes his mouth over the spoon, slowly drawing back. I dip it back in the tub and get myself a spoonful.

"Thanks for tonight." I say softly as I hold out another spoonful. There's electricity in the air as he watches me.

I get drawn in by his eyes all memories and uncertainties washed away with the alcohol. Tonight really is a clean slate. I brush his lip where a stray bit of ice cream sits and suddenly the room melts away as his lips reach into mine.

There's heat everywhere as his lips move with mine. I feel his hands in my hair and I wrap mine around his neck. The kisses are urgent and filled with passion as our lips attack each other's. The pent up emotions fly high into the air. I feel his mouth pry mine open and then our tongues are dancing.

He pulls me closer and I wrap my legs around his waist and he hoists me up as we continue to deepen the kiss. In all the frenzy I am surprised when my back hits the mattress of our bed however it only spurs me on. I can feel his entire body pressed against mine, the strong ripple and pull of the muscles, the smell of him. His hands move from my hair and travel lower and lower down my body and even in our hazy state I know what is coming. Consumed by need and desire and most of all passion I don't hold back as the night progresses with ecstasy well into the morning.

* * *

><p>The morning brings a beautiful sun as I wake up and stretch, my limbs feeling like jelly. I have the first moment of confusion before last night comes flooding back and Ethan's arms tighten around me proving it was real. I can't help the small smile that creeps onto my face as I think about it.<p>

Last night was the first time I let go. Of everything. All the emotions, expectations and the memories.

It feels…_good._ Amazing, really. I have a vague sense of guilt that I squash quickly as Ethan begins to stir. I turn to face him and look him in the eyes.

"Hey." He says with a crooked smile.

"Hey." I grin back. His eyes are probing me, questioning.

I answer in the best way possible, leaning over and locking his lips with mine.

"Well I could get used to this." He smiles his voice gruff.

"Don't run off this time." I joke.

There's that small probing sensation at the back of my head again that I can't quite interpret. I take it away and forget it all. Accept everything for what it is. And begin again.

Because in the end, who among us does not choose to be a little less right to be a little less lonely?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Don't kill me just yet! I really hoped you liked the chapter though :)**

**First question, who do you prefer?  
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**Jake/Free OR Ethan/Free ? Let me know!  
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**Also in this chapter I opened and closed with two different quotes that I really liked. The first is from Andy Warhol from his book _The Philosophy of Andy Warhol._ The last is from Robert Brault who I'm unfamiliar with but I stumbled across.  
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**Lastly thanks again for all the lovely reviews and comments! I really appreciate it and I'm so happy that this story - which originally was just a random idea in my head- has come so far! Thank you everyone! Please review and let me know what you think!  
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	30. Chapter 30

_**Note: conversations written in italics are in Spanish.**  
><em>

_6 months later…_

It's a hectic morning like usual. The weather is just beginning to heat up again readying itself for summer. I whisk around the apartment prying Rye out of bed and making breakfasts and lunches. The radio is on, my morning ritual, reciting lively songs. As I make a sandwich I notice the sticky note tacked to the cupboard door.

_Pasta night, Tuesday, here_

I grin, shaking my head slightly as I open the cupboard and find a paper bag. Pasta night was now a tradition between Tom, Kim and us. We had it every week, alternating between the houses.

As Rye wanders out in a rumpled school uniform I hand him his breakfast. Ethan walks out a minute later hunting for food.

"Morning beautiful." He says sweetly and kisses my cheek before prowling through the refrigerator.

"Pasta night here tonight. I think ravioli?" I say with a smirk and point to the note Tom must have tacked on there late last night.

He grins. "Good he'll let me leave early then." He says. I laugh and go to pack up my paints.

"Ten minutes Rye." I warn him before flitting around the apartment finding the usual things to complete the day.

* * *

><p>"…and, and, I think we get to play basketball!" Rye trills excited things for the entire walk down to the school.<p>

"Oh that's great." I say as we cross the road towards the school gate.

He skips along happily as we walk through the school and head to where the little kids line up. There are already a congregation of mothers and children, the children running around while the mothers chat.

I see Rye wave to his friend excitedly and I bend down to hug him telling him I'll pick him up after school.

"Hello Freesia."A sweet voice sounds behind me.

I turn to find the mother of Rye's friend. Her name was Tanya. She was young but obviously older than me. Maybe 26. "Hi Tanya. How are you_?"_ I greet her while we make small talk.. After about ten minutes she bids me goodbye as she leaves with a few other mothers.

I don't bother hanging around after that. I'm pretty sure most of the mothers have some irrational dislike towards me, assuming that I'm actually Rye's mother rather than his sister. That's what their side long glances tell me at least. Or maybe it's because they've seen Ethan and they are jealous. Problem is Rye does actually look like our child. He's got tanned skin like Ethan's and my features. I shudder at the thought and I'm glad he's my brother.

I leave quickly after a final wave in Rye's direction, thinking of how Tanya the first morning I appeared immediately struck a conversation with me and soon befriended me.

Well, I'm glad there's at least one nice person in this place.

* * *

><p>"Ethan's home! Ethan's home!" Rye yells later that afternoon back in the apartment. I swear he can't be quiet for a minute.<p>

I hear the low rumble of Ethan's laugh as he grabs Rye in a bear hug. "How was school kid?" He asks.

I'm stirring the pot of pasta sauce, readying dinner for Tom and Kim's visit tonight. I hear Rye chatter on about his day excitedly to Ethan while I'm cooking so I get a fright when the arms wrap around me and I nearly spill the entire pot.

"Sorry." He laughs and kisses my neck. "Wow that looks amazing." I can feel his breath on my cheek and a take a deep breath so I don't attack him in the kitchen.

"Taste it." I hold out the spoon, remembering the ice cream incident that started this whole relationship. He holds my wrist and tastes the sauce. I know when his eyes light up that it's headed in the right direction.

"Great." He grins, heading to our room to change.

"They'll be here in an hour!" I call out.

Rye decides to help for the next hour by setting the table and laying out the plates. Fortunately only a fork was dropped and no plates smashed.

While I cook I think about our little family. Things had definitely changed for the better in the last 6 months. Everything seemed to have fallen into place. My relationship with Ethan had obviously improved, creating my childhood fantasy, as had Rye's behavior once we settled everything. We had seen a child psychologist a few times for him but once it all straightened out we hadn't felt the need anymore.

We were now really living here. Our name was even in the phonebook. Tom and Kim came around weekly, we worked, Rye attended school. I felt stable here in our apartment in our sunburned city. It felt nice to belong somewhere again. To belong _with_ someone again.

We are all ready in an hour by the time Kim and Tom walk in not bothering knocking. In Kim's hands she holds their baby boy, Oscar, in her arms. He's just a month hold. Oscar was neither a Spanish name nor a name native to either of their origins which always seemed odd to me since I was so used to the naming rituals in Panem. But even so he was gorgeous.

"Oh he's so adorable." I gush to Kim as Tom and Ethan take seats on the couch striking up a conversation they'd had the previous afternoon at the mechanics. Kim hands me the baby readily, glad to free her arms for a moment.

I sit on the couch next to Ethan cooing to the little baby. He was an extremely calm baby who rarely fussed or cried. Really he mostly slept.

Naturally Ethan's arm slides around me as we continue with the conversation. This was standard. Pasta night always began with a drink of something and a chat for about a half hour. Then we would dig into the pasta and finally the dessert.

"You look adorable with a baby." Ethan whispers in my ear causing me to blush. I nudge him in the stomach with my elbow before Tom interrupts.

"So Free, how's the artwork going?" Tom asks as I rock Oscar.

"Great actually." I say. "People have taken a liking to the paintings but mostly the portraits are really popular. I think word got around or something because I have tons of people coming to do it as presents and things. I'm starting to offer getting them framed as well."

"Who would have thought the little girl from Panem would be this successful?" Tom says with a sly smile which I send back to him.

"I know. " I chuckle. "Who would have thought?"

The evening flies by and at 9 o'clock they leave like usual.

"Better get ready for bed kid." Ethan says to Rye and he runs off to the bathroom happily. Once he's in there Ethan turns to me. His lips press to mine as my back hits the wall, his tongue grazing my bottom lip. I moan involuntarily and I can feel him smile against me.

"Good day?" He breaths, his face centimeters from mine.

I grin stupidly. "Great day." I whisper and peck his lips again.

* * *

><p>We decided that morning that Ethan would pick Rye up from school so I could stay out in the square for a bit longer. For a weekday Thursday was one of the busiest.<p>

I sit in the square along with the other artists who I now knew better and found that most were extremely pleasant. It was also easier now, to talk with them, after I had learned Spanish from both Ethan and being out on the street every day. By now I was close to fluent.

The chalk lady chats with me quietly while she takes a break. We talk about the weather, our families, but always the conversation reverts back to art. I paint while she chats, our busy street where the apartment sits ends up forming on the paper.

As I paint I brush the hair out of my eyes, my once long locks that hung to my waist brush my collar bone. It must have been months ago when Kim felt I needed a change. It was in the middle of our transition period, when everything was beginning to settle down. She said I needed to look like an artist and she soon realized my weak spot for shopping. I hadn't been able to go for so long through all the mayhem the past year of my life had been so I assented readily. It was frivolous and superficial, I know, but it had felt nice to enjoy some luxury. She had given me literally half her wardrobe while she was pregnant and now while she wasn't we simply traded clothes regularly.

My hair was another change, marking our fresh start. I had chopped off my straight long hair and now it brushed my collar bone, bouncing in slight waves due to the shortness.

All of this had helped us begin again and I had felt normal like I had for most of my life growing up.

And now this was my normal day, sitting in the square drawing and painting while I chatted to the other artists. Really, I was lucky. This was better than anything I had anticipated.

"_Excuse me."_ A voice invades my pondering. A smile at my next customer who points to a painting displayed. I exchange words and money with him and he leaves happy. I watch the hundreds of people who come and go through the square, painting until the sun begins to darken and I pack my things, bid goodbye to the rest, and journey on back home.

* * *

><p>I walk towards apartment just as outside is getting dark. I was out much longer than normal. Before I even open the door I can hear the loud laughter and footsteps on the inside. I can just picture those two bumbling around like idiots. As I unlock the door I find what I expect. Ethan and Rye are running around the apartment like mad men, Ethan trying to get Rye. Rye squeals with laughter jumping over the couch. Ethan gets him pretty quickly and tickles him until he begs for mercy.<p>

I watch from the front door with a small smile on my face.

Ethan looks up, his face flushed. "Hey Free." He grins a lopsided smile and strides over to me pecking my lips while I put my things down.

"You two look like you're having fun." I chuckle. "Don't suppose you made dinner?" I ask doubtfully.

"Done and dusted." He says proudly pointing to the stove where a bowl of soup and slices of bread sit.

"Wow." I say, surprised. "Guess I didn't give you enough credit."

He rolls his eyes and walks to the stove dishing the food up. "Are you going to ask your sister Rye?" Ethan asks turning to Rye where he is sprawled out on the couch.

"Ask me what?"

He looks at me a little sheepishly. "Well tomorrow it's my friend Jasmine's birthday…and I want to bake her a cake." He says quietly as if I might say no.

My heart melts. "Oh of course we can!" I exclaim. "We'll do it right after dinner."

His face lights up. "Really?" He asks with bright eyes.

"Yes. But first you have to eat all your dinner. Even the vegetables."

"Free!" He complains while Ethan and I share a grin.

* * *

><p>Laughter fills the apartment as the three of us, Ethan, Rye and I attempt to bake the cake. If I was doing it myself I'm sure I could do it flawlessly but of course that would no fun.<p>

After dropping several eggs on the floor Rye manages to get them all in the bowl and start to whisk them. He's got chocolate covering his face which is so adorably cute. As I measure out more ingredients Ethan suddenly runs into our room. I frown and watch him come out with a camera, a birthday present Tom and Kim gave him and snaps pictures of Rye and I laughing and making a huge mess. He messes around taking many pictures before I turn to him.

"Your turn." I say dusting a bit of batter on the tip of his nose. He grins and hands over the camera while I proceed to take as many pictures as I can. I get a great one as Rye stirs up a cloud of flour and both the boys are laughing hysterically.

"Free I want to take pictures!" Rye says suddenly looking at me from his perch on the counter.

"Okay wipe your hands sweetheart." I say.

He jumps down and comes over to me.

"Okay so you hold this very tightly, see like this?" I say placing it in his hands. "Then you point and press this button. Got it?"

"Yeah!"

I go stand next to Ethan as Rye tries to take the picture. He takes one where we are both smiling and as I get ready for the next Ethan's hand comes at my face covered in flour.

I scream loudly and try to dodge him but he still gets me. I hear Rye laughing and taking pictures. I dip my hand into the flour then and go to attack him however he's much better at blocking me and manages to wrap his arms around my waist and pull my body to his, preventing any escape.

"I hate you." I say although he knows I'm joking.

"And I love you." He says affectionately, kissing my cheek. My scowl turn into a grin and then he lets me go.

"Okay enough pictures!" I announce taking the camera. "We have to finish this cake!"

"Yes ma'am." Ethan salutes me and I roll my eyes.

In 30 more minutes and a number of food wars, the kitchen looks like a catastrophe and the cake is in the oven. Even so we all collapse on the couch saying we'll clean it up later. Rye sits on Ethan's lap as I set up the Game of Life on the coffee table, a request of Rye's.

"What color Rye?"

"Green!"

"Okay, Ethan can be red and I'll be blue."

"What? I don't get a choice?" He jokes with me.

I laugh. "No, never."

He gives me that look that says I'm impossible however the grin never leaves his face.

"You go first Rye." I say handing him the dice.

And the night goes on.

The cake is baked halfway through our game and I stand up to get it. So far I have three children and a mansion, Rye owns a townhouse and Ethan has nothing. I leave the cake to cool on the stove while we resume the game.

"…Hah I win!" I squeal as I finish counting my money a half hour later. Rye grins at me, while Ethan rolls his eyes.

"Cheater." He mutters.

"Just because you lost." I counter.

"You lost Ethan!" Rye laughs exuberantly at him.

He sighs and laughs. "Yeah I did buddy. Come on you better get ready for bed. School tomorrow. You can give Jasmine her cake."

His face lights up and he walks into the bathroom to brush his teeth much more willingly than any other night.

"We better clean the kitchen up." I say grudgingly as I rise from the couch. Ethan follows closely behind and begins to put all the pans and bowls into the sink while I run the water.

"You look tired." He says as he dries the dishes I wash.

"Mm, early night I guess." I hand him another bowl.

"Well actually I had some other plans for tonight…" He says with a smirk waggling his eyebrows.

"Oh did you now?" I raise my eyebrows. "Well maybe I could stay up for _that."_ I grin as I peck his lips. He has different ideas however, holding me to him and running his tongue against my lip, asking for entrance. I comply as he deepens the kiss until the little voice brings me back to reality.

"Free!" I groan as I pull away looking at Rye as he stands in the lounge.

"I'll read you a story soon Rye. Hop in bed and I'll be right there." I say and he runs off to his room. His behavior really had improved.

"Finish this up and I'll go deal with him." I turn to Ethan. "Ten minutes and then we can do whatever you had planned." I say suggestively as I saunter off to Rye's room.

It was going to be a good night.

* * *

><p>"…Tom? Tom! Seriously I need to go. You're making me late!" I say into the phone while Ethan waits at the door.<p>

"Okay, okay! Don't forget to come on Sunday!"

"How could I ever forget pasta night?" I say before hanging up.

I look at Ethan. "Okay, let's go."

Ethan and I leave the apartment hand in hand and started the walk to Rye's school. He was already there, having stayed there after school.

We sent him to school this morning with the cake however we don't quite know the result yet. I can tell when he's older he'll be sort of like Ethan. All the girls will be after him. I guess it's not surprising with the amount of boys in district 12 that took a liking to me.

Rye's whole year level is putting on a performance for all the parents, which technically isn't us but we might as well be. Some sort of play they were doing. Rye told me it was mainly in English but they had to learn some Spanish for it as well. He was really excited.

We enter the school along with the other throng of parents. They cast us suspicious glances but don't go beyond that. I see a couple of women look at Ethan and I tighten my grip on his hand possessively. We take our seats in the little auditorium where a stage sits at the front.

"This is going to be cute." Ethan mutters to me as we wait in our chairs.

I smile. "Yeah, it is."

The play starts theatrically as they play music from a CD player and the teachers usher the kids on stage. It really is adorable. They're doing some sort of fairytale common in this country but I'm not familiar with it. Most of the kids are dressed up as animals. I see Rye dressed as a lion along with his friend whose mother I chat with and we wave to him. He waves back excitedly as the children begin to sing something.

"That's his friend Sasha in the lion costume next to him." I whisper to Ethan as they sing. He smiles and nods continuing to watch.

The whole thing ends in about a half hour and all the children bow at the front of the stage proudly. We all clap and cheer. We go and meet Rye in another room as all the parents round up their kids.

"Good job sweetheart!" I say as I run up and hug him.

"Did you like it?" He asks hopefully.

"We loved it." Ethan smiles and ruffles his hair. "Great job kid."

We get him out of the lion costume quickly and get ready to head home. His teacher, a young women, gives us a friendly smile and wave, and I also quickly chat to Sasha's mother.

As we begin the walk home I finally ask Rye how his cake went.

"Jasmine was so excited Free! She said chocolate cake was her favorite and I told her I baked it all by myself!"

Ethan and I laugh and tell him how good that is.

Then Ethan comes out with, "So is Jasmine going to be your girlfriend?" In a teasing voice. I raise my eyebrows at him.

However Rye looks away shyly a blush creeping onto his face. "I dunno…"

I bite my lip holding back my laugh as I look down at my baby brother. How nice it is to be young.

* * *

><p>"You sure you don't want to come?" Ethan asks me that Sunday, as he kisses down my neck trying to persuade me.<p>

I giggle. "Ethan I have to do more artwork…" I whine knowing very well I'd rather come.

"Mmm, no you don't…" He mumbles as his hands grip my lower back. With all my energy I push him away.

"I'll see you later." I say with a smirk on my face. "Bye Rye!" I call.

They were having a boy's day out today while I needed to stock up some stuff for my display in the square. Rye was so overjoyed I nearly became concerned. Once they leave I get immediately to work taking out my paints and papers.

I'm halfway through a painting of the city when my phone buzzes with an incoming text. Ethan and I had bought cell phones about 4 months ago because it really made life easier.

I smile down at the picture that opens with the text, of Ethan and Rye holding huge ice creams in their hands grinning stupidly at the camera. _Hope you're having fun like we are, _is written at the bottom along with a winky face.

I laugh at the picture of my two adorable boys feeling blissfully happy that for once things were all right. I send back a message and am just about to pick up my paintbrush again when the landline rings.

I jump up quickly and run to the phone.

"_Hello?"_ I mumble in Spanish.

"_Is this Freesia Mellark?"_

"_Yes it is. How can I help you?"_

"_I am calling from Delfino Police, miss, we would like you to come down to the station. We have some matters that need addressing."_

My heart stops. No, no ,no! Where they throwing us out? I couldn't go back to Panem! I couldn't.

They would kill or capture us, I knew that without doubt.

There's a slight cough on the phone and I answer shakily, _"Yes, okay, I'll come down."_

I hang up the phone with shaky fingers. I feel sick. Why did they want me? I consider calling Ethan for a fleeting moment before deciding that I would see what the matter was before worrying him. It could be nothing after all…I'm not sure I believed that though.

I knew where the police station was but I would have to catch a bus to it. Luckily I was right on time for one.

My heart speeds as I sit on the bus while we barrel down the street. I try to take deep calming breaths but it doesn't work. I text Ethan that I've gone out and not to worry if he beats me home. I nearly tell him where I'm headed but I don't. No, I could do this myself.

I arrive at the police station in fifteen minutes. My legs shake as I walk in through the front entrance. The woman at the counter directs me down the hall. There a man greets me.

"_Hello Miss Mellark." _He is wearing a uniform and he appears stern.

"_Hello, what is this about?"_

His eyebrows furrow. "_A boat of refugees came earlier this week. They were tested. Some were rejected although one claims to know you. If you, as a resident of the city, were to identify him he would be granted access."_

Everything in my body runs cold. This couldn't be happening. "_Who?"_

He motions to a room to my right where I can see a man through the window. _"Jake Hawthorne."_

For a moment all I can sense is confusion. I raise my sunglasses from my eyes.

"_No this must be a mistake."_ I say and shake my head. Suddenly there's a pound on the window.

"Freesia! It's me! Free!" I hear him yell before I security guard stills him.

Jake was dead. He was gone, lost in Panem.

But as I lock eyes with him, grey on blue, I realize that what I've been telling myself is not true. This is Jake and he is very much alive.

The whole world seems to shatter. The careful life I've built is gone as I realize that someone else from Panem is here. Tears flow from my eyes.

I walk in the room to prove he is there. The minute I step in he breaks into a brilliant smile. I however react differently. I cry as he hugs me though I can't will my arms to move around him.

"I can't believe you're here Freesia. I love you so much."

I stiffen. The words bother me. I tear away from his grasp and face the guard.

"_Yes I know him."_

"_You need to fill out papers." _He tells me.

"Si." I say, I see Jake give me a shocked look as I converse rapidly with the police officer in Spanish. They lead me to a room without Jake where I fill out Jake's place of residence, which I put as my apartment obviously. I fill out my details cautiously worried that somehow this incident could impact me, Ethan and Rye negatively. Somehow this worry forms into anger at Jake. What was he doing?

After about 20 minutes they tell me I am free to leave. They bring Jake out and we exit through the front.

I feel intensely weird as I walk towards the bus stop with Jake. It's all wrong. How did he get here?

"Where are we going?" Jake says softly eyeing me carefully.

"My apartment." I say.

"Are you okay?" He asks doubtfully.

I pause. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

He doesn't answer. We get on the bus and wait the fifteen minutes before it arrives a block from my apartment. I can tell he is watching me. Trying to figure me out. I suppose I would look different to him than the last time he saw me.

I walk silently towards the apartment. All the elation I felt earlier has been wiped from me.

"How did you get here?" I ask quietly as we approach the steps.

He takes a moment to answer. "On a boat, like I assume you did."

I nod and open the door to the foyer of the apartment. There, stands Elena talking to a resident. She sees me immediately and greets me excitedly.

"_Hello Freesia! Oh, who is this handsome young man?" _

I try a smile and say he's just a friend. Jake doesn't know what is going on.

I lead him up the stairs to my apartment on the third floor.

"This is it." I say when I reach the door and shove the key into the lock. He nods mutely, watching me. I open the door wide for him and usher him inside. He sits at the table in the kitchen and I bring him a glass of water.

"Thanks." He mutters but his eyes aren't trained on my face. They're focusing on the pairs of shoes that lie haphazardly at the front door. I know he's realizing that I'm not here alone.

I grab some fruit out of the refrigerator along with some biscuits, placing them in front of him causing him to look at me.

"This is nice Free." He says with a tentative smile motioning to the apartment.

"Yeah." I say. I want Ethan to come home. I have no idea what to do.

Then suddenly a question comes to me. Questions I hadn't allowed myself to think about for a long time. After all they were irrelevant until now. "Where are my parents? Where's Lily? Are they okay?"  
>The questions flow frantically from my mouth as the panic sets in.<p>

I immediately regret asking once his face contorts in pain. "I don't know. I was split up from them in the Resistance and I never heard from them after."

Anger takes over me. What good is he if he doesn't even know where they are? I feel my eyes sting and I will myself not to cry.

I had done so well these months to forget it all and now it was coming back full force. I couldn't take it.

"Free I'm sorry."

"Yeah," is all I say, my voice thick.

Suddenly I hear the familiar footsteps by the door and the excited chatter. I leap from the chair just as Ethan opens the door.

"You home, baby?" He calls out while Rye says, "Guess what we did today Free?"

I freeze and I feel Jake tense. They're eyes land on us. Rye is confused I can tell that much. We'd drilled into him the fact they weren't coming back.

"Jake?" Ethan says in disbelief. "What…hey man!" He crosses over the threshold and grabs Jake in a man hug who still hasn't quite thawed out.

I notice Rye still at the door looking confused. I walk over to him.

"Rye, remember Jake?" I say trying to keep my voice steady. "He came back from Panem. Surprised us."

"But you said they weren't coming." He says innocently.

"I know I thought they weren't Rye. But he came."

"But mum and dad aren't." He says. "Or Lily."

"No sweetheart." He seems to accept this. "Why don't you go play in your room while we all talk?" I suggest. He nods and wanders away. I straighten up slowly not ready to face them yet.

"Free did you call Tom and Kim?" Ethan asks me breaking the silence.

I frown. "No." I say shortly unsure why I would have to in the first place.

"Are you going to…?" He asks carefully. I frown at him and give him a look that says I have no idea what you're talking about. "Pasta night tonight, remember?"

"Oh fuck." I mutter and stomp my way to the phone. I dial the number quickly. I can feel the eyes on me.

"Hello?" It's Tom.

"Hey Tom." I mutter trying to be cheerful. "Um, about tonight…"

"Don't tell me you have to cancel!" He exclaims in mock anger. "I don't think that's ever happened before actually."

"Tom, I'm sorry I'll explain later I promise. Give Kim and Oscar our love."

"Will do Freesia. Talk to you tomorrow." Tom wasn't the kind to impose and ask questions. I slam the phone down. I see Ethan and Jake had been discussing something. The friendship I glimpsed in the Resistance seems to have deteriorated fast. Their bodies are tense and their eyes angry. Right now they're staring each other down.

"Stop it you two." I say, smacking Ethan's head. He grumbles a little at me as I walk towards the fridge.

"Jake you're going to have to sleep on the couch until we can find some better alternative." I say to him with my back turned. Really all I want to do is cry.

"That's fine." He says a little tensely but I can still sense the sincerity. "Thank you."

I wander around finding sheets and blankets and make up the couch doing anything but looking in their direction. Ethan's gotten up and started preparing some leftovers for dinner.

"Ethan is there enough food there?" I ask a little tensely.

"Yeah." He says without turning. I wondered if he was angry with this change of events like I seemed to be.

I sigh and then wander in Rye's room to check on him and get out of the firing line. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

><p>The morning was awkward to say the least. I got up early like usual which in turn woke Jake. I could see the anger in him as I walk out of the room I shared with Ethan. It's hard to imagine they were friends not long ago.<p>

He made himself useful by helping me cook breakfast before either Ethan or Rye rose. We hadn't yet gotten to the serious subjects and questions of Panem so we made small talk which only made it more obvious just how much our relationship had been wrecked in these past 8 months. We didn't know each other as well as we did before. And I couldn't rid the feeling of guilt over Ethan and me.

Our relationship made sense back when we decided that there was no point waiting for anyone in Panem to come. Now however, I wasn't so sure.

"I'm sorry." I say softly to Jake as he sets plates on the table.

"For what?" He asks.

I shrug. "Everything." I say and leave it at that.

Ethan left for work like usual, kissing me, though I was too confused to really feel it. I walked Rye down to school by myself and returned quickly finding Jake leafing through a magazine on the couch. There's a small tense moment of silence before everything explodes.

"So you're fucking Ethan are you?" He says levelly from the couch, his back towards me. I can sense his anger bubbling just beneath the surface.

"Jake…" I warn him.

"What Freesia? You leave me and Panem and then get with Ethan? Forget about everything else that happened?" The words cut at me.

"What did you want me to do Jake?" I scream. I feel the tears begin to threaten. "I wasn't like you when I came here. I didn't know anyone, I couldn't speak the language, and I couldn't get a job! To top it all off I had to pretend to be a mother for Rye. You have no idea what I went through." It's as if a huge chasm has risen between us. The product of 8 months of separation.

"You didn't have to turn around and start fucking Ethan! You gave up on us!"

"Stop it!" I yell slamming my fist down. "It's not like I did it the moment I got here! We had to move on Jake. We couldn't live our lives; we couldn't help Rye if we kept on focusing on what we had lost. Yeah and losing you was the worst but you know what? I had to live to! I had to make this life bearable! I gave up, I did, because after 6 months I didn't believe there was a hope to you guys coming home. I'd thought I'd left you all to die and I could barely deal with that but I had to move on. Can't you understand that?"

He is quiet as he struggles for a rebuttal. I watch the pain flash in his eyes. "Do you still love me? Like you said back in Panem?"

I can tell any response I give will end badly. "Jake, I…I don't know." I say. It's true.

I watch the pain take over his face. "I came here for _you_ Freesia." He says quietly. "And I love you." He says before slamming the front door in my face.

* * *

><p>Ethan comes home six hours later. I'm an absolute mess because Jake has not come home. I frown at him for a moment, through my teary eyes.<p>

"Why are you home early?" I say in confusion. Then I spy his left hand holding Rye's, his school bag still on his shoulders.

My eyes widen. "They called me when no one had come to pick him up. They called you as well and said you didn't pick up. What the hell have you been doing?" His voice is biting at the end as he glares at me.

I burst into tears once again as I look at Rye. How the fuck did I forget to pick him up? It's only now I notice the blinking light on the answering machine indicating the call I missed when I was tearing the city down looking for Jake.

"Fuck!" I yell as I slam my fist down on the counter.

Ethan immediately takes Rye to his room and scolds me for swearing.

"Seriously Free, what the-"

His speech is cut off by the front door opening. In walks a very angry looking Jake.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I scream and launch myself at him. He doesn't expect me to do anything which is why he has no chance to block my fist that connects with his jaw. He jumps back in shock.

"Do you have any idea what you were doing? You can't-" Strong arms wrap around me choking off my screams just as I try to hit him again. A small part of me realizes that I've totally lost it but I don't bother to think about that.

"Calm down!" Ethan hisses into my ear as he drags me backwards. "What has gotten into you?"

"Me?" I ask incredulously. "Why don't you ask him over here what the hell he was doing running off!" My voice rises in volume, again too loud. Ethan shushes me.

"Calm down!" He tells me again. "Just go lie down or something alright? I'll deal with it." I glare at him for a moment before stomping to my room and slamming the door. Only once I'm lying on the bed do I think how our yelling must have upset Rye. But in my current state I can't do any consoling.

I can hear the voices of Jake and Ethan make a much more quiet exchange out in the living room. I try to tune it out before a few words catch my attention.

I listen in harder.

"…really tough time." That's Ethan.

"Yeah I can see. Is that why you got in her pants?"

There's a short explosion of grumblings from both before Ethan says, "Look I know this is hard. But we're not together just for sex. I care about her okay? She didn't jump on me, or me on her, the minute we got here. It took months and only after we decided that no one from Panem was coming."

"You shouldn't have given up."

"It was the only option! She was depressed. She was taking painkillers daily; I was worrying she would become addicted. For our sanity we had to move on. And yes, she didn't move on in the best way, I know. She shut everything out and pretended it didn't exist. So right now this must be tearing her to pieces."

There's a slight pause. "She wasn't okay?"

"What do you think? She gets put on a boat with me and Rye shortly after being tortured with no contact with anyone else. Of course she wasn't. I'm honestly surprised she came through like she did."

I stop listening then, as tears cascade down my cheeks. Ethan was right. I didn't move on well at all and now Jake was here and everything I'd worked on has been destroyed.

I used to love him I know that much. Was I still in love? I couldn't tell especially with this angry brooding Jake in the apartment.

I'd felt comfortable in my relationship with Ethan before this. I had felt like I loved him. It was mature and passionate. But now there was Jake.

What did I want? Who did I want?

I cry to myself on the bed, mulling between the two wondering how I could have possibly landed myself in this mess.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Jake is back! Excited? Of course Free still has to decide between the two :P I'll leave you hanging for a bit longer, sorry!**

**I hoped you liked this chapter! I really enjoyed writing it, I've had this in my head so long.  
><strong>

**Please leave a review, and thank you to everyone who has been reviewing/adding to alerts etc I really appreciate it and am so glad you love the story!  
><strong>

**Lastly this is what I pictured Freesia' hair to be: pretty-little-liars/articles/hot-or-not-ashley-bensons-new-short-hairdo  
><strong>

**Thanks everyone!  
><strong>


	31. Chapter 31

I wake with a start. I jerk so badly I wake Ethan up, his arms hugging me to his body.

"You okay?" He mumbles sleepily as I try to rid the dream from my mind.

I nod my head not trusting my voice. The dream of Lily was all too real. A shudder passes through me as the dream continues to swirl around in my mind. I want her back.

"Free?" I know he knows I'm not okay and that's when the tears start. I try to pull myself together as he hugs me and rid the images of Lily in my mind.

"You know it's going to be okay, right?" He asks as he holds my face in his hands.

I look away. I used to be able to pretend that it was all okay, back when no one was coming home. But with Jake here all I could think about was Lily.

I climb out of bed without looking at him and collect my clothes for my shower. I hear him groan in frustration as I leave. Jake's awake already as I head to the bathroom, reading a book. I ignore him as I walk past.

The warm water has a calming effect on my muscles which helps me pull myself together. As I gradually try to return to normal a new thought occurs to me.

I climb out of the shower and pull on my black dress quickly, drying my hair with a towel. I march out of the shower and go to Jake.

"You have to know _something._" I say irritably standing in front of him, hands on hips.

He looks up startled. "What?"

"Okay so you were split up from my parents. But what about other people? Who came here with you? What the hell happened back in Panem?" I nearly yell. Perhaps the water wasn't so calming after all.

Jake's eyes are wide before he looks away. He seems pained. It takes a moment before he looks back at me. "I don't really want to talk about that Free."

Anger flares. "You don't want to talk about it? There's a lot of things I don't want to talk about too but you're gonna have to!"

I hear the bedroom door click and see Ethan standing in the lounge. His eyebrows rise at me. I know what he's thinking. I throw my hands up in a huff and go to the kitchen.

As I dig around in the fridge I feel the arms around me. His lips at my cheek. I close my eyes and breathe deeply.

"It's okay." He whispers in my ear before letting go. "I love you."

I feel myself relax slightly, but only slightly because nothing anymore was 'okay'. I look up at him and he gives me a comforting look which I can't return.

"I don't know about your family but I know about Adam." Jake suddenly says in a small voice.

I whip my head around. "What?"

He remains silent, a pained look on his face.

"Know what?" I yell.

"He escaped." Jake says. "Well he tried to. They said that after we left for the Resistance he and Hollie were targets. They worked together to get out of District 12. There was a boat…I don't know how they found out about it. They nearly escaped but they were caught." He gulps. "No one knows what happened. But…they're presumed dead." Pain contorts his face making the bruise I put there seem harmless. Even if Jake didn't know Adam like I did he was still his friend.

"He's dead?" I whisper.

"Free, I'm sorry."

I have the all too familiar feeling of not being able to breathe. "No, no, he can't be dead!" I shriek.

I feel Ethan's hand on my back as I head into hysteria. Adam, my best friend for my entire life, dead along with Hollie. Because of me. If he didn't know me he wouldn't have been a target. He would be alive.

What about Lily….Adam and Lily thrived off each other.

I leap off my chair and run to my room ignoring the protests. I slam the door causing the window to shudder and slide to the ground.

Why does everything fall apart?

I don't come out for a long time. I hear them knocking. Truth is, I want to be alone. I want to brood in peace for my friends, my sister, my family. There was too much expectation, too much tension with the two of them.

When I do come out it's nearly dark, my eyes sore. I can't stop the tremor in my hands. Ethan and Jake are sitting on the couch.

I survey the room. "Where's Rye?"

"At Kim's." Says Ethan. And before I can say anything else he says, "_She_ called, by the way. And I thought it was a good idea too."

I don't know how respond. He gets up from the couch and uncovers something on the stove.

"Dinner's ready." He says quietly.

The meal is tense. I am the first to speak.

"Jake…" I falter.

"Yeah?"

"What happened with you?" I blurt out staring at my plate. A brief flash of my torture room comes to mind as I think of Panem.

I can hear him breathe. It's slightly ragged.

"You don't have to-" Ethan begins.

"No I want to." Says Jake, a determined look on his face. He meets my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"You sure you want to know?" He asks doubtfully.

I nod giving him encouragement.

"Okay. When they first infiltrated the Resistance I didn't have much time. I ran along with everyone else trying to escape. I think maybe…I think we were heading for the boat. We got blocked by the enemy, a lot of people died. I ran further into the forest in District Four along with two other people. We didn't know where we were going but we had to get out of firing range. Eventually we were totally lost. Walked around for days. One of the guys knew about a boat, knew where to go too, if only we could find where we were."

He pauses a pained look on his face. "I didn't know where my family was. I still don't. Eventually after weeks we made it back to District 4. We knew where the boat was. But when we got there…it was gone. We were too late." His voice cracks. "It was then we split up, the three of us. No point sticking around. I had heard at the Resistance about other escape plans. I made it to District 3 on foot. Took me weeks."

"District Three?" I asked, surprised.

He nods his head. "It got a bit hazy there. First I was arrested. I spent a lot of time in the jail in Three and eventually I got out once the district rebelled and everything fell apart. Ironically I followed a group from there to District 4 again. Got on a boat. That took a couple of weeks too, trying to organize a boat without the rebels seeing. We went practically all the way to Five before we got on it. Then I came here. I actually ended up about a hundred miles from here before they transported me."

He stops and runs a hand through his hair. I try to digest all the information he has just given me not appreciating the memories spurred by his description of the Resistance.

Eventually I come to a conclusion. "You had it rough." I say stupidly.

He scoffs. "Everyone did Free."

"Do you think boats will still be coming?" I ask hopefully picturing my sister, bound and gagged by the rebels or maybe safe in the arms of my parents.

He shakes his head. "It's getting harder and harder. You've already been here 8 months. I'm sorry but I'd doubt it."

I nod my head. Trying not to let the depression sink in or not to think of what that means.

That the chances of getting my family back are slim to none.

Later that night Ethan walks over to Kim and Tom's to collect Rye. I catch Jake staring at a series of framed pictures on the wall. I head over to him.

There is a picture of Ethan and Rye baking the cake together and then Ethan and I having a food fight with the batter. There's also one that Tom and Kim took of the three of us the day Ethan got his camera for his birthday.

Jake lifts his head to look at me, crossing his arms against his chest. "You really started over didn't you?"

There's a look in his eyes, not anger but…regret? I can tell he's thinking of that moment where he said goodbye to me at the Resistance, one of the first times he had actually left me. And if he hadn't I probably never would have been with Ethan.

"Yeah." I agree. And then I feel like I owe him an explanation. "Jake, I didn't want all of this to happen…but I couldn't cope. This," I wave my hands to the pictures, "is how I coped."

He nods slowly. "I know that. I just wish…I wish I was the one that came here with you. Not Ethan."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He says shaking his head. "I nearly didn't recognize you." He admits. "What with the clothes and hair…" There's a small smile on his lips.

"I needed to feel normal I guess." I say.

"I like it." He grins flicking the end of my hair.

I laugh a shaky laugh. "Yeah because I was really worrying about that." He smiles back.

"Look Free, I know things are totally different. So I'm not going to pressure you or run after you. You can make the decisions. But I want this." He motions between us. "I want the easiness and the laughter like just now."

I stare at him, thinking that just maybe, once again, this could turn out all right. "Me too." I admit as my eyes rake over his face. I still remember the feeling of his lips on mine.

"One step at a time?"

"One step at a time."

Ethan comes home later that night with Rye and I gladly get him ready for bed. I don't know what the other two are doing while I'm busy but I don't pause to think about it.

We soon all retire to our rooms though I find Ethan tense.

"You okay?" I ask carefully.

He doesn't meet my eyes when he says yes.

Something was wrong. I knew I was struggling with this change but apparently Ethan was too.

We weren't the same anymore.

* * *

><p>Life goes on. As always.<p>

It's in no way easy and most days I want to give up. Somehow I never do.

Jake continues sleeping on the couch until Ethan confronts me on the problem.

"We have to do something about Jake."

"Why?" I ask a little irritably.

"You know this isn't a long term solution." He says pointedly.

Something had changed recently. Ethan seemed more…defensive? I don't know but he seemed different. With Jake there was always some sort of tension. I however put my anger at Jake aside and tried to simply focus on coping.

I sigh. "What do we do? We don't have another bedroom."

"We could ask Maria if there was a one bedroom-"

"You want to throw him out!" I hiss.

"What else do we do?" He asks.

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. What do we do? Half of me wishes Jake wasn't here and things were back to normal. Then the other half is sick with anger for all my friends and family I willingly forgot. That and I'm constantly bombarded with memories from my time with Jake.

"Let's talk to him first." I finally say.

The talk of course hadn't gone very well. We were first confronted with the problem of money. Jake had none, he now worked with Ethan but he hadn't for very long. We had enough but only for us. We couldn't rent out another apartment.

We decided for now he would stay. I offered to sleep on the couch and Rye stay with Ethan but Jake immediately refused that and said he was fine. After all he'd slept on worse things than that couch.

Days dragged. Work and school took over. There was a distance forming between Ethan and me. The relationship was awkward now with Jake involved. I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. I wasn't sure of myself either. My stability.

However one day my decision was made.

The door slams loudly, I can hear it from Rye's room where we a card game.

"Ethan?" I call out warily.

Rye frowns at the door. "Stay here sweetheart." I say as I get up and head into the living room.

Ethan paces the room agitatedly. I was cautious seeing him like this for normally he was so calm. I was the irritable one. But I knew lately that had changed.

"What's wrong?"

He lets out a gust of air and turns the radio on.

…_Ongoing war in Panem. Sources report that the entire country is in rebellion; recently acquired information suggests a series of bombings rampaged the Capitol. Multiple boats have come to our shores seeking refuge against the violence however many have been intercepted over international waters. The hope for salvation is looking slim as the country continues…_

Ethan turns it off as I stare mouth agape.

"It's getting worse." He says shakily.

"Ethan-"

"Why was it him?" He says suddenly and the anger on his face is none I'd ever seen before.

"What?"

"Why did Jake come? Out of everyone that could have possibly come to us it had to be him! And now everyone we love are _dead _and he is here screwing it all over."

I stare at him, shocked. "Ethan you don't mean that." He doesn't. He isn't thinking clearly. After spending so long stressing about me he's finally broken.

He waves me off. "I knew you wouldn't agree with me. Because he's got you too!"

"What are you saying?"

"We," he motions frantically between us, "we're fine before he came. We were managing. He comes and suddenly you withdraw and shut down!"

His words sting and my anger takes over. "It's not just me! Ever since he's come you've been acting ridiculous! I'm sorry if you want your family in replace of Jake but I can't do anything about that!"

I know his anger is stemming from jealousy. I get to have the people that are special to me when he gets nothing. But me.

"Do you love me still?" He suddenly shoots at me. I'm reminded when Jake asked me the same question.

"Yes." I say however my voice wavers.

"That doesn't sound convincing."

"I'm _confused, _okay? I love you, I do, but Ethan after everything I don't know what I want. I don't know what's right! I don't know who I love in what way because everything is so fucked up! I was wrong to shut out Panem and forget everybody but that's what I did. And now since I'm not, this doesn't feel right Ethan."

Some of the anger has drained out of him. His shoulders slump. "I know." He mumbles quietly.

I pause. "You know?

His eyebrows furrow. "We're at each other's throats. We need to calm down and figure out what we really want."

He has a point. "Like a break?" I ask.

His eyes fall on mine drawing a deep breath. "Yeah like a break. Reassess our options and see if we still want this." He mutters thinking over the last months. "Because now it isn't working."

There's a small ache in my chest. "Okay, and maybe this mess will become clearer." I say before he kisses me on the cheek and leaves the room.

* * *

><p>After much thinking Ethan and I didn't improve. Even though we tried, there was something missing in the relationship. Now that Jake was here. After all, it started with a drunken night in a bar, how much potential did it really have? We had always been friends, and now I just think it odd it ever morphed into something else.<p>

In a month we decided we needed another change. Jake would move out. Elena had a one bedroom apartment upstairs right by Alexander. I didn't know Alexander well, he was quiet and contemplative. The opposite of Tom.

There was uncertainty in Jake's eyes with the arrangement. I had told him Ethan and I weren't together anymore. Of course my argument was marred by our double bed. Another factor adding to the awkwardness. Even so he didn't argue which somehow made me sad. Like he had given up. But I knew he wouldn't fight me. He would go along with my decisions.

I always seemed to be stuck with the decisions. And somehow I always chose wrong.

The first few nights were weird. I had gotten so used to being curled in Ethan's arms but now he stayed to his side of the bed. Eventually however it became normal. And eventually the longing look in his eyes also rid itself.

Jake never tried to make a move on me. For that I was grateful. I couldn't have reacted appropriately anyway. I wasn't exactly scared to admit I was scattered. My emotions torn. But it wasn't as bad as when I first came. Sadly I felt normal.

Tom had seemed shocked by the break up while Kim had merely nodded.

"Why?" He had asked.

"It wasn't right." I admitted. "We had run out of options really when we got together. It was a drunken night at a bar."

He had taken a long pause. "You know, between you two, I saw more than just a little comfort and convenience. Honestly it was like you had dated for years. I thought it would be long term." He said before smiling and diverting the topic.

That of course added to my confusion although I stuck with my decision. I didn't need boys, I needed friends. And Ethan and Jake were some of my best.

One day I had wondered whether, if it was Adam here with me and he was alive, would I have acted with him like I had with Ethan?

Days pressed on. We helped furnish Jake's apartment while he quickly made friends with his neighbor Alexander. He spoke broken English and Jake spoke broken Spanish.

There were occasional updates on the radio of other countries. Panem was sometimes mentioned however it was always the same. More war and more causalities.

I felt myself wondering constantly about Ethan and Jake even though I wished I wouldn't. Ethan was still similar, taking Rye out and staying a sort of father figure. Jake was also at the apartment most of the time and we talked regularly. I missed him. I missed District 12 when my biggest problem was hating Jake Hawthorne. I smile at the memories. He had certainly grown on me.

And there was Ethan…I enjoyed every minute I had spent with him much like Jake. And so my thoughts spun in circles as I pondered the two.

But for now I wouldn't torment myself with relationships. I needed to stay sane.

In the next months we spoke with a psychologist. We felt it may help. Especially now that I wasn't shutting out everything from Panem.

The lady was strange to say the least and, stylistically, she reminded me of Effie Trinket. She spoke in an infuriating slow and steady voice and constantly made references to things apparently I was thinking when they weren't even close. I terminated my sessions not long after.

What I found helped the most were merely friends. Tom, Kim, Jake, Ethan…these were the people that I felt helped me through. I talked about Lily and my family regularly now, I couldn't face going back to where I was.

It wasn't always easy, no. But we worked through it all, because in the end every one of us had our own nightmares.

After all, we were in this together.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: First of all, I apologise for the late update! Seriously, I feel awful. And also I know this chapter wasn't very long, it was originally a part of another chapter which got rewritten. ****Even so I hope you liked it.**

**Unfortunately for the next couple of weeks updates will be a bit slow, but from then once I'm on holidays I'll power through until the end!  
><strong>

**Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments!  
><strong>

**-Elli  
><strong>


	32. Chapter 32

_"to love life, to love it even_  
><em>when you have no stomach for it<em>  
><em>and everything you've held dear<em>  
><em>crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,<em>  
><em>your throat filled with the silt of it.<em>  
><em>When grief sits with you, its tropical heat<em>  
><em>thickening the air, heavy as water<em>  
><em>more fit for gills than lungs;<em>  
><em>when grief weights you like your own flesh<em>  
><em>only more of it, an obesity of grief,<em>  
><em>you think, How can a body withstand this?<em>  
><em>Then you hold life like a face<em>  
><em>between your palms, a plain face,<em>  
><em>no charming smile, no violet eyes,<em>  
><em>and you say, yes, I will take you<em>  
><em>I will love you, again."<em>  
><em>― Ellen Bass<em>

* * *

><p>"<em>Kids! Come on!"<em> I call out in Spanish as I watch them teeter their way towards me where I wait to cross the road. "_Hold hands!"_ I say cheerily while I grab Rye's.

Looking after Rye was hard enough sometimes, but two? I swear they were trying to kill me. He and Jasmine, his 'girlfriend', were having a play date and my energy was rapidly depleting. It's surprisingly hard to keep up the excited demeanor that you're supposed to have with little kids for an entire day.

Actually I was more surprised that Jasmine's mother entrusted her to me for the day. I guess being 20 I had a respectable amount of capability when it came to children. Even so…

We enter the market where we'll be buying lunch to take home. I greet one of my good friends Anastasia where she sells fresh bread. She reminds me of my father in the bakery.

I couldn't believe it had been two years since we moved here. Nearly three years since I had last seen Lily. Somewhere along the road, between Rye, Jake, Ethan and me, we achieved acceptance.

Hard to do, and the road was long. But so many arguments, breakdowns and fights later we had come out on the other side. Not like when Ethan and I first came and we suppressed the memories and made up for the loneliness in a relationship. But now, all of us, two years on are able to function and live our lives.

Once I collect the food for lunch we make the walk back. Spring had just started although I barely noticed the difference between winter.

I walk the stairs to Elena's apartment complex and enter on the third floor. Jake sits on the couch chatting animatedly with Alexander in Spanish in front of the television while I hear Ethan typing away in the study separated from the living area.

We'd moved apartments a few months after Jake moved out which was inconvenient but a tenant of Elena's moved out of a 3 bedroom. This was the best option considering the awkwardness between Ethan and I sleeping together had heightened. We tried, although never permanently got back together. Eventually it was necessary to alter the sleeping arrangements. Now Ethan, Rye and I had our own bedrooms while Jake stayed neighbors to Alexander. Of course he crashed on our new sofa bed we bought a few months back so often he practically lives here.

"_Hey guys." _I greet Jake and Alexander while the kids run in the room at full speed. I don't bother rounding them up until I've made lunch.

I walk over to the study where the half wall separates it from the rest of the room. "Hey you." I grin as I watch Ethan frowning at the computer. "Whatcha doing?"

He looks up startled. "Oh hey." He says. "Just doing this stupid thing for work…" He grumbles while I laugh. Ethan had changed jobs recently and now worked at the beach as a life guard as well as a swimming teacher which personally I thought was more suited to him. Jake still worked at the mechanics because he really knew everything about cars. I still remember him hotwiring Adam's for me.

"I'm making lunch." I tell him. "I'll bring you some."

"Thanks."

I move to the kitchen to prepare some rolls for lunch.

"How was looking after the little terrors?" Jake asks from the couch, his arm casually slung over the back.

I laugh. "Tiring. They run everywhere." I say just as they come running into the room from Rye's bedroom.

"Sit down kids I'm making lunch." I get a chorus of whining before they do as I ask.

As they chatter Jake walks up to me. "I watched the news this morning." He says.

I ignore the random comment and take on a teasing tone. "How? You don't even own a T.V." I laugh.

"You gave me the key remember." He says, reminding me that yes, I gave him a key to the apartment. And as much as I tease him about staying here, it is my fault.

"Fine. Why did you bring it up?"

"They had a short segment on Panem." I tense slightly however the anxiety is long gone. After two years that just happens.

"About what?" I ask as he starts layering the rolls with cheese and vegetables.

"They were saying that, from what they know, the war had died down. They say there's some stability. However the country is in a mess and it's still far from safe." I don't see how this is exactly good news.

"So what's changed?" I ask.

He shrugs. "It's getting better I suppose. They said they might even send in external help."

"Like from here?"

"Yeah."

I nod as I slowly process the information. Good. Panem was getting help. And good that the war was dying.

I look over to the picture frame in the corner of the room by the bay window. It sad on a wooden coffee table. I'd drawn Lily, mum and dad, the way I remembered them to sort of make up for the family photo I lost back in the Resistance. We'd all recognized it was worse to forget than to remember so the drawing sat as a testament to what we had lost. I'd also drawn others in my sketchbook, Adam, Finnick, Annie, Hollie, Gale…

"Okay kids, here you go." I say as I hand them they're lunch.

I walk into the study with a plate for Ethan. I sneak up behind him and he is so concentrated he doesn't notice. I lean my face by his ear and say boo. He actually jumps nearly toppling his chair which gives me a great sense of satisfaction.

"Jeez Free." He breathes as he snatches his plate from my hand. I'm laughing too hard to try to stop him. "You're crazy you know that?"

I sigh as I try to still my giggles. "Why do you have to work on the weekend anyway?"

He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. "I have to do this new first aid course. Extra qualifications. Of course the Spanish confuses me sometimes." He says with a lopsided smile.

I was surprised when he first said he would be a lifeguard and when he told me the pay he got. It was much more than I expected which was nice. Ethan was definitely suited to the beach.

"Well tell me if you need help translating." I say.

"I think I'll take a break." He says and rises from his chair. "Need help with the kids?"

"Not now but when they're running rampant later, they're all yours."

He chuckles. "Lucky me."

* * *

><p>I bounce Oscar on my knee now just over a year old. I coo at him at the same time and hold a toy in front of him.<p>

I put him down in his carrier once the waitress comes with our food. We're out in the city eating at Gran Vista Café right by the beach.

"Panem's been on the news a lot lately." Kim says as we dig into the food. It really is delicious and I can't help but shovel it in.

"Yeah. Apparently it's dying down. I mean the country's been in rebellion for over two years."

"Everything always dies in the end." She says.

I nod looking out towards the ocean. "I've never asked you. But why did you move here?"

A small smile sits on her lips. "Because of Tom. I never told you how I met him have I?" She asks.

I shake my head. "We always seemed to discuss how_ I_ got here." I laugh.

"Well Tom came from, a…disadvantaged background I guess you could say. Lived in a lot of poverty until his parents sent him to my home country for a better start. They could only afford to send him by himself so they stayed and struggled. I met him when I was in college, he had gotten a scholarship based on his lack of income and anyway he was smart. We both studied Spanish as part of our courses in college and so when our relationship became more serious Tom said he wanted to move here. I knew he wasn't quite happy living where we were so I said yes hoping for a fresh start."

"Well it worked." I smile.

She laughs. "Yeah. He became one of the boss' at the mechanics- he was always good with cars- and I got my first job as a lawyer, fresh out of college."

I remember she told me a long time ago she had studied law however she quit the job when she was pregnant to take care of Oscar. It explains where they got all their money from, with Kim being a lawyer and Tom running the mechanics.

"Did you ever go back home?" I asked.

"Yeah, we have been a few times to both our homes but it's not often. I email my parents usually."

"Sounds nice." I smile. I wish I could email mine.

"Would you ever go back to Panem?" She asks, picking up a toy Oscar dropped on the floor.

I sigh. "I doubt it. The country is a mess and I wouldn't know if I would be targeted. I don't even know how I could get there."

She nods her head and diverts the topic. "So how are the boys going?"

I laugh. "They're great. Jake barely uses his apartment though."

She smirks. "So I heard. Still not interested?"

I groan. "Kim seriously, will you ever stop?"

She laughs. "Come on Free, you're stunning and live with two gorgeous guys."

"Which I have both dated." I remind her.

"So neither was good enough?" She says with a sly smile.

I run my hand through my hair which I grew out again. It was now nearly to my waist though I still dried it in waves.

"No. The problem is they were both_ too_ good."

She laughs. "Oh how girls wouldn't kill to be in your position."

* * *

><p>As I wait outside the office my phone buzzes. I quickly reveal the two messages.<p>

_Good Luck! :D _That was from Ethan.

_Good luck Free! _That was Jake.

I shake my head and slip my phone back into my bag trying not to look too impatient as I sit in the foyer of the gallery.

I was meeting the owner of the gallery who had expressed interest in my work on a walk by in the square. It was out of pure luck that it happened. I'd been frenzied the last couple of nights trying to piece together my best pieces for hope that he would buy one.

I'd gotten better and better within the two years I'd been here. I painted or drew every day. I even started teaching an art class every Thursday afternoon to young artists. Of course, mostly I remained in the square with my fellow artists where I really felt at home.

My palms were slick and my heart fast when the door opened and the man gestured me inside the office. "Hola, hola."

"Hola."

"_So miss…Mellark? What do you have to show me?"_

I quickly reach for my various works inside the large case I was given as a birthday gift. I pull out the variety of pieces I compiled. Charcoal, pencil, paint, oil pastel, I dabbled in everything I could in the hope that one piece would resonate with the man.

He flicks through the first three of a sunset, city scape and abstract painting with a few nods however I know those do not do the trick. He stops after a couple more when he reaches a black and white sketch.

I thought that one might elicit a reaction.

I drew it on a rectangular piece of canvas paper where I ruled two separate slides with a black border.

The first slide was portrait orientation where the shoulders and head of a girl took the front. To be exact it was Lily however with her dark hair which I drew into a bun and the headband around her head she doesn't look a lot like me. Behind her the Capitol fills the rest of the frame, in its glorious buildings. The next slide which is landscape, shows the same sight of the Capitol however the girl is gone and the buildings are crumbled and smoking. It was an image I had seen on the news when the Capitol had been bombed. The image I had seen had been an aerial view however I drew it in the orientation of a person. In the corner of the panel an unidentifiable body lies on the ground.

"_Where is this?" _He asks as his eyes scrutinize the picture.

"_The Capitol in Panem."_

"_Well this scene would definitely promote a reaction. Panem isn't necessarily well received."_

I tense for a moment wondering if in fact, my radical move did not have the wanted effect. Would he turn me down?

"_I'll take this." _He says suddenly. _"Congratulations Miss Mellark. Keep producing pieces like this and you could have a very successful deal on your hands with the gallery."_

We negotiate the final price and I leave his office positively buoyant. I just sold a piece to one of the big galleries of the city! If I could keep this up I could make myself known.

Images flood my head of the possibilities I could draw. To weave a tapestry of Panem that was real and emotive from a native.

I head home quickly and swing the door to the apartment open like usual finding Rye, Jake and Ethan. The three of them seem to be in some sort of wrestling game and Rye is screaming for mercy.

"I sold it!" I announce to the room and their heads whip around.

"Really?"

"Congratulations!"

The three of them come to give me hugs. That night we crack open a bottle of champagne and celebrate that we were moving somewhere.

* * *

><p>The T.V buzzes and hums to life as I dare to peek at the news. I watch a few sections on various problems within the country. A riot in another city, murder somewhere else before they flick to international news. One country is selling weapons to another and I listen to a rant for a while. Eventually they flick to what I thought they might. Panem.<p>

Lately news of the country had frequented the news more and more as the country deteriorated and lost its power to secrecy.

A dark haired reporter comes to the screen, one I recognize from the other night.

"_As Panem's situation continues to deteriorate more and more people are fleeing the country, crossing international waters. The government has fallen leaving the country in a state of destruction and many citizens fighting for their lives. As a result of the horrendous war external help and reinforcement is being sent into the country to aid citizens."_

So Jake was right. They were sending in help. A new thought comes to my mind. Something I never thought I'd think again.

My heart begins to beat rapidly as I contemplate the idea. Was it possible? This could be my final shred of hope. The perfect opportunity.

If only-

I shriek as the couch suddenly dips taking the weight of another person. Ethan stares at me wide-eyed.

"Sorry…"

"I didn't hear you come in." I say, my voice shaky. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts.

I quickly switch the television off extinguishing the picture. I shake the idea from myhead. I wouldn't tell them. Not yet.

"How was work?" I ask.

"Hectic. Had a resuscitation. Did you sell anything today?"

I nod although I'm a little distracted. "Yeah. I started working on some new pieces that hopefully could be bought if my piece in the gallery is sold."

"Of Panem?"

I nod. "They like the emotion and the realness of it. I can tell a pretty confronting story through the artwork. They like the radical stuff."

I rise from the couch and head to the cupboard to take out a mug. "Want a coffee?" I ask without turning.

"Sure." He says easily.

I think of Panem and the news. I think of my life here with my friends and family.

The idea comes back as I make the drinks. Ethan doesn't ask what I'm thinking.

* * *

><p>I walk down the street a week later with Jake by my side. It's hot, like usual, the sun beating down. We walk along the path next to the beach heading to a small open bar that sits on the sand under a grass umbrella.<p>

"What do you want?" Jake asks me as we sit on the stools built into the sand.

"Ah, Malibu." I say.

"You're Spanish is good." I smile once he has ordered our drinks.

He scoffs. "I'd hope so after, what? A year?"

"Mmm, well it took me ages to get the hang of it." I laugh remembering Ethan and Elena attempting to teach me.

"I must be smarter." He smirks as he picks up his drink that the bartender just put down.

I take a sip of mine and relish in the heat that courses down my throat. "This was a good idea." I tell Jake, raising my glass.

He grins. "Told ya."

As we chat I reach over the empty seat next to me and grab the daily newspaper that lies abandoned.

"How's work?" I ask as I flip through.

He bobs his head repeatedly taking another gulp. "Yeah, good."

"Well, you were always good with cars." I say.

He laughs loudly. "Yeah especially when you call me in the middle of the night so we can steal Adam's car."

My mouth tilts at the memory before I remember the aftermath of that night. The crash. "We've come a long way since then haven't we?"

"Well," he says opening his arms wide, "now we're 20, on the beach drinking Malibu, far away from Panem. So, yeah you could call that a long way."

He doesn't mention the fact that we aren't together like we were back in Panem but I know he is thinking that.

I think of Panem. "I just wish they were all here. Adam, mum, dad, your family. Drinking on the beach."

He nods his head sadly. "I know. But we're doing okay. We haven't screwed up Rye yet."

"That's not even funny." I say although the corners of my mouth tip up. "There hasn't been much news of Panem lately." I say as I flick the pages of the newspaper.

"Well it's hard to get the news in the first place." Says Jake.

"True." I agree.

"It seems like a lifetime ago when we were visiting the Hob or I was trying to get you to like me." He gives me a grin before finishing his glass. He flags down the bartender and orders two more.

I laugh. "Well, we were just kids."

Once the waiter returns he passes me another glass and raises his own. "To not being kids anymore." He smirks.

"To being all grown up." I say and we clink our glasses together and take a huge swig.

"What's that?" Jake asks as he looks over my newspaper. He points to a segment on the next page.

It's titled _Refugees Return._ We skim it suddenly quiet as we read the article on Panem. It details briefly the assistance that is being put together by this country and another in order to help stabilize the country. I'm not sure why they're helping but they are.

However one line catches my eye. _A few refugees have chosen, against advice, to travel back to their home land Panem. While still extremely dangerous and unstable they return to their home in search of family. It still remains unsure whether these refugees will be able to enter the country and escape the violence…_

There's the idea again.

"Why would they risk it?" Jake asks. "They'll probably be killed. The country is the worst it's ever been."

I nod my head in fake agreement as I consider the idea.

We stay in the bar for a while longer drinking more Malibu talking more topics. The beach was calming and I enjoyed the tranquility with Jake.

When we leave I hear a wolf whistle and turn to see a few guys eyeing me off. I smirk and turn back around.

"Want me to punch any for you?" Jake whispers in my ear.

I laugh and shake my head. Not everything had changed.

* * *

><p>"What's up?" Ethan asks as I storm in the room. He looks up from the book he was reading while Jake pokes his head out of the refrigerator.<p>

I'm agitated and I keep wringing my hands. I have been thinking over and over the idea. I can't stand it anymore and I have to tell them.

"I want to go to Panem." I blurt out.

Jake bursts into laughter from the kitchen and resumes rummaging coming out with a slice of pizza.

"I'm serious."

"Sure you are." He says as he saunters over to the couch, patting my shoulder on the way.

"Jake!" The frustration is clear in my voice.

"Come on Free, what are you on about?" Ethan says setting the book down on the coffee table.

"I want to go to Panem." I say again. Slower this time.

"No." Ethan says finally. "No."

"Why not?"

"Hm, maybe because you'll die?" Jake says sarcastically.

"Free it's not safe." Ethan reasons.

"People are going there! They're sending in help! I could find my mum and dad! Lily…"

There's pity in both of their eyes as they watch me. "Free the chances of them being-"

"They're not dead." I argue.

"It's been over two years."

"I'm not losing hope." I whisper.

Ethan stands and crosses the room. "Free I know why you want to do this, but we can't risk losing you. Rye can't risk losing you. It's just not a smart plan of action."

I falter. If I was hurt or attacked or captured in Panem I wouldn't come home for Rye. He'd already lost the rest of our family. How could he lose me?

"There has to be a way we can get to them." I say softly looking down at my shoes.

"Look we'll find a way. But none of us our risking our lives."

I knew the decision was final. That didn't make it any less upsetting.

* * *

><p>In four months I've sold 5 pieces to the gallery. I vented my emotions through my work because as much as I wanted to I couldn't find my family in Panem. I was slowly creating a name for my radical and foreign pictures. I'd even tried to take to photography to broaden my ability.<p>

I've also taught art classes and sold work in the square so it's fair to say I've been successful.

I'd broached the topic Panem multiple times but the answer was always no. After all, my parents had not risked their lives to let us die.

Today however was different. I was going to the immigration office not with Ethan, not with Jake, but with Tom. Because he actually knew what he was doing out of all of us.

We would check the list of refugees to see if anyone from Panem had surfaced that we knew. My hopes were on Lily. In the last four months the country had fallen apart even more. Now some other country was infiltrating Panem, ruling the government and building the country back. I would have been happy about this if I didn't recognize the greed of the country's want for more land and power. In a strange way Panem had a lot to offer.

"You know this might not work?" Tom asks me with a careful look on his face.

"Yeah, I know." I sigh. "But it could."

"Yes."

This was really our last hope. For now we still couldn't enter Panem safely so against all odds we were praying that Lily, mum and dad had made it here. If they weren't I wouldn't see my sister for years, if ever.

Tom walks me into the building and speaks with the staff, his Spanish much more eloquent than mine. Our course of action was bribery. Tom had insisted on giving us money for this. He said if they were wary money should persuade them.

I just wanted to see those files.

To my relief I see the person nod. I hang my head not in grief but in relief. Tom nudges me as we enter another room.

"This is it." He whispers to me.

He gives the three names we are looking for. Lily, Peeta and Katniss Mellark.

_Please, please, please…_

I want to cry so badly. I can feel the lump in my throat.

The search of the database seems never ending and I wring my hands continually.

And then she says the words. _"I found a match."_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Hope you loved it! **  
><em>

_**So I finished this chapter much faster than anticipated and I didn't want to keep you all waiting, so here it is!  
><strong>_

_****Now, who do you ship?****_ Free and Ethan or Free and Jake? Come on I want to know! If you haven't said here's your chance.**_  
><strong>_

_**Thank you everyone for the support! And this time I mean it when I say we are actually nearing the end. Only a few more to go :(  
><strong>_


	33. Chapter 33

_Note: Sadly this is the last chapter before the epilogue! Originally it was split in two, however instead I've written it as one long chapter._

_Also note, the places I list in this chapter, Valencia and San Mateo, while being real Spanish towns and cities do not hold any significance of their real size or situation within the story. I'm only referencing them for their names._

_Enjoy._

* * *

><p>"<em>I found a match."<em>

Match. A match. They're here, they're alive!

My breathing speeds, my limbs quiver, my body goes haywire at the information. This is what I had been waiting for….

"_How many?"_ I hear Tom say.

"_One." _ And like that the world comes crashing down.

"_Who?" _I demand.

"_Lily Mellark."_

Oh god. My chest feels tight, my breaths shallow. No, no, no, where are my parents?

As my thoughts spiral out of control I hear Tom negotiating where she is being kept and I hear him say thank you and lead me back outside the building. He knows I'm losing it.

"How is there only Lily?" I ask. But I'm not really asking Tom.

"I don't know Free." He says sadly, his arm around my shoulders. "But we can get her out."

One out of three. Well I could have gotten none.

"Come on, let's go home. We'll sort out what to do from there." Sniffling I step into his car.

I know I should be happy that Lily is here. I should. But conflicted feelings run through my body.

"Where is she being held?" I ask him.

"A hospital in San Mateo."

And if possible I become even more scared. Why was she in a hospital? But I knew she was held captive for over a year. So really, I knew why she was in a hospital. It didn't make it any better.

We reach the apartment complex and I stumble up the stairs and into the apartment. Only Ethan is there. After all it's a Tuesday and he has the day off.

He turns around when I open the door and rises immediately once he sees my tortured expression. He holds out his arms and I run into them. His hand strokes my hair comfortingly until I can finally say what happened.

"Lily's here." I mumble, pressing my face into his shoulder.

I feel him freeze. "What? Why are you crying?"

"Mum and dad aren't. She's in a hospital too." My voice is muffled by his shoulder.

I feel him sigh and pull my body away from his, his hands gripping my shoulders. "When do we go get her?"

You'd think after so long, after all my near death experiences to get her back I'd be raring to go. But the truth is I was too scared to see what I'd find.

"I'm not taking Rye." I say decidedly. If Lily was crazy then he couldn't be there.

"Kim and I will take care of him." Tom says from behind me. "I'd think he'd be happy at our house."

I nod. "Okay."

"We'll leave today?" Ethan asks. "Where is it?"

"San Mateo." Tom says. "Come on, I'll show you a map. If you drive…should take you about 6 hours."

Lucky we bought a car in January….

"What about Jake?" I say suddenly.

Ethan turns, an arch to his brow. "Do you want him to come?" He asks.

I think for a moment. "No." I wouldn't be stuck between the two of them again. And after all Ethan knew more about this country than he did. He'd been with me the entire time.

"I'll call him and tell him what's going on." Ethan reasons.

"Okay." I say gratefully.

I feel useless as the other two whizz around the apartment organizing this and that. I move to my bedroom and then to Ethan's shoving a bag full with a spare change of clothes and toiletries. I didn't know how long we'd be.

When I'm finished Ethan has a printed map in his hands but he's looking a little flustered. His gaze shifts to the bag I'm holding. "Thanks."

"No problem." I say and he motions me towards the door. Tom kisses me on the cheek and wishes me good luck while clapping Ethan on the shoulder. We descend the stairs down to street level.

In twenty minutes we're on the road and I'm the most scared I've ever been in my life.

* * *

><p>"How are you holding up?" Ethan says taking my hand that was resting on my knee. The radio plays its lively tunes.<p>

We'd been driving for 3 hours taking a small break every hour or so.

I smile a grim smile. "Badly I guess." He squeezes my hand.

"She'll be okay. Trust me. She's strong like you and you pulled through."

"She went through more." I argue.

"I disagree." I look over to him curiously. "You took down 13, you got kidnapped too, and then you had to move here and raise Rye. She's gone through different stuff but you've gone through a hell of a lot too."

I think about that. "Maybe." I assent.

"You can do this, I know you can." He says kindly and squeezes my hand.

Somehow Ethan always made me feel better. He knew what to say.

The next three hours are painfully slow as we make our way to San Mateo. It's only when Ethan parks in the parking bay do my nerves really kick in. I step out of the car, my body quivering, he comes around my side to meet me.

"You okay?" He asks seriously.

I take a deep breath. "No, not really."

He surveys me for a moment before taking my hand and squeezing it. "Let's go." He says and pulls me along.

The woman at the counter greets us and when we give Lily's name a look of relief overtakes her face. I'm not sure how to interpret that. She pages somebody and then sends us on our way.

When we reach the door to Lily's room a doctor intercepts us.

"_You are Lily Mellark's family?"_

"_Yes." _I nod vigorously.

He nods and looks at a chart. _"Before you see her I'd like to fill you in on her condition."_

I feel Ethan's hand squeeze mine. Grudgingly I say, "_Yes, okay."_

"_Now while we have treated her physical injuries she has been seeing a psychiatrist. We've given her various medications however she refuses to speak a word to anybody." _Surprising since she doesn't speak Spanish, I think contemptuously. _"She doesn't quite seem to be in touch with reality. So before you see her, I would prepare yourself for her to continue being unresponsive."_

I choke back the tears that are threatening to fall and nod my head.

"I'll stay out here." Ethan whispers in my ear.

"No! I want you to come with me." He appraises me for a moment before nodding his head.

Very, very slowly I move my hand towards the door handle and turn it. I feel the mechanism click. I pause, take a deep breath, and then walk in the room.

The sight before me breaks my heart. There Lily sits in the hospital bed, rail thin, her hair matted her gaze downcast staring at a spot on the floor. Her eyes are unfocused and I can tell she's not seeing what's around her. I see what the doctor means.

Please respond to me….please…."Lily?" I say quietly. No response.

"Lily!" I say desperately.

Her head whips around then. Her eyes and cheeks are sunken but I can see the shock written on her face.

"Fr…Free?" She whispers.

I sprint towards her bed tears streaming down my face. I take her body in my arms and cry into her shoulder.

"You're here, you're here." I chant over and over. I feel her body shaking with sobs in mine.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again." She says in a tiny voice.

"I know." I whisper.

I'd been so busy these last two years, I had gotten so used to Lily being merely a drawing, that is was like ripping open a wound again. Grief struck me for my parents, and the awful things that happened to my sister. With her here right now, I couldn't fathom being without her for so long.

After a really long time we pull apart from each other. For the first time she looks to the end of her bed.

"Ethan?" She asks in disbelief.

"Hey Lil." He smiles, his voice gruff. He comes over and gives her a gentle hug.

"You two came here together?" She asks and I know she's referring to the country and not the hospital. Her voice is so much frailer than I remember.

I nod. "Rye and Jake are here as well." I tell her.

A look of relief takes over her face when she realizes her baby brother is safe.

"Lil…where are mum and dad?" I say it as gently as I can but even as I say it I see her shut down. She turns her head away suddenly and hugs herself.

"Lily?" I try again, trying to coax her into looking at me.

"I don't know!" She suddenly shouts before dissolving into tears. "I don't know…" Her voice breaks.

"Okay, okay, that's okay Lil. Shh. It's alright." I say as I hold her again and let her soak my shirt with tears. I exchange a scared look with Ethan.

"I'm sorry…"

"No, no, it's not your fault." I quiet her.

When she's calm again I don't ask her any more questions for fear of overwhelming her. Instead I let her talk as much as she wants to.

"Where do you live?"

"A while away from here. A place called Valencia. It's right by the beach."

She smiles a tiny smile. "Ethan would like that."

I hear him chuckle. "You bet I do."

"And you two live with Rye and Jake?" She asks in a small voice.

"Just Rye." I say. "Jake lives in an apartment above us. But he crashes at ours most of the time."

She nods slowly. "Okay." She says and I can't tell what she is thinking. It's strange for me considering I could nearly always read her.

A knock at the door startles me and a doctor walks in asking to speak with both me and Ethan. We walk out into the pristine corridor.

"_When can I take her home?" _Is the first thing I ask him once the door clicks shut.

"_Tomorrow. If she can show she can function on her own, for example speaking with the nurses and eating food she can go home. Where do you live?"_

"_Valencia."_

He sighs and nods. _"I would recommend her seeing a psychiatrist in Valencia until she becomes better. I can give you a number of one."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You can stay at the hospital tonight and if all goes well you can leave tomorrow."_

I sigh and Ethan's wraps his arm around my shoulder giving it a squeeze.

"_Thank you."_ I say again and the doctor nods and leaves.

When we reenter the room I see Lily is looking a little lost again. "Guess what?" I ask attempting to bring her back to reality.

She starts and then looks at me expectantly.

"You get to go home tomorrow."

Her face appears like she thinks I am joking before blanking out again. A cascade of emotions move across her face until she looks at me in the eye. "Not to Panem." She mutters quietly.

"No," I say softly, "our home here. You'll like it, I know you will."

"I don't want to think about Panem." She suddenly mumbles.

I frown. "Okay."

"I can't stop though." She says and the look on her face is one of pure torture. I swallow thickly and take a deep breath.

"Well, I'll tell you about our home here then. And then you don't have to think about it."

She nods like a small child as I sit in the chair by her bed and slowly paint a picture of Valencia with words. The market where I buy the groceries, the beach where Ethan works, our friends Tom and Kim, the apartment building, Elena…I go on and on giving her beautiful images until the scared look leaves her eye and she falls asleep.

Once she's unconscious Ethan tiptoes over to me. "I'll go get us some food okay?" He whispers.

I nod noticing that I'm starving. "Yes, okay. Thanks."

He leaves the room as quietly as he can and I watch the sleeping form of Lily. I didn't know if it got better from here or not.

* * *

><p>I'd made a point of explaining to Lily that she needed to cooperate with the staff if I was to take her home today. She'd very reluctantly, shooting me glares that weren't at all menacing, ate her food and accepted to take her medicine.<p>

I knew trust was a huge thing for her now, and the only person she trusted was me. So I repeatedly told her it was okay and that I trusted the medical staff.

Luckily, that is how we made it out and driving down the highway heading home. She was wearing my spare change of clothes because apparently her others were so wrecked they threw them out. I offered to drive but Ethan said no and told me to sit with Lily in the back.

She is a bit vague as we drive, seeing the landscape for the first time. I still don't know what happened or how she got here but I wouldn't press her for information just now.

After a very long time she asks me. "How's Rye?" Her voice is still timid.

I smile at her trying to convey that it's okay. "He's doing great. He goes to school; he's got lots of friends there. He turned seven not long ago."

"Seven…"She mutters and I see tears threaten to fall. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

"I last saw him when he was four." She says blankly.

"I know. He missed you a lot though."

She nods and a small smile creeps onto her lips. She leans into me then, staring out the window as we continue to drive and I hope that everything will fall into place once we reach home.

We get back around 3 o'clock, Ethan drops us off by the complex and then drives off to retrieve Rye from Tom and Kim's house. I show Lily up to the third floor and to our apartment door. I assume Jake would be in here so I tell her that before we enter so nothing startles her.

I prove myself right as I open the door and there he is lounging on the couch.

"Jake, look who I have." I say. His head whips around quickly to look towards the door.

His face lights up in a grin and he leaps off the couch. "Lily!" He yells before racing over to her and pulling her into a bear hug.

"Easy on her!" I warn him as I see her flinch slightly. Once she's recovered she timidly hugs him back with a smile on her face. He puts her down and I take her hand. "Come on, I'll show you my room."

For now, she'll be sleeping in my double bed with me. I show her the room and she inspects it slowly lightly touching all my things.

It feels surreal as I watch her walk around my room. I can't really process that she is here even though she stands before me.

I hear the front door open as she wanders my room. I look behind me and there's Rye, holding Ethan's hand.

"Come here sweetie." I say as I motion to him with my finger. He runs towards me with a hopeful smile on his face. "Look who's here!" I whisper to him and then move from the doorway to reveal Lily.

Rye's squeal is deafening and the smile on Lily's face is the biggest I've seen. He runs towards her and she bends down to hug him and I notice the tears on her cheeks.

"I missed you so much Rye." She says into his hair.

"Free said you wouldn't come back." He says and I can hear the shake in his voice.

I freeze not knowing how Lily would react. "I was surprised too." She says calmly. This is the most in touch I've seen Lily and I breathe out a sigh of relief.

When they part I lead her back into the living room. Her eyes shoot to the corner of the room near the closet. I follow her gaze to the coffee table where a sketch of mum, dad and her sit.

"You drew me?"

"I went through a bad time when I tried to forget. I wanted to remember you somehow."

Her eyes glisten. "You draw better than I remember."

I laugh. "Well, I've been practicing. Are you hungry?"

She nods tentatively and I move to the kitchen to make lunch while she sits at the table.

"Tom said once we're settled he and Kim would come around to say hello." Ethan mutters to me in the kitchen.

I nod. "That's nice of them."

He helps me with lunch until all of us are crowded around the table. "What language do they speak here?" She asks absently.

"Spanish." I say.

"Can you speak it?"

"Yes. We learnt it a while ago."

"How long have you been here?"

I pause. "2 and a half years?" I see Ethan nod.

"All of you?"

"Jake came later. After we had lived here nearly a year."

She nods at all the information and it kills me not knowing what she's thinking. The day progresses with her small questions until she seems satisfied with the answers, slowly building an understanding of our life here. No one mentions anything of Panem or Adam and I'm dreading getting to that moment when we reveal everything.

* * *

><p>When I wake in the morning I feel horrible. I'm much more tired than I should be. Lily had woken up multiple times in the night with nightmares screaming for things. The first time Ethan had sprinted in the room wondering what was going on. The second, third and fourth time he hadn't come in. Eventually I gave her a light sedative I found in the bathroom cabinet which I hoped knocked her out for the rest of the night.<p>

I roll over and see that she is not awake. I gently creep out of the room and into the living area deciding to check on Rye. I hope she hadn't kept him up. But when I poke my head in his room he's not there.

Panic shoots through my body. Where is he? I scan the living area, study and kitchen but he's not anywhere. As I truly begin to lose it I run to Ethan's room to wake him up. However as I open the door I find two bodies under the blankets, one much smaller than the other.

There lays Rye, hugging a toy dinosaur next to Ethan who's sleeping soundly. I breathe out a sigh of relief and gently close the door. I retreat to the couch with my head in my hands. Disaster averted. I assume Rye got scared last night and with Lily he couldn't exactly come sleep with me. For more than the first time I'm glad that Ethan is here with me.

As I calm down on the couch I hear a rummaging in the bathroom. I frown, going to investigate. I peek through the door and see Lily trying to see into the cupboard above the sink where we keep all our medicines.

"What are you doing?" I ask and her head whips around revealing the bottle of painkillers she has in her hand. Luckily for her, they're identifiable by the picture.

"My head hurts." She says quietly.

"How many did you take?" I demand, now slightly angry.

"Two?"

And I snap. I stride over and snatch the bottle from her hands. "You can't even read the bottle, it's in Spanish! What if you had overdosed?" I yell at her. I look into the cupboard and find the sleeping tablets I gave her last night. "You don't even know if you can mix them with these!" I shake the packet in front of her. My emotions were out of control from the lack of sleep and the stress lately and I couldn't contain myself. But I wasn't angry with her. No, I was angry at the rebels for messing with my life and hers.

She doesn't say anything which infuriates me more. I see her eyes glass over and she runs into my room slamming the door.

I shove the bottles back into the cupboard quickly and slam that door before striding over to my room. I try to turn the knob but she's locked the door. I've never had a reason to lock the door before so it startles me for a moment.

"Lily open the door!"

"What's going on?" I turn around and see Ethan standing in the living room with me his eyes still bleary. "All I heard was banging."

I swallow trying not to cry. "She won't come out." I say thickly.

"What happened?"

A few tears fall down my cheeks. "She took some painkillers and I got angry at her and yelled and now she won't come out!" My voice breaks at the end, pathetically. God, I'm an idiot.

He stares at me for a moment before nodding. "Let me try." He moves over to the door and gently raps his knuckle against the wood. "Lily? It's Ethan. Can I come in?"

All I can hear is silence before the door clicks and I breathe out a sigh of relief but when we enter the room she's returned to the corner with her hands over her ears. I see a conflicted look on Ethan's face and realize this is what Annie Cresta looked like, or used to.

"I'll do it." Ethan says as he lays a hand on my arm, stilling me.

"Okay…"

He wanders over to her slowly and sits next to her on the floor his arms looping around his knees. He's talking to her quietly but I can't hear what he's saying.

I leave the room, not helping, and find Rye staring at me. He has an odd look on his face as he looks up at me, still wearing his pajamas. I know I have to be upbeat for Rye, he deserves that.

I put a huge smile on my face which isn't as difficult now that Lily is being dealt with. "Hey! How about we make some pancakes?" I say as excitedly as I can.

Immediately his face lights up and I lead him over to the stove placing his dinosaur carefully in a chair so it can 'watch' us. "Can we have blueberry?" He asks.

"Sure! You go get the flour." He skips off to the pantry to retrieve the right ingredients.

Well, at least I have the power to please at least one person.

* * *

><p>By lunch Lily is fully calmed down and able to function relatively normally. Jake comes over and holds small conversations with her. As I watch the two of them I realize that this is not what I had bargained for.<p>

I realized now what three years had done. I was scared because Lily was too different. I didn't understand her anymore and she was constantly on edge, in the midst of flashbacks. Where had my sister gone? But I couldn't talk to her, not really, because every important topic seemed deadly, something that would set her off again. I wondered whether I was like this when I came back from torture but I couldn't really recall.

What ate at me was the whereabouts of my parents. If I was being honest, it'd be right to assume their dead. But that's an assumption. All I want is an _answer. _Is that too much to ask?

I remember back in Panem when I'd sleep in the same bed as her or we'd chase each other around the bakery, attacking the other with flour. Where had that girl gone? But if I was being honest with myself, the blonde girl in my memory wasn't exactly me anymore either.

That night when Lily and Rye were sleeping Ethan approaches me from where I'm perched on the counter sipping a mug of tea.

"You okay? You're on edge, I can tell." He leans against the counter next to me. He's shirtless and in sleeping pants only since it's been hot lately.

I nod unconvincingly and sip my tea. "I just…I guess I was naïve to think everything would fall back into place once she came back. But she's so different, I just don't know what to do."

"You have to give her time." He says gently.

"I know." I agree, nodding. "It doesn't make it any less harder."

He chuckles. "With everything else we've done this should be a piece of cake."

"Yeah." I smile. "Do you ever regret it?" I ask curiously, wondering his take on our dramatic life.

He turns to look at my full on. "No." He says honestly. "I don't. People change out of experience. And we've had a whole lot, and some I wouldn't have wanted to miss. Even though I wish sometimes things were different and we were back in Panem when it was safe and with our families…I don't regret it."

I stay quietly for a moment thinking of what he said. He's right, we've been through the bad but we've also found a lot of good.

"You're right." I say decidedly. I try to convince myself. "And this will turn out okay just like everything else."

He leans closer to me with a small smile on his face. "Of course it will."

* * *

><p>Change is never easy of course. The first few days are a struggle as I try to acclimate myself with this new version of Lily.<p>

She's timid, lost and scared most of the time. But what gives me hope are the little shreds of happiness that light up her face when she sees Rye or I tell her something she likes. But honestly, I feel like I'm working with a little kid much of the time.

Jake stops by often, talking with her about random things, offering a break from my voice. He's really good with her and I can see her relax with him.

Ethan says I'm too impatient which is probably true. After all three years is a long time. I'm reminded of that every day. Now that she has some meat on her, I notice that she looks much older than in my memory. She's 20 now too.

I don't go to work because I'm with Lily but I get a call from the chalk lady at the square asking if I'm alright. Honestly that touches my heart and I explain to Lily about my new job and friends within Valencia.

For a while I steer clear of asking anything about when she was captive because every time I've tried it sends her back further than she's come.

Ethan and Jake became the source of my many angry rants as stress pulls me to the edge. Because really I was still a kid. If there was no rebellion I'd still be living at home, climbing trees with Adam and attending parties with Lil. But I wasn't. Instead I was a mother, running a household and now apparently half a psychiatrist. Before Lily came I had had a sense of control over my life but now I'd lost it again because I had no idea how to deal with this. There was no self-help book for my situation.

But I wasn't angry at Ethan or Jake. They knew that. Or Lily or anyone really. I was just frustrated with society.

Seeing the psychiatrist for the first time was an experience and a half. I took her there, but didn't go in the room with her. 20 minutes later the psychiatrist came out, completely frustrated, saying that she hasn't spoken a word. I had to coax her into trusting the psychiatrist so we at least could get somewhere. I think it helped though, and slowly, very slowly, she began to acclimate. She began to deal.

There were bad days and good days. Bad days were full of tears and memories, laden with fear. Some days it was hard to deal with and Lily retreated from the world. Those were the hardest, seeing my sister like that. But gradually I began to see a change.

From all my mistakes, I learnt how to cope with the situation and deal with Lily. She slowly opened up and when she falls back down I try to bring her back. It's a slow process but we make it work. Because there wasn't anything I wouldn't give to have my sister back.

* * *

><p>After many weeks, many doctor's appointments, and medications, I return back to work appeased that Lily would not be a danger to herself or anyone else when I left her at home. I bought a few books that I'd thought she'd like and showed her how to use the T.V and computer.<p>

Today, I was only going for a few hours however, enough to travel to the gallery and offer a new piece and possibly visit the square. I still felt bad for leaving her there alone. I had put a lot of effort in the last few weeks to really ask her questions, gradually working up to the more difficult stuff so she would really communicate with me and everyone else. I'd seen an improvement in her from the doctor's and everyone else's efforts. I had hope for her.

When I get home she is sitting by the table, a sandwich in hand, casually reading the newspaper. This is one of her good days.

"Hey Lil." I say and my voice falls back into the easiness of when we were at home in Panem.

"Hey." She smiles.

I set my art bag down and join her at the table plucking a can of soda from the fridge. It's when I sit down that I find it strange she has the newspaper.

She beats me to an answer. "I was just flicking through, looking at the pictures really. I translated a couple of headlines with that weird translator thing on the computer."

I laugh. "Find anything out?"

"Not really." She laughs. It's nice to hear that sound again.

She surprises me again by picking up a conversation. "So how's Ethan?" There's an odd note to her voice that makes me wary.

"Fine…"

"Have you ever thought…" Oh god I know what she's thinking.

"We've dated. It ended over a year ago." I say quickly, closing the topic.

She doesn't catch on. "Why did you end it?" She asks curiously.

I pause trying to come up with the answer. "Because Jake was here."

"Oh, so you started dating-"

"No, no, no." I laugh. "I'm single Lil."

"I don't understand why." She admits. Neither do I honestly. Before I can say anything she cuts me off. "The way you and Ethan look at each other…" she trails off, a furrow in her brow, "I really thought there was something there. He is so in love with you."

I wave her off. "He's not."

To my surprise she laughs. "There's something there."

I sigh. "Well I'd feel guilty anyway."

"Because of Jake?"

"Who else?"

"You shouldn't. You and Jake dated a long time ago. Nearly two years. And you were just kids Free."

I don't say a word. I've always been so torn and it's not like I could confide in either of them.

"We're defined by our experiences. We change." She says. I've heard that twice now. "You should know that as well as anybody else."

"But I love both of them." I admit glumly.

"In the same way?"

I open my mouth but close it again. "No." I finally admit. And it's true.

"Remember back home?" She says, still referring to Panem as home. I'd stopped that a long time ago. "You really liked Jake and he helped you through a lot but you guys also fought a lot. You broke up and then got back together. And then Ethan came and you were so relaxed and he spent most of his time with you at our house."

I consider what she's saying and think back to Panem, all those years ago.

_There's a knock on my door._

_"Yeah, come in Lily." I say in my bra and jeans. I begin hunting around for a top._

_"Is that my new name?" I look up and find Ethan. I grin at him._

_"Hey." I say, casually as if I see him every day. "So you're now living in District 12, huh?" I find a blue singlet and pull it on._

_"Yup. That's the latest." _

Lil was right. It had been easy.

_"So you went to a party last night? Where was my invitation?" He jokes around getting up and looking through my things around my room. He touches a couple of my drawings on the wall. "So you've got yourself a boyfriend? I've never heard you talk about him before."_

_"Mmm. I guess so." I say tying my hair into a ponytail in front of my mirror. "His name is Jake. He came from Two." We look at each other through the mirror._

_"You guess so? Come on Free, he either is or isn't you boyfriend." He continues to laugh, giving me a disbelieving grin. He's not used to seeing me unsure about something like this._

_"Fine he is." __I think,__ I add silently in my mind so Ethan stops scrutinizing me._

And then later that day with Jake in his back garden.

_"I want to go to Miner's Main." I say bluntly. Clearly unexpectedly as he does a double take and frowns at me._

_"What?"_

_"Miner's Main, I want to go." I tell him again. He just stares at me for a while trying to decide where this is coming from, I wait patiently._

_"You didn't seem to want to last night." He says carefully, surveying my face. "What changed?"_

_"I want information. I want to know what's happening. No one will tell me, not even Ethan." He stiffens at the mention of Ethan's name and I narrow my eyes. What was his problem?_

_"What's wrong with Ethan?" I say, accusing. My voice has gone hard and I can tell he realizes he's taken a wrong turn. Though of course like me, he bites back._

_"Oh you know, he's like the most sought after guy ever and he just happens to 'best friends' with you. I mean you practically threw yourself on him. What am I meant to think?" _

"But we weren't always fighting." I tell Lily, coming back to reality.

She chuckles. "No you definitely were not always fighting." She agrees.

I think of his home back in 12 and when I had found a photo of me hidden in his draw, haggling at the Hob together, or waking up next to him at the Resistance. No we were not always fighting.

"Then what are you saying?" I ask confused.

"I'm just saying that you and Jake were good together and you cared for each other, but you're both hot headed and it sometimes landed you in a mess. And you've known Ethan your entire life and I think he mellows you out. He's calmer and you're so relaxed with him. And if you didn't choose either…well I'd think you'd regret that."

"When did all this choosing crap happen?" I grumble putting my head in my hands. I could tell she was right, and it scared me.

"It could be worse you know." She says quietly and I can see the pain in her eyes.

"Yeah." I agree quietly.

"I have to tell you something." She says suddenly her eyes serious. I nod at her, waiting. I knew the psychiatrist was urging her to do this. "I remember….I remember a time, when I was still captive." It's a strange start to a new topic but I take it. She needs to do this.

"And…"

"I was…they took me somewhere I don't really remember much. I don't even know if it was true or a hallucination."

"That's okay." I assure her.

"They said…they told me I'd be able to persuade someone. To help them get information." I wasn't sure where this was going but I let her continue. "And then they led me- they ah- took me to a…jail, I guess. And I walked in and….there was you."

"Oh God." I say as I recall that time.

"You were hurt, lying on the cell floor…and you saw me and screamed, and screamed and started mumbling things until they took me away. I didn't even understand what was going on…did they…you were taken?" She asks uneasily.

I nod my head morosely and realize that I have to tell her what happened while she was gone. " When they took you for the Games," I see her flinch. "A rebel came up to me. He said he was the head rebel…but now I don't think he really was. Anyway I worked with them because they said they'd let you win."

"You worked with them?" She all but shrieks.

I sigh in frustration. "Yes, I was stupid."

"What did you do?"

"…I helped take down District 13."

Her mouth gapes open. "Anyway," I cut her off, "they promised they'd let you win and then when they 'killed' you," I say, making quotation marks with my hands, "I lost it. I realized I worked with them for nothing and I just went crazy. I went into the Justice Building and attempted to free the hostages. Then they took me."

"You did that for me?" She asks quietly, her eyes teary.

"I wanted you back Lil."

"How did you get out?" She asks.

I sigh. "Kin. He was blackmailed into working with them. He freed me. Took me to the Resistance."

"Resistance?"

"Like what District 13 used to be. That's where I found mum and dad. Then weeks later I ended up here." I see her shudder at the mention of mum and dad and I know now is the time to ask. "Lil...what happened to mum and dad?"

Her eyes close for a moment and a shudder ripples through her body. "I don't really know…Free I can't remember a lot of that time. I remember you but then….nothing….I don't remember how I got out from where I was captive but I remember being with mum and dad for a really long time as they tried to put together an escape plan. I wasn't really coherent enough to understand the whole of what was going on. I remember the boat- being put on the boat-and they weren't- they were-" She cuts off holding her temples. "I get flashes of images but I don't really understand…Free I think they're gone. There was some fight…then I got on the boat…"

I nod tears brimming under my eyes. "I figured they were I just- I just needed to know."

She's crying now and I'm proud that she doesn't fall apart and disconnect from reality. Her voice is choked as she speaks. "I remember dad saying, he was really proud of all of us, and that they were sorry. Sorry they couldn't do more."

We hold each other as the tears fall, our sobs echoing through the apartment. I think from my parent's perspective, of sending their children away on boats not knowing where they were going. Of sending Lily away, unsure if she could find me. They died for us. They gave their lives for us.

And I'll owe them every day I live.

And that's when I realize. I don't want to live just day by day, trying to hold on or forgetting everything else. I want to be happy, achieve the best I can, and make them proud. I want to remember them. Because I loved them. So much. And I owe them absolutely everything.

We mourn them a long time, sitting at the table in the kitchen. I don't have the heart to bring up Adam. No, that's for another day.

* * *

><p>One day I walked Lily home from a psychiatrist appointment. She grumbles half-heartedly about why I don't have to go see one.<p>

"What did they say?" I ask her.

"Said I need to keep talking about Panem and the Games…I can't even remember half of it for Christ's sake!"

"Did you want to talk about anything else?" I ask carefully. We'd been through many topics which I was glad about but one still sprang to mind.

She's quiet for a long moment. When we near the house she speaks. "Who else died?"

I freeze. Do I bring it up now? I decide it's better to wait until we're in the confines of the apartment. As we walk up the stairs I tell her about Hollie and Jake and Ethan's family. She nods morosely, but I think she had guessed as much. Again she doesn't ask about Adam. Why doesn't she?

I unlock the door and throw my keys in the little bowl on the counter. "Lily there's another…" The words get caught in my throat. Her eyes meet mine.

"Adam was-"

"Don't talk about him." She says fiercely, her eyes pleading.

I want to give in and shut up but I know this is what she needs to know to get better. "Lily you need to know-"

"I know he died!" She yells.

I'm pulled up short. "How?"

Her hands are on her temples pressing them in. I know she's getting a flashback, I know the feeling. "They had him when I was there. They brought him in. I saw him, I know I did. Then he was taken away and they killed him."

She looks fragile, her body swaying, her eyes hollow. I guide her down to the couch. I wonder why they kept her alive. Then I realize she was probably still a bargaining chip at that point.

"I've known for a long time." She whispers quietly and I lay her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Lil." I whisper, crying myself. Lily had been intimate with him in a different way to me, but I had been best friends with him since we were small.

I remember making cupcakes at Hollie's house, Adam complaining constantly, or learning to climb a tree, or Adam intercepting me every time I crossed his backyard and the countless mornings he woke me up before the sun rose…

I missed his fun and ridiculous nature. How nothing ever fazed him and he could always smile. Wherever he was now I hope he is smiling. He deserves that.

Ethan and Jake walk through the door later that day; I have already picked up Rye from school.

"How are you guys?" Ethan calls out rummaging in the fridge like usual.

"We're getting there." Lily and I smile.

Jake plops down on the couch next to us, completely at ease with his arm draped across the back of the couch. His hand gives Lily's shoulder a light squeeze.

"Jake! Jake! Look what I got today!" Rye runs over and shows him something. In no time at all, somehow they are both in a playful wrestling match with Jake chasing him around the apartment. I sigh and shake my head and Ethan takes his spot on the couch.

"Pasta night tomorrow night. They're house." Ethan says and I can't contain my smile. We were finally settling back into the old rhythm.

I look around the apartment at my mismatched and haphazard family. I loved them so much. And even though I could count the people we were missing, I really thought we had a shot at being happy.

We were young and resilient and now had what it took to make the new life others died to give us.

* * *

><p>"Free I need to do something. I need to work." Lily says to me on afternoon.<p>

"Lil you don't want to rush-"

"It's been three months and I'm getting bored like crazy."

I sigh. I was still protective over my sister but I guess like me she was resilient. Nightmares still tortured her sometimes and other times she would struggle to get up in the morning, but all in all she was generally okay.

"Lil I have no idea where you can work." I admit. She didn't really have a specialty like the rest of us. Well, she could hunt well but that wasn't really an option.

"Do you think Elena could need help with something? Odd jobs around the building?" She questions.

I nod my head. That would be good. Light, easy work, as she continued to acclimate. "Yeah, good idea. We'll ask her."

I walk over to the fridge and pick out some things for lunch. "Can you go ask Rye what he wants for lunch?" I ask Lily. She nods and disappears into the other room.

"I'm back!" That's Ethan coming through the threshold.

"I'm making lunch." I tell him.

"Need help?" He asks.

"Chop that." I say, waving my knife towards tomatoes on another board.

"Yes ma'am." He jokes and picks up a knife.

I hear the chair scrape behind me and turn to see Lily staring at me. The curve in her brow tells me she's been watching our exchange. I shoot her a look that says don't go there.

She smiles easily and says that Rye wants a toasted sandwich. I roll my eyes and turn back to lunch.

She'd been doing things like that a lot recently whenever I spoke with Ethan or Jake. She was trying to persuade me to decide.

What if I didn't want either?

I asked her that one night and she waved me off immediately. Apparently I'd be stupid not to.

And the problem is I wanted to decide. I knew what I wanted but somehow I could never make the final step.

"Free!" I turn to Ethan who wears an amused smile.

"What?"

"I asked you what you wanted in your sandwich."

I shake my head slightly and list off the ingredients. I finished lunch with precise movements trying not to dwell on the predicament.

Because I was pretty sure I knew who I wanted anyway. I'd tiptoed around and avoided the issue for long enough. Lily was right, I had to choose. And I had to do it, take action, and not let the past run my life. We were so close to salvation.

* * *

><p>Never drink tequila. That's life lesson number one.<p>

The second is, never be afraid to be happy. I'd been caught up in that one before too.

There was a night; the four of us were gathered in the kitchen of the apartment. We were doing tequila slammers. Don't ask why.

Drunken laughter filled the room and soon we moved to a drinking game as Jake pulled out a deck of cards. And we drank even more tequila.

There were a lot of inappropriate things said and drunken kisses shared. We really let loose, us and that bottle of tequila. But we always say it was necessary. That we needed the break.

So when we were stumbling around the apartment, completely and unsuitably intoxicated, Jake said something to me. It was in a fleeting moment of coherence and he said two words. "I understand." On their own they didn't make much sense and in my state I only just caught onto the meaning through his somber tone of voice. But I knew what he meant and I knew he had been feeling the distance too. He was giving me the key.

And then he had moved away, drunkenly singing some song while Lily giggled hysterically and began to dance with him.

I'd stumbled my way to the floor of the couch and sang along with Jake while Ethan did the same. We held our glasses up to Jake and cheered him on.

The night fell into a haze and I woke on the floor by the couch. My head was lying on something that wasn't the floor and when I'd looked up I'd found a deeply asleep Ethan.

Jake and Lily were two feet away from me, a tangle of limbs on the floorboards, her head resting on his arm. My head throbbed terribly and my mouth tasted disgusting and I swore to myself never to drink tequila again.

I stared at Lily and Jake sleeping so comfortably with one another. That night had marked a sort peace between the four of us. An understanding as Jake would say.

And we'd all fallen into our place.

Well not Jake and Lily _together_. No. That would be…weird.

So later that day when our eyes were dark and our heads fragile I cornered him. And he didn't seem to mind.

"Back where we started huh?" He said with a mischievous smile.

"Back where we started."

"Still think it's a bad idea? I mean, drunken night number two…"

And I think back to what Tom said months earlier. _Between you two, I saw a little more than comfort and convenience. _

And then Lily. _He mellows you out._

"It was never a bad idea." I whisper. "Shame it took the alcohol to realize it."

"You're too stubborn." He laughs.

"That I am." I grin. I was sure about this. I'd been agonizing over it for months. We were in a better place than last time. And shamefully, it was last night, where I was given the final piece. The go ahead.

"Not going to feel guilty?" He asks.

"God, no." I laugh. "I think last night was the final hurdle."

His lips seal the deal with mine.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that."

And what everyone else had said was right. We change through experience. We mature. And not everything always survives. But we make it work.

We'd seen it all. The four us. Death and life balled into one. We'd been in a war and we'd been hurt. But what I realized is that we can recover. The four of us were living proof of that.

And for the first time in years I wasn't afraid.

I knew we could go on from here.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Loved it? I really hope you did! As I said before, stay tuned for the epilogue._

_I really do believe people are defined by experiences and through this things don't always work out like they would have. Hence the decision to pair Freesia with Ethan. So if you love Jake I'm sorry but I felt this was right and that in the end Ethan and Freesia understood each other more and they had really matured together.  
><em>

_Thanks to everyone that has reviewed! Love you guys, keem them coming :)  
><em>

_-Elli  
><em>


	34. Epilogue

_Life gets better. Trust me._

_In seven years a lot changes but a lot also stays the same. We're adaptive creatures, us humans. Because in the end it's all down to survival. Who can cope and who can't. _

_I was pleased to say that we all survived._

_And the fun was only just starting._

000

"_100 hundred dollars." _

The idiotic man shakes his head at me and I sigh in frustration.

"_Fifty."_ He says pointing to my painting. His eyes are unforgiving.

Was he crazy? I'm now selling frequently to the biggest gallery in the city and he wants this piece for fifty dollars?

I shake my head at him and walk back behind the counter of the shop. I don't even care, it's not like I desperately needed the money anyway. The man walks out, aggravated.

Normally I'm a lot nicer to my customers. But honestly…I hated that man.

Chuckling I pick up the phone as it rings shrilly. "Mellark Gallery." I say cheerfully into the receiver.

"Don't you mean Odair?" A deep voice answers me in fake annoyance.

I laugh and lean my back against the counter. "What do you want?" I ask Ethan as I sift through some receipts that are strewn about.

"Just checking in." He says innocently.

I don't believe him. "No really, what do you want?"

I hear him chuckle. "Care to join me for lunch?"

I sigh as I look around the shop. "I can't, I'm sorry." I say disappointedly. "It's pretty busy and I promised a client I'd meet them in fifteen about a new set of paintings."

Strangely Ethan doesn't seem deflated. "No problem, I'm right outside anyway."

The bell rings and I see him walk in just as he's putting his phone back in his pocket. He carries two paper bags. "Hey sweetheart."

I grin as I shake my head at him. He walks behind the counter and pecks me on the lips. "Hey." I smile. "You on your lunch break?"

"No I got fired." He says jokingly.

I smack his arm and resume my sorting. A while ago Ethan changed jobs again and now he works with ships, which I think he's most comfortable with.

"What's in the bags?" I ask curiously and he opens them revealing two containers of Thai food. My favorite.

"Thanks." I grin as I pick which one I want.

"Need any help?" He asks, stealing my chair and opening his box.

"You sure look ready to help." I say sarcastically as I turn to ring up a customer who's bought a new set of paintbrushes.

"_Have a nice day."_ I say as they leave happily.

"Tom and Kim are hosting pasta night tonight." Ethan tells me as he shoves the food in his mouth.

"Seven o'clock?"

"Like always."

The hour moves quickly as I work the register and meet my client. Soon Ethan has to leave to return to work and I quickly shovel in the Thai food when I have the chance.

At 3:30 the bell rings again and I turn to see Rye making his way into the shop.

"Hey sis." He greets me in his now very deep voice. I still can't get over the fact he's 14.

"Hey, how was school?"

"Boring." He says shortly. I sneak a smile as I take in the teenager, now taller than me. "Now what do you want me to do?" He asks.

Every week Rye comes here for an hour and a half after school and helps with the shop. I pay him for it and he doesn't seem to mind the work.

"Come man the register with me." I say, having done most of the needed jobs earlier. "Do you want some Thai?" I asked holding out the box which was now cold, but still tasted amazing.

His eyes light up as he grabs the container from me and shovels the food in. While he rings up the customers I sort through all the paper work that is lying around.

"Where's Jasmine?" I ask, maybe a little slyly. She is usually keeping him company. He shoots me a glare.

"She has track practice." He says without looking at me.

I grin. He and Jasmine have been friends forever, since they both started at the International School. Practically our entire family is betting on when they will start dating. There's a cash prize and everything.

"You ready for this weekend?" I ask, saving him from more embarrassment.

"Think so. Can I practice after school tomorrow instead of coming here?" He asks quietly.

Rye's been surfing for years now ever since Ethan taught him when he was younger. Every month I'm ferrying him around to different surfing competitions across the country.

"Of course you can." I tell him kindly. "But you have to come to Tom and Kim's tonight."

It's not at all a compromise since he likes going there. He calls them his Aunt and Uncle and he gets on well with Oscar.

"Okay." He says cheerily before tending to another customer.

He helps me close the shop at five and I drive him home to Elena's apartment complex just on the outskirts of the city.

"So are we moving yet?" Rye says casually as we climb out of the car. There's a small smile on his face.

"Don't you even start about that." I warn him as we head inside.

"Why? I thought we were moving."

"We're not moving." I say shortly. "I like the apartment."

"It's kinda small."

"Just get ready for dinner." I say tiredly as I unlock the door.

Ethan beat us home and is lounging on the couch. In his hands sits the newspaper, opened to the real estate section.

"See? Ethan thinks we're moving." Rye smirks and then quickly strides to his room before I can do something like hit him.

I sigh in frustration and rub my face. "What's wrong?" Ethan asks putting down the newspaper.

"Nothing ." I mutter taking off my shoes.

"Is it about the house?" I bite my tongue as I think of house buying.

Really it's about a lot of things. "I'm fine." I blow it off and then go into our room to get changed. Once I'm in a different set of clothes Ethan meanders in.

As he riffles through the drawer he says, "I thought you wanted this. We've talked about this." I can hear the caution in his voice and also the weariness.

I sigh. "I do, Ethan, it's just…"

"What?"

I wasn't exactly sure. I had this strange sense of guilt that was consuming me. Stopping me. It had really only happened recently when the prospect of moving had become reality.

"Free you have to let go. Give your life a chance. _Our _life." He says softly, walking over to me and touching my face.

I take a deep breath to stop the tears I feel threatening. "If we want to start a family we need to find a place."

I nod. "I know everything's just…hard."

I see the sympathy in his eyes, softening his gaze. "When we come home I'll show you some of the houses I found, okay?"

"Okay." I whisper, still unsure.

000

When we arrive for pasta night Jake and Lily are already there laughing away with a glass of wine in each of their hands. Neither Jake's fiancé nor Lily's boyfriend is here.

"Where's the others?" I ask as I join them on the couch. Tom sitting across from us.

"Working late. We're single tonight." Jake laughs.

Rye immediately heads up to Oscar's room no doubt to play Uno or something and I can hear Kim cooking in the kitchen.

"Did you guys all see Panem on the news today?" Tom asks casually however the old apprehension still hangs in the air.

"No…" I say, thinking of how long I was in the shop today. "More of the same?"

"Yeah, they added more to the memorial. But it looks the same as what you guys told us anyway."

It must have been two years ago when we journeyed back to Panem, when the country was finally deemed safe enough to travel to. I know people were expecting us to stay but we had to acknowledge Panem was no longer our home. We visited the memorial where the marble wall sits, engraved in stars for every life lost. We left bunches of flowers for every deceased family and friend. The numbers were overwhelming. But in the end we came back. I preferred to be separated from the past.

In a way the trip was the hardest for Rye because I could tell he didn't know what to think. He barely remembered mum and dad and to him Ethan and I were his parents. Really he didn't remember any of Panem but had to witness the rest of us crying over what we had lost.

When I tune back into the conversation here in Tom's house they're already on a different topic.

And then suddenly Tom shoots the question at me. "So guys, you've been married for two years when's the move? Ethan here has been trailing through just about every real estate guide there is."

Has he really been that adamant? "We're still planning things." I say evasively.

Tom looks at me oddly. "Come on Free, why not buy a house? You told me you'd like to."

"I like the apartment." I counter.

"But-"

"Okay!" Lily cuts in with a fake smile on her face. She knows my predicament at the moment. "Why don't we leave poor Freesia here alone and eat some dinner." She suggests.

I look at her gratefully as we both rise and make our way into the kitchen.

While we all sit around the table eating tonight's tortellini Rye chatters away about his surfing competition this weekend and Lily agrees to go with Ethan and me.

"You're so going to win." Lily smiles at him.

He's good enough to look modest. "Maybe." He assents.

"Is Jasmine coming?" That was Jake.

His face flushes and he glares at all of us before mumbling yes.

"Can I go too?" Oscar chimes in looking between all of us.

Kim sighs. "Why not we all go? Lily and I don't have to work."

It was a while ago when Lily was given a job as a paralegal at Kim's office where Kim became a lawyer again. They work the long hours together on the big cases. They'd had a fair few from Panem too.

Once we all agree to meet at the beach I help Kim clean up the dinner plates. As the other's retreat to the lounge she gazes at me in the kitchen.

"You okay? You seem a bit on edge." She says. Ah, how perceptive Kim is.

I sigh and smile. "I'm fine, just a lot on my mind."

"Houses, children…"

I laugh. "Yes, all of the above."

"Do you want it?" Her eyes are fixed on mine. I knew I couldn't lie to her.

"Of course I want it, I love him." I knew that.

"Then what's the problem?" She asks, a furrow in her brow.

"I don't even know." I answer honestly.

She pats my shoulder and tells me that it'll all work out. That Ethan and I belong together and I should take this step.

That night, very apprehensively I flip through the pages of the real estate section looking at all the annotations Ethan has made in red marker.

"Free this isn't like a death sentence." Ethan looks at me, a little amused.

I throw him a glare and try to ease my discomfort. "I feel guilty." I mumble quietly looking at a house.

"About what?" He frowns.

"I just feel like…everyone else in Panem is gone and here I am moving on and being happy." I blurt out quickly.

There's a moment's pause. "Free you're allowed to be happy. They would want you to be happy."  
>He says to me, brushing my hair from my face.<p>

I think about this for a moment. "I know." I whisper quietly.

"We don't have to do this now." He says pulling my body to his.

Instead of answering I attack his lips. He immediately responds and his hands wrap in my hair. Soon I lose all coherence and the real estate guide falls to the floor, all my problems lost in the night.

000

I yawn again and Lily gives me an amused look.

"What? I'm tired." I say defensively. "I had to get up at 6."

"You get up at 6 every day." She reminds me. And then a glint comes into her eyes. "What were you doing last night?"

"Oh shut up." I say, punching her in the arm.

I liked Lily like this. It had been a hard road getting her back to her usual self after she came from Panem. She finally was in a good place and her boyfriend knew how to handle her.

Ethan and Jake come back with bottles of water for everyone and we watch Rye teach Oscar about his surfboard while we wait for all the competitors to sign up.

"I heard you found a house." Kim says with a satisfied smile on her face.

"Potentially." I say carefully. I still couldn't quite be absolute about it.

"When are you seeing it?"

"Next week." I say.

"Exciting." Kim grins and then turns back to Tom.

In another hour the competition begins. Rye's already had fifteen to warm up. He starts well and doesn't fall once.

"You taught him well." I smile at Ethan who slings his arm around my shoulder. Heat courses pleasurably through my body.

"He's a natural."

"We always said he belonged in District 4." I laugh at the memory. So long ago…

My mind wanders to images of little children with green eyes and blonde hair playing in the waves. And as much as I tell myself otherwise I really do want this life.

In another few hours Rye earns second place and comes back to us with a medal. We all congratulate him whole heartedly. Our loving and haphazard family.

000

"It's a nice house." Jake admits as we stand outside a family cottage. I can hear the ocean crashing behind the house.

"Yeah."

Silence falls between us as I gaze at the house. Gently Jake tugs my hands and leads me towards the door. The real estate agent is speaking on the phone in the front garden paying us no attention.

Jake turns the knob and reveals a small entryway laid in wooden floorboards and a hall that leads down to the kitchen. To the right sits a staircase leading to the second floor and to the left is an arch that opens to a lounge.

"Well I like it." Jake grins beginning to walk down the hall. "Why am I here again and not your husband?"

"He had to work." I say slowly, taking in the house. When I look back to him he's already gone.

"Wow! Check out the kitchen!" His voice echoes down the hall. He sounds like a kid at Christmas.

I see what he means however when I get there. The kitchen is large and spacious with enough room for a large dining table. One of the walls is made entirely of glass boasting a view of the ocean and a lot of light.

"It is nice." I admit.

"You don't sound very happy about it."

"Do you think I'm ready?" I ask him suddenly, looking him right in the eye.

"What?"

"To do all this."

To my annoyance he laughs. "Free you are way past ready." When I don't smile he continues. "Come on, you're 28, you've been married for two years, and apparently according to Lily all you wanted to do when you were little was have a family. I know what you're scared of and I know you don't want to lose more people you love. But you won't, you'll be gaining people to love. And as for everybody back in Panem, they would want you to move on like this. Okay?"

"Okay."

What would I do without Jake?

"Plus, you already got to have a go with Rye so now you know you won't screw any kids up."

I punch him in the arm though I'm laughing.

"Honestly I think it'll be good for you to buy a house. And jeez Free, this one is nice."

I smile up at him glad to have him here.

"Thanks Jake."

"At your service." He salutes like an idiot.

We go through the rest of the house and I realize that this is really everything I want. When we get home it's later than usual and Ethan is already in the apartment wrestling Rye.

"Hey sis!" Rye yells as he attacks Ethan.

"Knock it off you two, before you break something." I tell the dumping my bag on the counter.

"So how was it?" Ethan asks carefully walking over to me. I can see the worry in his eyes and I hate myself for it.

"You know what?" I mutter, stepping closer, running my hands down his arms.

"What?"

"I think it was perfect." I grin.

Before I can so much as move his lips crash down on mine in a passionate kiss. I can practically feel the elation rolling from him.

"Knock it off you two." Rye mimics in a childish voice rolling his eyes at us.

I ignore him at look at my husband.

This felt right.

000

_4 months later…_

Lily sighs. "I wish I could live here."

I laugh at her disgruntled expression as we gaze at my new house from the front yard.

"I can't believe I really live here." I say with a smile on my face. The last of the moving trucks have just left and now the house is filled with boxes.

"Have fun unpacking it all." She smirks at me.

I grin back. "That's what the boys are for."

"Is that your room?" She asks, pointing to the large bay window on the second story.

"Yep, right there. The baby's room will be across the hall." I say.

At the word baby, Lily's eyes light up in a happy glow.

"I can't wait to be an aunt." She says wistfully.

"You have 7 more months." I remind her.

Just then Ethan walks out the front door along with Lily's boyfriend.

"You two gonna help?" They both ask as they wander over.

"No." I shake my head with a smile, tilting my head for a kiss.

"You're impossible." He says and pecks my lips.

I hear the front door bang again and out walks everyone else. Tom, Kim and Oscar, Jake and Maria and Rye lastly.

"Good choice guys." Kim says warmly appraising the house from where we stand. Her arm rests on my shoulders.

"I love it already." I tell her, looping my arm around Ethan.

"Okay one last thing!" Tom announces.

We all look to him curiously and I see he is holding Ethan's camera, the one they gave to him over seven years ago.

"We need the housewarming picture!"

I laugh as he jogs over to the fence where the mailbox sits and precariously balances the camera on it. Then he hits the button and runs back to us ushering us all into a formation in front of the house.

"Three, two, one…"

We smile broadly and the camera flashes capturing the moment. And I know that one will be a keeper.

"A reminder! That we all made it through the hard times." Tom announces sharing around the camera.

I grin at him as I feel Ethan's hand in mine and the rest of my wonderful family around me.

And then Rye chimes in; "Oh I forgot to tell you guys! I have news. But don't go crazy alright?"

"What?" We all ask suspiciously gazes flittering from one to the other.

He smirks at us and then says. "I'm dating Jasmine."

We retreat into the house laughing away ready to live our lives like we were meant to.

And I win 100 dollars.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading!**

**This is the final installment for The Portrait. I'm sorry it took so long, I wrote six epilogues to get here. Also potentially this could be rewritten once I return from overseas.  
><strong>

**A huge thanks to everyone that has supported this story! I really, really, appreciate it and you guys have kept me going and fueled my ideas.  
><strong>

**Thank you again!  
><strong>

**-Elli  
><strong>


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